~South Park intro~

I'm going down to South Park, going to have myself a time

(Kyle and Stan) Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation

I'm going down to South Park going to leave my woes behind

(Cartman) Amble parking day or night humble folks with out temptation

I'm going down to South Park, going to see if I can't unwind

(Kenny and Grace)Our town is bigger dammit, right down to the little granite (muffled speech)

So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine

Go God Go

"How long until Nintendo Wii comes out now?!" Cartman asked us for the 300th time.

"Ugh." I slammed my head on my desk.

"It's still three weeks." Stan answered.

"Oh God..." Cartman shivered like someone in withdrawal. "Okay, how long now?"

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

"Will you shut up already?!" Kyle and I shared the frustration.

Then, Ms. Garrison entered. She didn't look to happy...

"All right kids, it is my job to teach you about the theory of evolution." She sounded angry.

"Oh boy!" Butters called out.

"Now I, for one, think evolution is a bunch of BULLCRAP. But I've been told I have to teach it anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this." She paused and walked up to a large poster.

She pointed at the bottom. "In the beginning we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands... and it had buttsex with a squirrel or something and made this."

She pointed to a rodent. "...retard frog squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a... monkey fish-frog... And then this monkey fish-frog had buttsex with that monkey, and... that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and... that made you!" She finished with a raised tone.

So...we...well...wait...

A girl who was seated in the front row, looked around nervously.

"So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys havin' buttsex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!"

"HEHHH! I can't take it anymore! HAAAAAH!" Cartman hopped out of his chair and ran out.

"Yeah? You see? I knew that would happen."

The next morning was quite peaceful. Well, until Cartman came along.

"You guys! You guys! You guys, you gotta help me." He ran up to us at the bus stop.

He looked really tired. "Did you get any sleep last night?" I asked as I studied his face.

"Yeah, you don't look so good, Cartman." Stan added.

"I can't take it anymore, you guys. The wait for Nintendo Wii is literally killing me." He explained.

Yeeesh, talk about being dramatic.

"Well there's nothing you can do, so you just have to be patient." Kyle said.

"No. There is something I can do." Cartman assertively disagreed.

Like what? Complain to the company? Dumb ass

(What?) Kenny asked.

"All right, listen: you know how in space movies they put astronauts in suspender animation, so that their trip seems really short, right? I think I figured out how to do it." He started explaining.

"Do what?" Stan asked.

"Freeze myself. If I freeze myself, then in three weeks, when Nintendo Wii comes out, you guys can unfreeze me. The wait will seem instantaneous to me."

What the fuck?

"No." Kyle said simply.

"It's simple science, Kyle." Cartman argued.

"No. Cartman, out of all the stupid-ass ideas you come up with, this one will actually kill you. You will die." I explained.

"Retard!" Kyle directed at Cartman.

"I'll die waiting for the Wii to come out! Don't you see this is my only chance!" Cartman yelled.

"Dude, no way." Stan said.

"Yeah, I hate you, but I'm not going to help kill you." Kyle explained.

Agreed.

"I thought you were my friends! I guess I was wrong! After everything we've been through together, you guys won't even help me freeze myself!" Cartman walked away in a huff.

God, this was going to turn into a huge deal again.

I was actually getting pretty nervous about Cartman. Because, knowing him, he's going to go through with this.

And I know the one person that would actually help him out.

I knocked on Butter's door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Hello?" Butters opened the door. He was in some weird costume.

"Hey, Butters have you seen Cartman?" I asked.

Butters looked down and twiddled his thumbs. "N-nope."

I sighed "Butters, cut the crap. You helped Cartman freeze himself, correct?"

"Y-yeah." He kept on looking down.

"Where is he?"

"In the mountains..."

I huffed "Ok, I'm going to get him."

"N-no! You might r-ruin everything!" Butters yelled.

I raised my eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, that's what Eric said that nobody can find him, or else I'll be to blame." He said while fidgeting.

"I don't care. Now, how can I find him?"

"Well, um in-between a big tree and oval rock."

"Okay." And with that, I left to get that fucking asshole.

Oh Jesus, it's freezing.

Now, where the fuck is he? I searched for the fat-ass.

I looked and saw the tree and rock...so he's somewhere.

"Nin-ten-do." I heard faintly.

"Cartman! Cartman!" I called for him.

