Life in Camelot for Merlin and Arthur, continues in THINK OF NO ONE ELSE, MY LOVE the sequel to Raining Cats and Lovers and Be on Your Guard, Love
Camelot: A kingdom, where to stay alive, love must be hidden, even denied.
CHAPTER 1 : A RELATIONSHIP UNDER SEIGE
The following day was one of the saddest for Camelot in recent history. The bodies of one of her knights and three of her squires were escorted into the main courtyard by seven knights. The bodies were in a farmer's wagon with Sir Leon riding beside the driver.
Sir Rupert, Sir Leon and Sir Rodik approached the king who was standing at the bottom of the steps. The talked quietly as the bodies were removed from the wagon and laid on the biers. Sir Rodik took his position beside Daffyd's. Gavin stood with the Squire Master representing all the squires.
Uther walked in front of each bier followed by Arthur and Sir Rupert. They returned to the steps. Sir Rupert stood beside him and raised his sword and the knights and the knights in training did the same. He said "For the Love of Camelot!" The response echoed through the previously silent courtyard.
A detachment of knights stepped forward, to carry the biers, to the resting places that had already been prepared in the Castle Cemetery, just outside the walls. Gavin stepped forward to follow them. The Squire Master glanced at Arthur who nodded his head. If Gavin needed to see his friends buried, so be it. Merlin glanced at Gavin, walking quietly with tears running down his cheeks. He was pleased to see the Squire Master say something to him and put his hand on the boy's shoulders as they followed the knights.
Sir Leon and Sir Rupert followed Gavin. The former would have to return after the burial to see Gaius as he was still plagued with headaches.
Uther turned and walked up the stairs with his advisors.
And, as suddenly as everyone had arrived, the courtyard was empty save for Merlin and Arthur who seemed miles away. Merlin looked at him and said, "Arthur, your father has left, we can go in now."
"What? Oh, yes, I was just thinking of the parents who have not yet heard of their sons' deaths and they will have already been buried and part of Camelot's history." With that thought in mind, Arthur abruptly turned to follow the cortege of Knights and Squires to the cemetery.
Merlin knew that Arthur's love belonged completely to him but he had to share him on occasion with his people. Today, was one of those instances. As Crown Prince, he represented the King and Kingdom. Arthur Pendragon would stand in loco parentis by the graves until the bodies of the deceased squires, were interred. Merlin without a moment's thought, turned to follow the man who had completely captivated his heart.
The strategies for the upcoming battles were long winded and took up nearly all of Arthur's time.
Merlin wanted to take Arthur away from all the daily responsibilities, schedules and other people. He would so love to have him to himself, when he could steal him away from Camelot, sadly not to a cave but possibly somewhere close by and secret.
He still had the quest in his life during these days, to find somewhere in the castle far away from prying eyes, their own secret place. He'd bide his time but he was determined to find something. This was a dream he had and one day, he would find a hideaway, known only to him which he could share with someone special...
Yes, they had the nights but often Arthur was exhausted. His father had the annoying habit of calling for him at any time of the day or night. They spent all day discussing the kingdom's military matters and as Uther wasn't the greatest sleeper, he had no compunction in calling for his advisors.
A messenger would tap on the chamber door announcing that the king wished to see the crown prince. Merlin would groan and Arthur would struggle to his feet. Because the meeting was being held in the king's chambers, it was acceptable for the prince to go informally with his dressing robe over his night clothes but still Merlin had to help him get dressed. Arthur would then go off and Merlin by then fully dressed would drag after him to be in attendance. He often wished that Arthur would say, "You don't have to get up. Stay here and keep the bed warm until I return." But he didn't and Merlin's absence would reflect badly on Arthur so he traipsed along.
Merlin could have cried as so often it was just rehashing, what had been discussed the previous day or evening. Why Uther couldn't read a book when he couldn't sleep, Merlin never knew. He never paid attention and often Arthur had to nudge him as he started to list to one side on his stool. He'd never hear the end of it if Merlin fell asleep and landed on the floor. No matter that, he often felt like doing the same.
Many times, dawn was beginning to paint the eastern sky, and the stars were disappearing when Uther would suddenly say, "Very well. I'll see everyone after breakfast."
The life of a Crown Prince was not all that it was made out to be, Merlin realised. He didn't believe that Uther realised that Arthur had a life beyond being Crown Prince, which in retrospect was a good thing. A life so well hidden that it was not discussed or acknowledged. Therefore as far as he was concerned, his son was available on demand.
What Arthur and the rest of the advisors and council members needed was a day off. A couple of hours spent riding cross country or visiting with their families. An afternoon rest to revitalize them, a change of scenery, to retire in the early evening and sleep, this was what they all needed.
One day, Arthur and he did just that, they ran away and hid, not anywhere very exciting but way up among the turrets of the castle. The day was warm and sunny and Merlin had previously taken a couple of blankets up to the flat walkway below the turret. There was ample place to walk around, sit and talk. He brought lunch with him and they settled in for a lazy afternoon. There was some kissing and cuddling but soon Merlin realised that Arthur was falling asleep in his arms. He was full of apologies but he couldn't stop yawning. Merlin made him comfortable and sat beside him with his back against the warm wall of the turret.
'Who'd want to be a crown prince?' Merlin thought... He was wakened by the crows returning to their nests and realised that Arthur would have to be woken to get ready for supper. He leaned over him, stroking his cheeks and kissed him gently saying, "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!"
Arthur stretched, without opening his eyes and said, "Merlin, is it already morning? Come here and show me why I love you?" He reached to pull Merlin closer to him.
