Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
I walked down the hallways. I looked beautiful. All the birds were winking at me and swooning as I walked past. A few even fainted. Thats how good looking I was. They were all obsessed with me. (No not the little birds that can fly, but the female human birds. Although I'm sure that the little flying birds were swooning too. Every creature that can see obviously loves me.)
"Sirius!" My less attractive friend James called after me. "Oi! Mate! Slow up!"
James started jogging. Ha, he will never catch me. I am too superior to be cau...
"Ahhh! James get off of me! HELP! HELP! I'm under attack!" I swatted James off my back, but he wouldn't get down. Off! Down dog! I fell to the floor and started squirming to get out from under him.
"I told you to slow up mate." James said as he hopped off of me. Stupid boy, I will get him back for this. I growled slightly then wiped myself off and sat up.
I saw some girls snickering at me and stuck my tongue out at James. "Come on, come on Sirius!" James yelled tugging on my sleeves. Why on earth would I follow him?
"James why would I follow you?" I asked him voicing my thoughts so I didn't feel like a crazy person. It was then that I turned around and saw Lily Evans screaming and shaking her fist in the air running down the hall. I nearly wet my pants. Then after the initial shock I grabbed James through him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started sprinting down the hall towards the fat lady portrait.
"Pixie! Pixie!" I yelled as I scrambled through the now open portrait hole. Then I ran up the boys dormitory stairs through James onto his bed and collapsed in a fit of laughter on the floor. I had needed that. My day had been particularly boring today.
"POTTER!" Oh no, I forgot that girls are aloud up here. I am so horribly daft. Oh well, good luck James. I am just going to cower in fear in the bathroom. Have fun with the scary fiery girl.
I could vaguely here Lily screaming at James through the key hole. Something about forgetting heads duties again. Then, something about getting his hand out of his blasted hair. I heard a slap. Then I heard thudding footsteps. The last thing I heard was a large thud and a scream.
It had happened just as it did every other day. They had the same argument. Lily slapped him in the face stormed away and forgot that Remus enjoys reading on the stairs around this time in the afternoon and she tripped over him and face planted in the common room. Yup, this happens everyday.
"What'd you do this time James?" I asked him. As if i didn't know. I was just humoring him. After all this has happened before.
"I forgot I was supposed to be going to heads duties," James sighed girlishly. He looked sadly down at the floor. He looked a bit like a sad puppy. No, I take that back. He looked like a sad stag. I'm the puppy in this scenario. The handsome adorable puppy who everyone loves.
"I assumed as much." I told him nodding smartly. Just then Remus walked in the room. He was rubbing a spot on his back where I would bet 5 galleons Lily kicked him on accident when she tripped over him.
"You really need to stop forgetting heads duties James," Remus said. Then he flopped down on his bed with a worn out book and began to read. How boring was he?
I was getting really irritated by this routine too thought to tell you the truth. It really made James unhappy too, having the love of his life slap him in the face. As his best mate I was supposed to be supportive and helpful. I needed to stop this.
Thats it I've made a decision. I am going to (with Remus' help) save James from this endless everyday torture and devise a plan to make Lily fall helplessly in love with James. It will be such and obsessive love that the next thing I will need to plan is how to break them apart.
Now, all I have to do is convince Remus to help me with my plan. Then, when he inevitably says no I have to find out where Peter wandered to. Then, when I can't find him, I will complete the plan on my own.
I will put it into action as soon as I can. It is going to be fool proof. Look out Lily Evans, because here I come.