Para-Para-Paradise
Summary: Abandoned, rejected, forgotten, watch how our Kuroko Tetsuya finds his paradise…
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke!
Author's Note: My very first angst fic! This just came to me while listening to Coldplay's Paradise it was a very nice song and it made the plot bunnies in my head run around, begging me to type this up. So I hope you'll like it! Reviews are really appreciated! they are really, really appreciated!
When she was just a girl,
she expected the world
"One day, Tetsu, you'll find someone that will always see you…" was what my mother said before she left me all alone in the city to finish my studies.
I always loved my mother more than anyone. Not because she was always there for me since she still leaves for business but because she sees me…
I don't need to talk and startle her…
She just…sees me…
I remember my mother smiling widely as I ran into her arms after a long week of being separated from her. It was one of those times that I forget all of the pain that I had to endure during school time. The bullying, the jeering, being called ghost and a freak.
Whenever my mother smiles and hugs me, I feel warm inside and it just makes me feel good.
She would always hug me and smile… and in my mind I wished for every second to last forever…
But it didn't…
But it flew away from her reach
Flashback
"Mama!" a six-year old me ran to my mother whose weary and irritated mood went unnoticed by my young eyes. I ran up to her with my hands held out, wanting to be picked up and cuddled just like she does every day.
But instead of picking me up, my mother just walked straight past me which knocked me down on the cold floor. I watched as my mother went straight to her room without sparing me a single glance. My mind clouded in confusion as to what made my mother act that way…
I pushed myself off the floor and made my way up to my mother's bedroom. I stood outside the door, staying as quiet as I can, when I heard my mother talking to someone on the phone.
"You want me to what?! I already told you! One more day with that brat and I'm going to snap!"
Brat?
Mumble…mumble…mumble…
"You know well what I can do to that freak! And I won't ever try to hold back!"
Freak? Does she mean…me?
Mumble…mumble…mumble…
"So you want me to lie again?"
Mumble…mumble…mumble…
"I told you that I'm done with lying and I don't want to go to hell just because of your mistake!"
Yells…
"Of course, it's your fault in the first place for making that sorry excuse of a son!"
Mumble…mumble…mumble…
"You think I'll ever love him? Hah! Fat chance! I hate that brat! "
"I'll never love him! Never!"
Mama?
She doesn't love me?
She never loved me?
But…the hugs…everything was just a lie?
No! She loves me! She's my mama and she loves me!
"If I can get a wish granted-"
She loves me!
"- it would be to-"
She loves me!
"-get rid of the pest for good…"
…
I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks and I ran away from my mother's door, headed to my room and buried myself in my pillows. I was crying uncontrollably now and I really wanted to stop but each time I tried I would hear my mother's voice echo in my head…
"I'll never love him! Never!"
And I would sob again…
All of the kisses, smiles and hugs meant nothing to her… everything I did meant nothing to her.
I'm just a mistake…
A freak…
A brat…
A sorry excuse…
A pest…
Never a son…
Never a beloved son…
I was nothing…
'Maybe it's just a dream! And when I wake up again, Mama will hug and love me again!' I said to myself, slowly closing my eyes swollen and already droopy eyes, somehow reassured that maybe everything was just a dream.
That I'm not a freak…
That I'm not a brat nor a sorry excuse nor a pest…
That I'm her son… her beloved son…
'It's just a dream…
So she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise, para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes
When I woke up the very next day, a part of me died when I realized that everything was real and wasn't a dream and that she's going to leave me in the care of my uncle whom I've never met. I tried to ask her but all she did as glare at me and stuff me into the car before coldly dropping me off in my new home.
I became silent ever since my mother left me in his home a few weeks after.
When she was just a girl,
she expected the world.
"Oi, Tetsu! I can see you!" were the words my uncle used to say to me whenever we play outside on sunny weekends. We would always play hide-and-seek since and I would always lose in the end. I would tell him that soon it'll get boring but my uncle didn't care and just let me enjoy my favorite game.
A adventurous feeling would tingle all over my body whenever I ran away to hide from my uncle, each stride filled with the determination to beat my uncle in this game once and for all.
Soon we began playing other games like races and ball games which led me to be introduced to my uncle's favorite game. Basketball..
"And this, Tetsu…" my uncle began as he lifted an orange ball from the ball basket, "is my favorite kind of ball…"
"Why, uncle? It looks ordinary!" my uncle just chuckled and ruffled my hair affectionately.
