A visit to River -

I heard the TARDIS land before I saw it, what's happened this time? I wondered, getting up from my bed and walking to the top of my stairs. He didn't poke his head out of the door comically like usual and he didn't say anything to me yet.

"Hello Sweetie, " I said, smiling at him as he walked toward me and I started to make my way down the stairs. "What brings you here then?" He pulled me in to a tight hug, the kind his older self gave me and for just a moment I let myself hope that this was my Doctor.

"I've had a horrible day and I wanted to see my wife, that's why I'm here." He stated - well at least he knows who I am - and started to play with a strand of my hair as he spoke. "How do you fancy a trip out?"

"I'm tired, if you promise to limit alien attacks then I'll come." I'd not been sleeping well ever since I got back from Manhattan - my dreams haunted me too much for me to want sleep very often. He stretched out a hand towards me and we walked to where he'd landed the TARDIS in my front room and I grabbed my diary which had been on the couch. "Oh, you redecorated." I'd assumed that he would at some point and I didn't even know how long it had been for him but this was my first time seeing him since - I pretended that I was fine at the time and I was still pretending really - it felt strange to see what I called the 'old' TARDIS after so many adventures with my parents.

"Oh, we'd best do diaries hadn't we, although I think we might be around the same time judging from your expression." I looked at him and I could see in his eyes that he was still a young version of the Doctor but this man loved and understood me more than his young self did. He must have sensed it somehow but he just pulled me toward him knowing I needed the reassurance. "Don't worry River, it's me and I know you...I'm not going to upset you today."

"Sweetie, you could never upset me, your younger self is just a little careless with his words. Let me guess, you're with Clara at the moment?" I hoped he was otherwise that was going to be a big spoiler - to my relief he nodded. "What was it today then? The salvage crew?" That was the only completely terrible he'd had this early on with Clara - as far as I remembered.

"No, that was a while back, you won't know about this one yet though - spoilers." Great, I thought, thanks for that Doctor, nice to know I have 'a horrible day' somewhere in my future. I'd been having quite a few rough days of my own lately, I hadn't seen the Doctor in almost a year - not very long to him but when I'm stuck with only a vortex manipulator for company life can get boring without your time-travelling husband popping in for a visit. "How long has it been for you?"

"Since I saw you last? 342 days and the last time was...Manhattan." I shivered at the mere thought of that place, I couldn't think about New York without remembering what happened there. At least I still got to see them occasionally, whether it was on a timeline where they were still travelling with the Doctor or when they were older and I could get in to New York without blowing it up.

"I'm so sorry River, I shouldn't have left it this long, it hasn't been that long for me otherwise I would have visited sooner. That's the last place I saw you but it's only been a few months for me, I think." He was lying - he was definitely still quite young - and I could tell straight away but I didn't question it. When the Doctor lies, he usually has good reason to - that was rule two for me; always trust him even when you know he's lying.

"It's fine, I'm fine. Where are you taking me then?" I asked, trying to divert the conversation away from the subject.

"I thought we just agreed that I know you, which means I can tell when you're keeping things from me. And your feelings don't count as a spoiler hunn'." I rolled my eyes, but inside I was just pleased that this was a version of the Doctor that really did know me for once - these days were become short and far apart. Stood beside the console I took note of the fact that the Doctor had used the stabilizers just to please me and leant against the console while he flew her - I didn't have the energy to complain right now.

"I didn't realize until months afterwards that it was my fault." He looked at me with a confused expression spread across his face, and a hint of concerned doubt. "I could've given Rory my vortex manipulator to get him to a different timezone, I could've stopped them from separating the two of us, I could've tried harder to get away from the angel without breaking my wrist, I could've stopped them both from jumping off the roof, I could've stayed outside at the graveyard, I could've tried to stop Amy but instead I encouraged her...it was my fault Doctor." All of it was true, I had a hundred chances that day to stop it from happening but I didn't - now both my parents were as good as dead.

"River, this isn't your fault, this is my fault. I should never have brought them back on to the TARDIS after I dropped them home after that weird hotel place - I was trying to avoid this but I was too selfish to do it. Don't blame yourself for this when you know it was me." He said, everytime something went wrong he tried to blame himself - even though it almost never was. The most horrible thing I'd ever done in all my life was going to Demon's Run and pretending to be angry at the Doctor for what Kovarian had done - I felt awful for it right up until the next time I saw him on my time stream and he'd been to Berlin.

"What you do - bringing us humans with you - isn't selfish Doctor. It's generous and we're lucky that you offered to show us the wonders of the universe, anyone who has ever even met you knows that you do what you do because you want to help people. Amy and Rory wouldn't have thanked you for dissapearing from their lives." I knew that, I'd watch him leave so many of his companions behind - he always just left and didn't look back because it was too painful for him - and he'd just leave them to get on with their normal lives again like he'd never existed. "You can't blame everything on yourself."

"Neither can you River." He said and I couldn't argue with him, I was done with arguing, if he felt like telling me I was the good guy then he could go ahead. I felt us land and walked towards the door - we were on Peladon - he told me about how he'd come here with a couple of his old companions, luckily with Aggedor dead now nothing too terrible could happen. "Am I a good husband? In the long term I mean, do I take good care of you?"

"Doctor, the first day I met you, I could tell that you already loved me. I didn't understand why you'd love someone you'd just met but I knew that you did. You're like the TARDIS, you're not necessarily there when I want you but you are when I need you."

"Rassilon I've missed you River." Not as much as I've missed you.