AN: What happens when a depressed lesbian writes a fix-it fic for her favorite pairing? Obviously this. Please review so I know whether to continue or not, lots of love to everyone who does and follows/favorites.
Prologue: Darkest Before the Dawn
Warm and thick, the blood spills over his fingers and down his arm with the most satisfying dripping noise as it trickles to the ground beneath them. The metallic scent in the air is sweeter than any perfume Obito has ever encountered and his choked gasps a sweet melody. Kakashi's eye and his own gifted one stare back at him. Not wide or strained with pain or fear, but drooping and furrowed with what looked liked...grief. Sadness and regret.
They stand there on their battle ground, the place of their reunion, Kakashi lodged on Obito's arm from a lucky shot he'd just barely managed to land with his Kamui. His arm solidified in his former teammates chest and gripping his still beating heart. He squeezes tighter when the other man attempts to move an arm. He gasps in pain, but doesn't stop. Obito lets him continue what he's doing, he's already won, why not drag this out.
Surprisingly there's no handseal or attempt to lodge the arm away, no curses or pleas. Just a pale hand reaching up to pull down Kakashi's mask. What is the point of this?
As a child he'd tried many times to see his teammates face. It seems incredibly unremarkable now all these years later that he finally is. A handsome face definitely, with a small mole on the jaw, but nothing worth hiding. He scrunches his face in confusion preparing to just end it with a tight grip, when he saw a smile fall across the other man's pale, twitching face.
There's a shift on his arm, and he realizes with utter bewilderment that Kakashi is moving further down on his arm. Impaling himself further and moving closer. Does he intend for them to die together? Obito glares squeezing tighter and growls. The Jounin stops for a moment to cough up a copious amount of blood that lands on Obito's face. A satisfying squelch is heard as he flinches on the arm inside of him.
He laughs. Kakashi fucking laughs. Then he looks up at Obito with that smile still in place, and now tears falling from the one eye that is actually his. He leans forward close enough to whisper.
"I'm sorry..." And then, he kisses him.
Obito crushes his heart and stands frozen as the body slides backwards off his arm. It lands with a heavy thud on the ground and lies motionless. Lifeless.
Hatake Kakashi of the sharingan is dead. He's dead and it's all because of Obito. He reaches up to place a hand against his remaining original eye and feels blood dripping down. He'd exhausted his mangekyo more than he's ever had to in his life over the course of this fight. He can practically hear the sweet whispers of a terrible idea. A last vengeance against the man he hated more than anything.
Vaguely he hears footsteps and anguished screams. He recognizes Naruto's voice among them. He has to hurry if he's going to do this. He picks up the corpse and cradles it to his chest in a strangely intimate hold. Despite his exhaustion, he manages one more use of his Kamui to return him to his and Madara's area of operations. Or one of them at least. He appears in the damp cavern right in the middle of what is supposed to be a room of sorts. There's a cot off to the side, and several piles of weapons and scrolls scattered across the ground in the walled off section of cave. It smells of minerals and mold, but that's practically comforting to Obito by now. He's used to such places.
He sets his old friend's corpse onto his cot and takes a moment to stare down at Kakashi's body. The grand satisfaction he always imagined in this moment is absent. Instead Obito feels...hollow. Ironic considering which one of them has a gaping hole in their chest. Kakashi isn't broken and battered like he imagined either.
Everytime he thought of how he would take his revenge, it usually involved tormenting and breaking his old teammate. Snapping bones and ripping flesh until he begged for death. Obito being the kind and merciful man he was, would grant his wish leaving behind a barely recognizable pile of bloodied limbs. Instead, there's a fully in tact body he's brought to his room looking almost peaceful. He's paler than normal, but aside from the fatal wound barely has any signs of their battle remaining. He could very well be sleeping if Obito pulled his eyes down and covered up the hole.