"Never underestimate small things like this ball, Tetsu. You never know, it might make a huge difference." he then threw the ball towards a ring stuck to a board and I watched in fascination as it easily slipped in.
"Wow! Can you teach me how to do that, uncle?"
"Of course!" I smiled brightly at him before I snatched the ball from my uncle's hands and tried to make go in. my uncle just chuckled and ran over to help me.
Over the years, I and my uncle became inseparable.
He helped me out when I had anxiety issues and held me close when I had nightmares. And in return, I helped him whenever he had his own problems like his financial problems and alcohol addiction.
We never bailed out on each other…
We trusted each other with all the trust we had left after my mother and his wife abandoned us. Both called us mistakes and freaks before they closed the doors on us...
We both felt the same emotions and our understanding of each other went beyond words.
We cared for each other and on my eighth birthday, we promised that we would continue to look out for each other no matter where we are.
We both accepted each other… as beloved part of our small family and in knowing that, I didn't need to dream to feel better.
Everything was perfect…
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
… until one rainy winter night…
Flashback
When I opened my eyes, all I could see was white. It blinded me so I closed my again before realizing that every part of my body ached like crazy. I could feel my blood trickling from my forehead in a slow stream and somehow I couldn't feel my hands, they just felt so numb…
I tried reaching out to my uncle but I couldn't feel him by my side. I opened my eyes again in panic, ignored the stinging color, and faced the woman in white who stood in front of me, looking on with a worried and concerned expression.
"Hey buddy, do you feel alright?" she asked with a small smile. I shook my head and asked her where my uncle was. Her small smile fell from her face and in that moment I could feel my heart drop into a deep abyss. I asked her again and was surprised to see a few tears drip from her eyes. She looked at me again,now with a pained look, before telling me that the man that I cherished died for me…
He shielded me against the impact of the crash which could have killed me but killed him…
My uncle… the only person who accepted me, cared for me, understood me, loved me, is dead…
He's gone…
My tears then cascaded down my face as I felt sorrow, anguish and pain rain down on me once again…
I'm all alone again…
Uncle?
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly every tear a waterfall
Flashback no. 2
The happy and joyful part of me died when they closed my uncle's coffin that day. I felt that my will to be happy and to-be-found went away…
It was my uncle's funeral this morning and after he was buried, it rained again.
The child bureau wanted to take me to the nearest relative of mine that they could find but I begged them to let me stay in my uncle's house for a few days, despite knowing it's empty and cold. They said no but I insisted.
something was tugging me back there, to check if my uncle was jut hiding under the laundry pile, just waiting to pounce on me an tickle me to death as soon as I went in.
after hours of pleading, they relented but under the condition that at least one of their members would accompany me there but I didn't mind the condition since all I wanted was to be back on the place I called home.
So now, I sat near the window, just watching the rain pour down, thinking to myself that maybe uncle was crying up there for me, the boy who is all alone again…
Alone…
Scared…
Cold…
Empty…
I couldn't cry anymore…
What will I do, uncle?
'Maybe it's just a dream! And when I wake up again, Mama will hug and love me again!' I remember my six-year old self saying...
A dream, huh?
Do you think I should just sleep the pain away, Uncle?
I couldn't be numb anymore…what's there to lose?
I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake me after two weeks of mourning and grief…
And when I opened my eyes I could see my Uncle standing on the old basketball court, smiling, while beckoning me to come over and play with him…
I don't care if this is a dream…
Just let it last…
Let me remember his smile while it's still there…
Let me be happy…
Please…
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly
And dream of para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Now, I am a phantom, never seen clearly and always underestimated. People will never see me until they want to see me. I could disappear whenever I want to and never feel bad about it…
I grew stronger now compared to the child before who relied on dreams to make it through the cruel pang of the past. I now saw dreaming as a prize that I can earn if I worked hard enough each day. When I was developing my misdirection, I could easily dream of me and my uncle playing together with my new team, laughing and enjoying every minute of it while it lasted…
Right from the very start, I knew that they would drift away and I always put in as much effort as I can everyday to get to escape every night in my dreams where I would relive our memories and use it to make me stronger. And it made me strong enough to leave and start again.
And this time, whenever I would dream, I could always see my uncle smiling at me, telling me that I did well and goes on to play with me and the Seirin team… my new team…
Every night, he won't be alone in playing with me anymore…
And every day, I won't be alone anymore either nor rejected nor bullied…
I somehow feel…accepted..
I guess…
I guess… we found our own paradise.
Didn't we?
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I know the sun must set to rise"
This could be para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise