`A recluse violin` it is a horrible title for an article in a classical music magazine. And mostly, because this is about me. I don't even mention the photo…what an infamy. I just look so pale, my expression is flummoxed, my hair is combed wrongly and the violin is oddly held in my arms.
This magazine is called `All things strings` and this is the first and hopefully the last time that I appear on the cover page.
I still remember on the stifling hot evening when Amou Nami startled me in my favorite coffee shop in Vienna. It happened three weeks ago. That night was surprisingly sultry in spite of the fact that it was the beginning of May…
`Neh, Tsukimori Len! This is my lucky day! ` She sounded more enthusiastic than any time before.
I contemplated the blonde cyclone in front of my usual table and bowed my head in order to show a tiny reverence.
`Cold like always…` She mused and without permission she sat in front of me.
I gazed the steam of the coffee. I struggled to discover how the vapor connects to the air and become one. Of course I failed. My eyes cracked and my mind wandered far away.
The vernal girl ordered an Italian cappuccino and patiently waited for me to start the conversation…which never occurred. I was extremely moody and I didn't need anybody… a person like Amou Nami was the last character who I wished to see.
`Hey Tsukimori, be kind to me. We haven't seen each other for like three years. Don`t be like this. `
Finally, I could have shaped my lips to a huge O then closed them again. I heaved deeply, shut my eyes and for her joy, I pronounced some annoying words.
`What are you doing here? `
`That`s how you greet an old friend? So relentless… You know, I`m an innocuous poison. ` She winked and slurped the whipped cream from the top of the hot drink. Then she continued… `Well, see how nice I am and I share with you my business here. I`m working for a classical music magazine and I was sent to Europe to prepare some interviews. But I`ve never dreamt of meeting you here. ` Amou Nami finished snootily.
I nodded and twisted my thoughts to the fact that I will be the next target of the young journalist and this time I have nowhere to run.
`Don't be so taciturn, let`s converse about your daily life. For example what about romance? You must be so busy with practice and university classes, I don't even mention your concerts. Do you have someone to share your success with? `
`I am not concerned with simple concepts like romance or love. I live my life for music and for my violin… `
`Then marry your violin…` She giggled and bombarded me with several crazy questions.
And this is how it started… slowly but surely, she gouged all information out of me. After three weeks, the magazine published its newest gossips and interviews. Amou Nami`s boss was extremely pleased by her work with the famous Tsukimori Len and for this merry moment, he edited my gloomy figure on the front page. Until now, nobody had the luck to force me into a detailed interview.
After she got what she wanted, the blonde hurricane promptly proceeded and contently waved her hands for a good-bye to me when she mentioned a name what I didn't intend to hear.
`Take care Tsukimori! Thanks for the interview! Anyway… do you want to hear about Hino Kahoko? `
My eyes trembled and fat sweat drops nipped down on my back. I shook my head and waved back to the annoying woman.
The article is merely exaggerated my personal life: my eccentric and solitary weekends, my dense schedule for concerts and practice. The main inquiry is about my love life and Amou Nami placed this fact in the middle of the article. `Tsukimori Len doesn't have anyone to share his achievements! Or maybe… he has a long lasting unrequited love… `
`Nonsense… ` With this word I hurl the magazine at the dining table and approach the living room.
I stand in front of my bookcase and staring at a glistening, minuscule chess set. It is made by Swarovski and each chess figure holds a different kind of musical instrument. It was a birthday gift from the London Orchestra. I palpate the queen, who is an angelical woman with long hair; her hands are enveloped around a violin.
`Perhaps… I should have listened to that blonde woman and hear about Hino… no… what a crazy idea. She must be married or at least engaged to someone… `
I shift my mind to Shimizu Keiichi. I keep in touch with Keiichi since I left Seiso Academy. The young cellist sends me e-mails every week and mostly he is concerned about music and music…and music…but lately his mails are encompassed with Fuyuumi Shoko… So I`m sure that maybe they are in a relationship, but I never asked Keiichi about it.
I met Keiichi a year ago in London. Both of us were invited for a concert. Since that time, Keiichi has been writing more mails. Maybe I should ask him about Hino… no… bad idea…
`I`m not interested in any of the members of the late concurs… ` Arbitrarily, I was elucidated by Keiichi about some of them.
