Johnathan. No Professor Chavez. Her mind corrected her.
She saw him walk into the bar. She shouldn't have been surprised, it was him after all, that had told her about the extra project tonight. Many other writers from her program were here tonight. The assignment was to pick a different medium: poem, speech, anything really. They would find a piece in their genera with this medium and preform on stage tonight.
After her mother begged her for two days straight, Jane had given in. She had chosen to sing a love song. Or, at least, something close to a love song. Which she would now be preforming. In front of one of the very men that had inspired her.
He was talking with a couple of the other students now, and she wondered not for the first time that night if she should go to him. If she should say something. Whether that was to warm him about the song or to pretend she had never accidentally made out with his sweater and that this song had nothing to do with him. Feeling her heartbeat in her ribcage she got up from her stool to walk over.
Before she could even begin to walk, however, the bar door swung open yet again and Jane sat straight back down, turning away from the door as she did.
It was Michael.
He had walked in with his arm around that girl. The girl that Jane had accidentally Facebook friended. The girl he had said he had moved on with. The girl he was happy with.
Her night had just gotten worse.
She watched both of the men in the bar mirror. Michael had settled at a table in the back, and Professor Chavez was leaning against the back wall. Movement in the mirror caught her eye. Rafael had just walked in with Mateo. That did make Jane get off her stool.
"A baby in bar? Honestly?" Jane asked taking her son from Rafael.
"He wanted to see Mommy preform." Rafael tried one of his smiles that usually got him out of trouble. Jane merely raised an eyebrow. "And maybe I was going a little stir crazy in the Marbella. Don't worry, were just going to find a table."
Jane let Rafael take Mateo back, she did have to go get ready. After all, she only had two performances in front of her. Walking back stage, she looked at herself in the mirror. She was really about to do this. Reading a section of her book was one thing; that had been reviewed and edited by Professor Chavez.
And look how well that turned out. She reminded herself. But there was no one here now. She was about to sing, not read. Sing, in front of three men she would rather run away from right now.
Look, I'm-I'm finally, you know, happy again.
You told me to fight for you, you told me to fight for our family, and I was.
I could get in trouble.
The one who's heart she broke.
The one who broke her heart.
And the one she couldn't stop thinking about.
The memories taunted her. Her grandmother had told her to make time for love, before life filled up with other things. Now it seemed as if her life was full of nothing but this heartbreak. But they were why she was here. Why she was about to sing this song. So she would be brave. She would be brave for herself. She would be the person she wanted her son to see.
And thanks to your crazy baby daddy he is going to see it. Jane smiled at the thought. Crazy move or not, she was glad that there was one boy in the audience that she would look forward to seeing after the show.
Her time was up before she knew it, and it was her turn. Walking onto the stage was something like she never experienced. Sure, reading to a crowd was a thrill. To share her words, it was something of a dream. But this, this was something new. Bright lights shining on her, the crowd waiting, she could almost understand why her mother wanted to do this for a living.
"Hi," Jane began. "My name is Jane, I'm part of the program tonight, and I'm a romance writer. So I'll be singing about love tonight." Jane made sure not to look anywhere that involved Johnathan, Michael, or Rafael.
And she sang.
One. Two. Three,
Where have all the good men gone,
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.
She told herself to focus on the lights shining down on her.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure, he's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life, larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasies
She couldn't stop her eyes from falling on Professor Chavez. Her breath caught when she saw his gaze centered on her. Quickly she looked away, only to find herself staring into Michael's eyes.
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
If only… her mind sighed.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
Isn't there a superman to sweep me off my feet?
Looking away from Michael she continued.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure, he's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life, larger than life
She had meant to look at Mateo, she really had, but now she found herself being pulled deep into Rafael's eyes as she sang her next lines.
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear that there's someone somewhere watching me
And he was. Rafael certainly was watching her. But her heart gave a squeeze in her chest and she knew. She knew that nothing could really fix what was between them. Not the lies. Not the heartbreak of him telling her he didn't love her the way she loved him. Not the jealousy and the anger. So she looked away as the song went on.
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the raging flood
Oh, his approach is like a fire in my blood
Her eyes had found Michael again, but his wouldn't meet hers. Rafael had been the one to break her heart, and she had been the one to break Michael's. And if she had thought it had hurt to realize her and Rafael could never work, she wasn't prepared for this. To know that she would never again be the love of Michael's life, to know that she had caused him so much pain. Pain to the point of breaking. Breaking him. Breaking them. She needed to move on. She needed to let go. For both of them. For a chance that either one of them could ever actually be happy again. So she looked away and kept singing.
I'll meet a hero
And then we'll dance 'till the morning light
Dreaming, he'll lead me
Held tight
Tonight's the night
She promised herself this. She would be honest with Rafael like she had been. She would find peace with him. She would let Michael go. He wouldn't be a part of her life anymore. It felt more final than unfriending him on Facebook. She would find real love, something that didn't leave her heart in pieces. Ella Mae Bowen's words had never felt so right.
That only leaves one.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure, he's gotta be soon
She would talk to him, she thought as the song came closer to the end.
Oh, larger than life
Larger than life
Oh, maybe, maybe tonight
Oh, oh
The song was over, and the crowd erupted in applause. Jane might have heard it better another night, but her mind was set. She hadn't spoken to Professor Chavez since she had asked him to forget it had ever happened. She knew now she couldn't do that. Her writing was important to her, and so were her feelings. She couldn't go on like this, and she wouldn't. Not if she didn't have to. She would go to his office tomorrow and switch advisors.
Little did she know that as she walked off the stage, Johnathan's eyes followed her. She also didn't know that when she did leave his office tomorrow, it wouldn't just be with a new advisor, but with a date.