Title: Forsaken
Author: Ri-Ryn
Genre: Family/Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 1452
Rating: M* (Content suitable for Mature Teens) / +T
Disclaimer: Ao no Exorcist belongs to Kazue Katō.
Summary: If this, his own priorities, weren't right then he would rather stay mistaken. Rin had judged the importance of things since childhood; Christmas, the monastery's sermons, and tradition meant something Yukio couldn't understand anymore. *Late Christmas Fic, Angels, Faith, Religion, depression, angst*
Warnings: Religious References, angels, Christmas, cursing, angst.
A/N: Because, except for in himself, Rin always believes. This is a late Christmas fic dedicated to a reader of mine, The Black Blue Cat, who sent a PM to me that really spurred me on and set me in gear. Thank-you for giving me strength to write when I come home after work!
A/N #2: I don't want to hear shit about the mention of Christianity, angels, God, Jesus, or anything if it's demeaning. If you don't believe, okay, that's fine. That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. I'm not shoving this story down your throats so don't shove your own conclusions on me. I warned everyone, and if you clicked it, read it, and decide to review on that sole fact something rude, go f*uck yourself. Rin, regardless of what anyone thinks, was raised in a Monastery, that is canon, that is a fact. Deal with it.
If the above doesn't apply to you, I'm terribly sorry if you bothered to read through all of it and that I was less than cordial about this "issue."
Music: "Moonlight Sonata" (all three movements) by: Ludwig van Beethoven
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Two years had gone by since his Father passed, he learned of his Demonic heritage, since Yukio had really changed, since he had been home. And now, he was turning 17 in three days making today Christmas Eve, and he wanted to go home, his real home, and relive the past while actually celebrating correctly for the first time in too long. His first Christmas after becoming a demon was spent avoiding execution and the second dealing with one of the Illuminati's declaration of war incidents. This year, just this year, he wanted the closest damn thing he could get to normalcy which is why he waited eight hours outside Mephisto's office on Christmas Eve to asked if it was completely necessary that Yukio attended the surprise Christmas mission. He'd never been more relieved at Mephisto's shit eating grin and Rin himself owing the older demon an undefined favor for this gesture. Yukio was excused.
But nothing could've prepared him for his six o'clock dinner with Yukio to tell him the good news. After speaking with Yukio, there wasn't any good news anymore. And really, why was Rin surprised? People told him he was too attached, that he cared too much.
Apathy was just as great a sin as not being able to properly distance yourself. Worse, even.
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"No."
That's it. That was Yukio's answer and damn it-! Rin swiped the gun, slamming it down on his side of the wooden table. "Don't you dare clean your damn gun on the table, Yukio." The younger twin sat back adjusting his glasses and gave his brother his full attention, noticing the unbidden anger lacing the elder's voice and figuring it was another impractical bout of emotion over some trivial matter.
"Why? You're excused; the exorcists don't even really need you for such an easy mission. Explain "no," please."
Yukio sighed at the other's childishness. "Because things can always go wrong and you can never be to prepared f-"
"I asked for an answer, not shit thrown into my ears," Rin growled. "Do you even have a clue as to why I want Christmas off? I'm going back to the monastery tomorrow." Rin stressed his point at Yukio's surprise. "Preferably with you, to recite sermons. It's not just 'Christmas,' Yukio, it Jesus Christ's birthday, or did you actually forget something so important?"
"Yes," Yukio replied slowly because this was the day his hair started graying; Rin actually threw him for a loop. "It is, but this is more important than."
"God damn it, Yukio!" Rin bit his tongue, berated himself and sent an apology for his choice of curses and taking the Lord's name in vain. "Did being raised Christian mean anything to you?" Rin's cobalt eyes never broke contact. "Or, with everything we know and see, do you see it as a similar fairytale to the one Bon's Father spun? Is that what you see our faith as?" Rin spat.
"I don't think it fake, no. But, does it matter, Rin? Satan exists and most likely God too." Yukio tilted his head. "What of it?"
Rin bolted, the little he ate climbing its way back up his throat and into porcelain. What of it? It was everything. That's what of it. Water fell as Rin leaned back his head onto the bathroom wall with the sting of acid reminding him he was awake. He stared up, knowing the ceiling was there and not seeing it.
