"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part I)"
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: NextGen characters get trapped in Disneyland!
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: Neither Next Generation nor Disneyland belong to me. There, I said it, so
don't sue me. LOL
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, Sicily oops!! I forgot!! (Chanting to myself: I will not say hi to Sicily, I will
not say hi to Sicily, I will not say hi to Sicily . . .) Okay, so this is a little wacky . . . I've got a wacky
imagination. Special thanx to all those nice people who said nice things about "The Space Is Out
There!" Nice reviews are real confidence-boosters, folks. Keep 'em coming! LOL
FEEDBACK: Always strongly encouraged!! You may either "be a responsible reader" by
reviewing my little story here, or you may contact me at frenchkitty1@excite.com . Easy on the flames,
as usual . . . Thanx!! ;)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: The Bridge of the Enterprise. PICARD is in the captain's chair, DATA's at his little
console, RIKER is in his chair, TROI's in her chair, WORF's at the tactical station thingie . . . you get
the picture. PICARD & Co. are analyzing the image on the viewscreen very intently:)
PICARD (voice-over): Stardate . . . Number One?
RIKER (voice-over, not in a very cheerful mood): What?!
PICARD (voice-over): What's the day?
RIKER (voice-over, dryly): It's Monday . . . (suddenly remembering his manners:) Sir.
PICARD (voice-over): All right, then . . . Stardate: Monday morning. After our encounter with the
twenty-first century freaks I mean, American law enforcement officers from Capt. Janeway's previous
fic, we are quite ready for our nice, peaceful mission . . . We've had our obligatory Q-episode for the
season, so hopefully this mission will be fairly uneventful . . . Anyhow, we're on our way to Anon
Ymous MMCLXVI to investigate an anomalous anomaly in the space-time continuum or something like
that . . . Oh, fiddlesticks!! I forgot!! It's time for another stupid time-travel episode . . .
(The camera finally reveals the anomaly to us: it's a big bright white blob right smack in the
center of space. PICARD leans forward to get a better look at it, as DATA examines the readings he's
getting on his console:)
DATA: Sir, I am getting readings from the anomaly.
PICARD: What sort of readings, Data?
DATA: They are anomalous, Captain.
PICARD (rolling his eyes): I know THAT, Data . . . any indication as to what relevance to the overall
plot of this episode might be?
DATA: I believe that it is going to be the reason why we are going to go to Disneyla--
RIKER: Don't spoil it for the readers!! Sheesh!! Just because it's in the summary doesn't mean you can
give the whole darn plot away!!
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.
PICARD: Data, set a course for the anomalous anomaly.
RIKER: That will take us directly into the anomalous anomaly!!
PICARD: Don't you think I know that?! For crying out loud, Number One, I've got to move the plot
forward!!
DATA: Course laid in, sir.
PICARD: Engage!!
(We see the Enterprise zoom toward the big bright white blob, and eventually go into it. Then,
back on the bridge, there is a lot of noisy turbulence:)
DATA: Hull integrity barely holding, Captain!
WORF: Sir!! Perhaps it is a good day for us to die and destroy the anomalous anomaly--
PICARD, RIKER, AND TROI: Shut-up!!
WORF (muttering under his breath): Mmmmm . . . Perhaps it is an even better day for THEM to die . .
.
PICARD: Mister Data!! Are we almost through?!
DATA: Yes--! (the turbulence suddenly stops) Yes, Captain. We are through.
PICARD: Thank goodness. All right, what day is it?
DATA: It is (pausing for suspense) . . . August 28, 2001, sir.
PICARD: 2001 . . . the very year Capt. Janeway, the author of this fic, turned 15!! My gosh!! That's
what the Borg have come here to do: stop her from turning 15!! (like his line from First Contact:)
We've got to follow them back . . . repair whatever damage they've done!!!!
RIKER: Uhh, sir?
PICARD: What is it, Number One?
RIKER: The Borg aren't here.
PICARD: Really?
RIKER: Really.
PICARD: Are you sure?
RIKER: Absolutely.
PICARD: Absolutely?
RIKER: Positively.
PICARD: Positively?
RIKER: Absolutely.
PICARD: Are you absolutely positively sure that the Borg aren't here?
RIKER: Exactly.
PICARD: Oh . . . okay. Mister Data, contact Mister LaForge and Doctor Crusher . . . we're all going
to beam down to this twenty-first century Earth just for the kicks.
RIKER: Everybody?
PICARD: Yes, all the senior officers . . .
RIKER: Sir, are you sure that's wise?
PICARD: Think of it as (thinking) . . . a plot-expediting shore leave. I'll meet everyone down in the
transporter room.
