I just rewatched the episode where Vincent dies and decided to do one more story dealing with it. This revolves around B&B of course, but it deals with the fallout of Vincent's death as well. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Bones was unsure of herself as she let herself be ushered into Booth's apartment. Just the previous night she had come into Booth's room distraught over what Vincent had been saying as he lay dying, and then as Booth held her, comforting her, they had taken a leap forward and made love. It had been wonderful, passionate, and the most emotionally, as well as physically, satisfying experience of her life. It had proven all of Booth's reflections on making love versus sex. But she was disturbed by it all, too.
"You want a beer, Bones?" Booth offered as he opened the fridge and got out some leftover Thai food for them.
"Sure," she smiled. The concerns she felt weren't enough to take away the warm, safe feeling she had being near him.
She watched as he went about putting some food on two plates and heating them up. There was something about the way he moved about the small kitchen that drew her attention. The fatigue, physical and emotional, were weighing him down, and his movements showed it clearly. The toll that his duel with Broadsky had taken on him was very real, and she knew he was alternately thanking God that he hadn't killed another person, yet hating himself for not taking Broadsky's life in retaliation for what happened to Vincent.
"You did the right thing," she told him when he sat heavily down next to her, the plates of food he'd prepared steaming in front of them.
"I keep telling myself that, Bones, but then I think of Vincent and I get angry again," he replied, taking a sip of beer. The slight bitterness of the drink wasn't even registering as his attention was so focused on what had happened.
"Vincent wouldn't have wanted you to kill Broadsky unless there was no choice," she said with a calm conviction.
"It's not that, Bones," Booth sighed. "I keep thinking of Vincent's Mom and how she must be feeling, and then I think of what I would feel if something like that happened to Parker."
"You would get through it, and honor him in doing so," Bones told him, trying to put to words the feelings she had. Her emotional and philosophical outlook had broadened over the years, and especially this past year. She believed in what she was telling him, and she knew that when it came to him, she could count on him doing the right thing. Everyone makes mistakes, but Booth was one of those rare individuals who owned up to those mistakes and tried to make it right.
"I don't think I'm that strong, Bones," Booth admitted.
"You wouldn't be alone, Booth," Bones let him know, taking a moment to grasp and squeeze his hand before letting it go.
"I talked to Pops this afternoon," he told her as he took a bite of his food. "I wanted to thank him for all he's done for me. If it hadn't been for him I can see myself having become like Broadsky. Pops gave me a foundation to build on."
They sat in silence for a while, just eating and thinking. Neither wanted to say or do anything to cause any damage to the fragile beginnings of whatever had been started the night before. Both knew that if it was bungled this time, there would almost assuredly not be another chance.
"Was last night the right time?" Bones finally broke the silence.
"What do you mean?" he asked. He wanted to be sure he understood exactly what she was saying, despite his strong suspicions.
"Did we make love because it was right, or did we simply do it because we were so upset over Vincent?" she asked him.
Booth noticed that she used the phrase making love instead of sex. It spoke volumes about how she felt about anything between the two of them, just like when she had used the same term in the elevator when they were in the blizzard.
"Does it make a difference?" he asked.
Bones nodded. "It does to me," she replied. "I made such a mistake last year, and then again when I broke down that one night in the SUV. Last night meant a great deal to me, Booth, and I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with the fallout if it was not real."
"So you're okay with what we did, but you're just not sure it was for the right reasons?" he asked, a bit surprised. Yes it was a terrible set of circumstances, but her usual attitude about biological urges, even when it was within the context of them, would seem to not mind circumstances. It made him have some solid hope for their future together as she was finally thinking about direct emotional consequences.
Bones nodded.
"Bones, we both made mistakes last year, and all this year, but you know what? It never really changed how I feel about you," he told her. "This was bound to happen before too long, and after seeing a person die like we did, knowing that someone was there to hold me, and be with me while I had my own problems dealing with it makes it a very good thing. The real tragedy, and what would make it wrong, is if we ignore what is between us like we always have in the past."
Bones could see his point, and agreed with him, but she was still a bit unnerved about the catalyst of that step forward with Booth being the tragic death of Vincent. It had taken her a very long time to get over the loss, though not death, of Zach, and she was extremely frightened that this new loss would make it nearly impossible for her to maintain a relationship with the one man she was sure that she could have a successful relationship with. It had taken a long time, but she had learned over this past year that she could not compartmentalize some things for long before reaching a breaking point. Booth was one thing on that short short list, and her Squinterns and the Squint Squad were the others on the list.
