hysteria.
Kadaj/Yazoo.
I do not own FF:AC.
Notification: Implied yaoi, harsh language, drug use, sexual references. If you dislike yaoi, please don't read. Also, this fic is a bit AU, being set in modern times (ex., our time, today).
Kadaj.
When I went to the hospital, it wasn't like anything I saw in the movies or TV shows. I expected doctors and nurses in white coats and the hats that have red crosses on them scurrying around and shouting things at each other. Instead, when I got to the hospital, their wasn't really anyone anywhere. All I remember was being pushed on this flat, bedded cart down a long white hallway, sad faced nurses tending to old men in wheelchairs who were obviously gonna die anyway, and a doctor looking over me saying, "Everything's ok, everything's alright."
It wasn't what I thought it was going to be like in my mind. A hospital. Busy, shouting, nice looking nurses. No, it was nothing like I imagined. It was disgusting, bland, horrible, putrid smelling.
Yazoo.
It's the 4th time he tried to kill himself. Kadaj. He tried to inject himself with some sort of rat poisoning or whatever. When I found him, he was on the floor, scarcely breathing. He was barely alive when we brought him here to the hospital. I can't take my eyes off him anymore. I'm afraid he might slit his wrists open or hang himself or jump off a bridge. I don't even know why he tries to kill himself. Hell, I don't even know what his favorite color is. I sometimes even mix up his ages. "Kadaj, your 13 right?" "I'm 15, Yazoo." Even though we live together and are brothers, we're so distant. And ever since our oldest brother Loz died in a train crash, that distance between us became bigger, wider.
When the doctor walks up to me he says, "Don't worry, Kadaj'll be okay." Then he smiles that smile that every doctor has on their face. A smile that says, "I do care for your loved one's life, but I have better things to be attending to."
I nod weakly to the doctor, but don't smile. Of course Kadaj won't be okay. When the doctor walked away, I felt like I was in some sort of dramatic, melancholy movie that would be in French about a young man and his younger brother. The movie would be about the wrongs and complicated problems they both go through. And then, out of nowhere in the end...everything turns out wonderful. I wish that was what my life was like. Just like a movie.
My eyes feel like their going to swell, and I can taste the familiar salty liquid that runs down my face.
Kadaj.
He's crying again. Even though his back is facing me and he's leaning against the glass that separates us, I can tell by the way his shoulder's are shaking slightly, how he's running both of his hands through his hair. When we were children, I remember him always mocking me saying, "Don't cry Kadaj." He said it in a very calm, very serene voice. Sexy almost. He always taunted both me and Loz to no end, until Loz ended up hitting him in the head with something. I sometimes wonder if those experiences my brothers and I had, ever existed at all.
I don't know why I keep attempting to destroy my body. But whenever Yazoo finds me half dead on the floor, possibly bleeding, the way he starts freaking out...makes me feel more loved. It's funny how he immediately picks up the phone, calling 911. He has that number on speed-dial I think. I'm already aware that I'm hurting myself. And the people around me. But it seems like that's the only way I can ever feel cared for.
The eerie silence in the room makes me feel like a deaf. All I can hear is the sounds of my heartbeat beeping.
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism please! Thank you.