(PICARD, RIKER, and WORF exit via the turbolift, as DATA contacts LAFORGE. He
cracks a couple of jokes that are just out of our hearing, but we can hear the gales of LAFORGE's
laughter coming through the console. Eventually, after gabbing with his best bud some more, DATA
finally delivers PICARD's message, and ends the communication. DATA then contacts CRUSHER,
who apparently was having a really, really bad day in sickbay, I mean, a REALLY bad day!! as we
can hear her yelling through the console at our poor little android friend. DATA quickly tells her the
news and ends the communication. DATA exits to the turbolift.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Down on 21st Century Earth, just outside the gates of Disneyland. PICARD, DATA,
WORF, CRUSHER, LAFORGE, TROI, and RIKER suddenly materialize. They instantly whip out
their tricorders except, of course, for WORF--who pulls out a very mean looking phaser rifle--and
TROI and start scanning the area, in spite of the fact that they are in the midst of a huge crowd of
people. I guess they forgot about the Prime Directive, again . . .)
PICARD: Where are all these people going?
DATA: I believe that they are congregating outside these gates so they may enter Disneyla--
RIKER: Shut-up, Data!
DATA: I am sorry. Please inform me, Commander, when I am allowed to say the word "Disneyla--"
RIKER: What did I just tell you to do, Data?!
DATA: I believe you told me to "shut-up."
RIKER: That's right, and if you happen to value your existence, you'll avoid saying "Disneyla--"
PICARD: Number One!! Shut-up!!
RIKER (like a little toddler who's just been punished severely): Okay.
(Suddenly, an ANNOUNCER GUY steps out from the crowd to DATA:)
ANNOUNCER GUY: Hey!! Lieutenant Commander Data!! Now that you've beamed down to
twenty-first century Earth, what are you going to do now?!
DATA: I am going to Disneyland.
ANNOUNCER GUY: Good for you!!
(ANNOUNCER GUY exits.)
RIKER (rolling his eyes): Oh, thanks a lot, Data! Now the readers have no reason whatsoever to
continue to read this fic!!
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.
LAFORGE: Sir, I'd really like to get a look at this place . . . so much incredibly primitive technology to
look at!!
DATA: I concur, Captain.
TROI: I sense great joy and ecstacy . . . NO!!! FEAR!! PARALYZING FEAR!! . . . Ah, now great
joy and ecstacy again . . . FEAR!! FEAR!! GREAT FEAR!!! AAAAAAAAHH!!!
PICARD: All right . . . let's take a vote. All in favor of exploring Disneyland?
EVERYONE EXCEPT RIKER & WORF: Aye!
PICARD: All against the proposition?
RIKER & WORF: Nay!
PICARD (muttering to himself, referring to RIKER and WORF): They're so predictable . . .
sometimes, I wonder why I even bother . . . (addressing everyone) All right, then! Let's go to
Disneyland!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside the gates of Disneyland. All the NextGen characters are there, looking
around as they start to walk down Main Street, U.S.A. DATA is carefully analyzing one of those little
maps that describes where everything is:)
DATA: . . . And so, I believe that the wisest course of action would be to split up into groups so that
we may accomplish more in less time.
PICARD: Groups?
DATA: That is correct, sir.
PICARD: Very well, then. Let's see . . . ummm . . . Mister Data--no, Doctor Crusher and I will go to
Tomorrowland. Mmmmm . . . Commander Riker and Counselor Troi, you will go to Fantasyland and
Critter Country . . . and Mister Worf--no, wait, Mister LaForge and Mister Data will go to
Adventureland and Frontierland. Mister Worf will go to Mickey's Toontown. At exactly six o'clock,
we'll meet in New Orleans Square. Understood?
WORF: I would rather die a dishonorable death than go to (with great disgust) Mickey's Toontown.
PICARD: Mister Worf, I think it might do you some good to get away from stressful things for a while.
WORF: It is a perfect day for me to die!
LAFORGE: Hey, take it easy, Worf! It's not all that bad . . . There'll just be a lot of little kids around
you, that's all.
WORF (looking up at the sky): Take me now, please! Take me now!!
PICARD (deciding to ignore WORF): All right, everyone. Let's split up. And remember! Be back at
New Orleans Square no later than six o'clock. Got it?
EVERYONE: Got it!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside Adventureland. DATA and LAFORGE can be seen entering, looking
around and scanning the area with their tricorders from time to time:)
LAFORGE: Wow! There's so much here!
DATA (reading from his tricorder): There are approximately 33.56 people per square centimeter . . .
LAFORGE (excitedly as he sees a sign): Hey!! Data!! Wanna go in the Enchanted Tiki Room?!
DATA (cocking his head): Enchanted: As a verb: to hold spellbound, attract and hold the attention or
interest of, to cast a spell over someone or something; to put a curse on someone or something. As an
adjective: fascinated, capable of holding spellbound, attracting and holding the attention or interest of,
casting a spell over someone or something; capable of putting a curse on someone or some--
LAFORGE: Cut it out, Data!
DATA: I am sorry, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Now, do you want to go in the Enchanted Tiki Room or not?
DATA: I believe it would not do any harm.