"I don't want to go backwards from where we are now," she said finally. "But I've never been good with relationships, and the circumstances surrounding how we came together, sexually, makes me have some doubts."
Booth chuckled. "And you think I don't?" he asked. "Look at the mess I've made of things in the relationship department. Two proposals of marriage rejected, I flub asking the one person I love more than anything in the world, outside of Parker, to try for a relationship, I bring home a reporter of all things as a girlfriend and proceed to let my friends down when it counted. But somehow through all of that and more at times, you've always been my best friend, and supported me. Angrily at times, and sometimes disappointed, but you've supported me. It gives me a lot of faith in you, Bones, and also in us, assuming that there is an us in the sense we're talking about."
"So you're saying that no matter what brought this about, or if it isn't the best of times, it's still right?" she asked, a little annoyed at the imprecision of it all. A little annoyed as opposed to being upset like she would have been in the past.
"Yeah," Booth said, a smile beginning to curve his lips. "But the choice is yours, Bones. We can begin this relationship now, or we can wait until you're a bit more stable and stronger, like you mentioned when we had the blackout during that blizzard."
Bones' hyperactive mind considered all the possibilities with a blinding speed. She knew that Booth was more than willing to wait for her to be ready, and she felt herself loving him even more for it as it showed her that her strong bond with him, for all the years of their friendship, was not misplaced. He was someone to build a future on, as opposed to a momentary sating of urges and tension. Then she considered the work that they did and came to the realization that if timing was the crucial element, then no time would ever really be right. Death, and the unfortunate consequences, were always around them. It was time to show him that while she may have problems with the concept of faith in general, she did have faith in him.
"I think I'm ready," she told him finally, enjoying the smile that became full and engaging when she said it. "I may say the wrong things at times, and aggravate you, but if you're willing to put up with my eccentricities, then I can make an effort to put aside my own fears of relationships and getting too close to someone."
"We got too close a long time ago, Bones," he told her, placing an arm over her shoulder. He saw her frown and chuckled. "That's a good thing. It means that you've already proven that you are good at being close with someone."
"Can I stay here tonight?" she asked, a little hesitantly. For once in her adult life she was unsure of herself in a sexual context. Usually she was the aggressor, and was confident of what she wanted and how to go about achieving it. Now she was in a relationship, no matter how soon, and she wasn't sure of the boundaries and etiquette. She did know that she wanted to be with him tonight.
Booth sensed her unease about asking that question. "Of course you can," he assured her. "What's wrong?"
Bones knew he wasn't asking in order to find out why she wanted to stay the night. He was sensing her unease over the newness of all this, but also something that had haunted her all day. She decided to be honest.
"It was something Hodgins said when we were trying to tell you about Broadsky's hand," she told him. "He said you were playing dueling snipers. I know you had to go after him, and it was a risk considering how good he is, but that phrase Hodgins used made me think about just how dangerous it was, and the fact that if the slightest thing went wrong I would never see you alive again. Until we heard you had got him, I could barely function, and I'm sure I fooled no one, especially not Angela. She gave me this look when you called and let us all know. I was scared, Booth. I was really scared."
Booth knew what it cost her to admit to something like that fear. She'd hinted at it any number of times when the circumstances had been grim, such as when he had been a victim of the Gravedigger, but she had never directly verbalized it. He pulled her in and was surprised when she fisted his shirt and buried her head in his chest, though not sobbing like the night before. Instead he felt her breathing in deeply, as if she were trying to drink in his scent and presence.
"I was scared, too, Bones," he told her. "I was scared, too."
"Take me to bed and hold me," she requested, lifting her head and looking at him. She wasn't being weak, or clingy. She just wanted to reassure herself that he was hers and that she was his. Despite how awkward or disjointed the conversation had been, she was confident of the rightness of all of this now. Instead of flinging herself at him and taking her pleasure, and comfort, she wanted to simply be with him. If they made love, the made love. If not, then it was alright simply because he was there with her.
That simple realization showed her the tangible, emotional quality that had always eluded her in the past when it came to a relationship.
"Always, Bones," Booth said, and, taking a bit of a risk with his back and the fatigue he was feeling, hoisted her up in his arms, enjoying the lusty look in her eyes when he did so. It wasn't an all consuming lust, but simply the sudden craze of when something deeply satisfying occurs. He walked her to the bedroom and within minutes they were under the covers and he was holding her firmly against him, her head resting on his chest. He fell asleep with the thought that his life, and hopefully hers, was finally on the right track, at the right time.
A/N: I deliberately wrote this to have a a kind of awkward, disjointed feel to it as I think a conversation such as this between them would be that way. I hope it works for you and you enjoyed this one. Gregg.