Unwind
For Julie: Sometimes all you need to do is look inside.
-;-
Ashy-note Listen to Anberlin's Unwinding Cable Car.
She was standing on the edge of everything, teetering dangerously, when he first laid eyes on her. The park was abandoned that day, it wasn't exactly difficult to miss such an eerie sight. She was swathed in black and blue. Her brown hair danced with the wind. Her eyes were closed and her arms were wrapped around her shoulders in a frail attempt to keep herself warm.
There was a time in his life when he came to realise and fully grasp the truth behind stories of fictional characters. As a young boy, he believed in superheroes in bright red capes, the ones who would fly across the skies and have superstrength. As a teenager, he believed in the metaphors that lay slumbering beneath the blankets of his superheroes' facades. Now that he's old enough, he knew better than to believe in superheroes. After all, why would he need to just believe in something he knew everyone was capable of being? He didn't believe anymore, because he already knew.
Looking at her from across the quiet lake that November afternoon seemed to be an affirmation of all his principles.
He did not know - nor did he really ever bother knowing - what made him come closer to her. Perhaps it was her right foot, so close to the edge of the concrete separating the park grounds from the deep river that ended in the Pacific. Perhaps it was the sad smile he caught a glimpse of as he watched her breathe in the cold air. Perhaps it was all this. Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps it was a deity, that deity... But did it matter now? No. He figured himself out enough to know that sometimes the reasons shouldn't matter. He had long ago learned that something's importance was a matter of choice, and at that time he chose to ignore whatever it was that led him to her.
He stopped right behind her.
"What are you doing?"
She barely moved, but he heard her whispered reply. "Would it be too much to ask for loneliness now, kind sir?"
He laughed at that request. "Why do you ask for loneliness?" The fact that she was asking for it only proved that she already had it. Loneliness was one of those few things whose existence led to evanescence. These were the complications of life that he had yet to learn, but he was getting there.
Was she?
"If everything around you just feels too much, don't you think it's only natural to ask for emptiness? It's better than having to deal with things that are beyond what you can handle." He saw her arms grip her shoulders tighter.
He shrugged, even though he knew she couldn't see. "I suppose. But I never thought that way so maybe I don't think so." A smile lingered in the corner of his lips.
She giggled a bit, but it sounded like it took a lot of effort. "You don't think the same way others do, then?"
"No," he answered without second thoughts. He always knew that. "No, I don't think I do. I never did."
"You seem to be doing just fine," she whispered again. He watched as her arms began unwinding. It was such a poignant reminder of so many things falling apart all at the same time. The way she let them fall limply to her sides lodged a stone in his throat. It reminded him of who he once was.
"I am a stranger to you," he whispered back. "You can't just say I'm doing fine."
"But you are." She whirled around to face him and he saw the saddest, most beautiful sight he ever laid eyes on. Her wide brown eyes were endless pools, an amalgam of indescribable emotions that ran chills down his spine. She stared at him for a fraction of a second longer, and then she stepped back and began the fall.
The river was so quiet. He felt the fear as he watched her eyes close again, this time in submission to a fate she believed she deserved.
His heart hammered in his chest and he screamed in his mind. No one deserves anything. Everyone chooses. It wasn't a matter of what you deserve, it was a matter of what you choose to have.
And he chose to have her alive.
He held out a hand just in time to pull her back into the safety - or was it really? - of the ground. Topaz pierced hazel as he got up and smiled at her frozen figure that lay sprawled on the grass.
"I've been there before, stranger," he said as he put his hand in his pocket. "I know how it feels to have everything around me go crazy."
She only kept staring.
"The answer is really easy, you see." He flashed her a huge grin. "Look inside, stranger. It's in there somewhere. Don't lose the chance to see it. Dying never changes anything anyway."
He left, but not before he heard her sobs and her feeble, "Thank you, stranger."