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Enchanted Tiki Room. The sign says that the
next show won't be until 11:30 a.m.)
LAFORGE: Data, what time is it?
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, it is 11:10 a.m.
LAFORGE: Darn!! We just missed it! The sign says it runs every twenty minutes. Maybe we can go
on that one ride you were talking about earlier while we're waiting . . . what was it?
DATA: The Indiana Jones Adventure.
LAFORGE: Yeah! That's it! Let's go there!
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Indiana Jones Adventure, looking at all the
fascinating things to see:)
LAFORGE: Adventure, here we come!!
(DATA and LAFORGE run inside.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the entrance of Tomorrowland. PICARD and CRUSHER walk in, and continue to
walk as they talk:)
CRUSHER (delighted): Oh! I just love this place!! It's so . . . primitive and . . . fun!! I love it!!
PICARD (not as excited as CRUSHER): Weeeeeee. I'm having so much fun.
CRUSHER: Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to go on a few rides to get into the spirit of things! Which
one do you want to go on, first?
PICARD: I'm not sure . . . perhaps Space Mountain would be a nice, peaceful ride . . .
CRUSHER: There you go!! Get into the spirit of things!!
PICARD: If I hear you say the "spirit of things" one more time, I'm going to relieve you of duty!!
CRUSHER: But it's true, Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: Let's just go to Space Mountain.
CRUSHER: Okay.
(They keep walking, until CRUSHER abruptly stops.)
PICARD: Beverly, what is it?
CRUSHER: I'm not sure, Jean-Luc . . . I feel a trembling in the ground . . .
PICARD: I feel it too . . . (he whips out his tricorder) There seems to be an awful lot of seismic activity
here . . . Beverly, I think we should get away from here . . .
(Suddenly, water starts shooting up from the ground right under PICARD and CRUSHER,
drenching and scaring the living heck out of them both. They quickly step aside, stunned.)
CRUSHER: What was that?!
PICARD: I'm not sure . . .
(The springs are spewing water in an organized fashion, some shooting at one time, others
shooting up at others. As little kids start playing in the springs, some GUY comes up to PICARD and
CRUSHER:)
GUY: Isn't it funny how those kids love to play in the water?
PICARD: Is the water safe?
GUY (laughing): It'd better be, or I'm going to sue this place!!
CRUSHER: What is it?
GUY: You don't know? They're the Cosmic Waves! All those kids love 'em!!
PICARD: Oh! So these springs are for entertainment?
GUY: Sure! (seeing one particular boy slipping in the water and falling) Oh! Hang on, Joey!! Yeah,
that's right, I'll help you up!!
(The GUY goes to help the Joey, as PICARD and CRUSHER continue:)
PICARD: Beverly, let's get out of here and just go to Space Mountain.
CRUSHER: Good idea, Jean-Luc.
(They walk off, presumably toward Space Mountain.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just past Sleeping Beauty's Castle the entrance to Fantasyland. We see RIKER
and TROI looking around them, trying to figure out what to do:)
RIKER: Let's see . . . (pointing) There's Peter Pan's Flight over there . . .
TROI: FEAR!! FEAR!!! GREAT, PARALYZING FEAR!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!
RIKER: Okay, I understand . . . you don't like that one . . . all right, then, there's Mister Toad's Wild
Ride . . . That might be fun . . .
TROI: FEAR!!!!!!! FEAR!!!!!! THE FEAR!!!
RIKER: . . . Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . .
TROI: Ah . . . relief . . . great relief . . . fear subsiding . . .
RIKER: Dumbo the Flying Elephant? You want to go on that one?
TROI: Uh-oh . . . fear increasing . . . increasing . . .
RIKER: Okay, you're not crazy about Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . . We'll save that one for last . . .
How about the Matterhorn Bobsleds?
TROI: FEAR!!!! FEAR IS RETURNING!!!! FEAR!!!! HELP!!! THE FEAR!!!!!
RIKER: Awww, man! I really wanted to go on that one!!
TROI: FEAR!!!!
RIKER: Well . . . Maybe after a few rides, you'll find the courage. How about It's a Small World?
TROI: Ah . . . fear subsiding again . . . relief . . .
RIKER: All right, then, Small World it is!
(RIKER yanks TROI along as he starts running toward It's a Small World before she starts
back into her "Fear" thing.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the entrance of Mickey's Toontown. We see droves of excited kids scurrying
everywhere; some are rushing to see Mickey & Minnie Mouse or should that be "Mice"? who,
unfortunately for the kids, are getting ready to take their cigarette breaks. As soon as the kids see the
people dressed as Mickey & Minnie take off their headpieces, they scream in horror, and start running
frantically, trying to find someone who can help Mickey & Minnie reattach their heads. WORF
immediately hides behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse as a group of screaming kids run by him:)
WORF (fiercely glaring up at the sky): What have I done?! WHAT?! Am I THAT dishonorable?!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still walking down the endless
corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. DATA is scanning those fake hieroglyphics on the
walls with his tricorder, while LAFORGE looks at the fake skeletons:)
LAFORGE: Looks like not too many people made it out of here, Data.
DATA (reading from his tricorder): These hieroglyphics appear to indicate how much further we have
to go.
LAFORGE: Well? How much further?
DATA: Twenty kilometers underground.
LAFORGE (sarcastically): Great. That's sure comforting.
(LAFORGE is about to take another step:)
DATA: Geordi! Do not step down!!
LAFORGE (stopping in med-step): Why?
DATA: You were about to step on a stone with a particular symbol meaning death. (he points to one
of those stones in the floor with a little eye carved in it.) If you step on one, it can trigger a series of
booby-traps.
LAFORGE: Oh!! Thanks Data!! I'll be more careful.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the entrance to Space Mountain. I'm talking about the real entrance just
before you enter to get on the ride, not the fake outdoor entrance. We see PICARD and CRUSHER
climbing on board a car and strapping themselves in:)
PICARD: This had better be good, Beverly.
CRUSHER (laughing): Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to--
PICARD: SAY THAT PHRASE AND YOU'RE RELIEVED OF DUTY!!!!
CRUSHER (quietly): --be patient.
PICARD: All right . . . that's fine. As long as it's not "get into the spirit of things."
(Suddenly, the car jolts, and it starts moving into the dark tunnel:)
CRUSHER: Here we go!!
(The car starts tilting up, as that weird red light starts shining right into their eyes and the
futuristic music blares:)
PICARD (sarcastically): Weee. This is so fun.
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Just be quiet!!
(The car finally reaches the top, and there is a moment where they drift a bit, until the coaster
finally gets going. . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still lost somewhere inside the
endless tunnels and corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. Those fake skeletons and
what-have-you that are part of the decor inside the building are everywhere around DATA and
LAFORGE. DATA, of course, is fine, but LAFORGE looks absolutely exhausted. Suddenly, he
collapses on the floor:)
DATA: Geordi? Are you all right?
LAFORGE: No, Data. (cough!!) This is it for me!! (cough!! cough!!) I can't go any further!! It's
taking so darn long!! For all I know, it's been days since we first entered this place!! (cough!! cough!!
cough!!)
DATA: Geordi, it has only been forty-five minutes.
LAFORGE: And how do I know you're not just another one of my hallucinations I've been having?!
DATA: I can assure you, I am quite real.
LAFORGE: Yeah . . . that's what the pink elephant back there told me, too . . .
DATA: Perhaps it would be best if we left. You are obviously in no condition to go on an Adventure.
LAFORGE: No, Data . . . you go on without me . . . just leave me here to die with (pointing to a trio of
fake skeletons) these guys . . . four's a crowd, I guess . . .
DATA: I believe that the maxim states that "three is a crowd."
LAFORGE: Whatever. . . (dramatically) Goodbye, Data! You've been such a dear friend!!
DATA: Geordi, you are coming with me, and we are going to leave.
LAFORGE: No, Data! Keep going!! Go on the Adventure!!
DATA: If I am to go on the Adventure, Geordi, you must come with me.
LAFORGE: Data, I can't!! You go on without me!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI on a little boat together.
TROI is finally starting to relax a bit, while RIKER looks around:)
RIKER: Wow! Look at all those dolls!!
TROI: I know . . . Hah! It's so fun to see primitive technology!! It's so . . . primitive!!
RIKER: Yeah . . .
(Suddenly, TROI gets a very frightened expression on her face:)
TROI: Will?
RIKER: Yeah, Deanna?
TROI: That song . . . they just keep repeating the lyrics over and over . . .
RIKER: Yeah? So?
TROI: . . . over and over . . . over and over . . .
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing in annoying voices): . . . It's a Small World after all! It's a Small
World after all! It's a Small World after all! . . .
TROI: Will, I want to get off, now . . .
RIKER: Deanna, hang on, we'll get out of here eventually . . .
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small, Small World!! . . .
TROI: Will!! Make them stop!! Make the voices stop!!!
RIKER: Hey, you stupid dolls!! Shut-up!!
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small World after all! . . .
RIKER: I can't, Deanna!!
TROI (screaming at the top of her lungs with horror): WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!! MAKE
THE VOICES STOP!!!!!!
RIKER: I'm trying!! Hang on!!
******************************************************************************
Will Data and Geordi ever make it to the Indiana Jones Adventure? What will become of
Worf? Will Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher enjoy their ride on Space Mountain? Will
Commander Riker and Troi ever escape the terror of the Small World robots? Please read
"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part II)" to find out!!
Don't forget: I love reviews!! Thanx!! ;)
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: NextGen characters get trapped in Disneyland!
