A/N: Part of my 'character study' project. Check my profile for others! I'll be doing one for every single freaking character…Oi vey.
In his 'dreams' the first 'he' he refers to is Yama-ji and the second is Ukitake. The 'she' is Lisa…when he refers to her in past tense.
…the other she is Nanao. XD its hard to explain…I think I just talked in circles.
Carry on…
Wake Up
'Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never rest.'
Shunsui remembers so much.
Everyday he drifts off into far off dreams of once upon a times of smiling mentors, healthy friends and strange women. He dreams of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens and the only one who knows it is his beloved Nanao.
She understands but she pretends not to because he knows she doesn't want to love him, because despite what he wishes neither of them is ready.
So she tells him half heartedly to do his paperwork instead of wallowing in the past and he ignores her and returns to his dreams where he's still happy, he's still fighting and she's still alive and with him.
Because Kyoraku Shunsui remembers far too much.
He doesn't wish otherwise, often he wishes he could live there, inside his mind, without problems, or anger, or mourning, when everyone was still okay, when they were young and invincible and sincerely believed they would live forever.
He knows that one day she'll be ready when he no longer is and she'll beg him to wake up. And he knows, he knows that he won't be able to, even for her, because he's held on so tight, for so long, that he no longer knows how to let go and he feels like if he tries he'll unravel.
So he ignores her sad expression when he tells her he's going to take a nap.
Because he remembers too much and he doesn't know how to stop, doesn't remember a time when his memories weren't all he had.
That night he dreams of only one thing before falling into a dark, peaceful dreamless sleep.
He dreams of Lisa; strange, strange Lisa, who smiles sadly at him, "You're not happy." she accuses and you can't contradict her, not because it's untrue but because you don't want it to be. You want to be happy the woman who has stood by your blatant stupidity. But you won't let yourself because you're stuck in your past. "Free yourself Shunsui, you don't need us anymore. You have her."
Than her smile is radiant and he can see the Nanao in her and vice versa, and you realize that you want to be the one to put that smile on a very different woman's face.
"But someone does need you."
And then his eyes are open and he still remembers too much, but the memories have already begun to fade and for once he isn't tired.
"Are you up yet?" Nanao's familiar voice asks, not looking up from her book.
"Better," he grins and reaches her in two strides, stealing her novel and leaning in only a few inches from her face. "I'm finally awake."
Her confused expression fades when he gathers her up in his arms and presses his lips to hers.
Because for the first time they're both ready.
'Wake me up when September ends…'
A/N: RRA&FAVE please!
-Siers