You're just a little girl, terrified in the darkness. You were supposed to go to sleep tonight - you had just gotten a new nightgown. He had tucked you in and read you a story, tickling you when you wanted another drink of water - you didn't want to sleep yet; you weren't tired.
He was working downstairs. He always did - you could hear him up the steps. He let you help once, bringing him papers - you liked helping him. You wondered what he was doing now - he said that one day you would help him more. You couldn't wait to help - it was interesting.
He was running up the stairs, and you could hear someone knocking on the door. You rolled over to pretend to sleep - you're supposed to go to sleep. He woke you up, pulled you out of bed. You're confused, frightened by his sudden roughness with you - he never pulled you around like this before. You want answers: what's going on? What's happening? What are you doing? You want comfort, and he only pushes you back into the dark corner of your closet. The satin of your birthday dress brushes your hair, and you hide your face behind the cloth.
You can barely hear him speak. He's saying something to you - pressing his hand against your mouth when you try to speak; patting you on your head for a moment when you begin to tear up. You can't help it - you're frightened. You're alone and you're not asleep and something's wrong. Nothing's safe and this should be safe and all you know is that you're alone. Dreadfully alone.
The closet doors shut before you, and you peer out through the slats as your father pulls the duvet up over the bed again, dropping Bunny atop it. You gasp, almost opening the doors to get Bunny - to get him to safety - but you remember your father's strength if not his words.
Someone is slowly coming up the steps, and they shouldn't be in the house - they're supposed to be sleeping! Why aren't they sleeping? Daddy stands taller somehow, and the door opens to your room. He comes in - who is he? He isn't safe - you want safe and it's not here and you're tired!
You're just a little girl. You're scared, and they're mad at each other and you just want them to stop - to let you sleep. They're not shouting, but they're still mad at each other. They're fighting over something - they're supposed to share, but you can't move to tell them that. Your daddy always tells you that - he should tell the angry man to share.
They start yelling, and you move further into your closet. As long as your daddy's there, you'll be safe - as long as you don't move, no one will see you. You're safe here - you're safe here. You put your hands over your ears, because if you don't hear them and you can't see them; then they can't hear or see you. You will be safe. Daddy will keep you safe.
They go downstairs, and you relax. You can breathe now - it's not like the air is solid any more. You can hear them moving downstairs, talking; and you inch closer to the closet doors, looking out through the cracks into the now empty room. Bunny is still on the bed, alone; and you ease the doors open slowly. Daddy won't know, and Bunny isn't safe alone any more.
There are sudden, different noises; and you retreat back into the depths of the closet. Those don't sound right - it's too quite... Did they go to sleep? Did they share? You want Bunny and you want Daddy. It's too hot in here and too stuffy - you can't breathe again. Can Daddy breathe?
It gets darker in your bedroom, and you cautiously lean forward to look through the cracks again. The room looks different, and the light looks like the street lamps do when it's foggy. You smile. Did Daddy bring a cloud into your bedroom? Could you walk on a cloud now? Could he walk with you?
You cough, and you can see the cloud coming into the closet. You back away from it - it doesn't smell right. You pull your knees close, watching the smoke and trying not to cough. He said to stay quiet, and it wasn't safe yet...
It sounded like Daddy started a fire downstairs, but it was already too hot. You bury your face in the dress, pressing the cool cloth to your face. When was Daddy coming back? He was too quiet - he was never this quiet while he worked. Had he forgotten you?
There was something in the doorway, and you leaned forward again to see it. You suck in a breath, pulling backward into the corner. The flames you saw still flicker in your sight, and you can see them start to cross the carpet. Your throat is thick, and you cough again - you want your Daddy, and what is going on? The flames spread and you can hear a door downstairs open - or shut? - and you scream.
No one answers you - where is Daddy? He always comes running when he hears you - where is he? You cover your ears with your hands again so you can't hear the fire and cry. You're just a child and you're so alone...
Someone pulls open the door to the closet, and you jump into his arms, knocking him back. The man freezes, and you lift your head from his chest, immediately pulling away terrified when you see he's a stranger. He holds you tightly, and you open your mouth to scream but he presses his hand over it, shaking his head.
He gathers you into his arms and lifts you up. He starts to leave the room, but you want Bunny - you can't leave him alone! It's not safe! He snatches the toy up from the middle of the bed, out of the flames that had begun crawling up the duvet; and he presses it into your arms as he presses your face into his coat.
He's saying something, but you can't understand it. You're so sleepy and it's so dark and he is comfortable. He's clutching you close with one arm, and you know he's stronger than Daddy because he carries you with two arms and he says you're getting too old and heavy. You smile, nestling into the jacket; but the man stumbles and nearly drop you; and you cling onto his neck.
He regains his footing again, but it is hotter down here - the smoke is stronger now and the fires louder. You lift your head from his jacket for a moment, and you see a man lying on the sitting room floor. You pull on his coat, trying to get him to go to your Daddy; but the man only presses your head back into his coat, shaking his head gently. He's saying sorry, but you don't know why.
He doesn't take you to the front door, but you don't care - you want your daddy now. You wonder if he's walking through the most fire as he steps to a window, or whether the flames have multiplied. You don't care - you just want to sleep. You hear the 'crash' of broken glass, and then he pats you on the back once before slowly pushing you through the window. Your hand catches on something, and it's wet - but he won't stop, and he lowers you into the bushes beneath the window.
You tumble through the twigs to the ground, tucking your feet up beneath you and cradeling Bunny close. There's no one around and the street is silent, and you look up to the fire-lit window above you. The man begins to climb out, but something 'crashes' inside and he disappears within again. You can hear a choked sound, but you can't find out where it's coming from. You're scared and you're alone again and your daddy's sleeping and he's gone now too and you just want to sleep!
He slowly climbs out of the window, and you think that his jacket looks just the same as the carpet did when it caught on fire. He dropped into the bushes and rolls, and you carefully reach out to shake him but he sits up. He is still for a moment before standing and lifting you back to his arms. You wrap your arms around his neck again and lay your head down on his warm jacket, closing your eyes. You're a child and you're alone - and you really should be asleep.
You open your eyes and breathe in sharply, fists clutching your pillow. You hold your breath, listening to the world around you for a while before relaxing; realising that it was all a dream. It was all just a dream...
AN: This actually springs from my musings on Reddington and Elizabeth's father. Most of the other fanfics I've read have Reddington as her saviour - and they're probably on to something given that they've finished the series - but I was wondering with all those scars could he not have been her father and escaped from the burning house after she was recued? For some reason, It ended up in second person from Liz's viewpoint. Of course, I'm very likely terribly off - but that is for a later point. It isn't very accurately spaced through time and everything, but it's sort of a dream; and she is only four. 10-20-2015