His hand reaches out without him really noticing at first. Fingertips brushing over snow colored eyelashes as he pushes the lid on Kakashi's actual eye down. He can't figure out why he feels the need to caress it all the way down his cheek after. All the way to the lips that Kakashi had chosen to press against his as his final act. He had set out to destroy everything the other man held dear, and yet the man's dying moment had been spent kissing him. Why?
He shakes his head and pulls his hand back before he can think further on such ridiculous notions. He stares down into his own eye on the man's face. The permanent sharingan he'd given him all those years ago. His hand reaches out again, this time towards the dull red eye left open.
They say it's impolite to take back a gift, but Obito doesn't see the problem.
()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()
It's as he thought. This sharingan sees perfectly with very little strain against it. Obito barely has to spend anytime at all getting used to it, and he's still able to fully utilize Kamui despite Kakashi being unable to during his time with it. It's a twisted homecoming in a way, but somehow it still feels a bit foreign. Different from the sharingan he'd been using for over a decade and a half. He quickly gets over the strange warmth he feels when he sees the borrowed eye in his reflection the first few times.
He takes joy in killing Kakashi's old comrades with this eye. It's almost like the ninja is there, watching Obito take down the alliance his precious student worked so hard to bring together. For weeks he continues to fight without any issues. Then, Uzumaki Naruto dies, and everything begins to fall apart.
They hadn't been able to extract the kyuubi or take the body, so it's a partial victory at best. Obito storms back to his hideout frustrated and not in any mood to speak with Madara. He closes himself in and grabs a random instrument throwing it at the wall. Both end up with massive cracks in them.
That's when he first hears it…
"Maa~ what's the matter Uchiha, don't feel like celebrating your victory?"
He stands deathly still for a moment before he begins to frantically look around the room. It can't be. But it is, Kakashi is sitting on the cot, leaning against the wall and looking up at Obito with a lazy expression. His mask is off, and an empty socket stares back where his old eye had once been. The hole in his chest is still there, but no longer bleeding.
He's clearly not an edo tensai, and Obito knows he'd disposed of the body. So it's most likely this Kakashi is just a figment of his imagination. He has to be.
"Nothing to say, that's quite rude Obito," "Kakashi" says his stare becoming much more hardened with each word. "Especially to a man whose blood is on your hands. You could at least give me this courtesy."
Obito picks up another weapon and throws it at him this time. Just as he thought it passes right through the illusion. Kakashi looks back unimpressed and waiting for a response. Obito growls at him.
"I don't owe you a damn thing!" He snaps. "You're not even here, I killed you…"
"Just like Naruto right?" There's judgement and anger in his voice, and he can see him shake.
"He died pathetically, begging for his life," Obito tries. Even as a ghost of his mind he still wants to hurt him so much. See that remaining eye twist in horror and grief.
He gets a scoff instead. "He almost killed you, and he died with a smile." The ghost smirks at him after calling his bluff. "Just like me eh?"
"You saw?" Obito asks. He moves himself to the opposite side of the room, crossing his arms and watches the other.
Kakashi nods. "I've seen everything. You took my eye, remember?"
"MY eye," Obito corrects.
Kakashi pauses, considering something, before shaking his head. "I suppose so." He sighs and his posture slumps. "You really killed him...I wonder what sensei thinks."
"I don't care," Obito cuts him off. The last thing he wants is to reminisce with a ghost.
"Yes you do," Kakashi says. He sounds more tired than anything. "I wouldn't be here if you didn't…" Obito can't think of an adequate response and just lets him continue to ramble on. "I don't know if I'm really here to be honest. I figure I'm either some sort of delusion, or a trace of my conscience left behind from the chakra in that eye. Either way, you brought me out for a reason, so what is it Obito? Why am I here?"
There's the golden question. No matter what he is, it's obvious Obito's own mind is the reason he's manifested. For the life of him, he can't figure out why. To see how he reacts to what Obito's done? That doesn't feel right, and despite his previous musings, gloating doesn't appeal as much as he thought. He refuses to acknowledge the tingle on his chapped lips, and the memory of a kiss that goes with it.
