Unnecessary Jealousy

In which Remus discovers that not being with Tonks is all well and good until she has a boyfriend.

Disclaimer: All hail our mighty queen because she owns everything.

Remus wasn't one for drinking his problems away. For starters, he knew it wouldn't help anything in the long run. Besides, he had so many problems he could hardly think of them all at once, one furry little problem sitting front and foremost in his mind.

He wasn't one for spontaneity or one-night stands. He believed in long-lasting love built on a friendship. Not that he believed he deserved love, of course. He was a werewolf, a despicable being who didn't deserve anyone.

He also wasn't one to fall head over heels and in love. At least, until he met her. She was everything he wasn't; light, bubbly, cheerful, and colorful. Merlin knew she brightened his life. They started as colleagues, acquaintances destined to become closer with their mutual ties to Sirius.

Then came the friendship, the stories of times years ago when youthful innocence flourished and the war was merely a thought blooming in the far-off future. They reminisced and created a getaway, an escape from the tense and darkened world outside. The inside of No. 12 Grimmauld Place may have seemed dank and shabby, but it wasn't the setting that made it so uplifting. It was the people.

Remus Lupin was a lot of things, but he wasn't an optimist. At least, not before he met her. In another life, one where he didn't bare the bite that altered his entire world, maybe it would have been different. Perhaps he would have been a schoolteacher, or an this world though, Remus knew that hope was dangerous. He had always tried his hardest to steer clear of it in order not to get hurt.

She jumped head first into things, tripping and falling, scratching her knees. But what had astounded him most was that even when she hit rock bottom, she climbed back up. Nothing could keep her down for good.

That was until the kiss. He shivered even thinking about it, two months later.

XxXxXxXx

It was a day in January, biting cold with a darkened sky. It was the sort of day that made one want to stay in bed with a book and cocoa, wrapped and warm. It was this particular day that Remus had gone to the Department of Mysteries on guard duty with her.

She had met him there from her flat, pink hair gone in favor of a more discreet honey brown. She had met him with an arm out to hook his through and a soft half smile. He returned it effortlessly, linking his arm through hers. Their easy friendship was something he treasured, and she just as much. Neither one realized that today it would be stretched until they were both forced to see the all too-obvious gray between the black and white between them.

They walked the rest of the way to the Ministry. Upon arrival, they followed the normal procedure of duck and cover, always facing back to back, always cautiously looking around the corner. She might have been a clumsy Auror that had a bit of a quarrel with a troll-foot umbrella stand and he might have been a kind and mild-mannered werewolf and ex-Hogwarts professor, but together they made a sort of duo unseen before.

Everything was going as planned, up until they were back at Grimmauld Place. They had disapparated to a street away and walked the block in the biting chill. Remus had given her his scarf, as she was shivering. As they reached the door, that was when it happened. Tonks tripped up the step and Remus caught her, like usual.

As Remus stepped up to the door, he suddenly found himself with his back pressed against the doorframe and Tonks gripping his shoulders. His eyes fluttered closed of their own accord. Her lips were on hers, and it was perfect. He couldn't think, didn't want to. Here he was, snogging his best friend's second cousin on a decrepit porch. And somehow, he couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.

Her hands in his hair was all he had needed, wanted, without realizing it. Her soft, pink lips, locked with his. It was messy, it wasn't a peck, but it was better somehow. It was wild and made his heart race. It was everything he hadn't realized he wanted.

He didn't know how long they stood there, kissing in the cold January air on that porch. It could've been a second, could've been an eternity. It felt like both. He'd had first kisses before, most just small pecks, but this was different. Never had he felt anything this right, this perfect. And it was with her.

They pulled away, gasping for breath. He looked down into her electric blue eyes, her hair a strawberry blond that must have been her natural color. She had never looked more beautiful, hair mussed, lips soft and flushed, cheeks burning and a happiness twinkling in her eyes.

XxXxXxXx

Of course, that had been then. Now she had lost a few pounds, and her hair was a putrid shade of yellow-grey, all happiness and her color leeched out. It made him cringe to look at her, knowing he caused it.

What hurt the most was her eyes. There was no hope, none of the innocent happiness she had once exuded. And it was all his fault. He had told her they couldn't be together. It just couldn't happen. He was too old, too poor, too dangerous. She deserved someone better, someone worthy of her. Not him. He was a dangerous beast, one with hardly any galleons to his name, and nothing to give her.

She'd protested, of course, but that had made it so much harder. Seeing her standing there, begging him to let them have a chance, it caused him so much pain knowing that he was hurting her. It was still worth it, though.

She didn't talk, didn't look at him. Yes, he'd had to break her, but wasn't it worth it in the end that she was safe? Safe. He remembered Sirius' accusation, his biting words ringing still in his ears, playing back like a repeated stab in the chest.

"You claim you don't want to hurt her, yet what are you doing now? She's broken and do you know who's to blame? You. Right now you're the monster you fear you'll become."

