The Internet is For...
Disclaimer: Do not own Lux Pain or Avenue Q so sue me! I need an Evoker if I get sued though... I only own Sora!
Summary: The title says it all. Just when Atsuki thinks he can explain the positive points of the internet, Hibiki tells him the true usage of the internet.
Pairing: Hinted Akira/Atsuki
Genre: Parody, Humor
Warning: INTENTIONAL OOC, swearing, sexual crap, shonen ai jokes and our favorite Avenue Q.
Actually, I don't know which Avenue Q song is better. If You Were Gay or The Internet is For Porn which is so overused on . Oh well, I will be one of those people who just has to do an Avenue Q one. Enjoy!
Atsuki Saijo was not a happy person today. For one thing, it was his day off, but FORT wouldn't leave him alone. He just wanted to sleep in on a Sunday and if he got a call from one of his friends, he would go with them depending on if he felt better or not.
That was not happening. Natsuki Venefskuja appeared on the screen of the computer complaining about FORT. What she was complaining about, Atsuki tried not to listen since it was something different each day that was related to the same thing.
"I hate the people here!" Natsuki complained, "They say they're doing their work but all they do is sit at the computer and look at porn! If it weren't for Nola and me, Russia would be in big trouble!"
The telepath sighed. She wasn't the only one who hated porn...but there were good thing about the internet.
"I never want to go on the internet again at this rate..." Natsuki mumbled seemingly losing hope.
"Natsuki, the internet is not all bad."
Natsuki looked unconvinced, "Really?"
"Yeah. The internet is really great for..."
"FOR PORN!"
There was a long pause. Atsuki sighed. Why did he get a computer that can communicate with others?
Best to ignore him.
"Atsuki?"
"Just ignore the voice Natsuki. Anyway, the internet has a fast connection so you don't have to wait-"
"FOR PORN!"
"-red vein- There's always a new site-"
"FOR PORN!"
"You can browse all day and night-"
"FOR PORN!"
"-two red veins- It's like you can surf at the speed of light-"
"FOR PORN!"
Atsuki just had it up to here. "HIBIKI!"
What Atsuki meant by communication is that whoever was online that was his friend, an image would appear on screen showing who that person was and record exactly what he was saying as well as his overall expression.
"The internet is for porn!"
Atsuki was getting annoyed by the unwanted guest. "HIBIKI!"
"The internet is for porn!"
"What are you doing?!"
"Why you think the net was born? Porn, porn, porn!"
There was a long pause. Natsuki obviously knew who Hibiki Kiryu was and her opinion of him just worsened. Atsuki was not pleased for many reasons.
"Hibiki!"
Hibiki finally seemed to notice that Atsuki was online. "Hey Atsuki-chan!"
"Oh do I hate that name! You're ruining my explanation to Natsuki!"
Hibiki was confused, "What do you mean explanation? Isn't this supposed to be a song?"
"Like I would sing that crap! Anyway, can you please SHUT UP?!"
There was a long pause as Hibiki nodded his head.
"At least you can listen." Atsuki looked at the screen with Natsuki on it. She seemed like she would leave if he didn't tell her the good parts of the internet soon. "Natsuki, you might want to take notes."
"Okay..."
"I think you know that this is new technology..."
"FOR PORN!"
If Atsuki could ruin his mind via the web, he would do it. At this rate, he would have to sing the song instead of explaining it.
"Atsuki?"
"There are jobs-"
"FOR PORN!...Sorry..."
Natsuki was losing all hope at this rate. Why didn't Atsuki just admit that the cyan haired teen was right.
"Right from your desktop-"
"For-"
Atsuki glared at him forcing him to be quiet.
"You can research, browse and shop." Atsuki paused waiting for Hibiki to say something, but he never did. "Until you've had enough and your ready to stop."
Hibiki has his limits on keeping silent though. "FOR PORN!"
"Hibiki!" Atsuki yelled for like the fourth time.
"The internet is for porn!"
"Noooooooo!"
"The internet is for porn!"
"Hibiki!!!!!!"
"Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!"
