Notes: OOPS. As someone just pointed out, I screwed Emma's last names all up. I used MM's and Swan but never Nolan and just... I don't know. It has now all been changed to Swan. Because Swan-Mills sounds a hell of a lot better than Nolan-Mills or Blanchard-Mills.
This was going to be one long one-shot but if you wait for me to finish it, it probably won't be up until like 4am. So instead, you shall get it throughout the day in increments.
If you asked anyone else—her wife, her parents, her in-laws, her son, random strangers on the street at 3:04 am outside Granny's—they would say it was a ridiculous assumption to make in this day and age. Some might even respond by sending her a book on popular conspiracy theories. But if you asked Emma Swan-Mills, she would tell you with the utmost certainty that she was in an arranged marriage planned by four conniving adults from the moment of her birth.
And if you asked her to elaborate—dear god, why would you think that is a good idea?—you would get a very lengthy story of the life of Emma Swan. Everyone around you would groan, having heard it at least a dozen times before, but that would not be enough to deter the sheriff from her mission trying to find another person that agreed with her.
Despite the complete absurdity of the claim, Emma would always start into the story with the certainty that it made perfect sense, right from the beginning.
Point 1: At Which Point the Conniving Adults Hatched Their Plot… and Their Young
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Henry I swear I will end you if you don't get this child out of me immediately!" Cora yelled through her clenched teeth. There was sweat on her brow that her husband tried to wipe away, but she had better ideas for how he could be useful. Unfortunately, the doctor didn't see it that way.
"Just few more centimeters, Cora. She'll come out when she's ready," the doctor said calmly from years of dealing with women in labor screaming at him—for good reason, mind you.
"Do you think I give a damn about when she's ready? I'm ready right now for her to stop tearing me apart from the inside." Cora groaned and slammed her fist down against the mattress.
"We can do this, dear. I'm sure when she's born you won't even be thinking about the pain and-"
"We?! Henry Mills, you do not get to say 'we' until you're laying here getting ready to shove our daughter out of your dick. Got it?" she growled. She longed for the days when men weren't permitted inside the delivery room, then thought better at it as she realized yelling at him took some of the edge off the pain.
"Yes, dear," the meek man smartly replied.
"Now, give me a kiss so I know you know this is just the labor talking." She cracked a smile at him, hoping to convey a bit of sympathy for the abuse she was putting him through—though not too much because the pain yanking at her insides kept reminding her that this was all his fault.
Henry chuckled and obliged, giving his wife a well-deserved peck on the lips.
Seconds later, he was jumping away in pain, crying out in synchronization with his wife as she squeezed his hand through her contraction.
"Damn it, someone please just take her out!" Cora cried, nearly breathless after hours of labor.
Meanwhile, on the other side of a curtain separating the two beds in the room, another couple was just being ushered in.
"David, maybe this was a bad idea. She doesn't sound like she's having fun with this," Mary Margaret declared nervously.
As if to prove her point, a shout of "Labor fucking sucks!" echoed through the delivery room.
Her husband caught her by the arm before she could make her escape, much to Mary Margaret's dismay.
"Honey, I realize it may seem scary to you, but it's a little too late to change your mind. You can't just keep her inside forever," David reasoned.
"AUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cora yelled from the other side of the curtain, making both expectant parents cringe.
"You want me to make sure they give you the good drugs?" her husband asked, fear in his voice at the thought of what his wife was about to endure.
"Yes, please," she requested before finally hauling her large stomach onto the bed with the rest of her.
David left the room to track down a nurse while Mary Margaret looked around, trying to tune out the other occupant's cries of pain. They were doing nothing to help ease her into the process at all.
Quietly, she began to hum to herself, wishing David would hurry back. She felt a jolt of pain and gasped, clutching her stomach carefully in her hands. "Oh! That was the worst one yet." Mary Margaret pouted, thinking of the other woman's cries of agony.
"IS SHE FUCKING JOKING? Henry, I don't want her over there! Those weak little contractions are not helping me. Get. Her. OUT." This was followed by a series of deep breaths and pants, possibly some curse words though Mary Margaret couldn't be sure.
A short man with slightly balding hair stepped around the curtain and nervously waved at her. "I just want to apologize for anything she says to you. My wife has been in labor for a long time, I don't think she quite knows what she's saying at this point," he explained sheepishly.
"Henry Mills you know damn well I know what I'm saying! Now GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"
He nodded to Mary Margaret and scampered away just as she yelped at another jolting pain.