Hino must be in a relationship with the pianist or …. maybe with the trumpeter. No… Tsuchiora can`t be… he won a scholarship to the states and he`s been there since two years. I heard from Keiichi that Hihara went to study music at a Japanese university with Yunoki. That Yunoki… he was always peering Hino with famish eyes…with a glance he would have peeled her clothes down… And Hihara… so innocent and childish, most of the time he made her smile and laugh. I was always jealous for that reason…
I inhale then exhale and continue my inner monologue:
Hino… you never loved me, didn't you… Well… you never had any reason to feel the same way for me. I always made you uneasy and nervous…. Yeah, I guess, I never sensed she would have been relaxed in my company. I chided her. I created predicament around us… Anyway, I never discombobulated my mind with simple, mundane feelings like love or love sickness…and I`m sure that I would never ever confess to myself that I have love sickness…
Then why do I have these desires… yearning for her music, longing for her fervent smile. The image in my mind represents how she moved her hand over the violin strings. The other picture draws her serene expression during she enjoyed the music. Her melody still echoes in my ears and… undoubtedly in my heart. Her confiding notes and sounds which were created only by Hino… and then… here comes my carnal thoughts… when I fancy her petite and pretty figure in that white, pink dress… like a painting of an angel with a violin. Her crimson hair covers her creamy shoulders, her delicate skin sparkles against the dim lights on the stage… is this love, respect or only devotion to a fellow violinist…? I tumble my own feelings and in this way it`s more complicated to comprehend them… Two years ago I was more certain… but my awkwardness is still the same…
My cell phone rings…who is it… oh…it`s Keiichi…
`Len, I`m Keiichi. How are you? `
Why does he call me this time? … he usually sends mails.
`Just fine, what about you? `
`Nothing particularly. I`ve read the article in the `All things strings`… how did you react? `
`How would I? I don't care much… `
`Do you want to know about Hino? `
I could bite the silence through the phone line… Keiichi patiently waited for my answer.
My inner thoughts incised my mind…This is a great and unexpected opportunity…let him talk…no… I don't intend to hear about her… why would I mind? … Wait a minute… That blonde, wanton witch! She must have told things to Keiichi. How idiot I am! In my weak moment I blurted out my `secret` that I keep in touch with him. Keiichi, you backstabber! You are no longer my friend… Maybe, if I consent myself to the information about Hino, my reverie will stop melding with my desires. It`s worth giving a try.
`Yeah, Keiichi, what`s with her that you are so desperate to talk about that woman? `
`Maybe some information would help you…`
`Help me in what? `
`Never mind… anyway… I don't know much about her… `
Then why does he offer to share? I`m dancing on the last string what holds me between patience and madness.
`I`m sure that she continued playing the violin. This must be significant for you. She is studying music at the university, probably, to become a violin teacher. She frequently helps Ousaki Shinobu and the children. In my opinion they are in good terms with each other. And… hmmm… what`s his name… Kaji Aoi… he also helps them a lot. That`s all I know. `
I don't respond immediately, just let my imagination fly somewhere to the obscure remoteness.
`Thanks Keiichi… `
`So when will you have your last concert in the summer? `
`It will be 20th of August… in Budapest, the Hungarian capital. `
`Great, good luck! `
`Thanks… hey Keiichi… you and Fuyuumi… `
`Yes, I`m happy with her. Now I should go, take care. `
Keiichi disconnected with his usual sleepy voice and left me with more questions than I had before.
What was that? I totally forgot about Kaji and Ousaki… obviously both of them had or still have a crush on her. Kaji is kind of a plucky character and Ousaki has just a catching personality that any woman would fall for him. Opposite of me…
I leave in peace the grudge against Keiichi… thinking of oblivious facts that it`s not the blonde, angel faced young man`s fault…
Amou and Hino were good friends, probably, they are still… if Keiichi knew about the article, then…no… oh no… she also must have read it… great, just great! Now she knows how miserable I am… how lonesome and yes…a big looser.
I go to sleep with the white queen chess figure in my palm… holding it so tightly that at the morning when I wake up, I don't feel blood in my veins.
