Disclaimer: We don't own JtHM. Jhonen Vasques does. Kay?
TeenAway!
I was flipping through the idiot-box, watching nothing in particular, when all of a sudden I noticed an ad for a product called "TeenAway", a product that actually sounded interesting.
"It can repel teens using state-of-the-art S&M technology!" the announcer said, "Call now and we'll also add in 'TeenSpray!' you can use it on everything that matters! Your really expensive and exotic car, your baby, or their room. The possibilities are endless! We use illegal chemical that have been banned from over 75 countries to make out expensive, non-working product. Bothe of these products are made from the absolute lowest quality materials available, and shipped direct to you from Croatia! For only six not so pleasant payments of $27.56, it can be yours!"
"It could be MINE…"I thought to myself, "maybe it would work on Mr. Samsa this time. He has been getting more 'buggy' lately… Then it's settled I'll buy one!" So after I called the number, gave then every little bit of my personal information, and camped out by the door for around 7 or 8 weeks. The day the package came was a fantastic one! I awoke bright and early like a kid on Christmas morning. After I was done freaking out that today was the day, I open the door to see a mailperson garbed in green with a little blue thing floating around him. I took the package, thanked him and slammed the door with a sickening symphony of crunches, snaps and screams. He was probably killed or seriously injured, but I didn't care! The package was here!
I opened the brown box with such force that I almost popped out my nails, again. When I saw what was in the box I was absolutely mortified, there was only a blank CD with a whole bunch of classical music, I bet it was stolen. That was in there, and a spray bottle filled with water, dehydrated no less! I was absolutely infuriated with the company. So, I called the operator and started rant about the absolutely atrocious quality of the product. She just hung up on me, by this point I was in a state of pure rage. Of course, to a passerby it just looked like I was high.
Whelp, I took matters into my own hands, and I'm much happier now, especially since I have the boiled skull of the company's founder and CEO, Shen Harloc, on my mantle. I can't get the stench of formaldehyde off my body completely, but I don't want to. It reminds me of home. Anyway, I have to go; I just saw an ad for a product called 'TeenAway'. It looks interesting and I want to buy it!
A/N: Sometimes we will put ourself into the stories, whether its a name or our whole selves. I just decided to do this because I thought it was funny and Shen didn't like it. so there!