Merlin felt mean but he knew that this was not the time to encourage Arthur so he said, "Wake up, sleepy head! It's late afternoon and you have to be getting ready for supper."
"But, I'm not hungry..."
"No matter. Your father will expect you in the Dining Room to eat with the Council and Advisors. Open your eyes. We're not in our chambers, we're up on the castle roof."
Arthur's eyes opened and he saw his surroundings. "Oh, I'm sorry. This was supposed to be our special time and I wasted it by sleeping."
"It wasn't wasted, it was lovely Arthur as I had you to myself for five hours and there was no one here but you and me. You needed your sleep and I was fascinated watching you. You make little snuffling sounds and at one point you were dreaming and you mumbled, 'Love you and only you Merlin.' Thank you Arthur, that alone made my day!" He didn't confess that he had become quite emotional when he had heard Arthur confirm his love.
Merlin was waiting for the times to return to normal. Hunting often at the break of dawn, which feeling as he did now, he would welcome with open arms. Morning training sessions even with all the cleaning and weaponry care would have pleased him and afternoon excursions just because they could, would be great. Early evenings with no distractions, just sitting in companionable silence, before supper and then returning to their chambers, as Merlin now considered them, with the night ahead of them.
He was now expected to be present at the Council Meetings, sitting behind Arthur's chair, ready to see to his every need, a drink or whatever else his master wanted as lunch was served during the meetings. He'd also served at supper and noticed the other senior knights looking exhausted but it was only Arthur about whom he worried.
He loved him so deeply that hearing him questioning his own ability to one day rule the kingdom, hurt him. It was just a bad period of time with so much border activity that meetings and combative excursions by the knights were de rigueur daily. However, Arthur against his wishes, was confined to Camelot and the Council Chamber. He knew he should be with his knights but his father adamantly refused. He wanted him with the council and that was that.
Arthur had so little energy that accept for cuddling and kissing, their cave-days were almost forgotten. One evening, he was sitting dozing before the fire, with Merlin at his feet leaning against his legs. Merlin put his head back onto his knees and looking up at him said, "One day, I promise, I'm going to make you smile for twelve hours."
Arthur laughed. "Your voice says the words but you mouth upside down looks as if you are speaking gibberish."
"You're doing it too from here...Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, a smile that lasts for twelve hours would entail some interesting forethought."
Looking down at Merlin's upside down face, Arthur smiled softly suggesting, "Chapter:V Subsection:XIX, I hope? Kiss me!" but that was easier said than done as their noses and chins, got in the way.
Merlin got up, walking behind him and wrapped him in his arms; keeping his arms around his neck, he nuzzled in his blonde hair. He was all Merlin wanted in the world. He could quite happily remain like this all day, holding and protecting the one he loved. He craved bodily contact, holding his arms around a special someone and being held by someone, that person only being Arthur. He smiled as Arthur leant his head back onto his chest, he blew down into his eyes so he closed them.
Merlin whispered, "I'm 'with thee withersoever thou goest'!"
"You say the sappiest things, Merlin. Come here, you never did kiss me!"
Gaius advised Merlin against using magic. Merlin unhappy, feeling unloved, wanted to whisk Arthur far away to let them be themselves once again. He agreed to listen to Gaius who explained that the kingdom's military alert would soon end, peace would be restored, everything would then return to normal.
Merlin thought, '... or would it?'
Merlin worried that stress and continual differences between Arthur and himself, would cause irreparable damage to their relationship. Arthur was wound up so tightly that he continually thrashed at night, calling out defensive commands and woke up hollow eyed and non-rested.
Merlin after one really bad session, had crept bruised and sad to the antechamber to spend the rest of the night alone. Arthur called out for him once. He waited but as his name was never repeated, Merlin felt it had been a dream, hopefully not a nightmare. He just dozed the rest of the night, he felt strange on the little cot, alone and unloved.
Arthur awoke for breakfast the following morning looking haggard, he didn't say anything or even smile in Merlin's direction. He sat down at the table, head in his hands, picking at his breakfast.
"Did you sleep well?" No answer. "You're not hungry?" No answer, it was like talking to the flagstones. He decided to try again, "Arthur, what would you like me to lay out for you this morning?" This last question used to cause at least a raised eyebrow or a suggestion which often left Merlin blushing. Nothing!
Arthur growled, "What do I look like an encyclopaedia? Chose something, I'm only going to be stuck in the Council Chamber all day."
He washed and allowed a subdued Merlin to help him dress in silence.
Merlin thought back to the occasions which Arthur used to refer to as, inappropriate touching by a royal dresser, which was punishable by death or whatever else he chose. Those were happy days...
"Merlin, what are you doing, you are supposed to be pulling up my boots!"
"Yes, your royal Sireness, my hand slipped. A thousand apologies!"
"Well, see that it doesn't... Merlin! ... maybe the concept of a dresser is beyond you. You are supposed to be a second pair of hands to facilitate my dressing, not a distraction, not an interruption, not a... Merlin!"
Merlin would happily suffer the consequences for said charges, usually complaining that there had, after all, been mitigating circumstances and possibly guilt by association.
However no more, those days seemed distant...
Again today, once dressed, Arthur turned without a word, and passed through the open door with not even a glance at his friend holding it. Merlin would follow Arthur once their room had been tidied. He was no longer doing stable duties which gave him more time to attend the prince. Not that he even seemed to notice him...
Locking the door, Merlin leaned against it and all the troubles of his world came crushing down on him. He walked to the bed, lying on Arthur's side, resting his head on his pillow, smelling the mint essence of the shampoo he used. He lay there dreaming of better days. He smiled to himself, he knew that Arthur did still love him but at the moment he was having to compete with Camelot.
And she was a worthy competitor...