Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyers.
A/N: So I was reading a fanfic, and the author said that the song Kryptonite by Three Doors Down pretty much sums up the basic feeling of Twilight. I listened to it, and guess what, it does! This led me to thinking about other songs that capture the essence of the books. I decided that My Sacrifice by Creed is perfect for when Edward and Bella reunite in New Moon. Seriously, go listen to the songs. They fit. Anyways, that got me thinking about New Moon, and I thought "What if Bella was the one who left?" Just like that, a story was born.
"Open mine and Edward's next!" Alice squeals, and I can't help but to feel enthused with her. I reach out for the gift, and she hands it to me excitedly, anxiously waiting for me to open it. Her excitement is almost tangible, and I hurry to unwrap the gift, her mood rubbing off on me – I wonder if this is how Jasper feels everyday. Ouch! In my hurry to unwrap the gift, I manage to give myself a paper cut. Leave it to me, I guess. Annoyed, I watch a tiny drop of blood ooze out, and then without warning, I'm flying backwards. The world is rushing past me at an incomprehensible speed, and it takes me a moment to register that Edward is on top of me. The second I realize this is also the second that my back hits the table, and it shatters under me. The next thing I notice is Edward crouched above me, snarling – and Jasper, trying to get past him, presumably to kill me. Terror fills my mind so suddenly that I can't even think about moving. I'm not sure I could anyways. My arm feels like it's on fire.
I think I pass out for a few moments, because the next thing I know Emmett and Rosalie are forcing a still ravenous Jasper out the door, and Esme is crying. The pain. I can feel it, but it's like I'm remembering it. It isn't real, it isn't happening now. Everything is happening so fast, and my brain can't keep up. Carlisle is above me, wrapping something white around my arm. I look over at it. There's blood everywhere. If possible, I get dizzier than I already was, and reality fades out even more. I hear Carlisle ask me if I want to go to the hospital, and I answer no quickly, without even thinking. When Edward picks me up, the pain in my arm flares, and everything is drastically more real.
"Aaah." The sound comes out of my mouth uninvited – an instinctual reaction to the pain. Edward snarls, and lays me down on the kitchen table.
"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asks, and I'm proud of myself when I think well enough to form a coherent sentence, even if it is a lie.
"I'm fine." Carlisle stitches up my arm as my brain slowly catches up to what just happened. Oh my god. Edward. For once, I'm glad he isn't near me. It must have been nearly impossible for him to handle things with me bleeding like that – to protect me instead of turning around and ripping into my throat himself. Oh. What did I just put him through?
A wholly new kind of pain tears through me at that thought. The thing he needed more than anything else in this world laid out in front of him. My breath catches as I realize what torture that must have been. Carlisle must notice that my heartbeat is suddenly frantic, because he speaks soothingly to me, assuring me that it's okay, Jasper is outside. The pain I must have put Jasper through as well. The pain of this whole family. I close my eyes as my mind rushes over this horrible thing I've done, but I put up a mask quickly. The last thing I want is for anyone to know what I'm thinking.
When Edward pulls up to my house, his face makes it clear that he doesn't plan on staying, and I don't ask questions.
"I love you" I whisper to him as I'm getting out of the car, and walk into the house without another word. When I shut the door behind me, Charlie looks up at me.
"Bells? Are you okay?" I know he isn't referring to my physical state. I'm in new clothes, and nothing is bloody. My injured arm is held carefully against my body and out of his view. He's concerned with what has to be a frantic look on my face. I fight to make myself look calm.
"I'm fine dad, just really tired. I'm going on to bed." The last thing I want right now is to sit and talk to Charlie. I expect him to question me some more, but he doesn't.
"Alright. Well goodnight then."
I walk into my room slowly and lie down on the bed, not even bothering to put on my pajamas. My mind is working perfectly well now. Everything is crisp, clear, but the only way to describe what I'm feeling is pure misery. Why? Why did I make this perfect man and his perfect family suffer so much. I never deserved him in the first place, and I've been nothing but trouble since I got here. When he first caught my scent in biology, when James tracked me, and now, when I was insane enough to cut myself in a closed room, with his entire family. Carlisle said it could have happened to anyone, but that's ridiculous. No one else would put someone they loved in that situation. No one else would have been so careless. No one else would have been so selfish. I loathed myself at that moment.
I never should have come here. I should have stayed in Arizona with Renee. She wouldn't have really minded staying at home with me sometimes – she needed someone to take care of her anyways. I should go back there and take the problem out of his life.
As soon as the thought enters my mind, pain explodes violently in my chest. I can't leave him. No. Never. Suddenly I need him right here beside me. I fold my arms around my stomach and try not to vomit. The thought of leaving him is unbearable...but so is the thought of me causing him pain. Every second that I stay here makes it worse for him. He still aches for my blood. He has to protect me all the time, and I am tearing his family apart. Can I really be that selfish? As much as the though appalls me, I know I've made my choice. I have to leave. I have to make everything okay for him again. It will all be so much better for him without me here.
The pain doesn't dull as I rationalize this to myself. Oh no, it's as strong as ever. I have to do this. I have to. But there is no way I can exist without him. The conflict feels like it's ripping me apart from inside, and I have to fight not to scream with hysteria. Then a perfect solution comes into my mind. It makes so much sense that I'm almost calm. I can't understand why I didn't see it before. I can't stay here, can't keep doing this to him. But there can't be any me without him – I wouldn't be alive. So that's exactly what has to happen. I can no longer be alive.
A/N: Okay, my first real fanfic. I didn't want to tell you that at the beginning because I was afraid you wouldn't read the rest. What do you think? I do plan to continue this. If anyone noticed the horrible flaw in this plan, I noticed too. I plan to address it in the next chapter. Please review. Criticism is the best prize you can ever give an author.