Insecurities~
By Kurt Hummel
-Height
-Weight
-Right One
-Classes
-My Voice
-Dancing
-Fulfilling my Dream
I sighed. Why did I have to doubt myself so much? I have great friends, a family that loves me, and extremely high confidence most of the time; yet, somehow I still had enough room for myself to cringe at my looks, my voice, even the way I perform in my classes. I felt a single tear fall down, my 'porcelain', face and quickly wiped it off; I tossed down my pen, watching as it lightly left a little dot smack-dab in the middle of the lined-scratch paper. At least making a list gave me the closure of what I was willing to work on to 'boost' my self esteem; if I could ever actually change myself. Sighing again, I pushed myself away from my vanity, my rolling chair making a swooshing noise against the wooden flooring. I plopped on my bed, face going straight into my red-silk pillow while I took a deep breath. Calm down… I told myself over and over again. Forgetting to close my browser on my laptop, the song on my radio station still played softly in the background while three rapid knocks from my door flew through the room.
"Who is it?" I called, my voice more than a little ruffled from having said it through the pillow.
"Finn and company," Someone said, a little louder than what was really necessary. Finn and company? Who could that be?
"Come in, I guess." I said sitting up slowly and snippily removing all the lost tears that may have fallen in my few seconds of break down. My door opened, to see a familiar blond hair, blue eyed boy peek around the corner before cheerily opening the door a little wider.
"Hey," he said stepping into my room and slightly closing the door a diminutive bit. I stared in shock, Sam? What was he doing here? And where was Finn?
"Uh, hey Sam. Not trying to be rude, but what're you doing here? And where's Finn?"
"Felt like hanging out, and Fin said that it was cool that I come by. He said that you'd been really anti-social for a while; with not leaving your room and all." He shrugged and hooked his thumbs through his belt loops and looked around before resting his eyes on me. "Is it alright that I stay and hang? I mean I could go if you want me to…" I shook my head and took in his appearance. A simple maroon button-up shirt and a pair of loose blue jeans.
"No, it's alright; although, I do have another question if you don't mind." He nodded his head, giving me the permission to go on ahead. "Since we don't really talk much, and you hang out with the Cheerios and all of them, why would you want to spend time with little ol' me?"
"Believe it or not," he started shifting his weight onto a different foot. "I do wish we were closer, uh, pals if you will." I nodded and moved to the side of my bed so I was facing head on with him.
"Well, why don't we work on that now?" I said in a suggestive tone and watched as his lips twitched up into a smile that could cover the world in white light.
"I'd like that. A lot actually." He said taking a step forwards. I gestured towards the rolling chair that was sitting next to my bed and he gladly took a seat next to me.
"So," I began thinking of all the questions that I've wanted to ask him since his first day at McKinley. "Questions, confessions, what are we starting with?" I asked, leaning back on my hands.
"Questions are fine, I guess." I felt a sly grin creep its way onto my façade. I decided after another moment of thought that I should probably start off with simple and easy breathed questions.
"Favorite color, animal, hobby?" Alright, so maybe three at a time would work, also…
"Blue, panda bears, and I like to play a little C.O.D. now and then." He shrugged and his gaze fell to the floor where his foot was tapping softly into the carpet in a nervous twitch, type of way. "What about you?"
"Well, for my favorite color I would probably choose magenta; my favorite animal would be a cute little kitten and for my hobbies there are too many to really list." I nodded and Sam looked up from his foot.
"Like what?"
"Singing, dancing," I winced just a smidgen bit which made Sam give a slight look of concern. "Drawing, writing, acting, pretty much anything that has to do with art I'm well up for." He nodded, and took a deep breath.
"Uh, alright. I suck at this, I can't think of anything to ask…" He said giving a small frown. Okay, that was sort of cute I had to admit, and so I let off a miniature laugh. "What?" he asked clearly confused.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." I stated still smiling and sitting up straight. "You know, we don't have to ask questions; we could just say things that we find somewhat interesting about each other?" He puffed out his lower lip in a thinking manner then decided that it sounded reasonable enough and spun the chair he was sitting on to face me.
"Want me to start off?" He asked, seriousness clouding his face. I shrugged and he went on. "Okay well, people at school know me as the jock, football playing dude, right?" I nodded. "And yet, that's not the real me. The real me is the nerd who spends hours reading comic books, watching old movies, and learning to decipher the Klingon language." My eyes widened as he finished his sentence. He didn't look at all like the type that would do that sort of thing.
"Are you for real?" He bobbed his head up and down about twice then continued.
"Completely. My favorite music artist happens to be Lady Gaga, and I'm addicted to watching superhero movies." His moth was left hanging open just a slight bit before I let out a stiff giggle. "Alright, what's so funny?" Sam asked, moving slightly closer.
"Everything that you just said was so true and I would have never, in a million years, pegged you as the kind to do any of that." This time it was Sam's turn to laugh; and the sound bounced off the walls as the echo of it died down.
"Yeah, most people wouldn't; and this?" He bent his head down and pulled up a lock of his light-honey golden blond hair. "Isn't it's natural color."
"Aw, but here's the thing: I already knew that." I said, tapping the side of my head.
"How?"
