"How did you find out about this? It was supposed to be a secret!" Sheppard looked sharply at McKay.

"What! I'm great at keeping secrets! Dramafest award, remember? I'm probably the best actor in the city."

"Oh, please," Dr. Engells smiled, looking around at the small group of friends she had brought with her. "It doesn't matter how we found out about the surprise party you're planning for Ronon's birthday. It just matters that we know now." She smirked coyly at Sheppard. "And that if you want to keep it a secret, you have to let us in on it."

The Colonel sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. "Look. It's great that you care and all--" He barely refrained from rolling his eyes when one of the women giggled. "But this was meant to be just us, just Ronon's team."

A pretty scientist with long brown hair whose name Sheppard couldn't remember spoke up. "It's not fair to keep him all to yourself. Give the rest of us a chance to get to know him. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

"Oh, I'm sure he'd appreciate a gaggle of giggling airheads drooling over him at our surprise party for him," Rodney shot back, arms crossed defensively. "He already has friends. Us!"

"McKay--" Sheppard began.

"And don't even think of trying to blackmail us! I can think of a wonderful research project that you'd just love to do, Dr. Engells. How about--"

"McKay." When Rodney settled back into a sulking silence, Sheppard made an effort at a friendly smile. "This is all...very nice." He hoped the words didn't sound as fake as they sounded to his own ears. "But this is our first chance since Ronon's been with us. The first time, he'd been captured by the wraith and made a runner again. The second time, he was with the other Satedans, who turned out to be traitors. Now don't you think this should be more than just a matchmaking party?"

Engells blinked rapidly in feigned surprise. "You think it would come across that way?" There was that giggle again—maybe he should have left McKay to his threats, after all. "We'll bring along some male friends of ours so he wouldn't get the wrong impression." She gave a little wave. "See you soon!"

The moment Dr. Engells and her company were out of sight, McKay shot Sheppard a reproachful look. "That went well. Why didn't you ask them to throw a tea party while you were at it?"

Ignoring the jibe, Sheppard started walking. "I think we need a piece of pie after that. I heard they have some left over in the mess hall."

All sourness disappeared from his friend's expression at once, and he trotted to catch up and fall in stride beside him. "It figures Teyla would be with Kannan when they show up. She's better at this sort of thing."

"Maybe they timed it. She'd probably beat them off with a stick."

Rodney gave a short laugh. "At least she's going to be able to help plan it."

Teyla wondered how it was she got stuck planning the surprise party—or rather, planning it with the help of one Dr. Garrett. Apparently he was a friend of Dr. Engells, who had insisted he be allowed to be part of the preparations.

"No, no, no, no, that's all wrong," he huffed, scribbling out some of the notes Teyla was showing him. "Blue is such a predictable color. You want something noticeable! Special!" He scrawled a few sentences under the title "decorations" on the paper and offered it to her.

Teyla braced herself before glancing down at the changes. "Dr. Garrett, I do not believe that Ronon is fond of the color pink," she responded with a strained smile.

"And you want everyone to jump up, yelling 'Surprise'?" he continued, ignoring her protest.

"John tells me that is the tradition on earth for these sort of celebrations."

"'Tradition' is just another term for 'bland and uncreative.'" Dr. Garrett shook his head with pity. "We need something bold and loud. Loud...megaphones! That'll be perfect. I'm sure we have some, somewhere." He snatched the list from her hands to jot down the idea.

"It--"

"Trust me, here."

"But Ronon--"

"I'm the creative one, you know!"

"It's just that he--"

"Teyla?" She turned gratefully at Kannan's voice. He was holding Torren in his arms, watching the exchange with a bewildered expression. Seizing the opportunity, Teyla bid Dr. Garrett goodbye, took Kannan by the elbow, and hurried him back out the door.

Once out of earshot, she smiled widely at Kannan. "You could not have come at a better time," she laughed, reaching for Torren.

He carefully put the baby in her arms and smiled, no less bewildered but apparently enjoying her amusement. "What was happening? I thought you were going to plan for Ronon Dex's birthday."

She dipped her head in concession. "That was the idea, but apparently I've been assigned company." Kannan nodded, then started in surprise as a passing scientist dropped his clipboard. Teyla looked at him closely. "Are you alright? You seem nervous."

"Do you know what a shower is?" he burst out.

She let Torren wrap a tiny hand around her finger. "It is a place to bathe here in Atlantis."

"But--" He paused, brow furrowing. "Water exploded from the wall...is it supposed to do that? It can't be meant to do that."

Teyla hid a grin by touching her nose to her son's, who cooed happily. "It is."

"Oh." Kannan seemed deflated by the calm response. "I asked one of the Atlanteans, but I couldn't tell what he was saying. I think he was trying not to laugh."

"Living here takes a great deal of getting used to, even for those from earth," she smiled at him. "Do not let it bother you."