The days have elapsed rapidly and I prepare my trip to Hungary. The calendar turns to 19th of August…
`Good evening Sir! Your room is the 205. Enjoy your stay! `
`Thanks a lot. `
I approach my room and refresh myself with a cool shower.
I must go out and do something before I have another wool-gathering about her…
I leave the room and take a stroll at the river bank area of the city.
It`s late already… 9 pm… I guess I should head back and rest…what is this music… it`s a violin…
My ears catch a peerless lament of a violin. It`s not perfect… it`s not progressive… just simple and pure notes are striking the summer air. The melody is so familiar… it`s Ave Maria…
It cannot be Hino… it`s impossible…
I nibble my lower lip and twiddle my fingers… Persistently, I follow the origin of the lento music when my eyes are set on a slender girl who has a long strawberry colored hair… she is bemused by the attire of the melody. Her crumbling is hidden in her sublime playing.
`Kahoko…` I whisper with the swish of the luscious summer breeze. But the girl hasn't perceived my shaking voice.
In half a tick, she reaches the end of the song, places her instrument into her violin case. She turns her back and goes on.
Maybe I`m a stalker but I should follow her!
Gingerly, I place my feet on the same path as Hino did before and I plead to God for a tiny luck.
It must be a figment… she cannot be here… I must be sure… I must know…
I continue following the enigmatic girl when for my surprise, I find myself in the same hotel where I checked in some hours ago.
The young woman takes the elevator and vanishes.
`Oh Tsukimori Len… I was searching for you! `
A middle aged man with hazel hair is shaking my hands…
`I`m the organizer of the following event… I`d like to ask you when do you want to perform… you are my special guest tomorrow, so you can decide the order of the performers. ` He grins.
`Thanks, I appreciate your concern. But I don't mind the order. `
`That`s a relief because today a Japanese violinist arrived and I really want her to be the first performer. An old friend of mine recommended her and I trust this friend so much. But I don't know much about this girl so it`s better if she starts and in case she is not a top notch we can make it up and the audience will forget her mistake. ` He grins again.
`What`s her name? `
`Oh Hino Kahoko… I`ve never heard her name… but Shimizu Keiichi gave his word that I won`t be disappointed in this pretty girl. Maybe you should go and talk to her… after all, you speak the same language. `
I nod and gentlemanly excuse myself. I`m in my room… feasting my eyes on the ceiling and tears welling up from my honey orbs…
`Thank you, Keiichi… `
I try to avoid Hino all day long… I believe that everything depends on timing… and the best time to talk to her will be after the concerts.
I take my seat between the audiences; after all, I`m the last performer, I have enough time to enjoy the other performers` music. My expression is set ablaze. I`m dripping with cold sweat and finally, the long awaited sight is in front of my eyes. I am mesmerized by the view of a gorgeous girl.
Hino Kahoko represents flawlessness. She is wearing a snow white summer dress, revealing her ivory knees and shoulders. Her hair is playing the role of a colorful feather like blanket on her back. She is simply beautiful…
Her song is Canon by Pachelbel. I just couldn't restrain myself anymore… I stand up, place my violin under my chin and create a surprising duet with Hino… First she hasn't recognized me, and then slowly, she opens her eyes and tries to not dissipate her melody with the sudden changing. She manages to continue playing. Our music melds together in a sweet embrace.
She bows her head and abandons the stage.
I hope she will listen to my song…I was so reckless… I should not have interfered into her performance. But I just can`t handle my desires anymore. I`m so happy that she is here. Maybe she will leave soon, but…this is a chance…
My performance is composed… well practiced and perfect. Somehow it is extremely different from my previous playing. My stoic expression cringingly has left and beckoned my desires in the melody. I relish each note how they linger around between the ancient castle walls.
My composure is drenched with confidence and I run to search for the girl. She has a ringside seat and I reach her before she stands up.
I`m no longer the commander of my acts. I grab Hino`s waist and tightly hug her.
`Tsukimori-kun, it`s ok, but I can`t breathe. `
`Sorry… ` I discover my mistake and gingerly pull her away.
`Long time no see… how are you Tsukimori-kun? `
`I`m fine, and you? Would you like to walk around the Buda Castle? `
`Sure! `
We are walking silently on the cobble sidewalks when we find a tempting confectioner`s shop. I am aware of the fact that Hino adores sweets so we drop in on the shop and order some delicious pastries.
