Yay, first humour fic. I got the idea of another story, but instead of been drunk-crazy, they're medicine-crazy. Enjoy J
'There really isn't any point.' came the irritated voice of next-death-god Death the Kid. He was laid in his over-sized, perfectly symmetrical bed, attempting to get through to his older weapon that it wasn't necessary to take medicine. 'My Reaper body will kick in and cure me.'
'You were saying that a week ago!' Liz exclaimed, wondering for the umpteenth time how much trouble Death City would be in once this neurotic little prissy boy took over. 'Just one spoonful, then you can go back to sleep.' That… was a tempting offer. Kid hated feeling so crappy, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Liz poured some of the milky white medicine onto the plastic spoon, and stuck it out for him to swallow. He did, pulling a face at the taste. 'There, was that so hard?'
Kid absolutely glowered at her. 'I'll be back in a couple of hours to give you the next one, 'kay?' The blonde walked away, failing to notice her meister's eyes suddenly dilating.
'Is he getting better?' Patti asked through a mouthful of cookie.
'No, but he isn't getting worse, so I suppose that's good.' Liz reported as she poured herself a cup of black coffee. Before she could raise it to her lips, it was knocked out of her hand by what looked like a streak of black and white silk. Both sisters blinked at the crazy, sugar-overdosed expression on Kid's face, before he ran away. 'Erm, does that medicine have side-effects?'
Patti picked the bottle up off the counter and read the label aloud. 'May induce mild hallucinations and erratic behaviour.'
Liz's eye twitched. 'Now his Reaper body decided to speed things up?'
Maka, Soul, Black Star and Tsubaki stood in Gallows Manor's entrance hall, looking at the anxious figures of Liz and Patti. 'What's wrong?' Maka asked when they didn't seem inclined to speak.
'Well, y'know how Kid's been ill lately?' They nodded; Black Star had mentioned it every passing minute, pointing out that real gods couldn't get sick. 'Well, we gave him some medicine, and he's gone sort of…'
'Loopy.' Patti concluded when Liz trailed off.
'How loopy?' Tsubaki asked, not really taking them seriously.
Liz pulled a face. 'Crazy, giggling, little-kid-on-drugged-sugar loopy.' She clasped her hands together. 'Help!'
'How long does it take to wear off?' Maka asked.
'Two hours, but it's already been two hours and he hasn't calmed down any.'
'Okay,' Black Star began. 'We'll help sort him out. Where is he anyway, his room?'
They exchanged glances. 'No, and we can't find him. He's still in the manor, we can sense his wavelength, but every time we get near, he does something nutty, gets out Beelzebub and goes off again.' They jolted; a flying skateboard would make the job significantly harder, especially when Kid was an expert on it.
Maka took a deep breath, and used her Soul Perception. Soul and the others showed up immediately, so she narrowed her search to find the young Reaper. His soul looked… weird; usually calm and sedate, it was completely hyper and absolutely nutty. It was kind of like seeing the soul of a toddler. 'He's in one of the guest rooms, I can sense his soul.'
'Which one?' Liz looked relieved that the crazy meister had been tracked down.
'Second on the left.' The six of them hurried up the stairs to the right room. In a fit of chivalry, Soul pushed the girls back and opened the door first. For a moment, they thought Maka had gotten the wrong room. Then the pyjama-clad madman appeared out of no where, knocking Soul to the floor and straddling his hips. The others were still shocked about seeing the usually refined Kid acting so out of character, so no one came to Soul's aid when Kid pulled out two marker pens, flicked the caps off and began scribbling on his face.
'Gerroff!' Soul yelled, struggling. Kid just carried on, giggling like a crazy person, before running out of the room at a speed even Black Star would be hard pressed to match. They remained their, frozen, until Soul got off the floor and looked in the mirror. One side of his face was adorned in blue, the other in black. 'He waits until now to get over his obsession with symmetry?'
'Where is he now?' Tsubaki asked Maka, almost afraid of the answer.
'Kitchen.'
Liz paled. 'If he gets into the sugar as well, we're done for.' They sprinted down there - Soul staying towards the back this time and Black Star going first, determined to put this crazy person in his place. Kid was giggling, hunched slightly over the counter. Black Star's heart thudded as the striped boy ran his eyes over the glittering knives that were on display.
'Kid, don't go for the knives.' he said, trying to make his voice calm and serious.
'Okay.' Kid said brightly, and they relaxed for a second before his expression turned evil. Before they could even blink, he was behind the assassin. He pulled his head back and poured the entire contents of the medicine bottle down his throat, cackling like a maniac before running off once more.
'Oh, shit.' Soul blurted out, pretty much summing up everyone's feelings.
For a moment, nothing happened, and Tsubaki let out a sigh of relief. Then Black Star began to giggle. They backed away, feeling legitimate fear as the "big man" giggled and beamed with just as much insanity as Kid. 'Bl-Black Star?' Tsubaki tried. He gave her a loopy grin, before catching sight of Soul.
'A TEDDY BEAR!' he shrieked at the top of his voice, picking up the poor scythe and running away with him, apparently oblivious to his cries of outrage.
'We need help.' Maka declared, pulling out her mobile.
