Title: Passing The Buck
Characters/Pairings: Reddie Mason. Chris Mead. Karen Fisher.
Warnings: Possibly impossible, but that's what fanfiction is for.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise, I don't own. Wish I did.
Soundtrack: Behind These Hazel Eyes, by Kelly Clarkson.
A/N: The Rachel we know and love could never just leave without assuring herself that her school would be in good hands. Or without saying goodbye. So here's my attempt.
Summary: Everyone has secrets. And it takes someone who has kept many to recognise the signs in someone else.
Passing The Buck
"I still can't believe you won't be there next year." Chris half chuckled as he raised his beer to his mouth. Rachel smiled, thinking of her rapidly approaching honeymoon and her husband, still finding the word new and not quite settled yet.
"I'm not sure I'm quite used to the thought yet either. But I think, if I don't get out now, I might never get away." She strived to make it sound like a joke, but part of her knew her words carried a heavy strand of truth through them. Waterloo Road had been her life for what felt like an age – and if she didn't find a way to change that, now, she would never leave. The people, the pupils, the staff, they meant far too much to her. But Adam was the best reason she had for getting out, and she was determined to take it, for the sake of her marriage.
"You'll be missed." Chris said, quietly, his eyes steadily focussed away from hers, deflecting the heart-felt words in a hope she wouldn't understand how true they were.
"I'll miss everyone too. Been a long few years." So many memories, she thought, her mind straying to her sister, and the still tender memory of Eddie, the fire, the gun, Denzil, Philip, Stuart, Bolton, Max, Lyndsey, all rolled into the bundle of experiences she now had to put behind her. "But I think now's the right time." Rachel said, firmly, not letting her voice flicker at all, lest her nostalgia turn into something more potent. She could see Chris struggling to once more reign in his opinion, knew he wanted to question her decision, knew he wanted to ask what she knew she had to refuse. Gently and carefully, she reached across and grazed a hand down his arm, drawing his gaze towards her.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, and he nodded, his jaw set, his eyes shining with regret. They both knew how much those words were accounting for – everything that had happened between them, all the mistakes, all the times she'd used his affection for her, all the circumstances when her martyr tendencies had shut him out. But they both knew the apology was mutual - for all the times he'd not been beside her when she needed him, for not making the stand against Max sooner, for drawing on her weakened opinion of herself to get inside her defences just the once, and never quite making the effort again.
Chris smiled sadly, and nodded, before they both turned back to their drinks, pushing away the regrets.
"I'm glad you got to meet the next Head, anyway. Have you heard of Karen Fisher before?" He asked, the professional tone they both so easily adopted to cover vulnerable moments glossing over his voice.
"I've heard many good things, although her techniques aren't anything like mine. But they work, apparently." Rachel bit the inside of her lip, thinking of the impression she'd gotten from Karen and wondering if she should say anything. Chris would have formed his own opinions, and the whole point of getting out was so she didn't have to worry about the future anymore, but surely forewarning her friend couldn't do any harm?
"But?" Chris continued, raising an eyebrow, sensing there was something Rachel had seen in the next Headmistress of Waterloo Road that he hadn't. He knew the way she was pondering something, the way she bit the inside of her lip, was a sign and it was with a flicker of pain that he realised he'd probably never see her do it again.
"I don't know. Nothing really, except a guess." Rachel admitted, turning her head a little towards Chris as she asked with her eyes if he wanted her opinion.
"Your guesses have a habit of being right, so tell me." Chris almost grinned, wistfulness still threading through his thoughts as he did his best to keep the conversation vaguely cheerful.
"Alright. I know about keeping secrets, Chris, you know I do." her voice was lowered, as was her head, making sure the conversation wasn't being overheard. He nodded, leaning a little closer to hear her and breathing a little deeper to take in her unique scent. "And pain, deep secrets, they leave marks on the people that carry them. You can't always see them, but... I know what those marks look like. And something about Karen – there's a history there, something she doesn't want to be common knowledge, something personal. At a guess, I'd say something to do with her family. It's not old enough to have faded yet, so chances are, with her kids most likely coming to the school too, it'll get found out pretty quickly. You know what that place is like." She smiled, a little affectionately.
"So what do I do?" Chris asked, taking her opinion as the hint it was and filing it away for consideration.
"Keep an ear out. If it's as bad as I think it might be, she'll need your support when it goes public, whatever it is." Rachel hoped she'd guessed correctly, she hated burdening Chris again after he'd been so strong and supportive for her this year. "You won't need to be as brilliant as you were for me, she doesn't need protection, she's definitely not a 'damsel in distress'," the wording, familiar from another time, another drink, drew a smile from her Deputy and she returned it, "but she will appreciate the help when the time comes."
"Ok." Chris murmured, wondering how Rachel could know, could have already planned to help Karen after only meeting her the once, before remembering just how fantastic a Head she was, and the ability to read people, to understand their needs, was what made her so brilliant and successful. Taking a deep breath, he finally bit the bullet he'd been running from since the end of term. Curling his hand around his pint glass, he lifted it from the bar and held it towards her. "To moving forward." He offered, smiling gently, and Rachel returned the gesture whole-heartedly, chinking her wine glass against his and taking a long sip, her eyes a little cloudy.