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: Neither Next Generation nor Disneyland belong to me. There, I said it, so
don't sue me. LOL
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, Sicily oops!! I forgot!! (Chanting to myself: I will not say hi to Sicily, I will
not say hi to Sicily, I will not say hi to Sicily . . .) Okay, so this is a little wacky . . . I've got a wacky
imagination. Special thanx to all those nice people who said nice things about "The Space Is Out
There!" Nice reviews are real confidence-boosters, folks. Keep 'em coming! LOL
FEEDBACK: Always strongly encouraged!! You may either "be a responsible reader" by
reviewing my little story here, or you may contact me at frenchkitty1@excite.com . Easy on the flames,
as usual . . . Thanx!! ;)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: The Bridge of the Enterprise. PICARD is in the captain's chair, DATA's at his little
console, RIKER is in his chair, TROI's in her chair, WORF's at the tactical station thingie . . . you get
the picture. PICARD & Co. are analyzing the image on the viewscreen very intently:)
PICARD (voice-over): Stardate . . . Number One?
RIKER (voice-over, not in a very cheerful mood): What?!
PICARD (voice-over): What's the day?
RIKER (voice-over, dryly): It's Monday . . . (suddenly remembering his manners:) Sir.
PICARD (voice-over): All right, then . . . Stardate: Monday morning. After our encounter with the
twenty-first century freaks I mean, American law enforcement officers from Capt. Janeway's previous
fic, we are quite ready for our nice, peaceful mission . . . We've had our obligatory Q-episode for the
season, so hopefully this mission will be fairly uneventful . . . Anyhow, we're on our way to Anon
Ymous MMCLXVI to investigate an anomalous anomaly in the space-time continuum or something like
that . . . Oh, fiddlesticks!! I forgot!! It's time for another stupid time-travel episode . . .
(The camera finally reveals the anomaly to us: it's a big bright white blob right smack in the
center of space. PICARD leans forward to get a better look at it, as DATA examines the readings he's
getting on his console:)
DATA: Sir, I am getting readings from the anomaly.
PICARD: What sort of readings, Data?
DATA: They are anomalous, Captain.
PICARD (rolling his eyes): I know THAT, Data . . . any indication as to what relevance to the overall
plot of this episode might be?
DATA: I believe that it is going to be the reason why we are going to go to Disneyla--
RIKER: Don't spoil it for the readers!! Sheesh!! Just because it's in the summary doesn't mean you can
give the whole darn plot away!!
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.
PICARD: Data, set a course for the anomalous anomaly.
RIKER: That will take us directly into the anomalous anomaly!!
PICARD: Don't you think I know that?! For crying out loud, Number One, I've got to move the plot
forward!!
DATA: Course laid in, sir.
PICARD: Engage!!
(We see the Enterprise zoom toward the big bright white blob, and eventually go into it. Then,
back on the bridge, there is a lot of noisy turbulence:)
DATA: Hull integrity barely holding, Captain!
WORF: Sir!! Perhaps it is a good day for us to die and destroy the anomalous anomaly--
PICARD, RIKER, AND TROI: Shut-up!!
WORF (muttering under his breath): Mmmmm . . . Perhaps it is an even better day for THEM to die . .
.
PICARD: Mister Data!! Are we almost through?!
DATA: Yes--! (the turbulence suddenly stops) Yes, Captain. We are through.
PICARD: Thank goodness. All right, what day is it?
DATA: It is (pausing for suspense) . . . August 28, 2001, sir.
PICARD: 2001 . . . the very year Capt. Janeway, the author of this fic, turned 15!! My gosh!! That's
what the Borg have come here to do: stop her from turning 15!! (like his line from First Contact:)
We've got to follow them back . . . repair whatever damage they've done!!!!
RIKER: Uhh, sir?
PICARD: What is it, Number One?
RIKER: The Borg aren't here.
PICARD: Really?
RIKER: Really.
PICARD: Are you sure?
RIKER: Absolutely.
PICARD: Absolutely?
RIKER: Positively.
PICARD: Positively?
RIKER: Absolutely.
PICARD: Are you absolutely positively sure that the Borg aren't here?
RIKER: Exactly.
PICARD: Oh . . . okay. Mister Data, contact Mister LaForge and Doctor Crusher . . . we're all going
to beam down to this twenty-first century Earth just for the kicks.
RIKER: Everybody?
PICARD: Yes, all the senior officers . . .
RIKER: Sir, are you sure that's wise?
PICARD: Think of it as (thinking) . . . a plot-expediting shore leave. I'll meet everyone down in the
transporter room.
(PICARD, RIKER, and WORF exit via the turbolift, as DATA contacts LAFORGE. He
cracks a couple of jokes that are just out of our hearing, but we can hear the gales of LAFORGE's
laughter coming through the console. Eventually, after gabbing with his best bud some more, DATA
finally delivers PICARD's message, and ends the communication. DATA then contacts CRUSHER,
who apparently was having a really, really bad day in sickbay, I mean, a REALLY bad day!! as we
can hear her yelling through the console at our poor little android friend. DATA quickly tells her the
news and ends the communication. DATA exits to the turbolift.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Down on 21st Century Earth, just outside the gates of Disneyland. PICARD, DATA,
WORF, CRUSHER, LAFORGE, TROI, and RIKER suddenly materialize. They instantly whip out
their tricorders except, of course, for WORF--who pulls out a very mean looking phaser rifle--and
TROI and start scanning the area, in spite of the fact that they are in the midst of a huge crowd of
people. I guess they forgot about the Prime Directive, again . . .)
