-1When Visiting Sh'iar Space Remember To…
Chapter 1: Things To Do To The Imperial Guard
1. Send all of the Imperial Guard on dates with one another and order the Kree Empire to attack.
2. Sit Oracle and Gladiator next to each other and repeatedly imply that they're both single and like each other.
3. Shave off Gladiator's Mohawk in the middle of the night.
4. Send the Imperial Guard on a scavenger hunt that sends them to the depth of Skrull Space.
5. Send them X-men and Starjammer action figures for Christmas.
6. Hand out 'I fought the X-men and lost and now all I have is this lousy T-shirt' shirts at their next staff meeting.
7. Repeat everything Gladiator says until your life is in mortal danger.
8. Ask why they haven't changed their uniforms in the last twenty-some years. Hint that it has something to do with their government withholding funds.
9. Tell Gladiator that the 80s are over and he needs to get rid of the Mohawk.
10. If he doesn't listen to you, refer to suggestion number three.
11. Ask them why most of their members resemble the X-men.
12. Ask them why they can't handle the Starjammers when there at least twice as many imperial guard.
13. Go up to Gladiator. Poke and say bother at the same time in a British accent. Immediately run away.
14. Hand out cowboy hats and teach them the Cotton Eye Joe dance.
15. Tape number fourteen.
16. Use number fifteen for blackmail.
17. Point and yell "Phoenix." Again running away immediately after is suggested.
18. At the next team meeting, stand behind Gladiator and do a very exaggerated mimicking impression of him. Act like you were doing nothing when he turns around.
19. Replace their meeting photos with pictures of them getting their but kicked by the X-men, Starjammer, and, the ever popular crowd pleaser, the Phoenix.
20. And last but not least, take a Sharpie and draw vandalizing things on their faces while they sleep. Some examples include: clown makeup, curly mustaches and matching goatees, and of course the monocle.