Written by: Lollipop Lady (Changed pen name from Hysterical Cookie)

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the creations of Matsuri Hino. The story is mine.

A/N: Plotless. Filled with angst! You have been warned. Thanks a bunch for reading!

Never Can Be

The sight before her is so familiar and yet, so hopelessly, devastatingly foreign.

He's standing amidst the trees, a shady thicket where the foliage all but shields him from prying eyes but it isn't strange that Yuuki senses him. She always does. It is his glinting silver hair she catches sight of first, and then only the pale lavender eyes that she knows can warm her even in the coldest of nights.

Yuuki feels herself automatically smiling. She moves to greet him—how can she not—when she notices he is not alone.

He's moved on. Of course he has.

There's a girl with him. A girl. Wearing the customary black Day Class uniform. From this distance, Yuuki sees she is laughing affectionately at him, at Zero, with coy adoration, as he looks down at her, smiling gently in the way only he knows how.

The girl's pretty, of course she is. Even in the withering light from the descending sun, Yuuki sees that she is extraordinarily beautiful, with soft, pink cheeks, rich chocolate hair and large brown eyes sparkling so bright that they light up like stars.

It is not in Yuuki's nature to be jealous—it just isn't in her—but she feels a dark, cold hand materialize and grip her heart in an icy standstill.

"You know that's not true, Zero!" the girl says in an adorable scowl as she slaps Zero's arm playfully, a faint tint of pink brushing her flawless cheeks, and it is as clear as day that she likes him.

Yuuki feels sick, sick to her stomach.

The girl is responded with a soft laugh from Zero—a laugh—that lights up everything about him, especially his irises, which turn this dazzling shade of amethyst, glowing like they're made of amaranth petals.

This is good, Yuuki thinks. This is perfect. Now she doesn't have to worry about Zero and how anti-social he is and how he shouldn't live his life with all of this desire of vengeance and revenge and regret and killing. "You should be happy, Zero." She'd once said. Yuuki should be happy he's taking her advice, thrilled really, that he's finally moving on.

She's not.

Is this what heartbreak feels like? She muses when Zero picks up one of the girl's hands in his own, smiling as he tilts his head sideways to better see his companion's expression. He laces their fingers together and it is at that moment, the small movement of entwining their hands that makes Yuuki clench her teeth so tightly her jaw trembles and she fights the tears just threatening to swallow her whole.

But of course, Yuuki started it first, with all the matters with Kaname. She started it first.

Like all those little pissy fights between them, "You started it!" "No, you did, idiot!" It almost seems like he's doing it more for Yuuki's benefit, to spite her, but how can he, when he doesn't even know she's there?

The information just makes the sharp pang seem fresher, more pronounced. Go on. Drive the knife in a little deeper. It's not like I can feel it, Zero. Since I'm such a cold-hearted bitch that only cares about herself.

Because how can a person feel so much pain when their hearts are still beating?

Yuuki tears her eyes away from the pair as she sees Zero move closer to the girl and attempt… something. She doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to see.

She's read so many romance novels and cheesy romantic comedies to know that it's a bad idea to turn away from a scene before watching till the end. Heck, Zero knows. She's conned him into watching them with her so many times he can repeat some of them word for word.

"Oh, Hitoshi, I love you so much! Almost as much as I love my designer shoes!"

"Is that true? Tell me it is, tell me it is, Suki, and I will give up everything—my fortune, my supermodel girlfriend, my million-dollar Ferrari, and my personal 6-star chef—everything! Only for you!"

"Oh, Hitoshi!"

Then Yuuki would laugh so hard till tears sprung from her eyes at the way Zero was humiliating himself in a phony voice—just for her. Because she's upset and only stupid lines from Falling Into Your Arms could cheer her up, and Zero knew that—

Shut up. Shut up.

"Cross? What are you doing here? Class is going to start soon, you know." Startled, Yuuki blinks and glimpses Aidou-senpai's blue eyes looking at her strangely.

"Oh, oh, of course. I was—I was just coming." She smiles and waves away Aidou's lifted eyebrow at her bizarre behaviour. "The trees are really pretty in the evening light, you know?"

She is fully aware that the blond senpai is looking at her funny but he just settles for a: "You're weird." and placing a hand in his tousled blond hair. "Come on, let's get you to class. Wouldn't want Kaname-sama after my ass again for not looking after you. Do me a favour and stop wandering around, alright?"

Yuuki grins, "Wouldn't you like Kaname-senpai to be after your ass," She says cheekily and turns to follow after him, ignoring his glare and tuning out his light prattling and complaints.