He glares at the ghost and shrugs his shoulders. "As if I know…"
()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()
Kakashi appears the second time about a week later after Obito stumbles in, bloody and beaten down. He's coughing uncontrollably and stumbling towards his cot. He collapses and curls up. Madara had deemed him healthy enough to survive, and therefore wasted no time in considering actually easing his pain. Bastard.
He lays limp on the cot staring at the center of the rocky ground. He sees a pair of pale feet covered in navy blue shinobi sandles. His eyes wander up over the figure until they rest on a recognizable face. Kakashi's hands are tucked into his pockets, and eyes bright with amusement.
"Sasuke's temper has always had interesting results," He states bluntly.
Obito rolls his eyes. "Like me getting my ass kicked into next week?" There's no use in preserving his pride. His entire body aches, and it's already been established Kakashi sees everything. "He'll make a mistake eventually, he's compromised."
"He's determined," Kakashi fires back. "Especially against you."
Him? Obito ponders what he means by that, before all the pieces fall into place. Obito had been the one to bring Madara's presence back into the world. He'd killed the boy's entire family side by side almost with his brother, and lured said brother into the akatsuki. Now, he's taken yet another thing away from Sasuke. Naruto. Obito realizes with a discomforting anxiety that Sasuke is the physical embodiment of his sins. All of his crimes shaped together into a hurt child, angry and bitter at the world for all that he's lost. He pities him.
He stares blankly at his old friend and curls into himself further on the cot. Then, Kakashi is just there. Kneeling down next him, ethereal hands phasing through him as he tries to run them through his hair. "You need to rest, you're hurt."
"Why do you care?" Obito chokes out, caught off guard by how gentle he's being. Doesn't he remember why Sasuke had hurt him so badly? Doesn't he remember Obito killed him?!
"...Just go to sleep crybaby."
He is crying he realizes. It's been so long.
()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()
He sees him on and off over the next few months. Sometimes they talk, or he does most of the talking and Obito responds in whatever hostile way he can think of on the spot. Other times the spectre of his dead friend just sits there, watching over him after a difficult battle. It becomes a routine of sorts, and he's used to seeing the copy nin almost every day he isn't out fighting.
Then, three weeks go by with no sign of the other. He waits for any sign of Kakashi. That lazy voice or bored stare. Nothing. He starts to wonder if it's over. If whatever he created the delusion for is done with. That's when the dreams start.
A lush, green Konoha that isn't littered with injured bodies being carted in surrounds him. A warm, soft breeze surrounds him and the sun shines down. Such a beautiful day. A glance down reveals pale hands he knows aren't actually his. A look ahead confirms the theory he's starting to form.
He sees himself. His younger self to be more specific. The young Obito is kicking away at a target log on the training ground. Striking around at it, and tiring himself down. He pants, hunched down in a battle position before bringing his leg forward to strike one last time. The log cracks and he sees himself grin. He looks so happy, and proud. All for breaking a stupid log with his foot.
"You call that impressive?" The voice comes from him, but he wasn't the one to actually say it. "Obito" turns to snap at him, fist raise and gaze burning.
"Whatever Bakashi!" He shouts. "Let's see you do it without any chakra or anything. Bet you cant!"
'He's so determined. All he ever does is fall short...how does he just keep going?'
Like the words that had come out of his mouth, the thought had felt like his, but he knows it isn't. This is Kakashi's memory. He can't recall this particular incident, and is honestly surprised it was obviously important to Kakashi somehow.
"Tch. Step aside."
He goes over and the next few hours become a competition to see who can destroy the most logs, trees, and any other training prop they can get their hands on. By the time the sun sets and temperature is starting to cool down, both are panting and surrounded by splintered chips of wood. His younger self turns away and stomps off.
"It was a draw!" He pouts. Then, gives Kakashi a bright grin and a thumbs up. "I'll beat you next time though!"