Now, know this. Just because I'm looking for him, doesn't mean I have a crush on him. By NO means at all, do I have a crush on him. Keep that in mind.I implore you, I just don't want anyone to die.

"I'm coming. I'm coming."

Shit. What a son of a bitch!

Before I even realized it, I found myself almost tripping over Cartman. When I looked down at him, he didn't look good. And by that, I mean alive.

"Oh crap! Um, hold on, we're going to the hospitable." I muttered.

I picked Cartman up and put my coat around him. "Shit."

"Bitch. Bitch. Nin-ten-do."

I saw Cartman close his eyes and exhale out one last time. I stared at him a long time, waiting for him to breath again. It didn't happen.

"Crap! Crap!" I yelled in panic.

Just then, I heard a rumbling. It came from the top of the mountains.

I looked up slowly. "Oh shit."

Large piles of snow came tumbling down, and I immediately knew what was happening.

It was an avalanche.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!" I said quickly as I tried to escape it while dragging Cartman. Fuck Cartman! I dropped him and tried to make it down myself.

But it was too late. I soon found myself buried in snow, with Cartman. I tried, but I couldn't dig out. It was to packed in. It was a long time before I felt drowsy.

"F-f-fuck y-you C-cartman." I shivered, before I soon blacked out.

Oh god. I just had the worse nightmare ever.

I actually tried to save Cartman's ass! Haha, I would never do that. Then, there was an avalanche. And we both got buried in. Then, I blacked out.

"We have a pulse." I heard a voice say. Not a familiar one.

Someone coughed. What's going on?

"Can you... understand me?" That same voice asked.

"Where am I?" Okay, that was Cartman's voice.

I sat up quickly, and then I regretted it. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I coughed a bunch. What. The. Fuck?

I looked around once I recovered from the coughing fit. Okay, I was in a bed... I saw these...bald men. And then I saw Cartman...

"What the hell? Where is this?" I asked while I looked around.

One of the bald men came forward. "My name is Shvek. You are safe."

"Safe where, butthole?!" Cartman demanded.

"My friends, this is going to be a bit of a shock, but... it is the year 2546.

"What?" Cartman and I exclaimed at the same time.

"You have been frozen in the ice for over 500 years."

My jaw dropped. It hit me really hard. That meant my mom was dead. Stan, Kyle, Kenny... all dead. No one we knew was alive.

I felt the urge to cry, but that was quickly replaced by shock. I can't believe this is happening. It could still just be a nightmare though... right?

Cartman jumped off the bed he was in, and ran to the nearest window.

I followed behind, but walked slowly; taking in my surroundings. Everything looked so advanced.

I looked out the window to find a city, unlike any I've seen before. Everything was...futurey...?

So... maybe the night mare was real. But, I froze with Cartman. It was his fault.

Or it was my fault. It was my decision to help him. If I didn't, I wouldn't be in this fucking mess.

"Butters? Butters, you black asshole!" He yelled, but suddenly looked tired.

"Please be careful. You are frail." The man said.

"Is the Wii out? Where's the Wii?" He asked franticly.

Then rage boiled inside of me. He was frozen for 500 years, and he still cares about the FUCKING Wii!

"You asshole!" I yelled and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground and I kept on punching.

"All. You. Fucking. Care. About. Is. The. Wii?!" I said after every punch.

I felt someone pull me off of him.

"You crazy bitch!" He wiped some blood from his nose.

"Everyone we've ever known is DEAD! But no, all you can do is think about the Wii?!" I yelled and pointed at him.

He ignored me, "Is there a Nintendo Wii?!" He asked one last time.

"We don't play videogames in our time. There is no such thing as a Nintendo Wii." The man clarified.

"No...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He looked up at the ceiling and yelled.

"Serves you right, you fucking fatass!" I shouted at him.

Later on, they made us stay in some room.

I was still feeling pretty pissed at Cartman, but the whole '500 years in the future' deal was just starting to sink in.

I just... still, can't believe this is real. It's crazy! I feel like I should be crying my eyes out, but that just doesn't seem possible... for some reason.

I was still staring out a window, taking in... well, everything. The buildings and vehicles were so futuristic! Well duh, of course they were. We're in the future.

Meanwhile Cartman was still upset about his stupid Wii.

"This is terrible. Five hundred years in the future." He put his head in his hands, and started 'fake' weeping.

