Sometimes when Kanda sleeps, he dreams. Other times, he simply relives memories from another life. A life where he was "Yuu."
Tonight, behind closed eyes, he is "Yuu" once more.
He's holding hands with that person, something "Kanda" would have found disgusting. They're walking down the busy streets of London, when he sees a dark-haired man with strange golden eyes smiling at him. It's a sad, lonely smile, and it makes Yuu nervous. That person seems to notice his unease, and she tugs Yuu inside of some store he doesn't really care about. He's too busy watching the man across the street as he mouths, "Hello, exorcist."
The scene blurs and slowly morphs into something much, much different.
Yuu is now pressed up against a brick wall in some dirty back alley, the man from earlier's lips sloppily moving against his own. He pulls away, gold eyes glazed over with lust, and Yuu whispers his name. To "Kanda," the man's name sounds muffled, as if he's hearing it from underwater. It angers him that he can't remember the man's name, but there's not much he can really do about it.
The man smiles, but to both Yuu and "Kanda" it looks more like a manic grin. "Kanda" is disturbed by the man's expression, but Yuu seems to like it. Then the man is touching Yuu somewhere even that person has never been allowed access to, and "Kanda" feels a part of himself die.
Once again, the scene changes.
"I can't keep doing this, not to her. I just can't," Yuu says, his tone pleading. "Kanda" knows that by "her," Yuu means that person.
The golden-eyed man is sitting cross-armed on the bed, his lips pursed into a nearly perfectly straight line. He glares up at Yuu, who is standing before him looking absolutely heartbroken. There is a long, tense moment of silence between the two of them, until the man's gaze softens and he lets out a defeated sigh.
"I was leaving soon anyway," he says, sounding incredibly lonely. Yuu bends slightly at the waist and wraps his arms around the man, whispering apologies into his ear. Slowly, almost reluctantly, the man returns Yuu's embrace, and the two fall back onto the bed in eachothers' arms.
Kanda wakes the next morning feeling sick and miserable, but at least now he knows why.