Kisame and Snape have some romantic time, and then the Hulk bursts in, followed by Slenderman.
The night was young, and Kisame was sitting at home with his lover Snape, with the hooked-nose man weeping at Marley and Me like the fucking pussy he was, muttering "they loved that dog so much". And Kisame was getting sick and fucking tired of it. Because he was a shark. And they got sick and fucking tired of everything.
He was primarily upset because he was hoping to get some, but then Snape pulled this sissy film out of kami-sama knows where – probably his black hole of an anus – and Kisame's boner had been growing with every bark of the dog. And every time he glanced at Snape with his slimy, greasy hair, it got steamier, like being in a sauna, but that was probably because they'd left the heating on like the forgetful, senile old grannies they were.
As the film came to a close, and Marley barked his last bark, Snape leant upon Kisame's shoulder, whispering huskily, "Oh, Kisame. You and your leathery gills are so bloody twatting lovely to me."
Kisame grinned, "Speaking of lovely, how about we make love?"
"Kawaii desu!" Snape exclaimed, clamping his bony hands over his mouth in surprise, "Please be gentle with me."
Kisame intended to be anything but gentle with this slimy cunt. He was going to rip his sweat-drenched cloak off of him, hurl him into the wall, causing a dent which would cradle his pale body so that Kisame could comfortably pound him against the wall, furthering the dent and overall making the repair cost escalate to the extent where Kisame would have to pound Snape into the wall again out of anger and frustration. He planned to lick his hairy balls, and all that kinky homosexual shit.
However, before Kisame could even touch the wizardy fucker, none other than the Hulk burst in, green and angry and wearing those ripped purple pants that severely needed a good wash and a decent sew.
"SNAPE, YOU CHEATING MOFO!" the Hulk cried, his anger never wavering.
"Hulky-kins!" Snape replied with a gasp, "It's not what you think! I wasn't about to fuck this sharky hoe!"
"YOU LIE! YOU MAKE HULK MAD!" the green bastard yelled, rushing towards the magic wanker who did away with Dumbledore in the sixth book, LOL SPOILERS, and rammed his fist into his cock-sucking jaw, exclaiming, "HULK SMASH!"
Snape went flying, to say the least. More like he flew into the ceiling fan, twizzled around on it, then soared from there to leave a dent in the wall, but not the sex-caused dent that Kisame wanted, and then he bounced off of that like the stringy cheese motherfucker he was and rebounded from wall to wall as if he were that stupid pingy-pongy game in those shit arcades in Wales that NOBODY can win but you try anyway because there's fuck all else to do in Wales but ravage your feet on the broken glass and cigarette stub covered beaches.
When Snape finally fell onto the floor, unconscious but not dead because he was a limey wizard and could survive anything (apart from being mauled by a snake in the seventh book, LOL MORE SPOILERS), Kisame looked from the fallen turd that was Snape to Hulk and asked, "Do you want to make love instead?"
But before the Hulk could agree (and he would, you know he would, because he's a horny dildo), there was a disturbance – their vision fuzzed and there was some creepy ass music playing – and both the green fucktard and the blue dick biscuit turned to the door to see the white faced fucker known as Slenderman, his sexy arms extending and writhing.
"Wow," they breathed, "he dresses smart."
And that was the last thing they ever got to say.
And Snape survived, but had bruises and shit from being raped by Slendy whilst unconscious.
The end, motherfuckers.