I rolled my eyes, and continued to stare out the window.

A door suddenly slid open, and three of the alien, man things walked in.

"Eric, I have good news for you. We may have found you a Nintendo Wii." The man, I learned was called Shvek (weird name) announced.

"What?" Eric perked up and hopped onto the desk. "Really?" He jumped down. "YES! YES!" He exulted.

"It's rumored that there's one at the museum of technology at New New Hampshire."

"So I'm not too late! Come on, let's go!" He shouted.

"Well, there's just... th-there's one thing we need from you first."

What?

They sat us down at a table.

"You see, my young friends, you were unfrozen for a reason." Shvek said.

Lots of people froze themselves in cryogenic labs and we don't unfreeze them. But you two... are special." Some other guy explained.

"I know I'm special. Her, not so much. This isn't news to me." He said non-chalantly.

"God, get over yourself." I mumbled and rolled my eyes (once more)

One of the men at the table snickered. What was so funny?

"What?" I asked rudely.

"You said, god." The man answered.

"So?!"

"Well you see, you two lived in a time when a great event happened. A glorious event that finally made all religion obsolete. Now, the entire world is atheist."

Oh, well that explained it.

"And this gives me a Nintendo Wii how?" Cartman asked with an eyebrow raised.

"We believe that somebody you knew in your time was the person who first started our wonderful group: The Unified Atheist League."

Really?

"Who?" Cartman asked what I was about to.

The man was about to reply when, suddenly, something shook the building.

"What in Science's name was that?!" One of the men exclaimed.

We followed the men into, what I think was, the cargo room.

These weird men, who had really stupid haircuts, started coming through a hole they blew up.

"Oh no! It's the United Atheist Alliance!" One of the men exclaimed.

"Oh Science, help us!"

That's when hell broke loose. Everyone started firing weird laser weapons at eachother. It was like a rave! Not that I've ever been to one...

"Science damn you, Unified Atheist League." A man on the other side said.

Cartman and I kind of cowered behind Shvek. "Who are they?"

"The Alliance Atheists. We're at war with them." He answered.

The battle raged on, with laser shots going back and forth. During this time, I've noticed that if you are hit by a laser, your head exploded.

One of the ULA members was hit. "No!" He yelled, and his head fricking exploded!

"Jesus Christ!" Cartman yelled.

"Hahahaha, you believe in a supernatural being." Shvek mocked until he got hit with a laser. "Oh my science." His head exploded.

The battle was over. The UAA members won.

They started to close in on Cartman and I, with their guns drawn. We held up our hands.

"If you do anything... kill her, and not me." Cartman started "I'm just a little boy from the past who wants to play Nintendo Wii."

I decided to ignore Cartman this time.

We soon found ourselves on the UAA's ship or... whatever you called it. Some UAA members escorted us to the captains room... or, I don't know what you call these things!

"Put us through to the Allied Athiest Allegiance!" One of the UAA members comanded.

"Onscreen." A member with black hair responded.

And on a screen, an otter of sorts came up.

What?

"Look, Allied Atheist League! We have the time children!"

"Science damn you, United Atheist Alliance!" The otter spoke out.

"Now you see, foolish sea otters, that we are the atheists in control!"

"It won't make a difference! This is the dawning of the sea otter! Know this, time children! I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!"

"What?" Cartman and I exclaimed.

"Otters! The time has come! Sound the nafferty!"

"The nafferty!" Other otters joined.

A giant otter walked over to a fanciful horn and blew on it.

The AAA leader rose on a platform and turned around. A lens dropped down from a contraption he had to his left ear, and landed on his nose.

"So it begins!"

This is really fucked. I'm fucked. Cartman's fucked.

We're all fucking, fucked right now.

Yes!

Here you go, people who wanted this episode! I'm excited for the sequel.

Ok, these aren't questions. But, you can respond to them through a review or PM.

1. I have decided. I will not be doing pairings with Stan, Kyle, Cartman, or Kenny. Instead, with one of the OCs you guys submitted, I will be doing a chapter with Grace and that OC.

(Still accepting OCs)

2. I have plenty of episodes I really want to get through, so I will not be taking any more suggestions of those.

3. If you have any made up plot ideas for an episode. Please tell me through review or PM.

(For example: The day Gracie's dad died...lol idk.)

Ok, bye!