Author's Note: This is a post-Countdown fic, so spoilers up to Countdown.
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. I just write about them for fun and make no profit whatsoever.
Beckett stared after Castle as he turned away and headed to the elevator. "Good night," she called out after him, her brow furrowed in confusion.
'What was he going to say?' she thought. If she were honest with herself, she had been hoping he was going to suggest they grab a bite to eat, relax and unwind together after the stress of the past couple of days. It wasn't until she felt a presence behind her that she understood the reason behind Castle's little eye flicker before he had made his excuses and left.
She turned around to face her boyfriend and smiled. "Oh. Hey," she greeted him as they hugged each other. Even as she pressed herself against him, she couldn't help but look back at Castle, as he walked to the elevator. Something was definitely wrong with him. He didn't look around, he didn't stop, and he didn't talk to anyone. Very un-Castle-like behavior. Was he really that tired? God knew, it had been a long couple of days, just as he said, but in all the time that she had known him, he had never seemed to run out of energy before, despite being called out at all hours of the day and night.
'He doesn't hang around here to watch you with another guy.' For some reason, Esposito's long ago statement echoed in her head, but she quickly dismissed it. That was before he had gotten back together with his ex-wife, and gone away with her for the summer. And, in fact, he was still with her when they had returned, so she had started seeing Josh. Of course, Castle and Gina had broken it off again, so maybe he was feeling lonely.
'So why didn't he sleep with Natalie then?' This time the voice in her head sounded like Lanie.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't even realize Josh had pulled away and was speaking to her until he wagged his hand in front of her face to get her attention.
"So I guess you found the bomb in time?" he repeated.
"How'd you know about that?" she questioned, sharply. No one was supposed to know about the bomb outside of the task force.
"Castle mentioned it in the ambulance after he woke up." Josh shrugged, unconcernedly. "I guess you found it or it would be all over the news by now."
"Yeah. Yeah, we did." She didn't elaborate. He didn't need to know that she and Castle were standing just a few feet from it when it almost went off. A vision of the timer as it counted down to zero flashed through her head, and she was grateful that he had pulled out of their embrace as she felt a tremor run down both her arms. She knew immediately what it signified and knew she had to get home soon.
"Sorry, Josh," she said and before he could repeat what he had been saying, she blurted out "I don't think I'm going to be very good company tonight. Hell of a day, you know? Rain check for tomorrow?"
Josh stared at her, and she could plainly read the hurt on his face, but she needed to be alone. Reaction from the past couple of days was beginning to set in, and for reasons she wasn't quite ready to analyze, didn't want to be around him when it hit her full blast.
"Sure." It came out more like a question. "I'll call you when I get off shift?"
"Yeah, that's fine," she replied. She watched as he, too, got on the elevator and left the precinct. She stepped into the breakroom, and somehow managed to avoid eye contact with the guys. She told them she was heading out and, without waiting for a response, she gathered up her things and walked out.
CB CB CB CB
As she stood in front of her door, Beckett's hand started to shake, just as it had in the breakroom, and it took her a moment longer than usual to insert her key into the lock. Knowing she had little time left before the events of the days crashed down on her, she locked the door behind her, dumped her things on the couch, and headed directly to the bathroom. She ran the bath as hot as she could stand and added an extra dose of her favorite bubble bath, before stripping down and sliding in to the steaming water.
She held it together long enough to turn off the water when the tub was filled nearly to the brim, and then simply sat there and let the shakes come, not even daring to lean back and brace herself against the back of the tub. The water sloshed around, but she had made sure to leave enough room so it wouldn't spill over the sides. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but finally they subsided, and she realized the water had grown tepid. She gathered the strength to drain the tub and refill it with fresh hot water and bubble bath. This time she allowed herself to lean back and just sink down until only her head was above water.
She laid there, letting the heat from the water work its magic, helping her relax, until the water once again grew tepid. She was sure she looked like a wrinkled prune, but the bath had done the trick and she felt significantly better mentally, even if she was bone-deep exhausted.
She stood up and gave a little gasp as the cool air hit her wet skin. She grabbed the towel and dried herself off as rapidly as possible. She wrapped the towel around herself and put the robe on over the towel, before going into her room and changing into a pair of old NYPD sweats. It wasn't her normal choice of attire for around the house, but the chill had brought back the feeling of being in the freezer again, and the sweats were warm and comfortable.
She went back into the bathroom, and picked everything up off the floor. She put the now-wrinkled clothes into the laundry basket and put her gun in its box on her dresser, along with her father's watch. She'd had to buy a new box after the last one was destroyed when her apartment blew up, and she'd decided to go for a fireproof one, just in case. She preferred the warm wood of her previous one, rather than cool metal, but at least she wouldn't have to worry about her father's watch again.
Restless, she padded around her apartment, and debated ordering some food for delivery. She didn't have to stick her head in the fridge to know that there wasn't anything to eat, and even if by some miracle, there was, she sure didn't feel up to cooking and cleaning up afterwards.
Deciding against food for the moment, she double-checked to make sure her door was locked, and picked up her things from the couch where she had tossed them. She placed her keys in their usual spot, and took her cell phone out of the coat pocket before hanging it up in the closet, and took comfort in knowing that her apartment at least was back to normal, even if she wasn't.
She went back to her bedroom, turning off lights as she went. She set the phone down on the nightstand by her side of the bed before pulling back the covers and crawling in, hoping sleep would come quickly.