`Your performance was awesome! ` She smiles innocently.
`Don't flatter Hino… ` I must be blushing...
`No… really… somehow it was not you… I mean it was you, I just could have heard the timbre of your feelings…there were two times when I heard you playing like this: the first one was after the second selection and the other times were when we played the Ave Maria duets. `
Maybe she understood my feelings for her… that`s not good… I should confess quickly… what if she is in love with someone else, or … she is already engaged… I should check her finger… no… she doesn't have any ring. That`s a relief, but it doesn't mean anything propitious for me. How I wish I could read her mind…
`Your performance was marvelous. You continued playing the violin and you became much better. I`m proud of you. ` She looks so nervous… maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that I`m proud of her… was it a good idea? I don't think so… ohhhh…. I can`t stand this anymore… I yearn for her…
`Maybe I got a little better, but it`s all thanks to you. I`m still using that knowledge that you taught me some years ago. From Ousaki senpai I`m unable to learn… I don't understand myself… `
She hides her face with her hair and tastes the cookies. Does she refer to innuendo? Maybe my love is not belated… don't be idiot Tsukimori Len… three years have passed and you think that your love is not belated? I`m so desperate…
I`m not sure what to respond so the wisest thing I can do is remaining silent. I`m feeble and moping… I was never sly or honest… I don't have knowledge how to read people, how to comfort them, how to handle situations where I`m touching something in the vortex of my feelings…but I don't see anything… only the murky surroundings.
What should I do? …
`Excuse me… ` Probably she goes to the restroom.
My cell phone rings again, this time a text message from Keiichi.
`Hopefully the package has arrived… it`s your choice what to do with it… you can open it, you can spoil it, you can send it back to Japan… but one good advice… be sincere with yourself and with her… `
He has great timing… but this is nothing new. This is my verdict!
She is coming back. She places her feet after each other… Hino looks like a swan on a rippling surface of a lake. So dainty…
`Tsukimori-kun… you have changed a lot… `
`In what kind of aspect? ` In my opinion I am the same ice-prince who I was back then. Unfortunately, I always knew my nickname…
`Well…let`s start with the outside… you grew taller and you are more muscular… `
She is the first one who mentions I`m muscular. I can feel it; God is in my side today! I had a lot of practice and my muscles became stiff and tired. I went to the gym every day…this must be the result.
`And… you are more talkative than you were… `
She doesn't understand… I`m talkative only with her! But she is the same Hino… she hasn't changed at all… her serene smiles, her slender body… just gorgeous… her hair has grown a lot… but her soul and thinking way are the exact same.
`Tsukimori-kun, tell me more about your everyday life. Many things must have happened! `
`It`s nothing worth mentioning. I study. I practice. I give concerts. I study… I practice… I give concerts…`
`You could travel whole Europe. I envy you. ` She has a scarlet hue on her cheeks.
`That`s true… in my tiny free time I tried to check famous and beautiful places. I wish I could show you…`
What am I bubbling about? Am I an idiot? Yes you are Tsukimori Len… you are…
`That would be great! I`d love to see Paris and Rome… at least… I know there are a lot more to visit but I have limited time and you must be very busy… `
The other side of the coin… maybe I`ve received a puny luck and blessing…
`Actually, I don't have anything to do until the 10th of September. Sometimes I should practice but I don't have any other duties. ` I need to know when she will leave… If I ask, she would think that I want her to go back quickly… but if I don't ask… I will be blindfolded and always anxious about the time that I can spend with her. What should I do…what should I do….
`Don't worry about it… I will just disturb you for 5 days. I have a limited time…but I want to use it deftly. `
As I thought, she has a crazy mind… working in an opposite way… she is not a disturbance for me! Than say it out loud… and make her sure that she is not!
`Hino, you don't disturb me. ` Yeah now I really have a crimson face…. Wait, 5 days? That`s enough for nothing! 5 days is not even enough for me to gather my courage and confess… Oh Keiichi, you should have given us more time. You… greedy bastard!
I must act rapidly. I take out my cell phone and dial the number that I need.
`Yes… Tsukimori Len, could you get 2 tickets to Rome very quickly? ….Yes… I appreciate. Ok. Thanks a lot. `
I grab her hand, place the money on the table and catch a taxi.
