First of all, I do not recommend reading this. It's dark and broody and angsty and needs every trigger warning available. Unfortunately, I cannot focus on the fic I am working on because this is stuck in my head. So, I decided to finally write it out, in hopes that it will quit haunting my mind and allow me to focus on my fic again. This is an AU, no magic or anything.
Trigger warnings for rape, non-con, dub-con, incest, violence, suicide, drug use and pretty much everything else. This is a terrible thing, but I really liked how it came out in words, so I decided that today, my name is Misery, and I'd like some company, so I'm posting it for everyone to see.
Nothing is fair in love or war.
It wasn't fair that she never had a mother to love her and take care of her. Instead she had a woman who gave birth to her and decided she owned her entire existence. Maybe if her father was around more, she could have had his protection, but in all fairness, he didn't want to be around her mother either.
It wasn't fair that the doctors had informed them that Regina would never be able to have children when she was only 15. Cora had been so angry that day, she didn't think to stop hitting Regina until late into the night. In all fairness though, the doctors had been paid very well to act like they didn't know what really happened to the broken girl. After all, it wasn't the first time.
It wasn't fair that her mother decided she would have to learn how to please her future husband very well in order to make up for her inability to produce children. The things she did to her own daughter weren't for her own pleasure, just to teach her how to handle herself and her future husband.
It seemed fair that a boy from a very poor family had taken an interest in Regina when she was 16. He was so smart and handsome. Regina thought she was finally going to get out of her mothers hands and fall into his loving arms. But, of course, her life wasn't really fair. It wasn't fair how easily paperwork got filed so Regina could marry a man who was old enough to be her father. In all fairness, the handsome boy decided he liked her mothers pay off more than Regina. The old man already had a daughter and therefore only needed Regina for her young and seemingly unused body.
It wasn't fair that he demanded she serve him as he thought a wife should. Nearly every night, he came to take what he had paid for. He had no concern for her well being, so that made his actions rough and violent at times. Her mother always took her to the same doctors to fix anything he broke, always paying twice as much as should be expected. To be fair, it wasn't Cora's money she was spending anymore, so the damages were fixed without much thought.
It wasn't fair that Regina had been taught how to please him by her own mother, but at least it hurried his time with her. The quicker she fulfilled his needs, the sooner he would leave. It wasn't fair that she got beat into unconsciousness by him and her mother every time she refused to put his man hood in her mouth, but she would rather die than taste that vile man on her tongue. She very nearly did more than once, but the doctors were very good at what they did.
It wasn't fair that the man had signed his possessions and estates over to Cora in his will, but his own daughter despised him after she witnessed what he did with Regina. Of course, it seemed fair enough to Regina when she got a police officer knocking on her husbands front door late one night to tell her there had been an accident. She had shook with fear of her mother finding a new slimy old man with money to marry her off to, but to be fair, Cora was in the car with Leopold that night.
It wasn't fair that Regina had to play the part of heart broken widow at the funerals. She had to cry and weep over her husbands coffin, and then her mothers also. But, in all fairness, she could smile and dance when no one was around. She cried and cried and tried not to smile when the police told her that her husband was getting the one thing she wouldn't do for him when he crashed. To be fair, it's probably very difficult to steer a shiny sports car that's going 85mph when Cora has her mouth wrapped around the shaft.
Regina found it very fair to learn that Cora had not made a will out at all. So, with Leopold dead, his assets went to Cora, who was dead. So, the next of kin got it all. Regina found it all very fair indeed. She sold most of the properties off quickly, not wanting anything of his. She put all the money she had earned with her life into investments, like the one property she kept. It was a bar, in fact. It wasn't fair that Regina had never been allowed to drink before, she realized her time would have been less painful if she had been drunk during her marriage. But in all fairness, no matter how drunk she got now, she still felt his hands gripping her body. She still felt her mother watching from the corner of the room.
It wasn't fair that men and women who came to her bar wanted her attentions. She didn't want anybody touching her skin ever again. They would all ask her out to dinner or some simply asked for a night with her. It seemed fair to tell them that she was a widow, and simply wasn't interested in them.
It wasn't fair that a blonde woman came to her bar every single Friday and Saturday night and sat for hours, sipping only a few drinks each night. It wasn't fair the woman was so stunningly beautiful that Regina could barely breath around her. It absolutely wasn't fair that the blonde woman always smiled sweetly and said 'maybe next time' every time Regina refused to date her. The blonde asked every night she was there, but never pushed her. She simply would smile so sweet, and it wasn't fair how Regina's heart trembled looking at her.
