Story: Star Trek vs Star Wars: Extra Stupid Edition
Author: Master Jin Sonata
Written: Originally September 2002, recreated August 2010
Genre: Humor
Rating: T (Language)
Disclaimer: I do not own these two movie franchises or the fast food place either.
Author's Note: This fic was one of the first ones I created for back in 2002 before it was deleted for being in chat-speak. Now I have resurrected this story from the grave and present it in a new updated version, guaranteed to lower your I.Q. a few points! Enjoy!
Chapter One: Where's the Chicken!
At the KFC on planet Earth, the crew of the Starship Enterprise was enjoying a nice lunch at a local Kentucky Fried Chicken.
"Now this is what I call good eating!" said Captain Picard as he chows down rather rudely on his corn on the cob.
"You said it. And these Southern Style biscuits taste better than the crap mom used to make when I was little," La Forge commented.
Out of nowhere, La Forge's mom appears out of nowhere, smacks him upside the head before leaving the scene.
"That's the fifth time you got smacked by that woman today, Forge," Riker points out with a chuckle.
Data looks at his mashed potatoes dejectedly before looking up at the others. "You people amaze me eating this food with its greasy texture and high levels of chole—" he began to say.
"Data, zip it," Picard responds, interrupting him mid-sentence.
"I have to agree with him, Captain. How can you people eat this stuff?" Worf questions him.
"Easy, unlike you who gets a hangover from drinking tap water," Picard taunts.
Worf growls and returns to pick at his food in disgust.
"Hey, what's taking so long? The waitress hasn't bought our order of the Colonel's Extra Crispy Chicken yet," Crusher points out.
"You're absolutely right! I'm going to go complain," said Riker, standing up from his seat.
"Ask them if they have any of those crunchy computer chips I like so much…" Data asks.
Everyone glares at Data for making that comment.
"…Shutting up now…" Data said, holding his head down.
Riker approaches the counter and speaks to the female worker there.
"Excuse me, miss, we've been waiting for 30 minutes for our food. What's the hold up?" Riker asks.
"The Colonel should already been finished frying some chicken alrea—" the female worker answers…
KABLAM!
…when all of a sudden crashing noises can be heard from the back of the restaurant.
"What's going on back there?" Riker questions her.
Picard and the others run up to the counter upon hearing the massive explosion.
"Now's not the time to be flirting with the ladies, Riker. Everyone, let's go investigate," Picard says as he and the rest of the crew head toward the back room.
"I wasn't flirting you jackass…" Riker mutters as he follows.
The crew arrives at the back of the restaurant, approaching Colonel Sander's office door.
"This must be the door to the Colonel's office. I hear signs of struggle from inside," Data says as he puts his ear against the door.
"Damn, its locked!" Picard says as he pushes Data away and tries to turn the handle.
"Don't worry, Colonel, I'll save you!" Worf says as he steps up to the door and punches the door open with all his might, breaking his hand in the process.
"Yeeeeeeowwwww!" he yells out.
"That was stupid, but it worked. Let's go!" Crusher says, shaking her head as she and the others pile inside the office, readying their tasers.
Once inside, the Colonel's office was completely trashed, and an open window where the culprit could have escaped was on its opposite end.
"Damn! We're too late!" La Forge says.
"Who would do such a thing? I want my chicken and I want it now!" Picard says, whining like a little kid.
Everyone looks around the office for any signs of the kidnapper, when Riker notices a letter on the ground.
"Hey, I found a ransom letter on the ground," he says, picking it up and reading it out loud.
Dear fools,
I have kidnapped the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and you will never see him again. I will soon use him to open food chains all throughout the galaxy under my dark influence! Muahahaha….cough…hack…hurk…
Sincerely,
A really evil son of a bitch.
"We must find the Colonel immediately, or we'll never be able to fully enjoy our lunch!" Picard proclaims.
"But where do we start looking? There are approximately 35,000 different galaxies in several universes. Certainly you are not going to search every one of them," Data points out.
"Hey, what's this?" Crusher says as she bends down to pick up an odd piece of metal off of the floor. "Data, scan this, would you?"
"Why certainly," Data says as he scans the metal fragment using a small device. "Why, this is a fragment from a foreign weapon called a Light Saber."
"Excellent. There is only one galaxy where they make these types of weapons, and that's…" La Forge began to say, before being interrupted.
"Disneyland?" Picard says excitedly.
"NO!" everyone yells simultaneous.
"It's from the Star Wars Galaxy," Worf corrects him. "Come, let us be off to that galaxy."
"Hey, I'm the leader guy here; I say where we are going," Picard says, butting in.
"Urrgh…fine…big baby…" Worf sighs.
"Everyone, to the Enterprise!" Picard says valiantly.
End of Chapter One
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