Elvis Vs. Michael Myers
written
by
Ben Dover
Based on characters created by John Carpenter & Debra Hill.
Chapter 1: The King Will Rise Again
It was October 30th, 2011. It was a foggy night in Memphis, Tennessee. Priscilla Presley, Elvis Presley's widow, arrived at the Meditation Garden where Elvis was buried. She was carrying a bottle of Zombie Liquid in her left hand when she emerged from her car, and a flashlight in her right hand.
Priscilla stumbled around the graveyard looking for Elvis' grave. When she found it, she grabbed a shovel and started digging. When she saw Elvis' casket she pried it open with the shovel. Elvis' skeletal remains were inside the casket.
"You haven't aged well, Darling. Maybe some of this will help your looks," Priscilla said, opening the bottle of Zombie Liquid.
Priscilla poured all of the Zombie Liquid on Elvis's corpse. She began smiling with glee as Elvis started to reanimate. His bones began to shake and the bones started growing skin and hair. Finally, the reanimation was complete and Elvis was alive again.
Elvis sat up and looked around. His eyes then locked with Priscilla's. And he grinned at her mischeviously.
"Hello, baby. Come and give me some sugar!" Elvis said, cackling.
Priscilla stooped down and gave Elvis kiss on the lips. She then whimpered as Elvis started shoving his tongue in her mouth and kissing her hard. She pushed him away.
"Sorry, baby. It's been a long time since I played tonsil hockey," Elvis said.
"It's okay, I guess," Priscilla said.
"Now, will you help me get out of this thing. It smells like something died in here," Elvis said grumpily.
"Sure thing," Priscilla said, reaching down and giving Elvis a hand.
Elvis climbed out of the casket with Priscilla's help. He then looked around.
"So this is where my ass was buried," Elvis stated.
"Yes. Isn't it lovely?" Priscilla asked.
"It sure is, but not as lovely as you. So how about we buttfuck in the cemetery. It's been a long time since I've had a piece of ass," Elvis said, licking his lips.
"That is not why I am here, Elvis darling. I brought you to life because you are the only one who can defeat him," Priscilla said.
"Defeat who?" Elvis asked.
"Michael Myers," Priscilla said.
"Michael Myers? Wasn't he in Austin Powers?" Elvis asked.
"How do you know about Austin Powers? You were dead when that movie came out," Priscilla said, raising her voice.
"Oh, we have cable in Heaven," Elvis said.
"Oh, that's cool," Priscilla said.
"Not really. They're always showing Jersey Shore and Keeping Up With The Kardashians and horseshit like that. Would it hurt them to show Mama's Family every once in a while?" Elvis asked.
"Never mind that. You have to go to Haddonfield, Illinois and kill a serial killer named Michael Myers. Only the king of Rock 'N Roll can defeat the prince of evil," Priscilla said.
"Oh, hell. What the sam hell do I know about defeating serial killers? I'm just a Rock 'N Roll singer, for crying out loud," Elvis said.
"I know, but Dr. Sam Loomis in Haddonfield believes that only you can defeat this Michael Myers. And if you can defeat him, then the town of Haddonfield, Illionois can finally be safe," Priscilla said.
"Oh, what the hell do I want to go to Illinois for?" Elvis asked.
"Just go," Priscilla said, losing her patience.
"Oh, all right. But I've gotta take a shit first," Elvis said.
"Isn't that what killed you in the first place?" Priscilla asked, laughing.