DISCLAIMER: I own neither of the Twilight Saga characters used in this story.

BETA: My wonderful and fabulous BFF LynetteCullen. Without her, I'd get nowhere.

WARNINGS: Abuse and Strong language

I've always had pretty good reasoning skills. I thought things out before I ever did them. I've had the whole world laid out for me on a silver platter, everything I ever wanted, but I still don't understand why I can't make good decisions when it comes to love.

Maybe because love is something that you never see coming. It hits you like a punch in the face. Trust me, I know what that feels like, and no matter how hard it hits me, I always come running back for more.

I know I shouldn't love him, and I know deep down that he doesn't love me….. that he only uses me. He only keeps me around because no one wants him around, not even his own family. So he beats me to stroke his own ego, to make himself feel better.

"Bella get down here," I hear him shout from downstairs.

I quickly close my diary and stuff it under some clothes in my drawer, although I knew I'd have to move it later. When he goes on one of his tangents, he often throws the drawers and their contents to the floor.

I quickly scramble down the stairs to his study. I never fully understood why he needed a study. It's not like he has a job. He was born into money, so he had always bragged that he didn't need one.

As I enter his study, I remember to keep my head down. He always says that I'm not good enough to look him in the eyes unless we're around his friends.

"Yes dear," I mumble as I close the door. I have a beautiful speaking voice, though people don't know this because he never lets me speak when we're in front of people. He says beautiful ladies should be seen and not heard.

"Come over here," he says as he flashes those amazingly white teeth. That's never a good thing when we're alone. "Bella honey. Why wasn't my dinner ready when I got home?" he questioned.

He always does this. He expects me to read his mind and know what he wants. He didn't say a damn thing about dinner before he left. I was led to believe that he was going to eat wherever the hell went when he left this morning.

"But you didn't say that you wan-"

SMACK.

I didn't even see him get up from the chair. But I sure as hell felt him slap me.

"It doesn't matter that I didn't say it you dumb bitch. You're supposed to know what I want," he bellowed as he came toward me.

He had knocked me to the floor with his slap and I was presently scrambling to stand.

"GET UP!" he yelled as he yanked me by my hair to my feet. "Why can't you do anything right?" he shouted.

"But Edward I di-," I didn't get to finish because he was on me again.

SMACK.

"Shut the fuck up. You don't talk unless I tell you to. Do you understand me?" he said as he slapped me yet again.

I managed to nod as the tears began to fall. I told myself that I wouldn't cry again. At least not where he could see me. This only gave him ammunition, something else for him to yell at me for.

"Stop crying. I barely fucking touched you," he said in that sarcastic voice that I can't stand as he banged my head up against the wall again. My head hit it so hard that I began to see large black spots before my eyes.

"Now go make my dinner you dumb slut," he growled as he pushed me out of the room.

It's moments like this when I wonder what the hell I was thinking, and then I remember what the hell I was thinking. I was thinking that this was the most gorgeous man that I had ever seen. I was thinking about all the nice things that he had ever said to me. All the tender moments that we had shared, but those beautiful moments stopped shortly after we got together.

I knew that his outbursts and the abuse wouldn't stop. But I couldn't bring myself to leave him. I was too deep in love.