A/N The lack of good Deidara stories disturbs me, and thus, I will do something about it! In memory of the great, awesome, Deidara of the Akatsuki, who truly went out with a BANG! By the by, I would LOVE for you peeps to give me ideas. I have no idea where I'm going with this. Also, I know nothing about the Honey Country. Please correct anything.

Al was about to walk across a street when a chicken appeared. This chicken had papers in its beak. Al followed the chicken across the road and got hit by an eighteen-wheeler. The chicken laughed at Al and continued carrying the rights to Naruto.

Chapter I: Screw Genji! This is MY tale!

I sighed and stared at the small lighter in my hand. Smirking, I flicked it on and off. On and off. On and off. I could set this whole forest ablaze if I wanted. But I didn't. I'm way too lazy to try and run away afterwards. I was bored, but not that bored. I saw a small ant struggling with some white thing, apparently trying to get it back to its home. Hey look, temporary amusement! I set the lighter close to the ground and nearly laughed as the poor little creature struggled in vain to get out of the way of the new mysterious substance. Little fucker won't be biting me anytime soon.

As for me, Arashi, I'm a borderline freak. Wait, scratch that. I AM a freak. Orange hair in a low, messy ponytail, and green eyes. Not to mention my freckles; cute when you're five, irritating as hell when you're almost eighteen. Atop my head a red bandana was tied haphazardly. Tan tank top, black sweater tied around my waist, and green cargo pants tucked into hiking boots. And my skeleton key necklace I rarely took off hung loosely around my neck.

I'm not even a ninja. Just your average pyromaniac asylum escapee. Current occupation: traveler. Whoops, a little too much information. Ah well, the ANBU are way to busy getting their asses kicked by the Akatsuki at the present.

The poor little ant was currently reduced to simply ashes. Now I was just burning dirt. I shut off my lighter, changed my mind, and turned it back on. I just stared. Flames are so pretty, aren't they? Unlike explosions, plain old fire lasts and it's a lot more fun to watch something go from a little ember to huge blaze that eats everything in its path.

Where should I head next? I fiddled with my little lip ring (don't worry, different hand from the one with the lighter) my current location was the Fire Country. I think. Hey! I never said I was good traveler. I can make an awesome campfire, at least! I can't do much other than that, though. Guess I could catch a squirrel or something and cook it. I'm broke anyways, so it wouldn't be any good to be in a town. Maybe I should get a job? Probably. Ah well.

My lighter went off. Must have accidentally pushed the wrong thing. I pulled my finger across the spiny thing again and got a spark which went out shortly thereafter. Oh shit. I tried again to no avail. Oh shit shit SHIT NO! Damn it all! Out of fucking lighter fluid! Yeah, time to reach a town and get a job.

I twitched. I doubt I could live without some sort of fire. No fire means no amusement. No amusement means getting grumpy. Grumpy, when referring to me, means broken feet from trying to epic-kick trees and yelling at every person who gives me a weird look. Here comes bitch of the century!

Royally pissed, I got up off my ass and headed towards a random direction. I should find a town somewhere.

~~squiggly~~

Great. Just friggin' great. Many (to me) long hours later, my stomach was growling and the urge to burn shit increasing ever so quickly.

I've been wandering around aimlessly for about a year, just letting life pass me by; stop here, make some money there, move on. Wait; let me start from the beginning. I'm originally from The Honey Country, which is somewhere above Fire Country. From what I know, we're allied with them; I'm not really one for politics though. I lived in a town not too far east of the capital. Mother, father, baby sister, white fence blah blah blah. Until, that is, about six years ago when I escaped the meticulous life which belonged to me. I was exposed to the great fire, or as I should put it, the awe inspiring action of burning stuff.

It all started when out neighbor's house caught fire. My parents ushered me outside to get away incase our house caught a flame from the other. As my father practically dragged me away, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the blazes were. The roaring sound accompanied by the most wonderful mixture of reds and oranges. It was all so overwhelming to watch. How the glass broke! And all the intoxicating smoke! Oh, how awesome indeed! I wanted to stay and watch longer, but of course this would not be allowed. While being dragged away by the back of my shirt I vowed to find a way to experience the same stomach churning sight on a regular basis.

After the damage was dealt to the unsuspecting house my family and I went to console the mourning occupants. We walked through the ashes with them, all the adults held each other as I scoffed and kicked around their former belongings. Something kind of shiny caught my eye and I picked it up. It was an old key, made of whatever metal they used to make skeleton keys with. Glancing over to the crying lady of the house, I myself decided that whatever the key went to was burned down thus dubbing it useless to the family. I stuck it in my pant's pocket and continued to shuffle through debris. So my lucky key is stolen, big whoop. It's been mine for almost six years now and I certainly don't feel remorse for taking it at this point in time.