It wasn't fair that the blonde didn't give up on her. It had been six months of politely asking her out every Friday and Saturday night, and she still just smiled and waited.
It wasn't fair how Emma could send shockwaves thru her body by just lightly brushing her fingertips on the back of Regina's hand when she handed her a drink.
It wasn't fair that Regina stared at the door every Friday and Saturday night, longing to see the mess of curly blonde hair strut thru it.
It wasn't fair that the blonde was always the last one to leave on those nights. Regina would wait by the exit and Emma would stop in front of her and smile, hope filled eyes looking into Regina's very soul.
It wasn't fair that her body betrayed so often when the blonde looked at her. Emma should not have returned the kiss when Regina leaned in and touched her lips with her own. Regina should have shut the door after the blonde left, not before. She should not have locked it tight and taken the blonde by the hand and led her up the stairs in the back to her apartment upstairs.
Damn, it wasn't fair how Emma slowly and so gently took her own clothes off first. She exposed herself to Regina, never pushing for her to do the same. Emma just stood, naked in the moonlight from the window, smiling at her with that sweet smile. It seemed fair that Regina removed her own clothes though. It wasn't fair how her skin burned under that womans gaze. She wanted Emma to see her, no matter how much it scared her to be so vulnerable again.
Regina felt it wasn't fair how her skin reacted to the contact from this other woman. The way she sounded when their bodies came together was so foreign to her own ears. The moans and whimpers she made as Emma traced her soft mouth over every inch of her body was so alien to her, she thought perhaps she wasn't making them.
But it was fair to say she was making those noises, because Emma made her own moans and groans and whimpers and even words so soft and sweet when Regina showed the blonde woman how much she enjoyed her body. Regina never wanted to stop tasting this woman's skin on her tongue. She never wanted to feel anything but this woman under her fingertips.
It wasn't fair that Emma had to leave on Sunday morning. Regina couldn't ask her to stay, because to be fair, the blonde must have a life outside of Regina's little bar. It wasn't fair how much she cried just because it would be a whole week before she could hope to see the woman again.
It wasn't fair that Emma kept coming back, every Friday and Saturday night, and then left again every Sunday morning. It wasn't fair Regina couldn't keep her there. But in all fairness, Emma stayed every Friday and Saturday night. She worshipped Regina's body like it was the last breath of air she would ever breath.
It wasn't fair that Regina had this woman in her hands for only a year. It wasn't fair when Emma didn't smile and asked for water instead of her usual beer. It wasn't fair Regina had to wait until closing time to be alone to ask why.
It wasn't fair that Emma quietly told her she was pregnant.
It wasn't fair at all that Regina refused to hear any of the words after Emma Swan told her it was Mr. Swan's baby.
It wasn't really fair at all that Regina shoved Emma out the door without another chance to speak.
To be fair, Emma had been married for six years before she met Regina.
Emma found it unfair that the security at the entrance refused to let her in for the next 3 weeks. They knew her, and they knew what had happened. It was only fair that the bar staff hated her for hurting Regina. They knew the owner never let anyone into her home or heart. She had let Emma in and Emma had destroyed her more than her mother or dead husband could have. She had allowed herself to love this blonde, allowed herself to feel loved for the first time in her life.
It wasn't fair that Emma loved Regina more than she thought possible, and she had destroyed the woman.
It wasn't fair that the puddle of crimson looked so beautiful on the floor under her torn wrist. She watched it leak out of her and form the most beautiful pattern on her kitchen floor. She sat and considered how unfair it was that it would take so long for her to slip out of this unfair world.
It was only fair that she end her own existence, after all, this was the only part she could control. She could control how she ended her unfair life. She thought it odd that Emma fell thru her second story window, just then. How unfair it was that the blonde had managed to climb so high, when Regina couldn't even stand up right now.
It wasn't fair that Emma tore her shirt off and hurriedly wrapped it around Regina's ruined wrist. It wasn't fair that Regina couldn't understand the shouted words into a cell phone as Emma held her tightly to herself.
It seemed fair though, that Regina could close her eyes against the blonde woman's chest and breath deeply a few more last times, smelling the woman who held her. She could pretend everything was fine, for a few more moments.
It wasn't fair that as she rested her head on the blonde woman, so many people burst thru her door, disturbing her peace. But, to be fair, she was enveloped in blackness before they pulled her out of Emma's arms.
…..
To be continued… after I get over this bit.