PICARD: Where are all these people going?
DATA: I believe that they are congregating outside these gates so they may enter Disneyla--
RIKER: Shut-up, Data!
DATA: I am sorry. Please inform me, Commander, when I am allowed to say the word "Disneyla--"
RIKER: What did I just tell you to do, Data?!
DATA: I believe you told me to "shut-up."
RIKER: That's right, and if you happen to value your existence, you'll avoid saying "Disneyla--"
PICARD: Number One!! Shut-up!!
RIKER (like a little toddler who's just been punished severely): Okay.
(Suddenly, an ANNOUNCER GUY steps out from the crowd to DATA:)
ANNOUNCER GUY: Hey!! Lieutenant Commander Data!! Now that you've beamed down to
twenty-first century Earth, what are you going to do now?!
DATA: I am going to Disneyland.
ANNOUNCER GUY: Good for you!!
(ANNOUNCER GUY exits.)
RIKER (rolling his eyes): Oh, thanks a lot, Data! Now the readers have no reason whatsoever to
continue to read this fic!!
DATA: I am sorry, Commander.
LAFORGE: Sir, I'd really like to get a look at this place . . . so much incredibly primitive technology to
look at!!
DATA: I concur, Captain.
TROI: I sense great joy and ecstacy . . . NO!!! FEAR!! PARALYZING FEAR!! . . . Ah, now great
joy and ecstacy again . . . FEAR!! FEAR!! GREAT FEAR!!! AAAAAAAAHH!!!
PICARD: All right . . . let's take a vote. All in favor of exploring Disneyland?
EVERYONE EXCEPT RIKER & WORF: Aye!
PICARD: All against the proposition?
RIKER & WORF: Nay!
PICARD (muttering to himself, referring to RIKER and WORF): They're so predictable . . .
sometimes, I wonder why I even bother . . . (addressing everyone) All right, then! Let's go to
Disneyland!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside the gates of Disneyland. All the NextGen characters are there, looking
around as they start to walk down Main Street, U.S.A. DATA is carefully analyzing one of those little
maps that describes where everything is:)
DATA: . . . And so, I believe that the wisest course of action would be to split up into groups so that
we may accomplish more in less time.
PICARD: Groups?
DATA: That is correct, sir.
PICARD: Very well, then. Let's see . . . ummm . . . Mister Data--no, Doctor Crusher and I will go to
Tomorrowland. Mmmmm . . . Commander Riker and Counselor Troi, you will go to Fantasyland and
Critter Country . . . and Mister Worf--no, wait, Mister LaForge and Mister Data will go to
Adventureland and Frontierland. Mister Worf will go to Mickey's Toontown. At exactly six o'clock,
we'll meet in New Orleans Square. Understood?
WORF: I would rather die a dishonorable death than go to (with great disgust) Mickey's Toontown.
PICARD: Mister Worf, I think it might do you some good to get away from stressful things for a while.
WORF: It is a perfect day for me to die!
LAFORGE: Hey, take it easy, Worf! It's not all that bad . . . There'll just be a lot of little kids around
you, that's all.
WORF (looking up at the sky): Take me now, please! Take me now!!
PICARD (deciding to ignore WORF): All right, everyone. Let's split up. And remember! Be back at
New Orleans Square no later than six o'clock. Got it?
EVERYONE: Got it!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside Adventureland. DATA and LAFORGE can be seen entering, looking
around and scanning the area with their tricorders from time to time:)
LAFORGE: Wow! There's so much here!
DATA (reading from his tricorder): There are approximately 33.56 people per square centimeter . . .
LAFORGE (excitedly as he sees a sign): Hey!! Data!! Wanna go in the Enchanted Tiki Room?!
DATA (cocking his head): Enchanted: As a verb: to hold spellbound, attract and hold the attention or
interest of, to cast a spell over someone or something; to put a curse on someone or something. As an
adjective: fascinated, capable of holding spellbound, attracting and holding the attention or interest of,
casting a spell over someone or something; capable of putting a curse on someone or some--
LAFORGE: Cut it out, Data!
DATA: I am sorry, Geordi.
LAFORGE: Now, do you want to go in the Enchanted Tiki Room or not?
DATA: I believe it would not do any harm.
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Enchanted Tiki Room. The sign says that the
next show won't be until 11:30 a.m.)
LAFORGE: Data, what time is it?
DATA: According to my internal chronometer, it is 11:10 a.m.