Spirit frowned at the text from Maka, wondering if someone else was using her phone as a joke. Kid and Black * high of medicine. Bring help, Gallows Manor. Surely it was an exaggeration, but if his darling daughter needed help, then Godammit, he'd bring help!
He dialled Stein's number, knowing he wouldn't be able to do much on his own. 'Hello?' the scientist asked, picking up on the second ring.
'It's Spirit. I've got a text from Maka, saying they need help.'
'What's the problem?' He sounded curious now.
'Apparently, Kid and Black Star have gotten high off some sort of medicine, and are at Gallows Manor.'
Stein chuckled. 'I certainly wouldn't want to deal with a hyperactive Grim Reaper and Star Clan member. Hmm, I've got some tranquillisers that might work. They're very mild, would just make them tired enough so that they'd fall asleep naturally.'
'Bring them. I'll call Sid as well, maybe he'll be able to calm Black Star down long enough to administer it.'
Spirit, Stein, Sid and Nygus looked at Soul. The girls had managed to rescue him from Black Star, but not before he'd been covered in glue, glitter, move pens and something that looked like wool. The poor scythe looked thoroughly traumatised, and they were all making a valiant effort not to laugh. 'I swear when Black Star's sober again, I'm going to murder him.' he vowed darkly. Maka patted him sympathetically on the arm.
'Perhaps we should split up, now there are two of them.' Everyone agreed with that. 'Me and Spirit will look for Kid, Sid and Nygus can look for Black Star. Soul, I'd recommend you washed all that off quickly. Tsubaki, maybe you should go with Sid, in case you can reason with him.' The weapon nodded, and followed the zombie out of the kitchen.
Stein used his Soul Perception, and pinned down Kid in the laundry room. 'This way.' he instructed, and the redhead followed him. The moment he opened the door, they were bombarded by what looked like every item of clothing in the room.
'NOOO! YOU WANT TO STEAL MY COOKIES AND HELP THE ALIENS!' Kid screamed, clearly not in his right mind.
'Wow, he's really wasted.' Spirit observed, ducking something that was thrown his way.
'Kid, just calm down. We don't want your cookies.' Stein felt embarrassed just saying it.
'YOU LIE!' The insane Grim Reaper lunged at them, wrapping his legs around Spirit's waist and beating the death scythe's head against the laundry room wall.
'Stein, help!' Kid was about to cackle something, when there was a small pain in his arm.
'Oh.' he said in surprise, as his eyelids drooped close. 'I feel sleepy.' he mumbled, his grip on Spirit's collar going slack. Stein caught him before he fell off the scythe, and carried him the way one would do with a small child. 'Can I have cookies when I wake up?' he asked, as the world began to slip away.
'As many as you want.' the scientist reassured him. Kid rested his head on his shoulder and drifted into sleep.
'We got him.' Spirit announced, making the four sane teenagers look up in relief.
'Thank god. Er, I'll go put him in his room.' Liz said, taking her sleeping meister away from Stein in case he got tempted to cut him up.
'How's Sid doing?' he asked. Maka opened her mouth to say they didn't know, when there was a yell and a crash. They all ran into the hall, gaping open mouthed up the stairs. Nygus was in her weapon form, and Sid was using her to bat away the cuddly toys that were been lobbed at him from Patti's room. Tsubaki was using the chain scythe she'd made her hair become, and was having a little more luck.
'YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!' came the insane shriek of Black Star as a huge teddy bear nearly knocked Sid down the stairs.
'I think they can deal with this.' Stein said, as they all backed away from the battle of blades and fur. When they finally managed to get up the stairs, Black Star had run out of toys to throw, so he had the "genius" idea of using a pair of Patti's knickers to catapult rolled-up socks at them. Obviously, they were much less effective than the militia of plushies Patti had horded, and before long Sid was in the doorway, Tsubaki a little behind him. Black Star jumped, landing on the curtain pole and giggling when it broke under the unexpected weight. Seeing his chance, Sid rugby-tackled him to the carpeted floor. He wriggled and squirmed under the zombie's weight and managed to get free before Tsubaki could tranquillise him. His weapon was beginning to loose her temper.
'BLACK STAR, COME HERE THIS INSTANT!' she yelled, having had enough.
'Yes mummy.' he said meekly, scampering over.
'Take this injection right now.' She held up the syringe.
'Nooo, I don't wanna.' he whined like a little kid.
'Listen to me, young man; if you don't take this shot right now, I'll make sure you never surpass God!' He held his arm out immediately, barely flinching at the prick.
He yawned, suddenly really drowsy. 'I wanna go to bed.' he declared, and Tsubaki held him up as his knees threatened to give.
'I'm sure Patti won't mind you taking a nap on her bed.' She'll be too distressed about the toys to sleep, she added silently, moving Black Star onto the bed. He was asleep the second his head touched the pillow.
Back downstairs, Liz and Patti were worrying. 'What will we say if Lord Death asks how Kid went loopy?' They'd already had to deal with a crazy Grim Reaper; they did not want to deal with an angry one as well.
'We'll blame it on an outbreak of the Kishin's insanity.' Stein said calmly. No one argued.