After the "unfortunate" event I began to set little things on fire when my mom and dad weren't looking. Just things like throwing a scrap of paper on the burner when dinner was cooking. As the years went by I progressed to larger things such as furniture left on the curb, old homework, et cetera. I even lit up my math textbook in eighth grade. Take that algebra! Pft. Once I set our cat's tail on fire to make my sister cry.

I got in serious shit after I turned fifteen. I attempted to set my own house on fire starting with the ugly, shaggy carpet. Dad caught me, stomped out the fire, beat my ass, and made me use my allowance to buy an even uglier carpet. You know that industrial crap that makes you feel high after staring at it 'cause there's so many different colors? Yeah, that stuff.

After the incident I learned to use gas for the big stuff and set my high school ablaze. It was beautiful! I still got caught and sent to juvei. That sucked. Another year and they sent me to a mental hospital in the capital. The pussies couldn't handle me. I had a dorm, shrink, lunch, and the occasional visit to the outside world with other maniacs. That was rainbows and unicorn shit. At sixteen I managed to escape that hellhole and become a traveler, more like a pyromaniac who has no clue where she is going.

That's it for The Tale of Pyro Girl. Boring? Yeah I know. Let's start heading…east! Which is…left? Right? Ahead? Behind? Screw this I'm going straight. Forget you, North Star! Even if it's not even nightfall yet!

~~squiggly~~

The sign above me said Otafuku Gai. Homely Women? What the hell? Better than nothing, I suppose. I ducked my head, intimidated by the name, and scurried in. It seemed to be a lively city, one of those that have a lot of festivals. I get to burn banners! Yay!

Fallen confetti littered the main streets, flags and lanterns hung from various poles and windows. Plenty of people passed me by carrying everything from candy to babies, and men in uniforms swept the walkways. I guess they had a festival last night or something. It looked like there was one going on right now. If it weren't for the sense of serenity and daily life I would have been mistaken. It would be pretty cool to go to one of the jamborees that take place here. Too bad it would probably be a while until the next one.

I wandered around, making mental notes of the city. As I turned a corner it was like stepping into another world. I suddenly realized what the city must have really been famous for. Screw festivals, this was a freaking harem! As I walked down the streets I saw different signs all portraying basically the same thing. "Attention dirty middle-aged men, come here and we'll make you feel like a king! We'll dry hump for $500 but no touching, silly!" Scoffing, I moved along.

There were hookers and prostitutes of every kind standing on the streets donning skimpy costumes. I wanted to poke the belly of one fairly chubby one, but resisted. Note to self: ignore every last "Now Hiring" and "Help needed" sign within a hundred foot radius of this area. I thought I was going to puke when a greasy man leaning on the side of a building winked at me. Look away, Arashi, ignore him. I could not, however, ignore a masculine woman that came up from behind and leaned her elbow on my shoulder.

"Hey, you adorable little thing!" The woman pulled, or clawed, at my cheeks.

"…"

"You know, we could use more girls like you back at the bar."

"….."

"Yeah, childish girls are all the rage today! Hard to find any legal, though. And the freckles defiantly add to the effect!" BIOTCH.

"I'm still a minor..." I resisted the urge to kick her teeth in.

"But you must be close!"

I shoved her off and power walked down the remainder of the street. I was hungry, lacking amusement, had to piss, and ready to go banshee on the next person who touched me. I was also stripped of any cash. There were plenty of inns, but I highly doubt any of them take IOUs. Time to look for a decent job.

I asked around several stores and restaurants, no one was hiring today. Disappointed, I continued on, kicking a little rock as I did so. I almost, ALMOST missed a "Help Wanted" sign in the window of a little shop. It had stucco walls with a little, pinkish, sloped roof and frosted glass windows. Are those angels singing? I believe so. I practically floated towards the welcoming door.

On walking in, the first thing I noticed was the tantalizing scent of sweets. Did I step into Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or something? Okay, this really isn't helping my starving issue.

Colorful delicates lined all four walls of the quaint little shop: peppermints, chocolates, licorice, gumballs, and treats I've never seen nor heard of. Hell yeah! I want to work here! Candy discounts here I come!

After forcing my eyes away from the spectrum walls, I saw a fairly big bottom moving around behind the counter. I couldn't help but stare and twitch.