Atsuki was truly disgusted. "That's gross! You're a pervert!"
Hibiki shook his head, "Ah, sticks and stones Atsuki-chan."
Natsuki realized that she wasn't apart of this anymore.
"No really, you're a pervert! Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the internet!"
By normal, the silver haired teen must have meant people who weren't telepaths. Hibiki raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"What?!"
Hibiki points at the screen. "You have no idea! Ready normal people?"
"Ready!"
"Ready!"
"Ready!"
Atsuki gawked. When did his friends log on?!
"This has turned into a sing-along..." Natsuki mumbled as she was getting ready to log off.
"Let me hear it!"
"The internet is for porn!"
"Sorry Saijo."
That was Akira Mido.
"The internet is for porn."
"I masturbate!" the material arts said proudly.
"All these guys unzip their flies for porn, porn, porn!"
"...I'm not a guy..."
That was Rui Yamase. She was unheard though.
"The internet is NOT for porn!"
"PORN! PORN! P-"
Atsuki was at his limit for keeping his composure in front of his friends and he didn't think Hibiki was one of them now.
"HOLD ON A SECOND!"
They all stop singing. Hibiki sweatdropped. He might have pulled the other telepath's strings.
"Now I know for a fact that you, Shinji, check your portfolio and trade stocks online!"
"...I don't know about the portfolio part but I guess that stocks is correct." the purple haired teen said sarcastically.
"And Sora, you buy things on !"
"I do?" Sora asked dumbfounded.
"And Rui...why are you even on here?"
The blonde fortune teller shrugged her shoulders.
"...Don't you sell you possessions on Ebay?"
Rui grinned. "Yes I do!"
Atsuki glared at Akira, the one he trusted the most out of the bunch.
"And Akira, you sent me that sweet ringtone!"
...It's birthday card. Hibiki thought to himself. Why can't Atsuki-chan play along?
"True."
Hibiki laughed, "Oh but Atsuki-chan, what do you think he'd do...after? Hmm?"
Sora bursted out laughing. Shinji snickered and Rui was looking at something on her side of the computer screen. Akira blushed slightly.
"...Yeah."
There was a long pause for a second...two seconds, four, eight, sixteen, thirty two, a minute and four seconds...
"EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!"
"The internet is for porn!" they all continued singing.
"Gross!" At this point, we all lost the gray haired teen as he followed along with the song unintentionally.
"The internet is for porn!"
"I HATE PORN!"
We all know that Atsuki.
"Grab your dick and double click for porn porn porn!"
"I hate you guys..."
They continued chanting porn until Atsuki told Natsuki that he was leaving.
"I hate the internet!"
He logged off his computer despite the girl's protest.
Hibiki grinned. He had won. "The internet is for-"
"The internet is for!
"THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!"
"And yaoi!" Rui added.
"YEAH!"
There was a long silence. Natsuki had logged off after Atsuki. Akira sighed.
"Hibiki, you know that Saijo is going to kill me at school tomorrow, right?"
Hibiki laughed, "Just give him a mix tape and he'll feel better."
Akira was not so sure that plan would work. I guess it was his fault for playing a prank on his friend...but ironically, the song kind of matched them all in a way and that sent shivers down the material artist's spine.
Me: Done with 1808 words.
Li: So random.
Yohko: Tell me about it.
Me: It had to be done. In Broken Hearts, I just had to advance the hatred of Atsuki and porn and increase the love of Hibiki and porn. We all know that Hibiki would make a good Trekkie Monster. And it seemed like Atsuki was the only one who realized that they were singing Avenue Q...it's NOT CRAP!
Li: What about Ryo?
Me: He doesn't have a computer...and between you and me, he doesn't seem to be interested in that stuff compared to the other three guys. (Sora is just stupid...I swear...)
Li: And Rui?
Me: She looks black so she can be Gary Coleman. I needed her to add the yaoi at the end because that's the porn SHE looks up. LOL
Li: Oh...I thought she was a lesbian.
Me: Just infer...anyway, after this randomness, I will go back to chapter 11 of Broken Hearts! Ja ne!