The Letter

Cloud Strife's small apartment was worse than what Vincent remembered. In the morning, the atmosphere was dark and gloomy. There was only one window that lets the sunlight enter the room and a cheap curtain was even covering it. The partly cracked walls were colored with miserly off-white paint. Aside from that, it was obviously disordered. His bed looked like it was always left undone. Paper works scattered almost everywhere. The sink in the kitchen is piled with unwashed dishes. The small dining table is littered with used coffee cups and scattered pills. Vincent skeptically examined the table. He sighed and picked one of the pills. His brows furrowed before heaving a heavier sigh. "He killed himself with sleeping pills…" He thought in dismay.

Vincent was nonetheless shocked when a resident near the apartment reported Cloud's suicide that day. He knew Cloud was suffering from depression, but he never imagined Cloud killing himself. It was just impossible. Cloud had been through a lot. His life meant so much to everyone. He had been through so a lot of dangerous and risky missions. He fought so many beasts and sadistic humans. Everyone thought that nobody can defeat him. They all failed to know that someone can actually succeed in destroying Cloud Strife: Cloud himself.

Vincent couldn't think of any reason why Cloud attempted to degrade himself that way, although he knew that Cloud had been thinking of the other AVALANCHE members recently. Vincent met him again three weeks before his comrade's demise at a train station in New Midgar after eight long years. He instantly noticed the physical changes that Cloud went through. He looked unhealthy and tired; thinner and frail, actually. However, Cloud still managed to smile at him that day as he greeted him.

Cloud told him all his worries and anxieties one night in his unproductive apartment. Vincent just listened to him patiently. He knew that it was what Cloud expected him to do. He sensed that nobody had been listening to him for years, so he might as well give him a chance to have someone to pay attention to him that night. He found out that the cruel world turned Cloud into a very lonely man with a degrading health.

"You haven't found happiness? Wasn't that the reason why you left?" He remembered himself asking Cloud solemnly.

"Yeah, that was the reason. But I guess… I guess I'm not meant to be happy. Or probably it's because happiness had always been with me. I just left it." Cloud replied unhappily.

"Why don't you call them? They all miss you."

Cloud just sighed and shook his head. "I can't. I don't have the courage to. I left them all without even letting them know. I don't want them to know that I've been suffering without them. I don't want to look pathetic, Vincent." He said exasperatedly. Vincent remembered the dark bags under his tired eyes that night. The problem with Cloud was that he was stubborn. He didn't know how to give in to his pride, no matter what condition he is in.

"Send them a letter, then. Ask them how they have been doing. It's always more comfortable sending them a letter instead of talking to them awkwardly at the phone. Besides, they all miss you terribly." Vincent paused and looked at his distressed friend. "Especially your childhood friend." He added.

Vincent decided not to inform his friends about his encounter with Cloud. He figured that Cloud himself will tell them about it. A week after they met again accidentally at a local bookstore while Vincent was browsing through a collection of poetries. Cloud told him that he already wrote a letter for his comrades. Vincent remembered the relief that Cloud seemed to carry that day. He was in a good mood, actually. They had coffee in a nearby coffee shop before they both went their separate ways.

That was the last time Vincent saw him. It was just another week later that he received the surprising news. Cloud's body had been taken away, being prepared for the funeral. Nobody else from AVALANCHE was reported about the incident. Vincent decided to tell them the news at a later hour.

He shook his head away from wondering. It was just then that he realized he had been absentmindedly staring at the scattered pills for a long while. After silently cursing at himself he turned around to take loot at Cloud's desk. It was messy as well, but he wasn't surprised; everything in the apartment was a mess. Paper works and pens were placed disorderly on the desk. At the edge near a table lamp was a picture frame. In it was a photo of Cloud and Tifa's family back then. Tifa was smiling along with Denzel and Marlene. Cloud was frowning, as Vincent observed. After taking a look at the family portrait, he noticed a carelessly folded paper underneath the picture frame. The ex-Turk became suspicious.

