No need to say goodbye

by Courtney Beatty

Run. Countless times I had given the command and countless times I had followed it, the ground of some alien planet rushing by as my feet hit the dirt over and over again, my hearts beating heavily in my chest. But all that is in the past, it's time to stop running now. Everything has it's time and everything dies, even the Doctor.

"Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye"

-Regina Spektor, The Call

At times it seemed like it would never end, that I would simply be the madman in the box until the end of time and hell, maybe beyond it. Still…I had enjoyed every minute of it. It had been the small things that I had loved the most, the little wondrous details that made life worth living. The twirl of a pink skirt and a jean jacket, the shine of a tin dog, the flash of red hair. They were just snapshots from a long life now coming to a close but they were also so much more than that. Oh this life, it was wonderful but it was wearing. Loved ones were lost, hard choices were made and if I had learned anything in all those long years it was that you can never go back.

It had been the Daleks again. (This time I think I've finally gotten rid of them, at least I hope I have. If not someone else would have to deal with it.) The battle had left me wounded, I had just enough strength to get back to the TARDIS before the regeneration started.

I stood up with my new body and coughed, expelling some left over energy. As the golden particles swirled around me I was hit with the most amazing pain. It was then that I realized. It happened sometimes when a Time Lord grew very old, a body just wouldn't fit right. It would reject and I would die. I had two hours at least, a day at most. My immediate reaction was to laugh. Out of all the things that had tried to kill me it was my own body that would do me in.

But at the moment I still had time to kill. That had been my enemy all along hadn't it? Time. No matter how long I ran it never let me go.

I walked to the TARDIS console and slowly ran my fingertips over her smooth surface. She seemed to be fading to, as if she sensed me dying and planed to go with me. We always had been connected like that. Her lights were dimming and she didn't purr quite like she was suppose to but she still responded to my touch with a familiar hum.

"How about it old girl? One more adventure?"

The engines started up and I smiled. She understood. Its time.

I didn't need to touch any buttons, like always she knew where I needed to go even if I didn't. Grinning I spun my way around her one last time, not really doing anything, just relishing in the joy of an oncoming adventure. Fear, joy, wonder, after all this time I still felt every one. The universe is always changing, no two moments are exactly alike. You never know what you'll get when you step outside.

Woorp woorp woorp. The breaks ground to a halt and I ran to the doors. I threw them open expecting something fantastic and I wasn't dissipouinted. Earth, 21st century. The humans have just discovered they are not alone in the universe. It's a beautiful time for a beautiful species. They are just now opening their eyes to whats around them, to life.

I looked around for the reason the TARDIS had brought me there, taking in every sound, every brush of the wind. I felt everything like it was the first time because it was the last and that made it new in its own way.

Finally my eyes were drawn to a house on my left, it's door painted a familiar blue. A darker skinned young woman stood on its porch, a cellphone held against her head. She looked vaguely familiar though I am sure I've never seen her before. I felt compelled to approach her by the same feeling that had pushed me into countless unintended situations before.

She noticed me as I reached the steps and raised her eyebrows quizically, not bothering to remove the phone fromher ear.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor," I offered, not entirely what my reason for being here should be.

"Oh thank God," she sighed into the phone, "I guess they decided to send someone after all. I'll call you back." She turned off the phone and held open the blue door. "She's in here. Maybe you can talk some sense into her? Get her to go to the hospital?" She led me past a richly decorated sitting room and down a hall, at the end of which another door stood propped open.

"They didn't really tell me much about the…err….situation," I inquired.

"She needs the hospital," she answered, "but she simply won't go. They said they couldn't do anything about it but I thought if they sent out a professional that maybe they could talk her into going. They said that there wasn't much they could do anyway so I should just make sure that she's comfortable."

"Well, I'll see what I can do," the strange compulsion was still urging me on. I felt like that was where I needed to be, that the universe was pushing me in that direction.

The woman nodded and turned back toward the sitting room, the phone already on its way back to her head.

I pushed the door the rest of the way open and steeped inside. I was immediately struck by how bright it was. One wall and part of the ceiling was done completely in glass overlooking a beautiful garden. The sunlight drifted through and was captured by dozens of small crystal wind chimes, casting light and rainbows everywhere. It captivated me enough that I didn't notice the woman until she spoke.

"My own personal stars,"she stated, "Couldn't get enough of them at night so I made my own. I suppose Em sent for you? You a doctor? You're wasting your time. I am not dying in some hospital attached to tubes and beepers."

In that moment I swear both my hearts stopped. Even feeble and raspy with age I knew that voice, it was one I thought I would never hear again. I turned and my suspicions were confirmed. The hair was no longer red but it was clearly Donna.

"Oi! What cho' gawking at? You are a doctor right? Not some random nutter?" It was defiantly Donna, no one else could manage that much sass on their death bed.

"Umm yes. A doctor, yes," I choked out.