His heart skips a beat, and it's not from the exhaustion. What the?
'How can he be so happy all the time? It's impressive.'
He's starting to feel uncomfortable hearing these thoughts and experiencing the warmth in his chest that obviously belongs to Kakashi. His eyes are drawn to the setting sun shimmering off of thick black spikes and highlighting flushed peach skin…if only he could see his eyes in this light without those stupid goggles in the way.
What?
He wakes up gasping and more confused than he's ever been in his life.
()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()
The next day, he fights Sasuke again and it's a complete disaster. The younger Uchiha is almost too fast for him to keep up with. Their blows near equal in strength and the other fueled by a very familiar hate mixed with grief. The fact that he obviously is the new vessel for the Kyuubi only adds to his frustrations.
He weaves the beast's chakra around him with little effort, powering his attacks and lashing out at Obito with almost staggering power. The sealing had to be agreeable if he and the bijuu are working this well together, perhaps banding together to avenge the young man they both lost.
Sasuke's blade comes crashing down, Obito barely blocking it with a kunai. Their sharingan and rinnegans meet each other from behind their weapons and powerful chakra flaring out from both of them. No one dares come in between them, and there seems to be a clearing between them and the rest of the battle going on almost.
"You...it's all your fault!" Sasuke shouts red chakra flaring out. Black energy mixes as the curse mark begins to activate. Can he use it and the kyuubi at once? Shit.
"You killed them, you killed him!" It isn't hard to guess who "him" is.
There's no way for him to win this fight, but maybe to gain something from it. That look in the teenager's eyes in achingly familiar. Just as much as the whirling emotions he sees in them. He knows exactly how he feels, and how to use that.
"You can get him back," Obito offers. "You can have all of them back. Your mother, your father, Itachi…" Sasuke's blade is gaining ground and eerily close to his face. "Naruto."
Sasuke goes still, pressure easing up and Obito reluctantly pulls his kunai away and leaps back. Gaining that extra distance just in case. He does his best to soften his face and extends a hand out.
"You can create a new world with them, one where you'll never lose him. You'll be together forever, with no betrayals or broken bonds between you. Just you and him in a perfect world with each other."
The pure unfiltered rage on Sasuke's face let's him know he's made a mistake. "How. DARE. YOU!" The transformation he sees take place can only be called grotesque. Sasuke's cursed form mixing together with the red of the kyuubi's chakra and corrupting it further.
"Do you think I would insult his memory, defile him like that?" He growls and it sounds nothing like a human. "I'm not you…"
Obito ends up fleeing with Kamui and allows Sasuke the victory that day. Madara is furious, but Obito can't bring himself to care. He would have died in that fight if he'd stayed, died with a heavy heart full of treacherous thoughts.
()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()
He finally sees Kakashi again a few days later. It's not in the headquarters this time. It's in what he's sure is a dream. They're on a grassy hill on a cool night with a full moon shining brightly above them. Kakashi sits off to the side, looking up at the stars and hardly acknowledging him. Obito hesitates to turn and face him.
He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. So he stares and watches white, no silver...white is too dull like his own has become as he gives into the monster Madara is turning him into, hair swaying in the breeze.
"You're still going to win." Kakashi breaks the silence.
"Oh?" Obito says, and damn it he hasn't felt this awkward since he was a clumsy preteen. His heart aches as that thought process brings up the things that have been troubling him the past few days.
Making his offer to Sasuke had been eye opening. Trying to lure him to his side the same way Madara had with him years ago. Except Sasuke had refused so easy. Never even considering reaching out to gain back everything he lost.
"I'm not you…"
Obito cringes at the memory. The way he'd said it, as if Obito were the most vile piece of trash to ever exist. He guesses he probably is to Sasuke actually. He doesn't understand why that effects him like it does.
"Your army is turning the tides," Kakashi states still looking up. "The shinobi alliance is wearing down, this victory will fuel them for awhile but, it won't last. You win old friend."