`What are you doing Tsukimori-kun? ` She is confused.
`We head back to the hotel. I need you to pack as fast as you can. Tonight we are going to Rome. `
I`m not able to read her expression but it`s the mélange of surprise and happiness. I can call it as my day if I just give her a little joy. But after 5 days… will I see her again?
We could have caught the flight. It was close but we made it.
`Hino… I`m sorry… I couldn't get first class tickets… it was really sudden and anyway… the flight time it`s not more than 1 and a half hours. So we can deal with it, can`t we? `
`Of course. I don't care much about first class… I`m so happy…. `
Does she feel happy because we are going to Rome? Does she feel merry because she is with me? Aghhhhh…. Why can`t I just ask her? No… that is not an option here… but before I push this any further I really need to find out something significant.
`Tell me more about your life… we haven't seen each other for years. So many things should have happened to you… your daily life must be more astonishing than mine. ` Why do I need to be sneaky? Just get to the point…
`Well… I still love the violin… and I want to be a violin teacher. If children understand the magic of music since they are little, they will enjoy it a lot. And the audience will appreciate it, too. For this very reason, I help to Ousaki senpai a lot. Kaji-kun and Etou-kun also come to the place two times weekly. `
Etou.. Etou… who is that guy? Oh now I remember… how did I forget his name and his face… fine… another rival…
`And how is your love life, Tsukimori-kun? Many girls must fall for you! ` She winks.
`I`m sorry to say, but I don't have time for romance… ` I wish I could have… with YOU!
She nods then swims in the awkward silence. But this is an alluring situation, now I can through back the question without her noticing my intention.
`And you Hino… are you in a relationship? ` Idiot…
She hesitates… I can apprehend how she is twiddling her fingers… she bites her lower lip… does this mean that she really belongs to someone? …. Belongs to another man… another man…. Who is not me… Oh… please… answer… I should know…. These minuscule moments seem like years…
`What a question, Tsukimori-kun… I`m surprised that you ask something like this. But of course….` of course what? Don't separate your sentence! Please, stop torturing me! ` Of course I`m not in a relationship. `
Huuuuuu….. That was close. I nearly lost my patience. But she doesn't belong to anyone. What a relief. This doesn't mean she would be mine… but I can see a shooting star on my murky night`s firmament.
What might I ask her… after my question I`m sure that she feels uneasy. I must change the topic…
`So do you know what do you want to visit in Rome or do you let me be your tour guide? `
`Please, take care for me. I`d be pleased by your help. `
In my mind I try to collect all the possible places we can visit. I have to deal with the short time… and arrange a quick reservation for a room in a nice hotel. A room with two beds… why? I incise my voluptuous desires and imagine things that would be improper. I don't have any experience in this topic… but I should clean my mind and sweep out the dirty and naughty pictures….And on the top of that… Rome and Paris… these two cities are designed for lovers… it will be harder to dissipate my perky thoughts than I expect.
I could get a room for two in the city center. From this place, tomorrow morning we will be able to visit many places.
`Are you satisfied with the room and the service? ` I should know if my taste meets hers.
`Oh you must be kidding! This is perfect! I should never yearn for more! I`m really embarrassed… I take much from your time and I only cause trouble for you. You do too many things for me. Also in the past and right now…I`m sorry. `
`Hino…. ` I`m not sure what to respond. She misunderstands like always. I could do anything for her! But I`m too coward to say it into her eyes.
`Anyway… did you really think that I will sleep with you in the same room? ` She puts her hands on her waist and she`s watching me with stretched eyes…
`I mean… I`m sorry… I thought that separate beds would do… let me go quickly and get another room for myself…`
`Fu fu… Tsukimori-kun! Don't worry. I was joking! Of course separate beds will be okay. `
I force a fake grin. Maybe her sense of humor has changed.
`Oh… I`m going to take a shower… `
I understand. I leave to the small balcony and start playing on my violin. I don't even know which piece I play. Just play and calm down my senses. The weather is so pleasant. There is a sweet, soft breeze caressing my skin. I was here like two years ago… alone… just for a travel and to write some music sheets. I failed in that one. I just came here to waste time. I roamed the busy streets… tried to hide the red shade on my face whenever I saw a lovely couple in front of me… It was not worth spending time in Rome… but this time it makes sense. I`m with Hino. And I can share all the scrumptious places with her.
