English is not my main language, be aware!

CHAPTER 1:

Kurt is sad. From where I stand hidden at the stairs, I can hear his heartbreaking sobs from his bed. Blaine has just broke up; I get that part from his screaming on all of us when mom asked him to join us for dinner.

What a jerk that boy is, Blaine, not Kurt, obviously. I have to admit I was a bit jealous at them when I was dating Rachel. They were cute together, on a way Rachel and I never managed to be. But now it's over. Actually, I can't say I'm surprised. They have been fighting verymuch the last couple of weeks. I mean, once they screamed so loudly that Burt and I heard it when we were watching baseball on the TV. It sucked; it was a pretty good game. I wonder if mom and Burt can hear Kurt now. I hope not, because I wish they would come up and comfort him then. They would, right? I mean, Burt is not comfortable with having a gay-son but, c'mon, he would still try to make him smile if he was sad. And mom loves Kurt very much, I know that. It's like having a daughter, I heard her say to Burt once. Luckily Kurt didn't hear that. I don't think he want to be the girl in the house. I mean, he probably wants to be all girly in school, or he would change, but here. I think he want to have something to talk with Burt about. Like, football or cars or something. Not only that Burt's health sucks and that stuff.

Oh God, Kurt has gone from little sobs to screaming ones. I should get in to him, sit at his bed and talk calmly to him. I really suck at talking like that to people. I tried with Rachel, or well, I didn't have much of a choice because she was really upset, but I was so bad at it that she went up from the bed and searched up her dads. What should I do? Ok, if I say it like that, I know what I to do. I should just go in and make him feel better. But it's something with that thought that makes it difficult. I can't just sit down at his bed and stroke his back, because I'm a dude! And he's a dude to! But still, his boyfriend has just broken up, and I'm his supporting brother. Please God, don't let people know about this, I'm going into his room now.

Ok, so I'm avoiding the pillows on his flooring, he don't like when people walk on them.

"Um, Kurt, can I come in?" I ask silently. He doesn't seem to hear me, which is understandable because the level of sobs in his room is almost as high as the screaming he and Blaine had going. And still, if he should hear me, he doesn't have so much to say about it, because I'm already in his room. "Kurt?" I ask, higher.

I hear him turn his body faced to me in his bed. In the unlighted room I can't see so much, but his eyes are definitely red and his nose is running. Oh, poor Kurt, I can't help but finding myself sitting next to his curled up body and don't knowing what to do with my hands.

"I-I-I just…" He stutters through sobs. "H-h-he…"

I hush him and put a hand on his arm. It didn't work with Rachel, but Kurt can't just run up to Burt and mom and have a panic-attack (it's sad that we can't do that. I wonder if Rachel knows how lucky she is).

"You know, you don't have to tell me. I did just the same when Rachel broke up with me. But it was on the school toilet. And not that loud, actually it was just tears running down my face. And it was just for a minute or two… But, still, I cried! I know how it feels. And now she's dating Puck again. Yeah, they're actually dating now, not just making out in her bed. Which, by the way, is so girly I don't understand how Puck can be in there without become gay", I fall silent for a moment and turns my head to Kurt, who is wrapped in a blanket and have his eyes closed hard, but he have stopped crying. "I mean, it's not a bad thing to be gay, you know that, of course you do…"

"Finn", he says.

"… yeah?"

"Can you stop talking about your self for one minute and feel bad for me?"

I stare at him and he opens his eyes just a little bit and smiles a very, very small smile.

"Oh, Kurt, of course", I say and am silent for a couple of minutes. Then I start babbling again. "Well, Blaine is just a jerk, you know that, right? I mean, he didn't deserve you from the beginning, I always said that!"

"Finn, hush", Kurt says. "Please, just forget about the gayness you think about sometimes and hug me, will you?"

I don't even think about the gayness, yay for me, which I always tend to do, I just lay forward and hug him closely. It's a brother-hug, not something else, because we are brothers. Even if Kurt wanted us to be more than that in our first year in Glee-club. It's actually weird because none of this had happened if it wasn't for Glee-club. If Glee-club didn't exist, I wouldn't be here in the first place, because mom and Burt had never got to know each other; because Kurt wouldn't been in love with me, and I would still throw slushes at his face. Now I know why he hates it, because of all the day-creams he uses which don't work when he gets slushed. I feel bad about what I did back then. Sometimes I have some days when I just sit in my room and miss dad and think of all bad things I've done in my life. They're not so many as Puck's would be, but I'm pretty sure he don't have such days either.

"Now you're thinking again", Kurt suddenly says to mine collarbone, because when we're hugging his head is just where my jaw is.

"What?" I ask him and try to face him, which is not going so well because he has clung really hard at me.

"I can feel that you're thinking. Probably of totally inappropriate things for this moment, that's kind of how your brain works."

Then he chuckles. Just a little and it's that awkward chuckle he sometimes does. But still, it's a sign of that he won't cry no more. Good, I hate crying.

"Yeah", I agree with him, "it probably was inappropriate."

"What was it about?"

He lets go of the arms he had around my back and lies down in the bed again, face to me and pulls the back of his hand under his nose to dry it. I lie down beside him, even if it's totally gay, and puts my hands in-between us.

"I just thought about Glee-club and my dad and Puck… and you getting slushed", I answer.

He puts his hands just beside mine and I take the silent invitation to take his little, soft hands in mine bigger and bolder and squeezes them.