LAFORGE: Darn!! We just missed it! The sign says it runs every twenty minutes. Maybe we can go
on that one ride you were talking about earlier while we're waiting . . . what was it?
DATA: The Indiana Jones Adventure.
LAFORGE: Yeah! That's it! Let's go there!
(DATA and LAFORGE go to the entrance of the Indiana Jones Adventure, looking at all the
fascinating things to see:)
LAFORGE: Adventure, here we come!!
(DATA and LAFORGE run inside.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the entrance of Tomorrowland. PICARD and CRUSHER walk in, and continue to
walk as they talk:)
CRUSHER (delighted): Oh! I just love this place!! It's so . . . primitive and . . . fun!! I love it!!
PICARD (not as excited as CRUSHER): Weeeeeee. I'm having so much fun.
CRUSHER: Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to go on a few rides to get into the spirit of things! Which
one do you want to go on, first?
PICARD: I'm not sure . . . perhaps Space Mountain would be a nice, peaceful ride . . .
CRUSHER: There you go!! Get into the spirit of things!!
PICARD: If I hear you say the "spirit of things" one more time, I'm going to relieve you of duty!!
CRUSHER: But it's true, Jean-Luc!!
PICARD: Let's just go to Space Mountain.
CRUSHER: Okay.
(They keep walking, until CRUSHER abruptly stops.)
PICARD: Beverly, what is it?
CRUSHER: I'm not sure, Jean-Luc . . . I feel a trembling in the ground . . .
PICARD: I feel it too . . . (he whips out his tricorder) There seems to be an awful lot of seismic activity
here . . . Beverly, I think we should get away from here . . .
(Suddenly, water starts shooting up from the ground right under PICARD and CRUSHER,
drenching and scaring the living heck out of them both. They quickly step aside, stunned.)
CRUSHER: What was that?!
PICARD: I'm not sure . . .
(The springs are spewing water in an organized fashion, some shooting at one time, others
shooting up at others. As little kids start playing in the springs, some GUY comes up to PICARD and
CRUSHER:)
GUY: Isn't it funny how those kids love to play in the water?
PICARD: Is the water safe?
GUY (laughing): It'd better be, or I'm going to sue this place!!
CRUSHER: What is it?
GUY: You don't know? They're the Cosmic Waves! All those kids love 'em!!
PICARD: Oh! So these springs are for entertainment?
GUY: Sure! (seeing one particular boy slipping in the water and falling) Oh! Hang on, Joey!! Yeah,
that's right, I'll help you up!!
(The GUY goes to help the Joey, as PICARD and CRUSHER continue:)
PICARD: Beverly, let's get out of here and just go to Space Mountain.
CRUSHER: Good idea, Jean-Luc.
(They walk off, presumably toward Space Mountain.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just past Sleeping Beauty's Castle the entrance to Fantasyland. We see RIKER
and TROI looking around them, trying to figure out what to do:)
RIKER: Let's see . . . (pointing) There's Peter Pan's Flight over there . . .
TROI: FEAR!! FEAR!!! GREAT, PARALYZING FEAR!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!
RIKER: Okay, I understand . . . you don't like that one . . . all right, then, there's Mister Toad's Wild
Ride . . . That might be fun . . .
TROI: FEAR!!!!!!! FEAR!!!!!! THE FEAR!!!
RIKER: . . . Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . .
TROI: Ah . . . relief . . . great relief . . . fear subsiding . . .
RIKER: Dumbo the Flying Elephant? You want to go on that one?
TROI: Uh-oh . . . fear increasing . . . increasing . . .
RIKER: Okay, you're not crazy about Dumbo the Flying Elephant . . . We'll save that one for last . . .
How about the Matterhorn Bobsleds?
TROI: FEAR!!!! FEAR IS RETURNING!!!! FEAR!!!! HELP!!! THE FEAR!!!!!
RIKER: Awww, man! I really wanted to go on that one!!
TROI: FEAR!!!!
RIKER: Well . . . Maybe after a few rides, you'll find the courage. How about It's a Small World?
TROI: Ah . . . fear subsiding again . . . relief . . .
RIKER: All right, then, Small World it is!
(RIKER yanks TROI along as he starts running toward It's a Small World before she starts
back into her "Fear" thing.)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: At the entrance of Mickey's Toontown. We see droves of excited kids scurrying
everywhere; some are rushing to see Mickey & Minnie Mouse or should that be "Mice"? who,
unfortunately for the kids, are getting ready to take their cigarette breaks. As soon as the kids see the
people dressed as Mickey & Minnie take off their headpieces, they scream in horror, and start running
frantically, trying to find someone who can help Mickey & Minnie reattach their heads. WORF
immediately hides behind the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse as a group of screaming kids run by him:)
WORF (fiercely glaring up at the sky): What have I done?! WHAT?! Am I THAT dishonorable?!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still walking down the endless
corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. DATA is scanning those fake hieroglyphics on the
walls with his tricorder, while LAFORGE looks at the fake skeletons:)
LAFORGE: Looks like not too many people made it out of here, Data.
