What the heart really wants
Cameron/House pairing
Any constructive criticism for further chapters is very welcome
This fic is set after the events of the season 5 episode Big Baby
Cameron's POV
Cameron felt guilty, many times over. She felt guilty about practically forcing Cuddy to come back to work so soon after she had got her baby. But she couldn't be in charge of House, she hadn't lied when she told Cuddy it was because she would always say yes to him. But she had lied about it being because of his skill and her 3 year fellowship under him. It was really the fact that she was still in love with him, though she wouldn't admit it to anyone.
Then there was Chase. She'd tried, she really had, but she couldn't put her heart fully into their relationship. There had been no proper spark for months, perhaps there never really was. She felt guilty about giving him the same reason as she had Cuddy for why she wouldn't be in charge of House and he'd bought it. he had always trusted her so much. She had to tell him soon, even if she could never have a relationship with House she couldn't continue with Chase, he deserved better, to receive someone's whole heart.
House had always said she only liked him because she needed something damaged to fix. But he didn't realise, no one knew, that she was just as broken as he was. They all knew about her dead husband, but only Wilson and House knew about her love for his best friend, Joe. Still, there were things none of them knew, she'd managed to hide her medical history from House so far. She could picture what he would see, what would stand out if he read it:
Age 15: Admitted after rape
Age 15: Ultra-sound after rape results in pregnancy
Age 16: Miscarriage
Age 16-18: Various atmittance after self harming (cutting)
Age 21: Therapist visits after husband of 6 months dies of terminal cancer
Age 30-31 (present day): Admitted to Princeton General with cut wrists (self-harm)
She'd picked up cutting again once she'd realised how deeply in love she'd fallen with House and how screwed up her life really was. Wasting away time in the ER, faking a relationship with Chase and pretending how ok everything was. Memories of her husband Joe were coming back to the surface. She hated lying and hiding her scars from Chase and that made it all worse.
She'd lost two patients in ER today, car crash victims and only children, a 10 year old boy and his 6 year old sister. That on top of everything else upset her so much that she retreated to the locker room with a sigh, knowing no one would be around there this late at night. The tears came freely and sobs wracked her fragile, too thin, body. Suddenly she broke off, hearing foot steps along with wood on wood along the corridor, House. She could not contain her sobs completely and he paused and turned into the locker room, starting with schock at Cameron so upset ...
That's it for this chapter, the next one should be up pretty soon and will deal with the break up of Cameron and Chase I know all you Cameron/House fans have been waiting for. Hope you enjoyed it.