Yeah, he was a demon. He didn't ask to be one, and he was still half human. Yes, he believed in God, redemption, and the atonement of his sins through repentance. Did Yukio think that through all the shit he lived and the younger didn't know of that he didn't have access to medication, weapons, or razors? That he couldn't climb a tall building and slip?
Because he could have; and he didn't.
Did he not cross with Holy water, even though it burned? Did he not recite the bible, something he did know by heart contrary to popular belief, even at the risk of a possible fatal verse, his own?
He did; he did.
Rin sobbed.
Because he believed in love, warmth, radiance and a messiah. And he wasn't wrong.
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Snow fell softly, noiselessly. Roads were soulless, the accumulated ice making it dangerous to drive. People, the few there were, were quick and had little presence while hurrying to what business they had. He didn't bring a jacket; he didn't need one.
"Of course you do or no playing in the snow, Rin!"
He wasn't playing.
"Repeat your psalms and we'll open gifts Rin."
The greatest gifts he received didn't exist in this world anymore, save for his brother's existence, and even then the memories and love would never return.
Rin crossed himself before entering the empty church, hissing slightly at the burn. The other church members, the ones who raised him, were out on exorcist business and that was fine; he was too numb to feel any more pain.
It was empty, without the familiar clergyman, Father, and the air stale. He doubted they even held service anymore. He passed pews, seeing hide-and-seek, Sunday bible tales, repenting children, sobbing strangers with little guardian angels at their side.
He saw dead happiness and sparkling, naïve blue eyes; two pairs, not just the one remaining.
The large bible his Father leafed through in his life time lay untouched, frozen. The spine grumbled little under his touch as he turned pages.
"Are you here to hold services, sir?"
Rin jumped, heart beating as he caught site of the intrusion. No, the guest. "Uhm," yes? He was, in a way, but nothing for others to hear, and the church was closed. "Sort of."
Foreign. Pale blonde hair the yellow of downy duck feathers and eyes a translucent green he'd never seen on any other living being. She was petite with the body of a young child, perhaps seven, with the air of a seasoned life full of experience and wisdom. There was no way she was human, certainly not a demon; unable to be categorized.
"I'm," Rin nervously scratched his head, shifting in his boots, "not exactly a pastor. There isn't one here anymore."
"I see." The girl swiveled her head, not a hair moving out of place with the motion. "Then why are you here?"
She was certainly blunt, but it was better than liars and those who danced around issues and curiosity. "It's Christmas."
Her eyes bore into him, demanding more to the explanation.
"Ya' know, Christ's birthday. I'm here to…?" Rin rolled words over tongue, tasting and searching for the right one. "Rejoice."
Finally, the girl smiled, elegant and subtle. "That's a good reason."
Rin let off his own smile. "What are you doing here? I'm sure they closed the monastery."
"I'm waiting for a sermon that no one but I will hear. Since there isn't a priest," the girl looked at him appraisingly, "You'll do. You have a beautiful heart."
Okay, kinda weird but she seems nice enough. "It won't be a proper sermon though."
"As long as it has good intentions, it'll be more than enough."
"'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions,'" Rin quoted bitterly.
"Perhaps, but it isn't the road your life will take. Let undue burdens rest on His shoulders, dear. You're doing just right."
How would she know, exactly? Rin shrugged. Whatever. He gently resumed turning pages before stopping, and began with a placid tone. "Mary and her husband-"
And that was it, his voice lulled over the empty room, never overwhelming the natural, relaxing ambiance. His nervousness lessened, altogether disappearing as he remembered the old man speaking, a little more animatedly oddly enough, but strongly with what he remembered as conviction until he finished, closing the book and reaching for the cup of Holy water to the side of the podium, surprised to see a pristine, snow white hand lay over his.
"Don't," she dipped her fingers in, "let me. You shouldn't have to suffer for this." Her fingers drew over him, and it was fine, better than fine. She guided the half demon down, her lips next to his ears. "He sends his blessing this Christmas."
White feathers fluttered around the room, every corner, falling in slow motion beautiful and glittering as he stood in a still child's amazement.
Later, he would understand the blessing. Holy water didn't, wouldn't, burn him anymore, ever again, actually.
It felt warm, like love instead of purging. Someone embracing him, Rin Okumura, for everything he was.
A kind, gentle child who gave life and others his all, disregarding personal desire more often than not. A messenger of the divine.
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FIN
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