DATA (reading from his tricorder): These hieroglyphics appear to indicate how much further we have
to go.
LAFORGE: Well? How much further?
DATA: Twenty kilometers underground.
LAFORGE (sarcastically): Great. That's sure comforting.
(LAFORGE is about to take another step:)
DATA: Geordi! Do not step down!!
LAFORGE (stopping in med-step): Why?
DATA: You were about to step on a stone with a particular symbol meaning death. (he points to one
of those stones in the floor with a little eye carved in it.) If you step on one, it can trigger a series of
booby-traps.
LAFORGE: Oh!! Thanks Data!! I'll be more careful.
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just outside the entrance to Space Mountain. I'm talking about the real entrance just
before you enter to get on the ride, not the fake outdoor entrance. We see PICARD and CRUSHER
climbing on board a car and strapping themselves in:)
PICARD: This had better be good, Beverly.
CRUSHER (laughing): Oh, Jean-Luc!! You just have to--
PICARD: SAY THAT PHRASE AND YOU'RE RELIEVED OF DUTY!!!!
CRUSHER (quietly): --be patient.
PICARD: All right . . . that's fine. As long as it's not "get into the spirit of things."
(Suddenly, the car jolts, and it starts moving into the dark tunnel:)
CRUSHER: Here we go!!
(The car starts tilting up, as that weird red light starts shining right into their eyes and the
futuristic music blares:)
PICARD (sarcastically): Weee. This is so fun.
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc!! Just be quiet!!
(The car finally reaches the top, and there is a moment where they drift a bit, until the coaster
finally gets going. . .)
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Back in Adventureland. LAFORGE and DATA are still lost somewhere inside the
endless tunnels and corridors that lead to the Indiana Jones Adventure. Those fake skeletons and
what-have-you that are part of the decor inside the building are everywhere around DATA and
LAFORGE. DATA, of course, is fine, but LAFORGE looks absolutely exhausted. Suddenly, he
collapses on the floor:)
DATA: Geordi? Are you all right?
LAFORGE: No, Data. (cough!!) This is it for me!! (cough!! cough!!) I can't go any further!! It's
taking so darn long!! For all I know, it's been days since we first entered this place!! (cough!! cough!!
cough!!)
DATA: Geordi, it has only been forty-five minutes.
LAFORGE: And how do I know you're not just another one of my hallucinations I've been having?!
DATA: I can assure you, I am quite real.
LAFORGE: Yeah . . . that's what the pink elephant back there told me, too . . .
DATA: Perhaps it would be best if we left. You are obviously in no condition to go on an Adventure.
LAFORGE: No, Data . . . you go on without me . . . just leave me here to die with (pointing to a trio of
fake skeletons) these guys . . . four's a crowd, I guess . . .
DATA: I believe that the maxim states that "three is a crowd."
LAFORGE: Whatever. . . (dramatically) Goodbye, Data! You've been such a dear friend!!
DATA: Geordi, you are coming with me, and we are going to leave.
LAFORGE: No, Data! Keep going!! Go on the Adventure!!
DATA: If I am to go on the Adventure, Geordi, you must come with me.
LAFORGE: Data, I can't!! You go on without me!!!
******************************************************************************
(Setting: Just inside It's a Small World. We see RIKER and TROI on a little boat together.
TROI is finally starting to relax a bit, while RIKER looks around:)
RIKER: Wow! Look at all those dolls!!
TROI: I know . . . Hah! It's so fun to see primitive technology!! It's so . . . primitive!!
RIKER: Yeah . . .
(Suddenly, TROI gets a very frightened expression on her face:)
TROI: Will?
RIKER: Yeah, Deanna?
TROI: That song . . . they just keep repeating the lyrics over and over . . .
RIKER: Yeah? So?
TROI: . . . over and over . . . over and over . . .
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS (singing in annoying voices): . . . It's a Small World after all! It's a Small
World after all! It's a Small World after all! . . .
TROI: Will, I want to get off, now . . .
RIKER: Deanna, hang on, we'll get out of here eventually . . .
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small, Small World!! . . .
TROI: Will!! Make them stop!! Make the voices stop!!!
RIKER: Hey, you stupid dolls!! Shut-up!!
THE ROBOTIC DOLLS: . . . It's a Small World after all! . . .
RIKER: I can't, Deanna!!
TROI (screaming at the top of her lungs with horror): WILL!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!!! MAKE
THE VOICES STOP!!!!!!
RIKER: I'm trying!! Hang on!!
******************************************************************************
Will Data and Geordi ever make it to the Indiana Jones Adventure? What will become of
Worf? Will Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher enjoy their ride on Space Mountain? Will
Commander Riker and Troi ever escape the terror of the Small World robots? Please read
"M-I-C-K-E-Y . . . (Part II)" to find out!!
Don't forget: I love reviews!! Thanx!! ;)