clarke + healing

installment (1) of (8) in my meta series "the 100 + after we part"

(credit to the creators of the 100 where it is due.)

Clarke wandering for weeks and months, staying with various Grounder tribes that welcome Clarke of the Sky People, who slayed the Mountain Men.

Clarke never being able to stay in one place for too long because she can't bear to hear the tales of the death she's wrought.

Clarke staying tucked away in the mountains for a time, drawing the trees and the peaks on paper she'd traded for (Grounders always welcome the skills of a healer), breathing the mountain air and slowly trying to repair her heart.

Clarke wandering to the coast through the forest, smiling for the first time in so long when she sees the endless ocean, watching the waves ripple across the expanse of water.

Clarke being absorbed into a tribe of Grounders who are removed from the circles of rumors going around about her great victory.

Clarke becoming their healer and having children come running to accompany her when she needs to go looking for herbs.

Clarke spending hours on the beach, drawing in the sand, soaking in the sun, watching the sea and the effect of the wind on it, lost in thought.

Clarke refusing for the longest time to join in any celebrations, preferring to spend them in her little hut, grinding herbs and keeping to herself. (She doesn't deserve to be happy like that.)

Clarke starting to cry when a little girl with dark hair and blue eyes, with chubby cheeks and a shy smile, gives her a necklace of seashells strung together. The little girl hugging her, seeming to get, somehow, that Clarke's tears are not because of her.

Clarke being drawn out, little by little, by the people of the village. Being brought along on berry-picking expeditions by the women, being trusted implicitly by the men to tend to their wounds. Being asked by their village's leader to weigh in on decisions as their healer.

Clarke starting to laugh again.

Clarke adapting to the Grounders' way of life, but always retaining a small piece of her being a Sky Person, because she will always be different, always kom skai kru.

Clarke learning to speak Trigadeslang and making children giggle as she mispronounces. (Sometimes she does it on purpose, just to get that reaction.)

Clarke training with a warrior of the village–Rael–(a solemn, wise woman who fights hard but also loves deeply and sees no weakness in it) and getting stronger.

Clarke joining the Grounders when they're all gathering, late one night, for some momentous event that she hasn't quite grasped, just to realize they're watching a meteor shower. The pain is palpable on her face.

Clarke sitting on the beach at dawn with Rael and telling her in muted whispers of the people she left behind, of the death she caused, of a promise to return someday. (Of being afraid to go back to them.)

Clarke crying as Rael tells her that some wounds take longer to heal than others. That the courage will return in time. That she has been brave for her people. That they can now be brave for her and wait until she's ready to go back to them. That she is not weak for needing this time to repair her heart. That she would be weak if she weren't affected by everything she's done. And then resting her hand on Clarke's head as she settles back in silence and Clarke breaks down, sobbing.

Clarke being noticeably lighter after that, smiling more and laughing harder, and allowing herself to cry when she needs to. Welcoming anyone who comes to her with open arms, having sweets for children, and a kind word for adults.

Clarke decorating her little home with seashells and sea glass.

Clarke telling tales of her adventures with Bellamy, the rebel leader, and Raven, who shouldn't have survived, and Octavia, who loved one of the tri kru, and Jasper and his goggles, Monty and his pure heart, and all the people she loves. (She smiles when she speaks of them and realizes it doesn't hurt like it did once.)

Clarke joining in the dances and the ceremonies and going on gathering and hunting trips as she's invited and spending six months among them before Rael looks at her one day and says that it's time.

Clarke trying to deny it, wanting to stay longer, to continue healing, but Rael shaking her head and saying that she has done her healing, it is time to regain her courage and rejoin her people and continue her journey there.

Clarke preparing to leave with no lack of emotion, packing her shells and her paintings and her clothes into a pack as children drift by, giving her more small gifts, of rocks and shells and dried food, that she packs away.

Clarke standing at the village entrance, tears in her eyes and with a tremulous smile, as the whole village turns out to see her off, with called farewells and last minute hugs and Clarke promises that she'll come back to see them some day–and bring her people with her–and gives final instructions for the injured that are still healing.

Clarke walking forward into the forest, only to hear someone call after her, and turning to find Rael, the warrior who trained her (and helped heal her) stalking towards her with a grudging smile that she's trying to smother. "We cannot afford to have our healer be eaten or lost on her journey. I will accompany you to your destination."

Clarke welcoming her friend with a grateful smile and the two falling into step together to begin the long journey. Only for the warrior to ask what exactly is their destination again? and Clarke just starts laughing.

Clarke and Rael travelling for weeks, talking and sharing, and Rael helping to settle Clarke's fear that she isn't ready for this step, sometimes insisting they stop so that they can "train" but really it's just a tussle to help Clarke blow off her nerves.

Clarke whispering to Rael about Bellamy late at night, about how much it had hurt to have to walk away, about how much she trusted him, about how much she'd realized she needed him to be able to lead. About how he'd helped her pull the lever, about how he'd tried to take some of the blame for the deaths at Mount Weather.

Clarke telling Rael several nights later how much she's missed him. All of them. Her people. Even if they hate her when she comes back, she still hasmissed them.

Clarke and Rael being road-weary when they finally come across that last hill, exit the tree-line to see the loom of the Ark and the fence around Camp Jaha. Rael clasping Clarke's forearm and then pulling her into hug her. This is as far as she will go. The rest is up to Clarke.

Clarke thanking her for everything in Trigadeslang, promising again to come see them, before turning towards Camp Jaha and her people, fingers tight around the strap of her pack as she walks towards it, already seeing Arkers gathering at the gate.

she's home.

(end clarke + healing)

thank you for perusing this scrawl.