The sadness in his voice is what fuels Obito to finally snap out of it. "No I don't!" He shouts and streams of warm liquid drip down his cheeks. Crying again. "Madara wins. Kaguya wins! What the hell have I won?!" It's all coming together in a single twisted picture.
He's such an idiot. A weak willed fool who thought death and decay could bring peace. His entire plan ends with him living the rest of his life in an illusion molded by himself and a madman who is the pawn of a long forgotten "deity". What would Rin think if she saw him now?
Again Sasuke's word haunt him. How he spoke of insulting Naruto's memory and defiling it...was that what he'd been doing this whole time. There's a hand on his shoulder, one that doesn't just pass through and he actually feels. It's the closest he's come to actual non violent human touch since Madara found him.
And it's in a dream.
"Crybaby," he hears Kakashi chuckle. He's looking at him now, giving a small fond smile. "If you don't like the way things are going...change it. Make a difference."
"I can't," Obito says his voice cracking. He feels so much like that boy stuck in the other man's shadow right now.
"You can," Kakashi says tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. The hand keeps moving to stroke over his cheek. "You changed me, and for better or worse you've nearly changed the world...you can do some fairly impressive things when you set your mind to it."
Obito let's out a bitter laugh. "You only think that way because you were in love with me." There wasn't much room to misinterpret the memory he'd seen. He had seen himself through Kakashi's eyes back then, and it had felt an awful lot like how he remembered viewing Rin.
For all the crap they'd given each other, in the end Kakashi was the one to hold onto his memory tighter than anyone. He'd taken his morales and even bad habits to heart and made them his own. He'd visited him in his own weird way at that stone after everyone else had long forgotten him. All of that for him, and Obito had destroyed everything he cared about in return.
Yet, here he was comforting him and trying to make him believe he could change things.
"You know,"Kakashi says, "I don't see how you moping in your sleep is helping anything here…" No denial or confirmation of the heavy statement Obito had just dropped. Fine then.
"Bakashi," he muters. "You stop appearing and then only come back in a dream to what? Give me a pep talk?" Kakashi laughs and Obito shakes his head. "Whatever, I guess I'll try. Not like I have anything to lose."
"That's the spirit," Kakashi says and starts to pull his hand away. Obito grabs it and pulls it back to his face.
Kakashi stares at him with his eye wide, and let's out a yelp as Obito yanks him forward. The kiss that follows is about as chaste as it gets, just a bare touch of lips and Obito pulls back away after only a few seconds. He presses his forehead against Kakashi's and exhales slowly.
"Start visiting me again? Please…" He asks barely above a whisper.
"It's not real Obito, just a remnant of me from the sharigan," Kakashi sighs, but doesn't move away.
"I know," says Obito. "But I need you to keep me going. I need something to fight for Kakashi."
He shakes his head and moves in closer. "Always fighting for the sake of ghosts. That's a lonely life Obito."
He leans forward for another kiss, and Obito wakes up. He's alone on his cot, and he actally feels like it this time. The loneliness and dread he's suppressed for years returning to him. He lays there limp and wallowing in his despair for a few seconds. He cherishes those moment, they're the last ones he'll allow himself to wallow in self pity for awhile. He has a mission to accomplish and petty self loathing can't get in the way.
He shoves himself up and stretches his arms over his head. The pop in his shoulder blades is good in a strange and aching way. Scratching his head he looks around his room. It's disappointing that there's no sign of silver hair flashing in his vision.
"Maa~ what are you sitting around for?" His mood brightens up when his head shifts to the direction of the voice. He's sitting beside him on the cot, casually leaning back. Kakashi winks at him and says, "You've got work to do."
Obito reaches his hand over to touch his, as expected it moves through it no feel of skin or warmth like the dream, and smiles. "Well you see, I was going to...but I had to stop and talk to this lazy asshole in a dream."
"I think that might be your worst excuse yet."