Author's Note: I wrote this on a whim because I was bored and too lazy to update my other pieces of writing. Besides, I thought this idea was sorta cool. Not for Squee. No, NEVER for our dear little Todd Casil! Poor him. I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or stop holding back the laughter each time a new misfortune crosses him. At least Nny is there to take away the mental pain...oh, right, he accidentally adds to it...meh, oh well.
Disclaimer: Jhonen owns everything. 'Cept the evil shoe-eating poodle. That's mine! *demonic voice* ALL MINE! *end demonic voice*
In a dirty, disgusting city, one of the many filling up America, a little boy with messy hair stared at the sidewalk beneath his feet. He had been forced to leave his shoes at school, as the bullies that picked on him had stolen them and fed them to a neighbor's vicious miniature poodle. Frankly, the boy felt he could do without three rabies shots in one month. The last two hurt too badly, and he didn't want a repeat experience. He sighed and watched where he stepped, avoiding wads of gum and shards of shattered beer bottles. Maybe he could save up for another pair some day. Nice ones, without patched soles and missing laces. After all, his parents didn't care enough to buy him anything. They barely noticed him at all. So he learned long ago to fend for himself if he wanted to survive.
Todd Casil cried out in pain as he stepped on a loose screw laying on the sidewalk. He hopped over to a bench, one foot off of the ground, and climbed up on the bench to inspect the screw more closely. Removing such things took careful precision that just couldn't be attained while standing and hopping. Todd looked more closely at the wound and sighed. The screw was in deeply, but it looked like it didn't have any rust, so that saved him from getting any more shots. He yanked out the screw quickly and flicked it to the side. He jumped off the bench again and walked down the sidewalk toward home.
As he continued to watch his step, he noticed he had to avoid more and more screws, even the occasional nut and piece of metal. What was with all this machinery? It wasn't like any construction was going on. The city wouldn't be building anything new for at least a few months.
"HI THERE!" a voice screeched in front of Todd unexpectedly. Todd cried out and fell backwards, trying to back away from the smiling thing before him. His look of fear intensified when he recognized what it was.
"Get away, scary robot thing!" the boy squealed, still scrambling away. The child-sized robot tilted his head to the side and frowned, studying Todd.
"Whatsa mattah?" it asked in a high voice.
"Please, don't eat me!" Todd continued to say. "I won't taste good! I'll be all chewy and icky and rotten and...and..."
The robot grinned widely. "Oooo! You taste like chocolate bubblegum slushie?"
Todd found himself backed up against a wall and trembled as the blue lightbulbs behind the robot's eyes illuminated the dark alley they were in. This was it, wasn't it? He was going to die at the hands of a little man-eating robot! He should have known he'd be eaten someday! His teddy bear, Shmee, tried to warn him so many times! Or, at least, he thinks Shmee tried to. It was hard to tell the difference between the teddy bear's urging for destruction and its urging for self-protection.
"Imma eat you, chocolate bubblegum boy!" the robot screeched joyously before latching itself onto Todd's head and repeatedly licking his skin. With a metal tongue, too. It felt weird.
"Get off! Get off! Please, please, PLEASE get off of me!" Todd screamed, running in circles as fast as he could. The robot hung on to his hair as he was flung around, laughing.
"Woo! This is fun! Run horsey, run!" the robot screeched out in between fits of insane giggling that sent chills down the boy's spine. Of course, Todd continued to run and scream and attempt to fling off the robot with a good twist of the head. He could see no other alternative.
During this ordeal, Todd heard a much fainter sound. It was the sound of metal clinking against the cement in the steady beat of footsteps. This beat paused near him and was soon accompanied by a small gasp. Did someone finally see what was going on and try to help? But why were they running away? Where were they going?
"Psst! Little robot thing!" a hoarse male voice whispered, causing Todd to jump and look up. There, perched precariously on the edge of a rooftop, was a full grown man with dark circles under his eyes. The robot looked up as well and waved excitedly.
"HI SCARY HUMAN!" the robot greeted before continuing to pull at Todd's hair.
The man on the rooftop quickly shushed the robot by waving both of his arms in a clear command to be silent. The man grabbed something underneath his long black coat and slowly pulled it out, making sure the robot was watching. His thin fingers gently squeaked the rubber pig a couple of times, still held close to his body.
"PIGGY!" the cyan-eyed robot squealed and tore away from Todd, still unfortunately clinging to a few strands of his hair. The short android leapt vainly for the piggy as the man held it just out of reach, clearly enjoying this little game.
"You want it, boy? Huh? Do ya want it? Do ya? Do ya?" the man taunted in a higher voice as if speaking to a pet.
"Eh! Gimmie! I NEED it!" the robot whined, still jumping for it.
The man stood up from his crouching position on the roof and threw the toy piggy as far as he could. "Then GO GET IT!" Despite the person's spindly arms, it landed a surprisingly far distance away. The robot sprinted after its treasured pig and forgot all about both the man who threw his toy and its own little victim. The man watched it leave completely before nimbly leaping off of the one-story house into the alley next to it. He crouched down next to Todd and shot him a look of concern.
"Are you okay, Squee?" the man asked, using the boy's nickname
"How did you know how to make it go away, Mr. Scary Neighbor Man?" Squee asked in a squeaking voice. Johnny smiled and shrugged.
"Meh, it followed me around a couple of days ago and I had plenty of time to experiment." Suddenly, Nny's face grew serious. "Never spray it with barbeque sauce. That sauce cannot be trusted."
"Umm...okay...?" Todd answered, unsure as to how to respond. The adult near him didn't notice this hesitation and continued speaking.
"You see, barbeque sauce was my first choice, since it naturally repels things. But the thing just chugged it down like some goddamn demon! So I got an idea after killing some random/crazy people dumped at my house. Piggies cure everything! So I bought a few rubber pigs with squeakers at some pet shop with ADORABLE puppies, and throwing them far away makes that robot forget about you!"
"B-but why were you on the roof?"
Johnny blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I see why that seems confusing. The logical reason would be so that it couldn't tackle me, but I didn't think of that until now. I just thought it would be fun. And you need new shoes, Squeegee."
Todd looked at his scary neighbor in confusion, puzzled by his odd statements sprinkled here and there, until he finally understood that last statement was directed at him. He looked down at his feet as if surprised to see them intact. "Yeah. Some bullies fed them to a dog."
"Was it a puppy?" Johnny asked excitedly.
"Um, no, I don't think so."
Nny's face darkened to an intense hatred that nearly scared the pee out of little Todd Casil. "Was it a chihuahua?"
"N-NO! It was just a little poodle!"
Johnny nodded gravely, as if a poodle eating little boys' shoes were something worthy of being mourned. He smiled cheerily again as a figuritive lightbulb appeared over his head. Geez, bipolar much?
"I have an idea! I'll take you to the shoe store and you can pick out whatever shoes suits your fancy! Then I'll just kill the other child wearing them, strangle any witnesses, remove the shoes of the child before any spilt blood or organ juice stains them, and presto! You have a new pair of shoes!"
Todd's eyes widened to a terrifying size at the mention. "Why not just buy them?" Johnny chuckled to himself and took one of Todd's hands, leading him back out of the alley and down the sidewalk.
"Silly Squee. People selling their shoes to strangers? Why, that's just insane!"