It's a letter for Cloud; a response to the letter he wrote a week ago. A letter from AVALANCHE couldn't be a possible reason behind his death, could it? Vincent hesitated on reading it. He always believed in other people's privacy. However, Cloud had been dead. The letter was suspiciously placed on the desk, so he turned on the lamp and read it.

Dear Cloud,

I'm so glad you sent me a letter. It's been so may years since I last heard from you. I missed you, Cloud. It seems so weird to think that I've been living without you around for such a long time.

I'm actually fine, Cloud. No need to worry about me. From how you've written the letter, it seems like you're still the old Cloud that I know. Always worrying about me, aren't you? I'm fine, really; never been happier. Ad for Marlene and Denzel, Barret is taking care of them now, but I never forget to visit them every now and then. Those two rascals have grown up. They're now in high school. They miss you too, Cloud.

Don't worry, I'm not alone. I have a family now. I got married five years ago. I was supposed to send you an invitation, but none of us knew your address. We also tried to call you on your PHS, but it seems like you changed you number. It doesn't matter now, I'm still glad you sent me a letter last week.

My husband is such a good man. He is so hardworking and is always determined to make everyone happy. He actually reminds me of you. His name is Sheldon. We first met when I introduced Denzel to him as his student. He is an elementary teacher, a really good one. The kids love him a lot. Funny thing is that it was even Denzel and Marlene who paired us up! But they made a good choice. Sheldon took good care of me. He was always there for me in times of loneliness.

We're now residing in Kalm. 7th Heaven is still up and running. Also, I have a child now. Kurt is four years old. Cid keeps on insisting that the little one looks like me, but I think he looks more like his father. He's such a little darling. He loves drawing and playing on the grass. You should meet him. He really wants to see his Uncle Cloud. I keep telling him stories about your adventures every night before he seeps. Sheldon would like to meet you someday as well. Why don't you pay us a visit? That would be great!

How about you, Cloud? How are you? I'm sure you found what you've been looking for. Wherever you are right now, I hope that you are happy and finally contented with you life. I'm always here for you, Cloud. As a friend I will always be waiting for you to return. We all miss you.

Love,

Tifa

Vincent stared at the letter he was holding. Finally he was beginning to fully understand what Cloud had gone through. He carefully refolded the letter and placed it back on the desk. He sat on the desk chair and allowed his thoughts to unravel.

Cloud Strife loved Tifa Lockheart until the day he committed suicide. Vincent forgot the fact that Cloud wasn't aware of Tifa's new family. The moment he received Tifa's letter, he found out that it was his biggest mistake to leave her to look for something else that even he himself does not know. The gunman suspected that it was only Tifa who received a letter from Cloud. Cloud knew that she loved him in the past, and he became very bothered to know that Tifa found someone else to love her back; that someone was comforting her while she was lonely and mourning over his sudden departure. Tifa never knew he loved her. This bother Cloud even more. Everything in her life had changed. She moved on, yet Cloud was still the same; still stuck in the past where everything used to be by his side. He was a fool to leave with high hopes of arriving on greener pastures, and he himself knew this. Vincent figured out that he couldn't bear living in the past. Cloud probably thought that he could never move on to the future, therefore ending his life to solve his problem. He lived his last hours full of unhappy regrets. He had nobody to blame but himself.

Vincent sighed sadly before leaning back on the chair. Physically, Cloud is a very strong person. However, emotionally and mentally, he is a sensitive weakling; very easy to be pushed around and be played with by his emotions to the point of pushing him to the cliffs of death. Yes, his life meant a lot to everyone he saved, but his death is very shallow and pathetic. It disappointed the ex-Turk to think of his friend's life as a big waste.

Vincent turned on his PHS and dialed Tifa's number. It took three rings before she finally answered. He took a deep breath before speaking. "Tifa, I have very grave news for you…"

end