It cut at him, those words, each one piercing his soul individually. After all that time, after everything they'd been through, he'd have thought his best friend would understand. Apparently not. Apparently his best friend couldn't and wouldn't understand what Remus knew was right, what had to be done. Yes, it hurt, yes, it stung. But the worst was the constant ache in his chest, his involuntary heart lurch at the mention of her name. They weren't together, never were, but she still held a part of him that no one else ever could.

He remembered going to Molly, lost and broken. He had needed reassurance, support, broken as he was from telling the girl of his dreams she couldn't be with him. Instead he had gotten a fiery anger, temper flared and agitated Molly. "

Are you kidding me? Remus, this is ridiculous! You both deserve to be happy. She doesn't care, so neither should you. Now you're just hurting the both of you."

He couldn't believe they didn't realize he was right. How could they think this was right? He was thirteen years her superior, with a rather measly amount in his Gringotts bank, and most importantly he was a bloody werewolf. Of course they could forget. They didn't have to deal with the pain and fatigue of the full moon every month like he did. Never in his life had he forgotten a full moon except for the night when Sirius and he had gone to confront Peter Pettigrew. But that didn't mean it couldn't happen again. And he sure wouldn't let it happen anywhere near her.

He couldn't very well do that if he was with her. He wanted to be with her. He had been in love with her since the second month after meeting her. It didn't change anything though.

"R-Remus? Can I..talk to you?" He looked up startled from his papers for the Order.

He didn't have to turn his head to know that it was Tonks. Slowly, he nodded although all he wanted to do was lock his door and remove all traces of her from his mind. "Right."

She took the seat opposite where him, a small chair in front of the desk he was sat at. They sat in an uncomfortable silence. He felt his heart skip a beat as he took in her appearance. She was clad in a light purple jumper with leggings and her usual combat boots.

What was different was her face. She looked fresh, awake, and most noticeably, happy. Her hair was a light blond, nothing like the yellow grey it was the last time he'd seen her.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for causing so much tension between us. You were right, we'd never work. I found someone and I'm so happy with him. I was just hoping...that there'd be no hard feelings between us?"

He forgot how to breathe and fought back the tears and the accompanying lump in his throat. He nodded slowly, rigidly.

He looked down and found his hands clenched in fists with his knuckles white. "Erm right. Yes, and I'm...happy for you." He had to force the last bit out of his mouth.

He was happy that she was happy, but it killed him inside that he wasn't the one who caused her to be that way. He shook his head. He was the one who had told her it wouldn't work out. He was the one who had pushed her to find somebody else. She stared at him semi-expectantly.

"Well?"

He was confused. "Well what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Aren't you going to ask who?"

He gulped. He really didn't want to, because he would have an uncontrollable urge to punch whomever it was in the face. He figured that wouldn't go over well. Luckily he was saved from answering by none other than one Sirius Black.

Poking his head into the study doorway, he called, "lunch is ready. Molly said to pass on the message."

Remus nodded, trying hard not to let his relieved look cross his features. He was safe, for now at least.

XxXxXxXx

"So what did Tonks want earlier?" Sirius asked Remus as the two sat in chairs near the warm fire in the den.

Remus looked surprised. "You mean she didn't tell you?"

Sirius shook his head. "She has a new boyfriend. And she wants us to be friends again." The lycanthrope couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Padfoot so shocked.

"What-but-why?" Remus shrugged, feigning indifference despite the white hot flames of envy in his chest.

"Figured she finally came to her senses and quit mooning after me."

Sirius chuckled at his bad joke. "Right. And how are you holding up with this then?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm fine."

Sirius nodded. "Right. Well, I think you should tell Tonks how you really feel. They'll probably be married soon and it'll be far too late to do anything then."

Remus' shocked face was missed as Sirius left the study. Remus sat there, head in his hands, a lone tear slipping down his cheek.

XxXxXxXx

Tonks had become saddened by his shocked and disappointed face. Then she remembered why he was disappointed and had to hide a grin. He was disappointed because she was with someone else.

"Do you think he fell for it?" Sirius asked her.

She nodded with a slight smile but some guilt in her stomach. "Yes. Sirius, are you sure this'll work?"

Sirius nodded. "I've known Moony since I was a first year. The only way to get to Moony, especially when it comes to girls, is to do something to prove it true and make him infuriated enough to admit it."

She nodded. It made sense that the prior professor would have ample patience and need to be pushed beyond his breaking point to admit anything less than platonic for her. "What are you going to say to him?" she asked her second cousin.

"I'm going to ask him what you wanted to stop by and talk about. I'll owl you with what he said later."

She started to nod then shook her head. "Don't bother. I'm coming over for dinner. Molly invited me." They heard a door open upstairs and the pair sprung into action. Tonks headed for the door while Sirius slouched down into an armchair.

"Hey Tonks?"

"Yeah?"

"It's good to see you bright again." There was a genuine smile on his face and it was contagious.

XxXxXxXx

"That was delicious as usual, Molly." Remus praised as he finished clearing his dishes.

Molly Weasley practically beamed. "Thank you dear. Are you sure you don't want any more?"