She feels Zero's eyes on her back as she retreats with her head held high, doing the pureblood vampire princess walk to perfection. She's graceful. She's beautiful. She's top class, for goodness' sake, the crème de la crème, as Aidou-senpai so aptly put it.

So why does she feel like she has to run back to her dorm to shower in ice-cold water and scream?

Yuuki doesn't give Zero the satisfaction of her looking back though.

It's around noon, and Yuuki's in the library, searching up on books for a class assignment. It's so quiet, just the way she likes it, because the Day Class students are in school and the Night Class students are safely asleep in their dorms. No one to question, no one to judge, no one to sneer at her choice of comfortable clothing because she should act like what she is.

What is she, really? As far as the pureblood vampire princess label goes, it's only in the blood. She's never liked the extravagant banners and the flashing lights Zero seems to think she does. But who cares what Zero thinks? Not her, surely.

Yuuki spots the book she's been looking for a little too high on the shelf for her liking. She reaches up on her tiptoes and tries to swipe it with the tips of her fingers, but clearly, libraries aren't for short people. "Mmmph—" she groans in exertion, and she's quite certain she can't reach it—

"Here you are!" Yuuki hears a mellifluous voice say kindly and she sees the very book she's been pining for offered to her by a smooth, pale hand. Her eyes drift from the lace-clad arm to the person holding the book, and Yuuki practically gets a heart attack.

The girl's wide brown pools shimmer with laughter and open friendliness, and her full lips are stretched in an amiable smile. The surprise registers in her expression as she has a double take, "Oh! Wait! I know you! You're Zero's friend, aren't you? From Night Class?"

Great. Not only does she have to be super beautiful, super tall, and super nice, but she also has to be super observant. Wonderful job, Zero.

"Uh, yeah," Yuuki says awkwardly, "Zero's a… friend. Yeah…"

The girl beams and puts out her hand, "My name is Ayame Takahashi. Long name, I know," she winces playfully, "You can call me Aya though."

Yuuki feels like her whole face is twitching, and she returns the smile, although it probably comes out like a grimace, "I'm Yuuki… Cross. You can call me Yuuki."

"Yuuki! What a pretty name!" Ayame grins, while looking at her in sheepish admiration, "You're so pretty! I can't think why Zero never mentioned you before?"

Oh, Yuuki could think of a few reasons…

"Aya. What are you doing here?"

Yuuki stills completely. Of course, of course.

Zero emerges from behind a bookcase, looking sinfully handsome in a grey long sleeved shirt and jeans, hands tucked in the pockets. He smiles briefly at Ayame and tugs at her long, pretty hair, earning a mocking glare from the willowy girl.

"Zero!" Ayame glows, after she had hit him, "Guess who I bumped into?"

Guess, Yuuki scoffs. He doesn't need to guess. I'm probably the reason he came here in the first place. So I won't turn you into a big, bad vampire.

His heated gaze finds Yuuki's immediately, just like always.

"Hm." He says noncommittally, but continues to burn her with his eyes. Those eyes that she's stared into so many times before.

"Hi, Zero." Yuuki says in a pleasant smile, refusing to acknowledge his open rudeness. He doesn't smile, doesn't nod. It's like a battle of wills, just looking into that face that she can probably draw better than her own with a gun held to her head.

Ayame jabs Zero in the ribs with her elbow, hissing in what she thinks is a soft whisper, "You're being rude, Zero. Say something!"

"It's okay." Yuuki says with a wave of her hand, "Both of you stay, I was just going to go anyway." She turns to Ayame, who has turned a bright red.

"Thank you so much for the book, Takahashi-san. You've been a great help." Yuuki laughs diplomatically, not unlike the times when she's in the company of noble-class vampires. She connects her hands and bows shortly, with a touch of class and a smidgen of cool detachment, just like a pureblood princess ought to, unwilling for Zero's stick-up-his-behind attitude to affect her. If he wants her to be a pureblood vampire princess, then who is she to deny him what he wants?

"I'll walk you."

Yuuki's lips part in surprise, her unruffled demeanour momentarily disrupted.

Zero maintains an air of superiority, giving her a pointed look.

"I—uh, what about…"

"Oh don't bother about me, Yuuki-chan! I'll be just fine." Ayame grins, "Go along, both of you! You two have some catching up to do, I see."

She thinks we're having a friend-fight, Yuuki realizes, as Ayame steers them both out the library. "No, wait! I haven't checked out that book—"

"It's fine, Yuuki-chan! I'll help you!"

"But—"

The door closes in their faces.

With a sigh, Yuuki faces Zero, who is staring straight ahead, not looking at her. "You don't have to do this, Zero." She rubs the back of her neck, flustered, "It's not like I don't know my way around school."

