Warnings: Comic mischief.
Notes: This was originally written for a fan fiction writing contest. It didn't win anything, but I figured maybe it could still be enjoyed, so please do.
Disclaimer: Hellsing is owned by that nut, Hirano. I take no responsibility for his characters, just use them for my own amusement.
Holiday Night
Seras Victoria was more than happy. Not only was she going on a vacation for the weekend with her master, but to such a romantic hotspot! Oh, no, it's not anything like that. It's just that she had always so much wanted to visit here, and to come on such a big holiday was ever so exciting! She hoped that they could make time to see some of the biggest landmarks while they were here...
"Police Girl, this is very important. Are you listening?" Alucard interrupted his charge's reverie.
"Y-yes, master. You were saying something about shopping?" Seras snapped to attention. Her master was speaking to her, and paying her attention and wanted to do things with her. This weekend was going to be ever so much fun!
"Yes, Police Girl. Now, I need you to appropriate these items and meet me back here in one hour." Her master handed her a folded piece of paper and turned to leave, disappearing through the wall of an adjacent building.
Seras wondered where her master was going, but was very glad that he had left her with this very important task. She opened the folded paper to read the contents of her task.
"Well, master, I don't really know what two vampires need these items for, but you seemed to think this was very important, so I will do my best not to disappoint you, master!" This was around the time that Seras realized she was talking outloud to herself and waving her arms in the air rather foolishly, so she embarrassedly looked around to make sure no one had spotted her, and left on her way. "Hm, I hope there is a shop open at this hour that will sell to me..."
One hour later Seras had returned with the items in tow. It had been a bit difficult to locate a shop open at this late hour, but she had managed somehow. She was still curious about what on earth her master could possibly want with these things in this of all places on this of all nights.
The clock struck midnight and slowly Alucard seeped back out from the building which he had seemingly disappeared into an hour earlier.
"Oh, master! I've got the items you wanted!"
"Quiet, Police Girl. The task which we are about to undertake is very important, and requires the utmost stealth and skill."
"Y-yes master!" Seras tried to affirm with the smallest voice she could muster. "I'll do my best not to disappoint you."
"Now, then, to task. This night is very important, Police Girl. It is the last hurrah for us demons to 'stick it' as it were, to the mortals. I learned of this practice some years ago while I was visiting Detroit. That's in America, Police Girl."
Seras vigorously nodded her head in understanding, and to goad her master on in his explanation.
"The locals seemed to be having such a fun time at it, I always wanted to do it myself, but this place seemed to be the more appropriate locale for heathens such as us." Alucard dipped his hand into the bag in Seras' arms and pulled out the first item.
"I-I see..."
Alucard carefully removed the plastic wrapping and freed the tail end of the object.
"You see Police Girl, you have to throw in a higher arc, so that it will catch higher and account for the drag factor." Alucard explained as he fingered the end. He then continued the demonstration, and using his superhuman vampire strength heaved the object upwards. His aim was true and it caught right onto the tip of the great obelisk of St. Peter's Square.
"Ah, excellent. Did you see that, Police Girl?"
Seras was dumbfounded. Did they come all this way to Italy, to the great city of Rome... to throw toilet paper on its greatest religious landmarks?
"Yes, Police Girl, we came all the way to the Vatican to toilet-paper the Pope's house."
Seras realized that she needs to work on the "thinking out loud" thing. She decided to try to change the subject as her master handed her a roll, an excited look in his eyes, goading her to join him. "But master, where did you go earlier?"
"Oh, I wanted to see the Colosseum, the Pantheon and Trevi Fountain. Can't come to Rome without doing a little sight-seeing." Alucard's face twisted into a crooked grin at this. "Now, bring the eggs. We're going to the Sistine Chapel!"
Seras was less than amused. She gaped at her master as he disappeared into a wall in another direction.
"Quickly, Police Girl, before the Swiss Guard come!"
Seras squeaked and hurried in pursuit of her master's determined evening.
The next morning the staff of the Vatican's special Iscariot agency found a very big mess, and wondered who could have pulled off such an act without being seen by any of the security...
A wonderful Mischief Night, indeed.
End Note: The author in no way condones the toilet-papering or egging of any landmarks or the personal property of others, on October 30th or any other night. Don't try this at home, kids!
Happy Halloween!
10/30/06
826 words