Maybe she is done in the bathroom but I don't dare to go and check on her. I want to avoid any kind of weird situations like I open the bathroom door and she is naked…. Naked… her body would allure me! No! Forget the picture! Or she is just putting on her lingerie… Lingerie… I`ve never seen a woman in sexy lingerie. Frankly, I don't want to see any other woman in silk… only Hino.
I`ve given her more than enough time, I`ve been standing on the balcony for almost an hour.
The room has a semi light; a standing lamp next to her bed is on. She is under the summer blanket and sleeping.
I approach the bed and whisper a kiss on her forehead. `Good night, Kahoko… `
I change her ticket from Budapest to Paris. I reserve a hotel room in Paris and also buy the tickets to the French capital. The internet is amazing. I don't even have to go out and pick up my phone to arrange significant things.
The first two days have passed in a blink of eye. Rome was at our back when the plane has taken off. I am uploading tons of photos which were taken during our stay in Rome. She wanted a camera… we got one. She intended to take photos. We did. Mostly of Hino. At least I have memories and when I will be lonely, I just watch the pictures. She insisted many times to take pictures together. We really looked like a couple on the ancient streets of Rome.
`I like this one! ` She points to a photo.
`I don't …. ` Yeah I`m cold… but I really don't like that photo… she looks great on it, but not me.
`Don't say this! You look so cute on it. ` The picture is in front of the Spanish stairs. I remember she asked an older man to take the photo. He didn't sign when he pushed down the capture button. So the picture became sudden. She forced me to taste her vanilla ice cream… we truly look like a couple on this one. She is laughing like a small child and I just lick the top of the ice cream. Maybe I do like this photo…. It`s just natural. It`s so natural to be with her.
`I like this one…` I enlarged a photo of her, sitting alone at a coffee shop and she was in front of me. I tried to tease her whenever I could. I didn't want to show my ice cube personality. So by time, I eased up only for her. This time she was tired of my new hobby (taking millions of pictures of her, thinking of future need…) and she surrendered. Her expression is drenched in pure happiness and she curves up her tiny lips for a sincere smile. She looks like a teenage girl in love… Idiot… she cannot be in love with me… that`s impossible.
A grimace is painted on her face…` I don't like it… I look so lonesome on this one… I truly prefer those ones when we are together… `
Yeah, it`s not questionable… I`m blushing… and I feel groggy…
1 more day and she will vanish… the rest of the time in Paris has flown away… We are in the hotel room. She seems to arrange her clothes and shoes…
`Did you enjoy the time, Tsukimori-kun?
`Of course I did… because it was with you! ` Idiot, Idiot,… double idiot… this sentence equals with an avowal…
She only smiles…
`Do you want to play a duet? `
`That`s not a question…` And I placed my violin under my chin and wait for her. She starts playing Swan Lake from Tchaikovsky. She just practiced this song in the last few days. It`s a solitary and sorrowful memento. Without a doubt it`s a wonderful piece. But it can make me cry right now. It`s like her lament… Hino`s song can charm the moon right from the sky… It will get inside my mind and never forget it. I would not believe my eyes and ears, how some notes could hypnotize.
The late summer night is so flamboyant. The streets are decorated with flowers and lanterns. I rush to a flower shop to buy something for her. She is taking a shower. I can make it really fast.
I pick up a Dahlia, a night butterfly color. It`s so like she… when I get back to the room, she is on the bed with a t-shirt on her which is like three times bigger than she… but she is just reading peacefully. I was not enough fast.
I was so good until now… I could restrain myself… I didn't even touch her hand if it was not necessary. But right now… her long, slender legs are so tempting. The white t-shirt just simply looks so sexy on her.
I`m standing rooted. I feast my eyes on her petite figure and my body envelops all the pent up lust and desire what I concealed until now.
`Oh sorry, Tsukimori-kun. ` She hides herself under the blanket. What a waste! `I packed all of my clothes and this is your shirt… ` Her wan colored face turns into livid pink… so cute…
`Ah… no problem… ` I sit on the bed so close to her that I can sense her warm skin through the blanket. `This is for you… ` I give the flower…
`That`s so pretty! Thanks a lot. Thanks for everything. You were so kind to me! ` She is inhaling the fragrance of the Dahlia.