"Moon Dorm, right?"

"Um, yeah," Yuuki frowns, "But you don't have to—"

"Is walking with me so terrible that you have to make so many excuses?" Zero says mockingly as he slides his scorching eyes to her, silently challenging her to an ancient duel of who-snaps-first.

Meeting his eyes, Yuuki can only think, how can such a cold colour seem so much like fire?

She straightens her back, "Of course not." She says coolly, "I was just worried that I was putting you into an inconvenience. If you insist, then who am I to refuse?" Yuuki takes deliberate steps ahead of him, just to prove her point.

What is he planning? Yuuki panics in the dark recesses of her mind. And what a stupid response that was. 'Worried that I was putting you into an inconvenience?' What am I, royalty?

But unexpectedly, that calms her down. But of course she is, of course she's royalty, in vampire terms at least, and that's how Zero treats her so that's exactly how she is going to act.

Yuuki hears his quiet tread beside her as she struggles not to peek at him, to note the changes in him as much as she longs to. Is his hair longer? Is he eating all right? Does he hand in his homework on time?

She feels that he's looking at her but she doesn't dare to meet him halfway. She'll probably make a fool of herself and do something stupid, like getting lost in his eyes or recall a memory between them that would only start her on her crying jag. And she certainly doesn't need to cry in front of him.

"So." Yuuki starts, thinking that conversation is the key to suppress her inner demons. "You and Takahashi-san, huh? She's really pretty, and nice, and thoughtful…" She laughs forcefully. "You… really picked well."

Zero doesn't say anything. He just gets this faraway looks in his eyes and he talks so softly that Yuuki strains to hear. "Aya. Her name's Aya. Don't call her anything else."

"Of course," says Yuuki, releasing a shaky laugh, "Pretty name, Aya. Such a pretty name."

They walk in silence from then on, cutting through the dense trees, not making a sound, save for the crunch crunch of their footing on the scattered orange leaves. Yuuki is always two steps ahead, willing with everything she has that she reaches her dormitory as fast as her short legs can take her. She doesn't know how long more she can endure this… this tension, this hurt before she screams into oblivion.

Yuuki wasn't lying when she said it. Aya's pretty. She's so pretty. And friendly. And kind. And funny. With such a pretty laugh, like silver. And Yuuki is willing to bet she's smart too. She's so nice. So perfect. But ironically, that only makes Yuuki hate her even more because there's simply nothing to hate. Aya's been nothing but nice to Yuuki. Trust Zero to find such a perfect companion for himself. It's no surprise he's moved on.

It's obvious how much he cares for her.

Her name's Aya. Don't call her anything else…

She doesn't have time to react when she trips, hard, onto the ground, in a bed of dry leaves and twigs, her leg bent in an impossible angle. It also doesn't help that there's an odd crack that reverberates throughout the quiet of the forest.

"Ow—OW!" Yuuki flinches and groans, and gives up on holding back the tears that seem to come down without restraint. Prickles of pain shoot up her leg, subtle at first, then shifting into this deep agony that tears at her façade of calm, chewing out chunks and spitting them at her. She wants to laugh. Thank you universe. Thank you for making me a pureblood vampire and for ripping me away from my best friend. Thank you for making me fall and possibly fracture my bones and thank you for degrading me in front of my best friend turned enemy.

She doesn't laugh. Instead, she swears uncharacteristically loudly and starts to cry properly, not in months. Yuuki sits sprawled on the ground with her leg burning like flames licking away at it and she's pushing her hair away from her face in violent swipes. The pencil that holds her hair in place is picked up by Yuuki and is stabbed repeatedly in the earth. She is venting and she probably looks like she's rabid with some sort of disease but she can't find it in her to sweat it.

"Yuuki—" Zero starts and she's aware that he's alarmed and reaching for her but she raises her hand in the universal sign for stop.

"Don't," Yuuki hisses and glares hard at him, willing her eyes to scald him, "Don't help when you don't mean it."

"Yuuki, what—"

"I said, don't touch me!" She cries, as he touches her arm, rubbing at her eyes angrily. She's furious, she's angry, and she doesn't know what in the world has possessed her.

Zero frowns and for the life of him—really, "Yuuki, will you stop and just—"

"Oh, it's Yuuki now, is it? Not princess, not pureblood, not Kuran?" Yuuki actually finds it in herself to let out a breath of harsh laughter. "You really are a piece of work, Zero, you know that? I wonder now how I tolerated you for so many—"

"Stop. Interrupting." He growls at her as he grabs her shoulders when she realizes he's on the ground next to her.