"When you're like me, you tend to know more than people think that you do. Or really want you to know anyways…" I let the sentence hang there like that for a while, and Sam and I sat there in a comfortable silence that seemed to last longer then what was really intended. My eyes flashed to the clock, reading off that it was well passed six, and my favorite television series was about to start: one that I hadn't seen in quite some time and had been looking forward to watching tonight. And on the plus side, Finn was supposed to watch it with me also.
"Hey, Sam?" I asked getting up from my bed and straightening my clothing out of all wrinkles.
"Yeah?" He said, looking me up and down, his gaze lingering for what felt like forever. Did he just do what I think he did? No… not possible.
"Two questions: one, there was a TV show coming on that Finn and I were wanting to watch and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?" I paused and Sam nodded his head fairly fast. "And second: when I stood up not even two minutes ago, were you checking me out?" My voice was dripping sarcasm at the last three words expecting to see a shock stricken Sam for my accusation, but instead found him looking down and blushing. Uh, alright... "I'm just kidding, common." I said, taking his hand from his belt loop and pulling him out of my room and up the stairs to go find Finn. "Finn!" I called walking into the kitchen where I had a good feeling that he would be; mentally shaking my head when I saw the half end of him sticking out from an open refrigerator. I let go of Sam's hand walking around to the other side of the fridge. Finn was riffling through one of the shelves that had all of our baked goods on them, going all the way to the back of it. I sighed inwardly and watched as he pulled out a plate of star-shaped cookies that I had made the other day.
"Raid the fridge much?" I asked as he placed the cookies on the counter and removed the plastic wrap that had been set on top of them. He laughed, despite the fact that I was making fun of him and tossed the wrap into the garbage bin.
"Actually, these were for the TV marathon. Go look at the den." He shook his head to the side, indicating where he wanted us to go. I looked at Sam and waved him to come with, which he did not even a second after the movement. We walked through the doorway and down the hall to where the den was at and I pushed the door open. Whoa, that's a lot of freaking stuff.
"Finn?" I called over my shoulder.
"What's up?" I heard in reply.
"What's with all the food? It's only us three. You have enough here to feed your football team." I looked over at Sam who was laughing slightly at what I had said. Oh yeah, he was part of that team. Oops.
"No offence." I whispered to Sam, who only shook his head with a never ending smile on his face. I walked over to the TV, flipping it on and surfing for the right channel. "You like old television shows, right?" I said, eyes locked on the TV.
"Not sure, haven't really watched TV that's considered old." I laughed.
"Hun, the superhero movies that are out are pretty old; you have to admit that." I said looking over my shoulder to see Sam still standing in his spot by the doorway.
"True, but you don't really think about it when you're watching them. You think, 'Oh my god, what's going to happen next!' even if you already know what happens." He shrugged.
"Okay, you've got me on that; but only because I've never seen them." I turned back to my channel searching, and heard a loud gasp. "What?" I asked, trying to sound completely innocent.
"You know we're going to have to change that, you know." I finally found the channel, and turned around and tossed the remote onto the loop around couch.
"How so?" I asked placing my hands on my hips and staring at him.
"You watching them, obviously." He scoffed, a smirk replacing his smile. I laughed, thinking of what should have been said instead of what was.
"So, going back to the old television series, you don't mind do you?" Sam shook his head, tilting it to the side a bit.
"Nah, I'm good with anything; but if you don't mind me asking, which show will we be veiwing?" Sam layed on a think british accent, trying to come off as a old butlier from 1700's? I'm not sure, but it was rather entertaining.
"I love Lucy." I smiled and looked down, feeling a blush creep up onto the middle of my cheeks.
"Awesome." My head snapped up a little more than a little shocked.
"You've seen it before?" Sam nodded and shrugged.
"Yeah, my mom watches it quite a bit." I nodded, hoping that my goofy looking expression was gone as I slipped my shoes off near the window and picked out a pair of my very fuzzy, yet stylish, slippers before sitting down on the far side of the couch. I settled in, making myself comfortable before gesturing towards the spot next to me.
"You're not going to spend the night just standing there, are you?" With that, Sam bounced over to where I was, getting himself comfortable also. My eyes glanced at the clock, which was only a few minutes away from show time. "Finn!" I called over the back of the couch and towards the hall where I could hear ruffling of feet on the hard wood floor. Seconds later, Finn stood at the doorway fully dressed. "Where are you going?" I asked, confused as to what was going on.
"Rachel wanted me to come over; guess she has something for me." He shrugged, looking indifferent. "Is it alright? I figured since Sam was here and all that you wouldn't really-" I waved him off and shook my head.
"It's fine with me; Sam?" I asked looking at him.
"I'm good with it."
"Alright, cool. See you guys." Finn waved and turned to start walking down the hall. I sighed and put my head down on the white leather sofa, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I felt a movement on the couch and a low, forced cough.
"Do you want me to leave? You don't seem to happy that we're together." My eyes fluttered open and I sat straight.
"No, I don't want you to leave, but if you want to you can. It's completley up to you." Sam nodded and sunk back into the couch, and a small smile played at the edge of my lips. So he didn't want to go, he just wanted to know if I was okay with him still being here? That's, kind of, really sweet. "Now," I started grabbing the remote that was placed between the two of us. "Let's watch, shall we?"
I know it's a rather cliffhanging ending, but I promise it won't be too long before the next chapter is up!:P
So... leave a review? :D