A little man emerged from the counter. He looked pretty well-fed. You could tell he was old by his graying hair, or lack thereof. If not for this, though, someone might be fooled by the rosy cheeks and round, childish eyes. Atop is rather big nose laid circular spectacles with a golden chain. He wore a white shirt underneath a red and white striped apron, also donning simple black armbands.

Grinning like a five-year-old, he ushered me further into the little abode.

"Hello! Haven't seen your face around here! New? Have some candy! Aren't sweets just wonderful?" He defiantly talked like he was on a sugar rush.

"Err, no thanks. I'm actually looking for a jo-" GGGRRRRLLLLL… Nice going, stomach.

"Hungry? You sound hungry! Let me get you something! Sugar fills you up quickly! Hee hee hee! What would you like, chocolate? Cotton candy? I have pretzels, to! And root beer! Root beer's good! You look thirsty! I'll go get some of that and pretzels!" Good lord! Does this guy ever slow down?

"Wait! No no no! I'm broke! I just want a j-ob?" The little man pushed a drink and a little bowl of chocolate covered pretzels towards me.

"No problems! On the house! Now what did you want?"

"A jo-"

"Kyo! Kyo! We want some candy!" Three little kids ran into the shop. A little girl holding a teddy bear with blond braids, a filthy brown-haired boy, and another hooligan came in brandishing a wooden sword. I barely dodged what could potentially have been a painful blow to the shin. All three climbed up onto separate little bar chairs, naming different things they wanted, except the girl who continued to stay quiet.

"Slow down, little ones!" Peh, like he was one to talk. The newly named Kyo bustled around the counter and walls, climbing up on a little stool with wheels to reach higher items. You know the ones that you find in the library that always flip over when you try to scoot a little bit?

I know I said he was short already, but DAMN he's short. Shorter than me, and that's really saying something. Grumpy as I was, I had to stifle giggles as the dude's belly jiggled jollily when he walked.

"Hey lady!" With a lazy gaze I looked over to the kid with the toy sword.

"What do you want, squirt?"

"Why are you here? The only grown up I know that likes candy is !"

"I'm here for a j-"

"Here ya go, kiddies!" Kyo set down three bags filled with sweets. The kids took them greedily and began to eat.

"Um, Kyo, was it? Like I was saying, I saw your help wanted sign and-"

"Hey lady! What's your name, anyways?" Twitch.

"Arashi. Now, like I was saying, can I wor-"

"Storm? What a weird name! I'm Botan! The smelly kid is Fujita, and the girl is Cho."

"That's very nice. I need mon-"

"Cho thinks you're pretty!" Botan pointed to the blond girl. I had to admit, she was adorable when she blushed.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED A JOB!!!" Panting, I slapped my hands on the counter and stared at Kyo.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" All I can remember after that is blacking out.

~~squiggly~~

When I awoke, my back was against something hard and cold. Looking up I saw four faces staring down at me.

"Hey lady, are you okay?" I twitched. Holding my head, I slowly got up to my feet, using the counter to help me. That little shit, Botan, talked way too much. I was getting a headache.

After making sure I was okay, Kyo spoke up. "About the job, can you start tomorrow?" Yeah, where the fuck am I supposed to stay tonight?

"Yeah, sure. Do I get a starting bonus or something? I don't have any money for an inn."

"You poor thing! Here," Kyo bustled about his pocket, took out some ryou, and handed it to me, "This should be enough for the week. There's an inn right down the street." Gee, that was generous. I only really needed one night.

"Thanks." He smiled and nodded.

"Oh, and I need to get and apron for you!" Candy man threw a bundle of cloth at me. I barely caught it. The article was the same apron as his.

I took my root beer and pretzels, than headed out of the store. I shuffled my way down the street and arrived at the aforementioned inn. Looks clean so far.

After handing the ryou for the week over to the receptionist, I grabbed the keys and headed to my room. It was small, but that was how I liked it. The joint held one queen sized bed, a bathroom, TV, mini-fridge, small table/desk thing, a bed stand with a lamp, phone, and phonebook, a small closet and ironing board, and that was it. Because I got a room with bed, which was cheaper than two, I still had plenty of money left. Time to REALLY eat. Right after I piss real quick.

~~squiggly~~

End Chapter One

Eh? Eh? Did you like it? Please tell me if you did! Feel free to suggest anything, as well. I only have a very loose story line, so if anyone wants any kind of special, feel free to ask! I know it kind of went by quickly, and was short, but the next should be longer!

Chapter II: Sempai! Can I have candy?