I own nothing except any OCs, if I did I would be too busy creating naked scenarios for them to play out for my entertainment to write.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Jack's an arse, some Gwen bashing. Some language.
Song is Behind Blue Eyes by The Who - brilliant song, has always put me in mind of Jack from the first time I heard it after seeing him on Doctor Who
"Jack, I..."
Startled, Jack yanked himself away from Gwen and stared at the very pale and shocked face of his partner. "Ianto, this isn't..."
"Right, sorry, your office, should have knocked. Just letting you know I'm off, covering for Evan tonight with his band. Be in tomorrow then." The words were even, the tone calm and cool, but the eyes, the eyes that were locked with Jack's were dead. He turned to leave, took one step and then turned back. "Don't concern yourself with coming tonight, I'm sure you can find someone else to entertain you far better than I can. Oh, wait, you already have." With a grating of his shoe against the metal, he once more turned and this time he never looked back.
"Jack?"
Stunned, sick to his stomach and knowing that he might have finally broken the best thing in his life, Jack stumbled to his desk and collapsed into his chair, closing his eyes when the familiar sounds of the cog door openign echoed round the Hub. "Gwen, go home. Go somewhere. Just get away from me." He rested his elbows on his desk and buried his face in his hands.
"Oh come on, Jack! It's not like this hasn't been coming! Ever since he wanted to play domestic with you it's been inevitable," she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Jack Harkness doesn't do relationships, remember? He doesn't do love or monogamy! Ianto's been deluding himself for a while now, it's best that he..."
"Get out. I am so close to throwing you out of this office right now with very little concern for the damage it might do! I do love him, and except for that meaningless kiss that just happened I have been faithful to him!" He looked at her, his eyes hard. "You are meaningless. Whatever I was thinking was such a lack of judgment that I can't even put it into words. Now I have to try to figure out how to fix this, how to convince him that I fucked up and I regret it completely." Jack jumped to his feet and grabbed his coat. "I mean it, Gwen, Go home." he shoved past her and ran down the steps, ignoring her shouts of his name and the looks from both Tosh and Owen as he ran out the door.
Ianto wasn't at their flat, he wouldn't answer his phone and when Jack got up the nerve to call Tosh he found that neither she nor Owen had heard from him either. Although they didn't know what exactly had occurred, Tosh reminded him that all of them, including Gwen and Rhys, were supposed to meet at the pub where Ianto would be singing tonight and the text she had gotten from Rhys a short while before indicated that he and Gwen would still be there. She had also mentioned that he had said Gwen tried to claim a headache but he had made her go and have a lie down until time to leave and she would be going, after all it was their duty to support a teammate and a good friend.
Jack ignored the sarcasm in Tosh's voice on the good friend bit.
So now he had no choice either, not that he had intended to not go. They had made arrangements for alerts to be forwarded to PDAs and his wrist strap, the rift predictor was giving no indication of anything happening, and while Jack wasn't sure Ianto would want him there he had no intention of letting him down again. He really didn't know why he had let the kiss happen, it had been one of those moments that you look back on and see how foolish and damaging it had been but at the time it had seemed harmless. They had been talking about nothing in particular and Gwen had been standing in front of him, a little too close but that was her and he usually wasn't bothered by it. He had looked out the windows and let his gaze run round the Hub and when he turned back she was right there, her face tilted up, her lips parted and he was struck by a need to see what those lips felt like, if they were soft, if they would fit with his and he had...
Jack sighed heavily. He had fucked up.
A quick glance at the clock in their lounge told him he had over an hour before they were all supposed to meet so with that in mind he left the flat, wandering round Cardiff until he found a roof that offered the solitude he needed, staring at nothing as the minutes passed and wondering just how he could ever make things right with Ianto again.
Ianto had been quiet since his arrival and while the other four band members didn't know him as well as Evan they could tell something was wrong. Finally, with less than an hour before they went on and all instruments and equipment checked and ready they surrounded him and began to gently prod him for answers. Although an extremely private person, Ianto knew that his reactions had been somewhat over the top and the fact that he had not even made an attempt to find out what had been going on was no more fair than what he had seen. Jack was a tactile person, and while he was normally very good with the boundaries that came with a committed relationship sometimes he was - for lack of a better way of putting it - prone to doing incredibly stupid things. So with a sigh, Ianto explained.
"Jack was kissing someone else. Not just someone else, but someone I know has feelings for him and who he knows I am insecure about. I don't know why, I don't know how, but I know that he has really hurt me with this and I'm not sure how to forgive him. I know I should give him a chance to explain but right at this moment I'd rather tell him to stuff it all."
"Well, while I think you should listen to him, can't say I don't think you should make the bloke squirm a bit." Gethin grinned and reached for the set list. "I'm thinking of a change here if you happen to know the words." He crossed off the last song and wrote something else in, doing his best innocent act when the other men snorted and burst out laughing. "What? It's a bloody good song!"
Ianto nodded. "It is, and I know the words to it. I think it just might do to get the message across and make him squirm a bit, wonder just how much trouble he's in. She's supposed to be here as well, so I think I might have to introduce it, make sure the reason behind it is clear. At least to them, I feel sorry for her boyfriend who just doesn't see what a cow she is." He signed and gave them a small but genuine smile. "Thanks, all of you. I know Evan thinks you lot are the best and I can see why."