She scoffs bitterly, ignoring the jabs of blistering twinges in her leg, "Interrupting? Should I care that—"

She's silenced. His mouth clamps on hers in a searing kiss and she's caught completely by surprise. Zero places his wide palms on the sides of her face and threads his fingers in her disheveled hair, inducing a startled sound when his tongue slides in her mouth and clashes with hers.

Oh, my god, Yuuki thinks as Zero kisses her, kisses her hard. His tongue strokes hers fiercely as his hands glide from her hair, agonizingly slow, down her neck, her collarbone, her arms, and finally gripping her waist, leaving trails of sparks down her skin, and goodness, it feels so good, just kissing him like this. How long has it been since she's felt this way? Just so safe and unbelievably warm?

There is anger, so much anger in the kiss as their mouths move in a wild frenzy. Her arms are limp on her lap as shivers streak up her spine in erratic patterns and Yuuki feels the heat of his lips on hers and god, how can someone feel so unbearably hot and so chillingly cold at the same time?

Slowly, the repercussions of the kiss hit her like a tidal wave and Yuuki pulls back abruptly, eyes wide, her fingers on her swollen mouth and breathing heavily. Her lips are entirely bruised and her hair is in a terrible mess, cheeks flushed and for the moment, she is stunned out of her mind.

"I—you—what…" She falters, "Why did you do that?"

Yuuki regards Zero with apprehension as he stills her with his steely eyes, still glazed over. He smiles tauntingly. "I only shut you up the way I knew how."

"—what?" Yuuki shakes her head in disbelief, "You kissed me so I would… you horrible person! What about Aya? How can you do that to her!"

"What about her?" Zero says icily, his expression not even wavering, "She means nothing to me."

"Nothing? Nothing? You insufferable—"

Zero grabs her hand, "What, what? Insufferable what?" He bends down to connect his eyes with her brown ones, "This was what you wanted, isn't it? You wanted me to kiss you." He smiles and releases her hand. "You did."

Yuuki just gapes with her lips parted and with another insulting smile, he inches forward to kiss her again.

She slaps him.

"Stop it! What are you doing, you jerk?" She stares at him in unveiled distress as he just looks right back at her.

"This is what you want. It's what you want, Yuuki."

"No, it's not." Yuuki whispers, and the tears slide down again, blurring her sight. "I didn't want any of this. I didn't want any of this, okay? I didn't want to be a pureblood vampire princess, or a Night Class student, or your enemy, okay? I didn't want to lose my humanity, my family, or my best friend, okay?" She swipes the tears away as they dribble down her chin, "I didn't want—"

"Stop it."

Zero's tone is so softsoftsoft and tender. He takes her face in his hands again and presses a kiss to her temple, gathering her gently into his arms, winding them around her like a security blanket and breathing a sigh into her hair.

Yuuki blubbers pathetically on his chest, reaching up to grip his shirt. "I love you, Zero, I love you. I love you so much it hurts, okay?"

Zero holds her tightly and buries his face into her neck, and she can't see the pained look that crosses his face. "I know."

A strangled laugh comes out. "Please—can we stop? Can we just stop trying to hurt each other? I don't want to play this game anymore. I just—I want things to go back to normal, you know?"

Pulling back slightly, Zero takes in her pitiful state, with tears glistening in her chocolate pools and her face scrunched up into heartbreaking sadness. He cups her cheeks, brushing away the wetness and placing another kiss above her eyes, lips lingering. "We can't, you know we can't."

"I know," Yuuki says vehemently, resentfully, and looks up to smile sadly. "I just wish, that's all. Because we can't move forward without hurting each other, right?"

"That's right," says Zero softly, and pecks her lips tenderly, once, twice. He then fixes her with a look filled with so much compassion, loss, conflicting emotions, and pain, always the pain.

Only she knows what it means.

They make their way out of the forest, side by side, after he helps her up, careful not to touch any part of her that is unnecessary. Her leg is devoid of any pain or blood, healed. Of course it is. Because she's a vampire and even when she wounds, she's reminded instantly that she's not human, not natural, not deserving of Zero's love, simply because of what she is.

"For what it's worth, I love you too."

That's what he means.

Doesn't change the fact that they never can be.

Another plotless fic from me! Sorry. I actually attempted a plot for this but that flew out the window. Angst galore, baby! I really don't quite know what's going on with the manga nowadays so I'm just stuck in this perpetual state of Zero/Yuuki angst, and waiting for the manga to pick up. Is this uncalled for? OOC? I would love for you to give me your thoughts so please review review review!

Lollipop Lady/Mandy, previously known as Hysterical Cookie (: