Crowfeather's Sin
This is a Warriors one-shot that deals with the night Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Jayfeather were conceived. It also deals with later in Crowfeather's life when he is looking back on what he's done and pondering his decisions.
Okay, I made EVERYTHING in this up except for a few well-known facts that ALL Warriors fans know. I have no idea if the whole nest and briars thing happened, but let's be realistic here people: Leafpool GOT pregnant so they've HAD to have had sex at some point!
I don't own Warriors.
THE BLACK TOM WAS BLINKING WITH PURE HAPPINESS. He turned to face the brown tabby she-cat, unable to suppress the purr that rose in his throat. "Thank you so much for coming with me, Leafpool!" he half-yowled for the millionth time.
Leafpool smiled halfheartedly. "You're welcome, Crowfeather… but I can't help but feel that maybe I'm not doing the right thing. I'm deserted my Clan, possibly when they need me most… Maybe we should go back," he suggested shyly.
Crowfeather turned to face her. It felt like his heart had just cracked in half. "Leafpool… you… you don't want a life with me?"
"I do!" she corrected herself quickly. "It's not that I don't want you, Crowfeather I… Ugh!" she lashed her tail in annoyance and turned away from him, trotting off to a nearby cliff that gave a good view of the Clans.
The black tom, feeling guilty, padded over and sat down beside her. He appraised her carefully, wishing there was some way to make her feel better.
"I mean… I can't help but feel that I'm making a mistake," Leafpool breathed as she looked down into ThunderClan territory. "Don't you… feel guilty for leaving?" she asked, not meeting his gaze.
Crowfeather frowned. "I'm happy here, Leafpool… With you," he murmured. He wanted so badly to make her see his way. If she left him now, he would have no choice but to return to his Clan and face the wrath and scorn of his Clan-mates. He would also probably be forced to mate with a she-cat named Nightcloud who had been pursuing him for a few moons. "Can't you quit fretting about the life we're leaving behind and focus on the future? Our future?"
The former medicine cat's hackles rose. "Because I have a conscience!" she hissed, lashing her tail.
Seeing that he had upset her, Crowfeather gently nuzzled her ear. "I'm sorry, darling," he whispered, hoping to calm her down and convince her to remain with him. "I know that leaving your Clan and your family is very difficult for you, and I am so grateful that you agreed to come with me. I love you, Leafpool."
The she-cat smiled weakly. "I know, and I love you too, Crowfeather, but… I don't know. My stomach is upset, but I know there is no herb that can fix this pain."
He licked her cheek in an effort to console and reassure his mate. "I know, darling. I know," he murmured, burying his muzzle in her brown tabby fur. He inhaled her scent once, and he himself was suddenly reassured as well. "Things will get better. I promise."
She nodded with a sigh. "I know… but I fear that they will get worse before they do."
Whether that statement jinxed this forbidden couple, or whether they were licked before they even met one another, we will never know. Perhaps StarClan put the words in that medicine cat's mouth, trying to foreshadow events to come, but likewise, we will never know what prompted Leafpool to say such a thing. What we do know is that Crowfeather didn't at all dwell on his mate's solemn words, but instead tried to distract her from them.
"I think we should stay here tonight," he meowed, turning away from her. A briar bush lay at the side of the path; it would provide ample cover for the night, and all he needed to do was find the proper materials to build a nest for the two of them. "I'll work on building the nest," he called over his shoulder to her before bounding off, not waiting for a response.
As he searched for moss and feathers to make up their bed for the night, his mind was somewhere else, churning with thoughts of the night to come, and the nights of the past. Ever since he saved Leafpool that day when she nearly died falling off the ravine into the ThunderClan camp, Crowfeather had coveted her. Even in the world of warriors, coveting thy neighbor's wife is forbidden. Leafpool was not his to take—she was ThunderClan, and a medicine cat to make matters worse!—and he was just a WindClan warrior who never seemed to fit in with his own people.
Throughout his entire life, Crowfeather sought companions from other Clans; on the journey with Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Tawnypelt, Stormfur, and Feathertail, he found himself growing close to the cats he knew would be his enemies under normal circumstances and protected and defended them. They became his friends, and Feathertail was even more than that. Crowfeather sighed at the thought of his first flame: that beautiful silver she-cat that died saving him and the Tribe of Rushing Water from a cougar. The two had been close, and if given a few more days, probably would have become a mated pair, but it was not mean to be. Losing her nearly destroyed him, but the pain of loss that had invaded his heart disappeared quickly after meeting, and saving Leafpool. Even though she was no longer his love interest, Feathertail still haunted his thoughts and dreams.
Once he had gathered enough ingredients for a proper nest, Crowfeather began to carry his supplies back to their little makeshift camp. Upon his return, he found Leafpool lying on her side, a few tail-lengths away from the edge of the cliff. The fading sunlight cast glorious golden-orange rays over her body, enhancing her beauty. The she-cat, oblivious to the tom and the emotions she was currently make him experience, proceeded to stretch in a feline-line way, rolling onto her belly. It was then that she noticed him and immediately became embarrassed.
Crowfeather dropped his moss and shot her a small smile. "Don't be self-conscious; you're gorgeous."
Leafpool looked at the ground, seeming even more embarrassed than before. Smirking at her reaction, Crowfeather picked up the supplies once more and began to work studiously on the nest. By the time the sun had set below the horizon and twilight had tightened its hold on the Earth, Crowfeather was finished, and Leafpool joined him over at the briar patch.
"It looks nice," she purred, running her tail along his affectionately.
He smiled. "I'm glad you like it."
Leafpool leaned against him before slipping inside their den, flicking her tail for him to follow.
Crowfeather slipped into a deep sleep, and found himself dreaming. He stood in StarClan's hunting grounds, looking around curiously. He'd only ever been here once before when StarClan summoned him to join cats from the other Clans to find Midnight and lead the Clans to their new home. He was no medicine cat, and was certainly not used to being in their realm. What only further confused him was the fact that Tallstar, his former leader, stood there, his amber eyes narrowed and full of outrage.
"How dare you, Crowfeather?!" he snarled, his neck fur rising.
Surprised, Crowfeather scrambled back from him. He'd never seen Tallstar so angry before in his life. The former WindClan leader was always viewed and remembered as a compassionate, levelheaded tom that never acted with irrationally. Now, Crowfeather was watching, flummoxed, as his former leader spat at him. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he meowed defensively. He was surprised at how confident his voice sounded with how his body was trembling so.
Tallstar's lips curled back in a snarl. "Do not patronize me, kit!"
Crowfeather recoiled from his insult as if had been a strike with claws extended. "Tallstar, I really don't understand!"
"You know the warrior code, or have you forgotten while you've been prancing around like a love-struck apprentice?!" the black-and-white tom demanded.
The black tom only shook his head in response. "We're leaving the Clans, Tallstar. It won't matter anymore what we do."
"You can't leave the Clans! You and Leafpool were born to these Clans, and you have lived with them your whole lives. You owe them more than you think. As a warrior, Crowfeather, you took the vows to protect and defend the cost of your life! You vowed to uphold the warrior code at all times and show exemplary behavior as a WindClan warrior, and now you have disgraced yourself, your Clan, and your ancestors!" Tallstar growled. "And what's worse: you are not mated with this she-cat! For StarClan's sake, Crowfeather, she could bare your kits! Do you not think at all?"
"It won't matter if Leafpool has kits!" he hissed, beginning to become angry at Tallstar's scolding and his accusations. "We're leaving no matter what you say! Besides, my so-called Clan-mates never liked me anyway! I'll be better off on my own with only Leafpool to take care of!"
Tallstar shook his head. "It is clear that I overestimated you. You are clearly to young, foolish, and naïve to understand to the importance of loyalty, trust, and honor. You also clearly don't deserve to be a warrior when you don't even believe in the vows you took to receive that name I gave you! So now, I take it back! From this moment forward, you shall be known as Crow; a filthy, mangy rogue that has no code of ethics or morals. You will live the life of a rogue and loner!
"Leafpool is not like you, Crowfeather. She has a conscience, and knows that what she is doing is wrong. She knows that she should return, and I have faith that she will do so. She will leave you, Crowfeather, maybe not right away, but she will. She will resent you and hate you for taking her away from her Clan and her family, and she will abandon you. You will live alone, and die alone as a rogue with a name that no one knows, and only your fleas will mourn you!"
Crowfeather was trembling violently. Tallstar's lecture had clearly disturbed him. He was still trying to wrap his brain around and process things as he asked, "What do you mean Leafpool will leave? She loves me!"
"Perhaps, but she loves her Clan more."
"You're lying!" the black cat cried, almost on the verge of tears.
"I am not."
"Tallstar!" a she-cat's voice yowled.
The former Clan leader turned around to see a pinkish-gray she-cat approaching. "Heatherstar," Tallstar meowed, immediately straightening up and returning to the cat Crowfeather recognized.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Heatherstar snarled, baring her teeth at the tom. "You have no right to treat him that way."
