How Sephiroth Stole Christmas
By RingWraith
Every person in Midgar liked Christmas a lot.
But this was different for Sephiroth, because Sephiroth did not!
Sephiroth hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason.
Perhaps it was because of the pale skin he wore.
Or perhaps it was because of his being no more.
But I think that the most likely reason of all, was that he couldn't end
humanity, and that made his skin crawl.
But whatever his reason, his skin or his death, he stood there on Christmas
Eve, hating the rest.
Staring down from his crater with an emotionless face, seeing Cloud and
Aeris below in that place.
For he knew that he did not have a chance,
as Cloud and Aeris began to dance.
"And all the human culture are hanging their stockings" he said with a
sneer
"Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here"
Then he sat, with his fingers nervously drumming
"I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For tomorrow he knew...
...all of the girls and boys
would wake up bright and early and rush for their presents
And then, oh the happiness. The happiness! HAPPINESS HAPPINESS
HAPPINESS . That's the one thing he hated. Because he
Couldn't go down there
without being degraded.
And then those young and old
would sit down to a feast
And they'd feast and they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST FEAST FEAST!
They would start on the pudding, and then the roast beef
Which made Sephiroth want to heave, at the least.
And then they'd do something that he liked least of all
Every Human down on that planet, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with guitar sounds ringing
They'd stand hand in hand, and then would commence singing.
And the more Sepphiroth thought about the Cloud-christmas-sing
The more Sephiroth thought "I must end this whole thing!"
"For 30 years, since Jenova I might add, I've put up with this same
thing, and it's been making me mad!
I must end Christmas somehow but, but how could I come about doing this?"
Sephiroth said in doubt.
Then he got a brilliant idea
An awful idea!
Sephiroth got a brilliantly awful idea
"I know just what to do" Sephiroth laughed in his throat
And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled and clucked "What a brilliant trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look like an albino-saint nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer" Sephiroth looked around
But since reindeer were scarce
There were none to be found
Did that stop the bad man...?
No, Sephiroth simply said
"If I can't find reindeer, I'll use a chocobo instead!"
He then loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On an ugly old sleigh
Which hovered over his back
Then Sephiroth floated forward,
and Sephiroth headed down
To the stupid human culture,
and the simple Midgar town.
All the windows were dark,
and the snow filled the air
not changing the color
of his light grey hair
When he came to the first house
in the square
"This is stop number one" seeing Tifa's bar amidst
And he climbed to the roof,
empty bags in his fists,
Then he slid down the chimney
a very tight pinch
But if Santa could do it, he could too
He walked from the chimney's opening fast
and noticed their stockings, hanging before him
"These stockings" he grinned "Would be the first thing to go"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Lollys! And Game Boards! Roller skates! and more!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Sephiroth, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Strife's feast!
He took the pudding! He took the roast beef!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, the man even took their last case of hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Sephiroth, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And Sephiroth grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound coming from the bar hall.
He turned around fast, and he saw a girl!
Little Tifa Lockheart, who wrapped her fist up in a ball..
Sephiroth had been caught by this 22 year old girl
Who'd got out of bed for a bowl of hot noodles
She stared at Sephiroth and said, "Sephiroth, why,
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that Sephiroth was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my dumb woman," the fake Santa Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled no one. Tifa punched him in the head
She cooked her bowl of noodles, and headed to bed
And when Miss Lockheart went to bed with her bowl,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up the hole!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, that mean pale-eyed liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Midgar houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other small mouses!
It was quarter past dawn...
All of Midgar, still a-bed
still asleep, dreaming their dreams
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of North Crater,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Heh!" he said, under his breath.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then all the humans down on their earth will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned Sephiroth,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And Sephiroth put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down towards the town!
Sephiroth popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every person in the world, the tall and the small,
Was singing their song of a cruel one-winged-angel! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Sephiroth, with his pale feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then Sephiroth thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in their culture they say
That Sephiroth's wish for man's death
Shrunk to nothing that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
Sephiroth carved the roast beef!
Did you like that? Just something I decided to write for christmas and everything.
Authors's Note:
My brother says this does sound entirely like the Grinch, but as I have not seen it, I wouldn't know. Tell me in your Reviews if it does, could you?