"Well doctor, you can tell Emily that-" she cut herself off mid-sentence, "I know you." She said it breathlessly, like she knew it was true but she still didn't quite believe herself.

"Well, I must have one of those faces," I laugh, trying to get over my own mixture of shock and sadness.

"No, that's not it," she continued to stare at me in bewilderment as I approached the bed she was resting on. As I got closer to her it became apparent that she had about as much time left as I did. I realized that must have been why the TARDIS had taken me to this exact point of time, I had one more task to complete.

"Do you trust me," I asked her.

"Yes," she breathed, it was as much of a question as it was an answer.

I sit beside her on the bed and place my hands on both sides of her head. Almost immediately energy begins to seep from my palms, surrounding her in a golden halo. She closed her eyes and gasped as memories began to flood back to her.

"Don't worry," I said when it's all done, "I've given you the rest of my regeneration energy. It'll be enough to support your memories for awhile." I smiled at her, "I won't be needing it, I'm almost out of time to."

"Yeah?"its her only response, she seemed to be trying to work it all out and I couldn't blame her, suddenly trying to deal with long lost memories on your death bed probably wasn't the easiest of tasks.

"How long has it been for you?" she asked after a minute.

"Oh a few thousand years, few faces to."

"Yeah? Not long then?"

We looked at each other for a moment before devolving into laughter. After a few seconds we are both out of breath.

"So, granddaughter?" I asked, point my thumb in the direction of the sitting room, from which Emily could be heard still talking on the phone.

"Yeah, we lost Shawn a few years ago, she didn't take it well. And she's not taking this well," she sighed and leaned further back into her pillows. "I can feel it though, ya know? I'm tired. And I've had a good life, I guess more of a life than I knew I had a few minutes ago."

"Can you blame her for not wanting to let go? It's never easy loosing a loved one." I had been in Emily's position way too many times not to have sympathy.

Donna just shrugged, "What about you? I'm the Doctor Donna again remember? I can tell when there's something wrong with you. What do you mean your times almost up?"

"Oh, just this body. I'm old, Donna, very old. And tired. I think I'm ready to go." I looked in her eyes, hoping to see understanding. She nodded and I realized that was another reason the TARDIS had brought me to this place in particular. Some people search their whole life for their perfect match, their "soul mate" but what they don't realize is that sometimes, often the most important times, what you need is just the simplest type of mate, a friend. And Donna was that for me, she was my best friend.

We talked for hours. She told me all about Shawn and her son, who now lives in the states. I told her about the adventures I've had and the friends I've made. We laughed and we cried and we soon fit right back into that easy friendship we had so long ago. It's dark out when Donna finally closes her eyes.

"I'm tired," she sighs.

I could sense that this was it. The energy I had gifted her with to restore and support her memories had also given her an extra couple of hours, it was fading now and taking her with it.

"Goodbye old friend," I choked.

"Goodbye? I'm not done with you yet Doctor. I'm suppose to be with you forever remember?" she reached for my hand and squeezed it, "Meet you in the next life?"

I nodded and choked back the tears, "I look forward to it."

I don't remember the walk back to the TARDIS. One minute I was opening Donna's blue door and the next I was standing in front of the console, pushing the buttons needed to take me away with numb determination. I hadn't waited around for Donna to die, once she had fallen asleep I had left. Emily would make sure she didn't die alone.

This time when the breaks grind to a halt I don't bother opening the doors. The monitor shows a forest, huge trees extending past the range of the screen. They are very old, some of the oldest living things on Earth. It seemed fitting for my final resting place, an ancient forest on the planet I've come to think of as a sort of home.

The TARDIS groans and her lights flicker off.

It causes an unexpected response in me. I am suddenly filled with anger and I lash out, kicking a wall. What part of this is fair?! After all I have done for the universe and I have to die alone?! I've given everything for it. Everything! Overand over again! And in the end I can't even die on my home planet, I'm left alone and cold on the metal floor.

Suddenly my knees give way and I'm on that floor. I don't even bother to catch myself. I face down and sob into the ground.

I sob and sob until I can't anymore and then out of the corner of my eye I catch it, the soft glow of the TARDIS core. It's weak now and quickly fading. I'm not sure if its real or simply in my own dying mind but a haze seems to be seeping from that last spark. It drifts across the floor and heads tward me, surrounding me like a blacket, picking me up and cradiling me. I smile. My TARDIS, I still have her. I will always have her.

The sound of my slowing hearts seems to get louder and louder until it fills my head, each beat brings with it a memory.

A clear sky reflecting off an even clearer lake.
BoomboomBoomboom
If it's time to go, remember what you're leaving. Remember the best.

The heat of a fire deep underground.
Boomboom Boomboom
If i believe in anything i believe in her.

The promise of an adventure to come.
Boomboom…boomboom
You watch us run.

And finally the feel of red grass beneath me, eyes closed against the glare of two suns in an orange sky.
boom…boom
I take a deep breath in and I can almost smell the fresh mountain air. I close my eyes…

…and I'm home.