Remus sighed. "I think three helpings was more than enough but thank you. My stomach's fit to burst." Tonks stifled a giggle. Sirius smirked at his bread. Mr. Weasley rolled his eyes.

Mrs. Weasley, however, continued, "are you sure?"

"Positive. Thank you anyways though Molly." Remus answered politely. Ever the gentleman.

The five made their way into the living room. "So Tonks dear, how are you and your boyfriend doing?" Molly asked all too innocently.

Tonks inwardly smiled before answering. "Oh just great Molly!" she squealed, watching Remus out of the corner of her eye. She noticed the almost imperceptible jaw clench. She continued almost in spite of him. "We're great and Molly, he's an absolute dear."

Molly smiled pleasantly. "That's lovely! I'm happy for you Tonks," she said with a pointed look in the lycanthrope's direction. Her glance was wasted however, as Remus was fascinated by a string dangling from his sleeve.

Sirius grinned toothily. "How about you Moony? Any new lovers I should know about?"

This was one of the questions she and Sirius had scripted. He had already reassured her he wasn't seeing anyone, but Tonks wanted to hear it straight from Remus. Said werewolf looked up, startled.

A heavy blush settled on his cheeks, and he shook his head. "No. You know I can't, not with my...condition."

She inwardly rolled her eyes but simply nodded. He looked a bit surprised at her easy agreement and she stifled another giggle. This was turning out to be a bit of sadistic fun. Arthur shook his head.

Rising to his feet, he said, "Well Molly, I think we'd best be going, agreed? I still have a stack of papers from Kingsley for the Ministry."

His wife nodded her head. "Alright. Well, it was good to see you all, and feel free to stop by the Burrow any time!" She gave each of them a hug and with a final wave, the two went out the front door and apparated.

Tonks turned to her cousin and gave him a pointed look. Noting the questioning glance, Sirius nodded his head slightly at her. Remus looked confusedly between the pair. "So, Tonks, I want to hear all about the mystery guy who stole your heart," her second cousin exclaimed dramatically.

Tonks had to fight a laugh and cover it with a cough. "Well let's see, he's tall, handsome, was a former muggle teacher, loves books, and he's pretty much everything I'd ever want in a guy. He's a complete gentleman, although not all the time if you know what I mean," she winked roguishly.

She noted the tensed form of one usually calm Remus Lupin and bit back a grin. "That sounds great. What's his name?"

Oh, this was the best part. "Romulus Larkins. He's so sweet," she finished dreamily.

Remus suddenly shouted, "that's a ridiculous name!"

Tonks shook her head and tried her hardest to keep an angry demeanor. They were beginning to break him. "Well, it's certainly better than Remus. I mean, at least Romulus was the brother who lived in the myths."

Sirius didn't bother to hide his snort at that. Remus rolled his eyes. "Well, he sounds boring anyways. Don't you want someone, I don't know, more lively?"

Tonks shook her head. "No. I want someone just like him."

Sirius nodded. "He doesn't sound boring at all, mate. If I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous."

Remus sputtered. "I'm not jealous-wha-why do you say that? Of course not." His red cheeks told a different story.

Tonks nodded, agreeing quickly. "Of course not, of course not. Who would be jealous because of me?"

The lycanthrope seemed to answer without thinking. "A lot of people would be jealous of you, you'd be surprised. Most people would like to be with you."

Even if he hadn't directly said it was him, he had basically admitted he liked her. "Well thank you Remus, but I highly doubt that's true. I mean, I guess there's a reason Romulus asked me to change hair colors and become skinnier. I'm just not good enough for him, I get that."

She had been expecting a response where he reassured her, but she didn't expect his angered rant. "What? Are you kidding me? How dare he ask you to change the way you are so you're "good enough for him"! You're absolutely stunning and never need to change for anyone. If it was me, if never have you change because you're wonderful the way you are. No shape-shifted version of beauty will ever compare to your natural form. Now, let me hunt this Romulus fellow down because I have a few things to say to him..."

He trailed off, panting, the realization of what he said washing over his features and he visibly paled. "Sorry Tonks. I didn't mean it-well, you are beautiful but. But it was errr...wrong of me to say that-"

Sirius decided to take his leave, unnoticed by the pair. Remus was cut off by Tonks throwing herself into his arms. As their eyes locked and he stared at her lips, he figured there was one thing he should ask.

"Err, Tonks?" he asked as she stared hungrily at his lips.

"Yes?"

"Won't Romulus be mad?"

Tonks suddenly left his embrace as she doubled over in laughter. "Oh Remus," she said in between gasps, "there was no Romulus. He was based off of you. You were jealous of...yourself."

As the room went quiet, a certain dark-haired Marauder smiled from the doorway to the pair currently snogging rather passionately by the sofa.

It was as he shut the door and mimed waving a wand, he whispered, "Mischief Managed."

Fin.

Okay, that was my first lengthy one-shot. Please let me know what you think, as reviewers will get their choice of a Remus or Romulus, and we'll also add in a Sirius.

-Alyssa xx