All I Ask
I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word
They've all been said before, you know
So why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
She stared up at the ship in front of her, wondering how she had even gotten here. It was subconscious, of that she was sure. She was scared and she was petrified to admit that. Tomorrow, when the curse finally reached them, she would never see her family, her parents, again. She'd never see Hook again. And, as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, that hurt. So, here she was, staring up at his ship.
She had that feeling in her heart like you do when you're about to do something huge, something huge and life changing and terrifying and then her feet began to move. They took her to the ramp where she could come aboard. She tried to be silent, not because she wanted to scare him or sneak up on him, but because she wanted the option to turn around, but her shoes seemed louder than ever in the night. When she reached the deck, she saw him staring at her.
Her eyes met his, blue and slightly wider than usual. It was clear he wasn't expecting to see her. She wasn't expecting to be there. Emma swallowed harshly, wishing that she wasn't about to cry. She'd not cried properly in years, but, right then, she felt more vulnerable than ever. "Emma," he rasped out and Emma bit her lip, before beginning to sob into her hands.
She wasn't sure who moved but, within seconds, she was in his arms and she drank in the smell of him, the feel of him. Tomorrow, she'd remember none of this. She pulled away from him after what could have been hours, but could have been minutes or seconds. "Killian," she whispered. Was it the first time she'd said his real name? It felt like it. She opened her mouth and then closed it, shaking her head. She couldn't speak. There was nothing she could say. "Can we just pretend?" she murmured. "Just for tonight, that tomorrow isn't happening. Just for tonight," she said, her throat catching. "I know that tomorrow I won't remember this," Emma continued. "I know that you will and that maybe this is just cruelty on my part but can we just pretend?"
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
"This is my last night," Emma murmured, scared that he wasn't saying anything, "and I want to pretend that I'm more than just a friend. Please, Killian, I don't know what I want but I want this and," Emma sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her throat was making horrible noises and Emma hated herself for being so weak and not making sense and not being someone else. Why was she like this?
Killian looked down at her and Emma knew that he understood. It mattered how this ended. She needed to give him a memory, she knew that, but, more than that, she needed something to cling to. Maybe it would make her remember. Or maybe it wouldn't. She just wanted him, needed him to make her feel as though everything was alright, just for a few hours.
He brushed the tears away from her face and Emma knew that she must look awful with red blotchy cheeks and red watering eyes. He took both of her hands and brought them to his lips. Emma almost let out a sob.
I don't need your honesty
It's already in your eyes
And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?
She didn't need to know that he was in love with her. She could see it shining through his eyes. She knew that, right then, she was the only thing in the world. And right then? He was the only thing in hers. She hoped that her eyes spoke the things that she didn't know, couldn't accept without time that she didn't have.
He leaned in and kissed her chastely, so different to their first kiss. He pulled back and cupped her cheeks, leaning in again and kissing her slowly, passionately. And Emma could feel his love for her. Tears slipped down her cheeks. This was exactly what she needed, what she wanted. He knew her better than she knew herself. They were so similar. Maybe with time, they could have been, but the time that she longed for wasn't to be.
He pulled back again and she saw insecurity in his eyes. She knew why. Neal. "You're the only one that matters," she whispered. "I ran to you, Killian," she assured him, cupping his face in her hands. He leaned his cheeks slightly against hers and kissed her palm. Emma pulled him close and initiated a kiss, slow, loving, perfect.
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
Emma let herself be carried down to Killian's cabin and she let him love her. He made her feel like she was worthy of love, despite everything that had happened to her in the twenty-nine years she had lived. She hoped beyond hope that she made him feel the same.
They lay curled up together afterwards, sweating and panting, feeling sated and complete. Emma knew that it wouldn't make tomorrow easier. She knew that, now, she wanted to stay, to do this again, to know if there could be a them, but she also knew that it was the perfect way to end things. She knew she'd never feel this way again, because she might forget Killian, but she knew she'd never forget this feeling inside of her, no matter where she was.
Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don't wanna be cruel or vicious
And I ain't asking for forgiveness
All I ask is
Emma wanted this to be what Killian remembered when she left, not the person she'd been to him in Neverland, not the cruel things she'd said or the way that she had perhaps leant more towards Neal than to him. She wanted him to remember the love in her eyes, if not in her words. She needed him to remember them because she wouldn't. She knew they would live on in Killian forever.
They talked then, about their fears and their wishes and regrets. Love was never mentioned, of course, but Emma felt it between them. She knew she did. And she also knew this was her fault. If she was only able to realise that she loved before she lost someone, then maybe they could've been together. Emma told him about what Neal did to her and Killian told her about what he did to Neal and Emma forgave him and maybe Killian forgave her for not realising until now, until the last moment.
But Emma was so glad that she did, because what if she never loved again?
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?