"Someone ordered some pain relief?" Dr. Whale asked as he stepped into the room with David. She smiled in relief and waved them over.
"Thank goodness. The contractions have been getting worse," she explained. The doctor smiled at her and pulled a chair up to the end of her bed.
"Let's have a look, shall we?" he asked. She obliged him by parting her legs and shifting the hospital gown to the side, hoping she would be far enough along for the pain-relief drugs to be administered.
"I'm afraid you're going to have to do this without anything to dull the pain," he announced.
Mary Margaret frowned and tried to ignore the cheerful "HA!" heard from the other side of the curtain.
"Is it too early?" she asked, still hopeful she could get them soon.
"Quite the contrary, it seems you're fully dilated. Let me grab a nurse and you're all ready to push!" he explained cheerily.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" Cora wailed.
When all was said and done—and a lot was said, especially by Cora, who was less than thrilled her perky roommate was done so easily—there were two new additions to the world. Emma Noelle Swan and Regina Henrietta Mills joined the world exactly 47 minutes apart from one another on opposite sides of the hospital room curtain, and it was just after that time that Emma would forever claim her marriage had initially been arranged.
The men had left the room in search of lunch, leaving both Mary Margaret and Cora to fend for themselves for a while. Both women secretly knew their husbands were just a bit freaked out over the events of the day, so neither protested to them wanting a breather. They were happy to coo over their daughters.
Up until this point, though the curtain had been retracted, neither woman had said a word to the other. Mary Margaret was still slightly frightened and Cora, though madly in love with her new bundle of joy, still had a seed of jealousy in her mind that the younger woman had been gifted with such an easy birth in comparison. She was sure her love for Regina would have been the same had she just popped right out, but the fates had other ideas.
Mary Margaret watched as Cora wriggled in place, looking at the doorway frequently enough to fill the room with tension. Curious, she watched on as Cora winced and left her bed, only to try and place little Regina into her bassinette. Immediately, the baby wailed upon contact, only stopping when Cora sighed and once again cradled her in her arms.
"Are you all right?" Mary Margaret asked as she took in Cora's pained expression. She couldn't imagine not wanting Emma in her arms, yet Cora seemed desperate to do something with her own baby. Had she not already seen how much the woman positively adored her daughter, she would have been suspicious. Now, she was just concerned.
Cora glanced up at Mary Margaret with conflict in her eyes. She glanced at the doorway once more and sighed upon finding it empty. "I feel as though my bladder is going to burst at any second, but Regina refuses to be placed down. My husband is taking too long to get back."
"Oh." Mary Margaret pursed her lips in understanding. "I can hold her for you if you want."
"Are you sure?" Cora asked. There was unease to her words, but the desperation was clear.
"I insist. Just settle her in my lap next to Emma. Then maybe you could do the same for me?" she asked hopefully.
Cora sighed in relief and shuffled sorely over to Mary Margaret's bed. She propped her knees up and rested Emma back against them, securing her with one arm while Cora placed Regina alongside her. Both women held their breaths to see how the babies would react, and when victory was found in the form of no tears, they breathed joint sighs of relief.
"Thank you," Cora said before taking off in the direction of the private bathroom across the room.
Mary Margaret smiled and turned her attention to the girls, beaming down at them both. "Hello, Miss Regina. This is Emma. And Emma, I want you to meet Regina." Emma gurgled up at her and Regina watched her with wide peeping eyes, fully enthralled.
"You girls are so loved," she said with a happy sigh.
Just then, Regina managed to get an arm out of her swaddled confinement and reached it over in the direction of Emma, who had loudly rejected the very idea of swaddling earlier on. Her tiny hand jolted and landed right in Emma's equally tiny palm. If they were old enough to grip, she was certain they would have been holding hands.
Cora re-entered the room, looking much more relaxed than before, and Mary Margaret beamed up at her. "Quick, grab your camera, this is adorable!"
Not waiting to find out why, Cora did as instructed and brought a camera to Mary Margaret's bedside. "Oh, that's absolutely precious. It's like they're trying to hold hands," she gushed and snapped the picture.
Both women continued to gush over their daughters, and at some point, Mary Margaret scooted over enough to allow Cora to sit next to her. Both girls whined when their mothers had tried to separate them, so they settled for sharing the space and letting them interact. It was, after all, pretty damn cute.
"I think they like each other," Mary Margaret murmured.
"Indeed. It may be rather difficult to keep them apart after this," Cora agreed.
"Well, I've always wanted a play-date parent. We may just need to make an arrangement to keep these girls happy."