The days passed and the much-planned-for party drew ever closer. Sheppard found himself sparring at least five times as much as normal to keep Ronon distracted. Each night, as he tried to stretch bruised limbs and sore muscles, he couldn't help but feel that he got the worst part of the arrangement. Then again, he wouldn't trade it for Teyla's job of dealing with Dr. Garrett. McKay had insisted on being the one to lead Ronon to the party, citing acting skills and Dramafest awards; it made sense at the time, but after the tenth sound trouncing Sheppard took from Ronon, he was close to insisting he and Rodney switch places for a while. It would be a bit suspicious if McKay was seeking out sparring sessions with Ronon all the time, though...

With a bit of careful route replanning and a fair amount of luck, Sheppard had managed to avoid many more meetings with Dr. Engells and friends. In the rare instance when he found no way to avoid them, they were often too distracted discussing how to do their hair and clothes on the coming day and speculating about which style Ronon would be the most attracted to. He was able to slip by easily enough.

After a particularly painful round of sparring, Sheppard found himself making his way to McKay's lab. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do once there. Maybe to make Rodney take over tomorrow's sparring, maybe to try to coerce a bribe (preferably some sort of snack) for keeping the current arrangement, or maybe to just get in the way in general and bask in his friend's annoyance. "All of the above" certainly sounded good right now.

A pair of arguing voices could be heard before Sheppard even set foot inside the doorway.

"This is not clear at all; how do you expect him to learn?"

"Oh, don't give me that, Radek. This is probably the best introduction to science in two galaxies. Maybe more!"

Neither McKay nor Zelenka noticed Sheppard's approach until he was right beside them. "I hope this doesn't have anything to do with a secret, 'cause half the base can probably overhear you."

Rodney started and glared at Sheppard. "Who invited you?"

"I figured I had an open invitation," the colonel grinned. He waved a hand, motioning to the piles of notebooks, diagrams, and technology the two scientists were surrounded with. "So what's all this, anyway?"

McKay positively beamed, all traces of grumpiness disappearing in an instant. "I heard that Ronon said he wanted to learn more about science. So, I'm working on a program he can work through—sort of a beginner's guide. And I even included some basic stuff about some of our technology; wouldn't it be good if I wasn't the only one who could fix things on our missions? It's going to be great!" He paused, shooting a look at Zelenka. "Radek doesn't think so, of course."

The Czech sighed, crossing his arms. "I am only saying that you should stick with theories that have been proven."

"It's only a matter of time before they're proven," McKay scoffed.

Sheppard raised a brow. "Just don't overdo it."

"Of course not," Rodney replied absently, scribbling down another page of notes. "Besides, Ronon might be a gorilla, but he's a smart gorilla."

The colonel idly flipped through a notebook full of detailed diagrams while Zelenka and McKay began to argue again. This wasn't exactly what he expected McKay to have been doing all this time; he had imagined something more in the area of practicing lines and faces in the mirror.

"Sheppard?" Rodney's voice interrupted his thoughts. When Sheppard looked up at him, he seemed nervous. "You think he'll like it?"

Tossing the notebook back onto the pile and stretching aching arms, Sheppard replied, "'Course he will. He'll not only be able to kick ass, but tell you the velocity of his foot when he does."

"Wonderful," McKay snorted, but Sheppard could tell he was encouraged.

"Well I have better things to do than watch you guys all day. Have fun."

"You weren't invited in the first place."

"Never need to be," he said as he was leaving the room, giving McKay no chance to reply. Sheppard needed to get some rest, anyway. He had another sparring session with Ronon to face tomorrow.

Rodney decided that no amount of practicing could have prepared him for this. Trying to lead Ronon somewhere without telling him where and why and what was worse than trying to teach his cat to fetch his scientific journals (a feat which he quickly gave up on). The difference was his cat wasn't a six-and-a-half-foot muscle-bound behemoth who could snap a table in half just by looking at it.

"Do you even know where you're going?" he rumbled, eyeing Rodney darkly.

"Of course I do!" Rodney sputtered nervously. "Sheppard's the one with the terrible sense of direction, not me. It's not my fault the teleporter was broken." No, it was Zelenka's, who was good enough to deactivate it to allow this little detour. Rodney waved his hands over the door control crystals, willing the lights in the room beyond to remain unlit as they entered it. The moment they were in, everything sprung to life.

Rodney took in the sights in a moment: the fluttering blue streamers (Teyla had been adamant about keeping the original colors), Teyla's beautiful smile, Sheppard's smug grin, Dr. Garrett leaping out with a megaphone-- Wait, a megaphone?

"SURPRISE!" came his thunderous voice. "HAPPY BIRTHDA--"

A brilliant flash of red light suddenly flared up right in front of Rodney's face. Something heavy hit the ground with a loud thud, while several high-pitched screams rang out. Rodney blinked and blinked, trying to see past the glaring red seared into his vision and see what on earth was going on, but through the blurry haze all he could make out were vague shapes rushing about. Many voices were talking all at once, but only one of them was clear.

"You stunned him?!" it was Sheppard, sounding alarmed yet slightly amused. A few more blinks, and Rodney could make out a room full of people hiding behind each other and under tables. Ronon was standing over the still form of Dr. Garrett.

Ronon shrugged. "He spooked me."