Disclaimer: Surprise!! Not mine!!! I know. Imagine the shock I had finding that out too!

Spoilers: All Goren/Eames eps in the current season (season 6 I think). Post ep for 'The War at Home' mainly.

Category: BA angst, friendship, UST

Rating: T (formerly PG).

Author: Traci

Summary: Goren had really ticked Eames off when he stormed out of the station. Would they ever get back the chemistry and, more importantly, the trust they shared?

Pride and Guilt

I quit! He hadn't actually verbalized it, but Alex Eames heard it loud and clear as she watched her partner of six years storm out of One Police Plaza, leaving her standing beside her captain, full of anger, hurt and guilt.Captain Ross turned to the petite woman next to him. "He's becoming more unstable."

Without looking at him, she merely said, "His mother was diagnosed with cancer recently." And I took out my frustration over missing Thanksgiving on him.

"That's…" Ross sighed. "Will he talk to you?"

Eames shrugged and walked towards the elevator hoping to catch up with him, unsure of what she'd say even if she did. She arrived at the elevator just as the doors slid shut – once again cold steel prevented her from reaching him. Why should she be the one feeling guilty? She hadn't done anything. She hadn't pushed him away. She hadn't ignored his questions of concern. No. He had done that to her and for once she was not going to be the one to go after him. Not this time.

People in the streets quickly stepped aside as the imposing figure of Bobby Goren briskly walked through the crowd towards the parking lot. They didn't understand. He didn't care of the commissioners daughter was missing after partying too hard. He had pitied them, as parents, when she was found dead but they didn't know his own mother was dying as he stood in the cold while they mourned. The truth was, at the moment, he had resented them for dragging him away from his mother to look for a dead girl. He hated them for stealing the few, precious moments he had left with the woman who had been there for him when his father walked out. No one understood. No one cared.

Goren suddenly stopped in his tracks and hung his head low, shamed by a realization. One had cared. One had asked. One had reached out and covered for him. He fought within himself between turning back and apologizing, groveling more likely, or first dealing with his mother. As he took a step back his cell rang and the decision was made for him.

Alex had returned the call to her brother, who insisted there was still plenty of time to get to his place for the pumpkin pie, but she had declined. Having grown up with cops, he had known better than to push it further.

Now, as she stretched out on her couch in front of the television, she wondered how Bobby was doing. How his mother was doing. Reaching for the phone, she withdrew her hand as if the phone was on fire. No. She would not be the one this time.

It had been two hours since his mother had fallen asleep, thanks largely to the concoction of medications. The nurse assurance that his mother would have a restful night and that he should go home and get some sleep of his own was met with a curt nod as she left the room.

Bobby's large hand covered his mothers much smaller and cold one. Would it be hours? Days? Weeks? Could he deal with months? His brother had come up with yet another excuse as to why he couldn't be there, once again leaving the full burden upon Bobby's shoulders. No one understood what it was like for him. No one understood the pain of helplessly watching a loved one die. Except for one. One who had lost someone she loved only eight years earlier. Again, he sighed. He was tired. Tired of trying to balance his life in the city, as a cop, with a partner and his life at Carmel Ridge with his mother, watching her slowly slip away from him.

Reaching into his pocket, Goren pulled out his cell phone. He could at least call her and offer a meager apology for the time being. He owed her that at the very least. As his finger hovered over the power button, his mother stirred and, with a heavy heart, he slid the phone back in his pocket.

An intrusive sliver of bright sunlight cut through the curtain and settled across her face. Groaning, Alex rolled over and nearly fell off the couch. This is not a good start, she thought feeling the stiffness of her muscles already. She opened her eyes in time to see the ending of one of those girlie Lifetime movies. Definitely not a good start. But the scene that played out sent a chill through her. A woman was sobbing while standing over a newly dug grave.

Eames picked up the remote to change the channel – the scene reminded her too much of her husband's funeral but then the woman on the movie spoke. "I never told you. I though we'd have forever but because of my stupid pride, I never told you. I'm sorry I was mad. I'm sorry I never said I was sorry. I'm sorry I never told you I loved you."

Her eyes filled with tears as suddenly it hit her. What if something happened to Bobby and, because of her own stupid pride, he died believing he had lost her. In minutes she was changed into street clothes, grabbed her keys, opened the front door and nearly tripped over the large mass in front of her door.

"Bobby?!"

He sheepishly looked up at her.

Alex opened her mouth to speak but no words emerged. His guard was down for the first time in months and in his eyes she saw hurt, anger, frustration, confusion, guilt, apology but, most of all, she saw he was completely lost.

"How long have you been out here?" she asked softly.

"I…" He shrugged.

"You could have knocked."

Goren looked down at his hands. "I… wasn't sure I could." He looked up at her again when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

"I'll make us some coffee and we can talk." It wasn't quite the movie-like moment of enlightenment she had envisioned as she had run out her door, but real life so often fell short of those movie moments.

She closed the door and watched him sit on the couch. They had both played a part in hurting the other. She had pushed him away after her abduction and he had pushed her away when his mother had been diagnosed with cancer.

"Eames." He paused then met her eyes. "Alex, can we forget the coffee and just talk?"

With a warm smile, she sat beside him. "Absolutely. And Bobby, for what it's worth, you wouldn't have lost me that easily."

A smile reached his eyes and they both knew they would be okay.

The End