summary: Matt knows Caroline, and yet he still can't move past the fangs. "She gives a sort of shrug, like, This is me. Then she turns back to Tyler."
title: "What can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? But how many times will it take, oh how many times will it take for me to get it right?" ~Get it Right, by the Glee Cast
He'd been so in love with her.
He never thought it would happen again – Elena had stolen his heart so completely, all those years ago, that he believed he never would get over her.
And for a long time, it looked like he wouldn't. Caroline was his distraction, a pretty girl who could take his mind off of Elena.
But then she was so much more than that. She was so alive, so full of joy and beauty and effervescence.
And she made him love her.
She was needy and jealous and at times, mysterious, but he loved it all about her. He wanted to be with her forever. He knew that no one else could have made him feel so happy at such an awful time in his life. And she did. She made him so, so happy.
He should have known it couldn't last.
And now he stands here in the Lockwood mansion, gun trained at the windows. He hasn't held a gun since his father took him hunting, so many years ago. He'll kill Tyler if he has to, because he needs to protect Caroline, vampire or not.
But she does not seem to be interested in being protected.
"Matt, don't! It's Tyler!" she'd squealed, those expressive eyes filled with fury and pain and so, so much worry for the wolf trying to kill them.
He realizes then that this Caroline, this beautiful, strong, in charge girl is not the girl he's known since second grade. This Caroline is so much more in control of her emotions, so much more sure of herself, so much more confident and mature.
He doesn't know whether to be admiring or annoyed. Or whether he should be jealous of Tyler or grateful towards him, for bringing out this side of Caroline that he never knew existed.
It's odd to see Caroline in this position, biting her lip anxiously as she sits on the couch, worried for herself and for Tyler.
And then there's a sound from the front porch and she's ordering him to give her his coat, and he obeys blindly because damn, this girl is so beautiful when she's serious like this.
Then she's throwing the door wide and rushing outside, with no concern for her safety. She just runs over and there he is, human Tyler, naked as the day he was born and shivering, wincing in pain. She tenderly wraps the jacket around him and leans over, whispering things that Matt cannot hear. Things he's probably not meant to hear.
And the admiration wins out. So does the jealousy. He watches her hands flutter over his best friend's body, checking that everything is alright. He watches their eyes meet in a quiet moment of understanding, of thanks.
Then Caroline looks over her shoulder, locks gazes with him. She gives a sort of shrug, like, This is me. Then she turns back to Tyler.
And he knows then, as surely as he's ever known anything. Her life has changed. It no longer needs him in it. It no longer needs high school, and a football playing boyfriend, and parties on Friday nights, and Prom, and being a normal girl.
Because she is not normal. She drinks blood to survive, she helps werewolves with their transformations, she is in constant danger from ancient supernatural forces. She does not need him there, a reminder of what she used to be. She needs Tyler, who can understand her world, who can participate in it without cringing, who can truly love her for who she is, and not who she used to be.
He'd been so in love with her.
But she is not the same Caroline, act like it though she might. She is stronger now, knows her place in the world. A whole new being. She is no longer a scared little girl. She has grown in ways he can't even explain, and he knows that he has not.
He is still Matt, quarterback, practically an orphan, who struggles to get his Bs, who needs to make enough money to pay the bills, who watches basketball with his buddies and drinks beer out of red plastic cups. He is still Matt, and she is such an enhanced Caroline. A grown-up Caroline.
For the first time, he feels like he does not deserve her.
And so when she comes back inside, looks at him with a little smile, he says, "So this is your life now?"
And she answers, trying to deflect it like he knew she would, "Never a dull moment!"
He can hear the false brightness, and it hurts him to listen to her. To listen to her try to fit into the mold of who she once was just so he doesn't do what he's about to do.
But he does. He blames it on his life being too full, being too hard to handle. But honestly that's not why. That's not why at all.
He's doing this because he knows he will drag her down. He will want her to be someone she stopped being, someone she grew out of.
And he's doing this because he knows how in love with her Tyler is. How soft and comforted his voice was when he said, "Caroline?" while lying there, defenseless, on his own porch. How much she wanted to protect him. How the two of them can communicate without words.
He and she were never that in tune. So he breaks up with her, hurts her so that she can be free. After all, what's that old saying? If you love someone, set them free. He's an expert at letting people go.
As he turns and leaves the house, leaves her forever, he wonders if he will be able to survive with his life returning to its gloominess, now that he knows everyone he cares about is involved in this world. He wonders if he'll be able to bear missing Caroline.
He'd been so goddamn in love with her, and now it's all over.