"I really don't know what 'I LOVE YOU' means. I think it means 'DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE.'"
NEIL GAIMAN
It's a dance of bad words, poisonous sentences that evolves into screams and a bad argument, acid glances between you two and something that was never there; because you two always argued - always always always - but it never was like this, with so much passion and hatred and tears and broken hearts.
You try to remember the good moments when you are angry - but it's worthless, really, because how happiness can erase sadness and how love can erase anger? If anything else, it adds fuel for your hunger of revenge, and you are the one digging now. Destroying, being a parasite. You don't want to open a hole in him - you want to open a hole throw him, and that's what you do. You dig, nails in flesh, teeth in skin, blood dropping.
The sound of his heart stopping.
Your ribcage is open.
You feel it open, you think with surprise, but the numbness is too strong to make you notice anything else. The sound of it - like metal claws digging diamonds, but instead of shiny stones there is your pale skin - makes you cringe in agony for about an eternity.
It's been tree weeks and not a word was exchanged between the both of you. You wonder for what it seems like years in the universe - or the castle, all the same - until you bump with someone. He is still very handsome, with broad shoulders and messy hair, but the gold in his eyes are gone.
He doesn't even flinch. Before you can open your mouth, he is gone again.
You look around. You look at what you did, wonder how you could not stop. You have turned into a monster - an angry, unstable monster, and the love that once made you feel whole is now gone.
You cry - for what, who or why is known, and yet you try to make it a poetic mystery - and you cry until the sea is formed and the clouds are gone and the mountains succumb. You form a world and destroy it. You destroy it and stop to care.
Regret. Apology. Regretting. Apologizing.
You think he won't even listen to you - but you have to try, because the moon once had an argument with the sun and now they rule the sky together. You have to try because you made this speech a hundred times, and you are sorry, you are so so so sorry, and he is James and you are Lily.
So you run run run and ruuuuuuun, right into the sun, and he tries to set down.
But right now it's time for an eclipse.
He smiles. Your soul is still alive.
His laugh heals you; it's a very good change form the salty tears you are used to cry, or the childlike (yet painful) remarks he tossed - and that makes everything ok, because the love you two share is wonderful. It's wonderful and fearless and a little bit wild, but it's love anyway, and this is the reason why you keep going.
- I love you. - He says between kisses, sunshine going out of his skin pores, the pressure of his fingertips over your old school uniform.
There is not a voiced answer from you, but the way your smile grows and your eyes glow is enough.