"What's wrong with your thoughts? I mean, normal people should think about how everything just totally sucks for me."

"Yeah, I don't know what's wrong either."

He smiles a little bit and closes his eyes. The room becomes silent for awhile.

"I don't know what to do", he suddenly whispers.

"With Blaine?"

"Yes. With him, I mean, everything… everything just smells of him."

I sniff in the air and can't smell something particular Blaine, but if Kurt smells it, go ahead.

"Like, he gave me that perfume", he point his head to his make-up table where there is a loads of perfumes, so I have no idea of what sort he means, "and he said that Steve Jobs was such an incredible man, so I bought the book about him, and I was about to give it to him today, and now nobody will ever wrap it up and it will be laying on that armchair forever until Carole takes it away when she is about to clean my room and she will give it to dad and then it will just be unloved, you understand? The book will be unloved", his eyes flood over with tears and he presses his hands from mine to hide his face instead, "and I really don't care about a damn book, I just… I just…"

The room falls into silent and I have no idea what to say, like I normally don't have. I didn't feel like that when Rachel broke up. I mean, she hadn't so many things in my room, just a t-shirt and a toothbrush in the bathroom, which mom said that she probably wouldn't like to have back. I gave her the t-shirt the next day at Glee-club and everybody understood that we had broke up but it wasn't so much of a big deal. Mercedes hugged Rachel, but she said that it was best for her carrier that way, and everybody understood that she was the one who had broke up, so Mercedes (thank God for that girl!) hugged me instead, and it ended up with a big hug-party. Rachel asked Mr. Shue to be allowed to sing a song, and she sang I'm Sorry with Dilba and it was really cute, and in the end she hugged me and said that she really was truly sorry, and that was it. We're really good friend through. I miss her a bit, if I should be honest, or, I think I just miss to have somebody to love.

"I just still love him", Kurt ends.

"Well, he dumped you like two hours ago, so it would be weird otherwise. Still, I know that it sucks. I think I just got over Rachel, and that really sucks. I don't even know what I saw, and still sometimes; sees, in her."

"If I should be honest", Kurt says, "I don't know either."

We laugh silent; he with tears still in his eyes, but with his hands back inside of mine. After a couple of minutes in silent, I ask:

"Did he say why?"

Kurt opens his eyes (which apparently had been closed again) and looks at me.

"Why he did it?" I nod. "Yes. He said that I don't focus. According to him, I have changed. I'm not good enough for him anymore, I guess."

"You're better than him, Kurt", I say. "And, what does he mean with that you're not focused? You're so focused on NYADA that you don't have time to do other things than studying?"

"Well, I guess that's what he means. I'm not focused on him, on Glee-club, on going on dates and rolling around in the snow with him. Through there is no snow because it's this damn spring. But still."

"Can't he be happy for your sake, that you have dreams, then? I think he's a jerk, if you allow me."

Kurt smiles a bit to me.

"I can't stop you", he says, "and I've got to agree with you right now. He's… he's… I'm just so upset. I… well; everybody could see it coming, didn't they? Everybody except me, I'm such a dreamer."

"That's still a good thing, Kurt", I whisper and squeezes his hands. "It will always be good."

"No! No, it's not!" He gets an angry look in his eyes and clenches his jaws. "I thought we would be together forever, silly, isn't it? I though we would get over it, like we got over other things, like when he was drunk and wanted to have sex with me…" At this disclosure I stare at him and just want to kill this asshole Anderson. I wonder if they actually had sex then. I hope not. "But, it was good. When he were not telling me how much fault I have, and vice versa, everything was just fine. It was, right? It seemed like it was fine?"

He looks at me like he wants an answer and I nod slowly.

"It looked fine", I adds.

"Yes", he gets silent. "It seemed fine. And it was. He told me he loved me so many times. Does he mean that he didn't mean it? Is that what he wants to say? Was I just a play toy?"

"No, Kurt, you weren't", I say. "Of course you weren't. He maybe doesn't love you anymore, but he did love you once."

He starts to cry and I realize my mistake with saying that Blaine loved him once. Like it was a half lifetime ago. I let got of his hands and put my arms around him instead, putting my hands on his scapular, pulling him as closely as even possible.

"If I wasn't like the only gay-kid on the earth, or in Ohio anyhow, I would be able to have a one-night stand to get over him, and now I'm just deeply depressed and ready to commit suicide. Like, now."

"You can't while I'm holding you."

"Then you got to hold me all night."

"Oh, I can deal with that."

"You can?" He has a surprised tone in his voice and pulls back to see me in my eyes. "If anyone finds out they will think is the gayest thing you've ever done", he smiles.

"So what?" I say. "But, we have to make a change."

He raises one eyebrow, questioning.

"What?"

"We have to be in my room, because you have no television and its American Pie 2 tonight!"

"You already know all the lines to it", Kurt says while he rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, who cares? It's awesome. You've never seen it. It's a cult. You got to see it before you die."

He sighs and let go of the hug.

"Okay, then, we moves into your room. And see the damn movie", he smiles, "but we need something to eat, like toast and egg."

"What… egg? Seriously? I get the food. You just take your pillows and stuff and make my bed comfortable and start the TV and I fix the rest of the things, ok?"

Kurt stares at me like I'm some kind of mad man, but I have the perfect plan and he have nothing to come up against it, so if he just takes his pretty ass (though, I don't know if his ass is pretty because I've never checked it out) to my bed and have a boy's-night. I'm sure he never had one.