"Yep, we're bloody fantastic we are. Brilliant. Oh, and gorgeous too!" Once more laughing at the slightly over the top Gethin, they began to plan the best introduction for the song.
To watch the group at the table, it was clear there was something just a little off. Tosh was completely involved in the show, clapping and cheering and even letting out a wolf whistle or three. Rhys was amazed at the way some of the girls in the crowd were carrying on, one even taking her bra off somewhat discretely and tossing it at the stage. Seth, the guitarist, had picked it up and carefully placed it on Ianto's head and the normally shy and reserved archivist had not only left it there, he settled it so that one of the rather well sized cups was centered. Gwen was trying to pretend she wanted to be there and it was fairly obvious that she would rather have been scrubbing out the Weevils. Owen was enjoying a small drunken haze while doing his best to pull a woman at the table beside him who had so far only said two words in response. "Fuck off" was not what he was looking for. Jack was torn between grinning with pride and feeling as if his entire world was settled ten degrees off center, and the few times he managed to catch Ianto's eye he could read nothing in the dim lighting. He wanted this to be over so he could maybe talk to him and fix this before it was lost beyond repair.
To watch the stage, you would never have known there was a problem. While they all know Ianto could sing, to see him in control and fronting the band was a lesson in just how deep he went, and even Owen was admitting that the boy was good. The band, while doing a few originals mixed in with some well received covers, was almost at the end of their set when Ianto stepped to the front, toweling his hair and with a slight smirk on his face. "Right, so, we have one more." He waved the towel at the booing crowd. "I know, but to be honest I am so out of practice that I am in sore need of a pint and a sit," he laughed. "But, this one, well, it's important to me. It's a brilliant song, but more because sometimes you find someone who makes things so different in your life that you forget that you're not second class. Sometimes the flash and the pounce are just a covering for the insecure twat that lies inside. Sometimes people forget that while love is forgiving, betrayal is not. So, without further posturing, let me just say a rousing 'fuck you' to the cheaters, the sluts and those who just don't appreciate the decent ones."
Jack felt the stab of pain in his chest and the burn in his eyes.
Gwen felt the flash of fury and her fists clenched under the table.
In the midst of the cheering from the crowd at Ianto's words, the song began.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Jack's breath caught in his throat. Ianto's voice was soft, haunting, letting the pain show through. He forced himself to look at the stage and finally, for the first time tonight, found Ianto's gaze fixed on him.
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
His name, his life, so many lies. Lies that this unbelievable man knew and yet his love for Jack was unbending, his support unwavering.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Was his conscience empty? Did Ianto really believe that he felt no remorse for his actions, for the things he did?
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
He had to fight not to turn away, knowing that there was so much that Ianto could blame him for. His behavior and cruelty over Lisa, the betrayal of the real Jack Harkness, the running away after the Doctor, the constant flirting and sometimes taking it a bit too far and the mooning over Gwen...so much and yet he was still here, still beside Jack, still offering his love.
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
Did he think that? Did he think that he had to hide what he felt? Jack knew he did most of the time, and the few times the mask slipped it was back in place as fast as Ianto could put it there. Today was a perfect example, instead of screaming and throwing things he had remained calm, cold and composed.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Jack bit his lip, not wanting to let the tears that were hovering fall, unsure of how much right he had to be upset by the words. The upswing in the music was almost unnoticed, his attention focused on nothing but the man who stood in front of him, the pain from earlier now showing in his eyes and despite the darkness of the pub Jack could see, see once more the fears and the insecurities and the belief that one day Ianto would find himself alone.
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
Ianto wasn't the fool, he was. He was a fool to ever let him doubt, to ever let him wonder. Ianto didn't laugh as much as he should, and that playful side was kept firmly under wraps until he felt safe in letting it out. It was something that happened with Jack, sometimes with Tosh, and rarely with anyone else. And Jack treasured those moments, fixing them in his mind for the time when they would bring him sanity to go on.
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
Ianto had given him such a gift, a gift of not only love but of trust. Trust that Jack would look out for him, a belief that Jack would protect him. Jack lost the battle and a tear slipped free. How did he protect Ianto from himself? Once again, the music softened and Ianto stepped forward, standing at the edge of the small platform. He extended his hand and Jack, without thinking, stood and moved forward to take it, feeling the long fingers slide between his and the gentle grip pulling him closer.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Soft, almost a whisper, and then as the last word faded Ianto's lips were on his and he sobbed, kissing him back with passion and love and a hint of fear that this might be the last one. Neither heard the crowd, or Owen's pained shout for them to get a room, they heard nothing it was all felt and when they did finally part for air Ianto smiled at him, a mouthed 'I love you' telling him that he was forgiven. And Jack knew, that while he was forgiven that it was not forgotten and he would have to explain, he would have to somehow make it up to this amazing, wonderful man that loved him despite himself.
Behind them, in the crush of applause and hooting and laughter, a tear rolled down Gwen's face because she knew it would never be.