"He betrayed our Clan, and mated with a ThunderClan medicine cat! You cannot be saying that is acceptable!"
Heatherstar shook her regal head. "No, Tallstar. Of course I'm not, but what I am trying to tell you is that we all make mistakes. There is not a single cat, living or dead, that has not broken the warrior code at least once."
"But can we ignore the magnitude of his offense?"
"We can forgive and guide, Tallstar. I know that you are still new to StarClan and its ways. Our job is not to interfere with their lives, but guide them along their path. Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'May StarClan light your path'? That is where it comes from," he explained. "Crowfeather has done a great wrong, I agree with you, but ultimately it is his decision, and you have no right to threaten and make up false stories of his future."
Tallstar growled. "You are asking me to ignore and shrug off something I simply cannot—"
"Enough!" the she-cat yowled suddenly, her voice echoing throughout the empty meadow. Crowfeather, who had been watching in silent amazement and horror, took another step back as Heatherstar finally addressed him. "Do not let this encounter make you fear us, kit. We are a civilized society contrary to what just happened to you. We do not usually allow things like this to occur," she meowed, her voice cold as ice as she shot a glare at Tallstar. "But, he is right on some levels, kit. You have sinned, Crowfeather of WindClan, and we cannot you leave with impunity. Nature and karma will take their courses as normal. Beware your punishment, kit, but remember that redemption is always somewhere to be found."
With that, the two StarClan warriors faded and Crowfeather slipped into an alarming darkness.
Moons upon moons had passed. Seasons changed. Crowfeather, now a WindClan elder, padded down to the lakeshore solemnly. He was no RiverClan cat, but watching the waves lap at the shore still brought him a small kind of pleasure. The orange sun was reflected on the water as it rapidly fell below the horizon, casting an orange, yellow, and pink glow over the land.
Heatherstar's warning still rung clear in his ears, even now so many moons later. Both StarClan cats' predictions had come true: Leafpool left him when her Clan was in danger, and he had fathered her kits. Lionblaze, his eldest kit was a brilliant and loyal ThunderClan warrior, while Jayfeather—his second son—was the new ThunderClan medicine cat. Even though the latter was blind (something that Crowfeather blamed on himself and the sin he's committed) it had no hindrance of his abilities. Crowfeather's only daughter, Hollyleaf, had been the one to expose his affair with Leafpool to the Clans. After this, she disappeared, assumedly dead. However, moons before, she returned when her Clan-mates needed her most and died a brave, loyal warrior.
Crowfeather fathered another kit when he returned to WindClan as well, and he believed this was another part of his punishment. To regain the trust of his Clan-mates, he took Nightcloud as his mate, and the two had a son, Breezepelt. Breezepelt openly hated his father for what he'd done, and once Nightcloud learned that Crowfeather didn't return the love she gave to him, she began putting ridiculous, false thoughts into the kit's head. For most of his life, Breezepelt was under the impression that Crowfeather hated him, but it was during the Great Battle that Crowfeather finally revealed the truth to his youngest son. Yet, Crowfeather knew that his son did not believe his testimony, but that did not make him love him any less.
No matter what Breezepelt did, Crowfeather would always love his son. He felt that it was his fault Breezepelt suffered so much throughout his life. Crowfeather's punishment was not something of physical pain to him, but the emotional pain of watching his legal son suffer during his life. Breezepelt had made plenty of wrong decisions—he trained with the Dark Forest, he tried to kill Jayfeather, and he had a passionate hatred for his half-siblings—but Crowfeather blamed none of that on him. He felt as if all of his son's faults and mistakes were a result of his sin. Not a day passed when Crowfeather didn't wake up hating himself for all the grief he had caused my one poorly thought-out decision.
For moons, Crowfeather had been waiting for StarClan to summon him, and as he gazed out onto the lake, he saw a familiar apparition appear on the surface of the water, walking toward him on top of the waves. His eyes widened as he recognized his former mate, Leafpool. "Leafpool," he breathed in greeting. Her warm, familiar scent swirled around him sending him into bliss.
"It is time, my love," she meowed.
"To join you?" he asked, unable to keep the hopefulness from his voice.
"Yes, Crowfeather. StarClan has called on you. They have forgiven you since you have endured your punishment and have repented. You are welcome with our ancestors," she told him. The warm look of unconditional love she harbored the night their kits were conceived returned to her green eyes, and Crowfeather knew that everything would be okay.
Lying down on the gravel beach, he closed his eyes and slipped away, his spirit rising from his body to finally join his love and live with her in StarClan, all sins forgiven.
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