I`m not sure if the devil will close me up and commit a sin right here, right now… but I`ve reached my limits…
I must not ravish her! She is more valuable for me than this… she is everything for me. If I perpetrate a mistake here, I gamble away my last chance. But I`m so bemused by her sight…
She is sheer, innocent and…. tantalizingly tempting…
I`ve lost my battle… I haul up the white flag on my carnal desire.
I lean closer to her… and press my lips on hers. First she is surprised then provides me with the permission to enter her mouth. Her taste is like ambrosia. So sweet… so relish…
This is not a figment. She is really here. She is in my arms and passionately kissing me back. It`s a hard plight. If I touch her more I will lose myself for sure. This liaison is more than I imagined. I want to prolong this state… stay here forever… but I can`t hurt her. Her happiness and joy are more significant than my idiot hormones. What should I do… what should I do…
I open my eyes and meet her honey orbs.
`I love you… I always did… I`m just… ` She stops me with her index finger.
`Don't pester the past…I love you too… but it`s astounding that finally you shared with me your feelings. To tell the truth I never thought that you will do it one day… I am so happy… `
Tears are welled up from her eyes… joyful tears… and I just fondle her porcelain face… She loves me… She does… and I`m a complete idiot to waste our precious time…
How can I make her happy… how can I give her joy without touching her… she loves me… I can`t give her pain… but I want to please her… what should do I? I am so greenhorn in this topic… so inexperienced…
My eyes are fixed on the flower what she is still holding in her right palm. Gingerly, I take it and… a star is painted in my mind… Yes, that would be the best… I don't want to lose control… I just have to avoid touching her in any way.
`Close your eyes… ` She does it without questions.
I hold the flower and start caressing her.
First, her eyes… I go around more times and draw the shape of her eyelashes with the Dahlia`s petals. I go lower, to her nose. Up and down… up and down… She giggles. It must be a little ticklish.
Then I kiss her… first I place tiny kisses on her lips with mine… tracing the shade of it with my tongue and earn a tepid moan from her. After this, I replace my own lips with the flower and circle her cherry lips with the silky petals. I repeat my movement several times until she moans again.
When I feel satisfied I head down to her neck. I barely touch her delicate skin with the petals but that area must be extremely sensitive… she moves her hips up and her face picks up a hue of scarlet. I`m just following the same, monotonous rhythm…up…down… left… right…
I unbutton her shirt slowly… one button… one fondle from the petal on the same place… and I trace down with the same movement. Each escaped button is granted for a breeze of caress.
`Turn around… ` I whisper into her ears… and she does…
I gently push up the shirt and reveal her svelte shape. I swallow… am I sure that I can resist all the temptation? I must be strong… I have to keep my smoldering desires down… one minuscule sparkle and I lose again…
I place the flower at her vertebra and play a lento music down on her spine… I repeat the motion several times … my gift is a soft moan leaving her mouth… Up and down… just to tease her again…
I rotate her back and this time my journey with the Dahlia will be in dangerous places… I push to the left and to the right the shirt and entice out her twin mounds. The peak of them has a light pink shade…
I`m in delirium… I`m addicted to her… so gorgeous…
My hands are about to reach for her breasts when I force them back… I can`t touch them… only with the flower. I`m shaking my head to get a pure and white picture in my mind and try to refocus my senses on her joy…
The petals are following the shape of her boobs… I circle them. Tentatively, I go up and down… closer to the peaks… one time the right then the left. I want to experience which part drives her crazy. Her hips are struggling to touch the ceiling… and I`m composed. I don't need anything else, just watch her expression and I`m satisfied.
Her nipples hardened very fast...which one has more velvet material? Her skin or the petals… it`s hard to distinguish… what am I thinking of again… her skin… no…no…. forget her skin…. See… how beautiful the flower is…
I continue my discovery and abandon her mounds… I am drawing circles and different shapes on her belly, around her puny navel. Her breathing is even now… calmer… cleaner…
I must enter to the most dangerous zone on her body… but not immediately.
I slow down and trace the flower on her right foot. I don't desist touching her skin with the petals. I imagine that the flower is my hand… my fingers… my lips and tongue… maybe I can`t give her enough joy with this natural remedy… but I want to satisfy her.
The daydreaming petals are swimming up and down or her leg… circle her knees, meander on her thighs. Her mouth is creating heavy breezes and she moans a little louder… I know I`m at the right place… but not at the exact point where I want to be…
I can see her hot fluid through her white cotton panty… I`m so happy that she is enjoying.
Suddenly, I change the place of the flower and start caressing her through her underwear. She hums a lot and hides her face…
`Don't cover your face… you are beautiful! ` I try to encourage her. She doesn't have to be shy…
Without asking permission I remove her panty… she doesn't protest just anticipate. I almost tilt my head and devour her personal cavern. The famish wolf has awakened in me… but I have to prison him for a while longer.
We love each other but I don't need to start our relationship with something meddlesome. This is not the time for that kind of activity. I`m dying to be with her… to feel her… to please her… to meld into one body and soul with her… but not now… At this very moment… I`m not interested in anything else besides her enjoyment.
The flower fondles a place around… a place where the river of her nerves are joining the pleasure of ocean. She is gasping… she is moaning… her hips are wiggling… My flower is persistent. It never stops the same movements until… I can witness the last river of nerve reaches the ocean…she looks dizzy and exhausted… but her satisfaction is painted on her smile.
She grabs me and kisses my lips vigorously. She intends to return the favor but I shake my head.
`Not this time… I really want you… but I`d like to do everything in the right way. And now, I just longed for pleasing you. `
`Thank you, it was wonderful! `
At the airport before she leaves I give her a box… it`s obvious what it is inside. I bought a ring like two years ago… it was for her, but I never believed I would give it to her. That ring is unique and it has a pair.
The circle is yellow gold, a normal ring. But it has shapes in it with white gold: a shape of a violin, musical notes and some tiny hearts and inside, there are some engraved letters: K&L 4ever… The pair of the ring is a perfect replica, the difference is the size.
`Take this box… and open it on the airplane… ` I smile and kiss her…
I know that this is not the end… this is just the beginning of everything.
I remember when I planned that ring… I wrote a letter to her… It was only a brief note… but it never reached her. Now I placed the note inside the box…
`Kahoko… I`m sorry for many things… I apologize to not be honest with you and unable to say simple words like I love you. I`m sorry for leaving you and never send you mails… I`m such a coward. Please forgive me. I`m not sure if I will choose between music and you… frankly I don't yearn for this decision. But when the time comes, I`ll choose you and share music with you. I`ll always love you! Len.
Two years later
`Kahoko, I told you many times to stay in the bed and don't wander around. You are still weak…`
`Yes…but…`
`No but…` I take her hand and lead her fragile body to our room.
`They are sleeping. You should rest… ` I kiss her forehead.
When two years ago we said good-bye to each other at the airport I had a selfish request from her…
`Can you wait for me? … I only need time until next June. `
She agreed and fulfilled her promise. I finished the university and came back to Japan. I work with my father.
I haven't given up music, I only revalorized its concept. My family is the most significant value in my life. I share with them my music. I don't accept professional concert requests, but sometimes I play together with my mother and Kahoko. When my children will be older, I`ll give them all of my knowledge I have about music and violin.
I touch her velvet hand and caress the ring around her finger. We smile in unison.
`I`ve got something for you…` And I give a crimson Dahlia to her. She grins…
`Thanks, I love you! `
`I love you, too! ` These words bewilder me. These words fill my heart up with happiness. It`s a lovelier melody than I heard after my successful concerts… it sounds so beautiful that any of the harsh claps would never be equal to it. For these words, it`s worth living… for her… who has changed my music, my attitude towards music, the meaning of music and most importantly, Kahoko is the one who changed me and my whole life. And it`s worth living for my little girl and boy… for the wonderful twins…who are sleeping in our bed with their serene expression…
My might was weak back then and I wasted precious time… I have learnt my lesson and discovered that wishes can come true when you wish with all your might….
This is my first lemonish writing :P I hope you like it.
I really enjoyed writing this One-Shot, when I started I didn`t intend to write this much, but I just couldn`t stop :P
Please review! I want to know how I did ;) I appreciate reviews more than anything :)