My first attempt at writing, ever, so please bear with me.
Non-beta'd and of course SM owns it all.
AGH!!! I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!
I do, I love my job. Being editor-in-chief of the newspaper is great, it's what I went to school to do. But being called in for an emergency on a Saturday afternoon because of some dimwit that can't figure out a layout that works for Sunday's edition, just like every other week, when I'm in the middle of an argument with Jake about, about, about, I don't even know what it was about. Here lately all we do is argue, the trash needs to go out, the dishes need to be put away, who's going to cook dinner, why didn't the vacuum get run today, why do we order out so much, there's dirty laundry on the floor, there's clean towels left in the dryer and none in the linen closet and Jake decided to jump in the shower before checking for towels and then decided to streak to the laundry room to grab a towel effectively dripping water the entire way but then neglected to clean up the water. Like I said …. AAAGGGGHHHH!!!
On my way home from the work emergency, I decide that I am definitely in need of my tried and true stress relief tonight, Eclipse here I come. I sure hope it's not to busy with other people anxious to take the mic because I think I need more than just one turn at mic tonight. I'll ask Jake to come even though I know he's going to say no, he used to love listening to me sing. He would drop anything, was always my biggest supporter and loudest audience member when it came to cheering me on. But over the last year or so getting him to come out with me has been like pulling teeth. And that was about when the fighting and arguing started getting bad. I'll still ask him to come with me, I won't be the one to stop trying. But I know my girls are always up for a night out with me. It's been a couple weeks since we've been out, I'm sure the Eclipse regulars have missed us since we are usually there every Saturday night. Maybe I'll even ask Jake to watch Sammy after he says no and see if Leah would like to come out with the girls tonight.
I walked in the front door, exhaling a deep breath, taking a look around only to find that Jake is still perched upon the sofa, game controller in hand. It doesn't look like he has gone more than 5 feet from that sofa the entire 3 hours I was gone. Okay, I'm not going to let this get to me, but I'm not going to apologize for this morning either. Here we go….
I go sit next to Jake on the sofa and decide to try using my womanly wiles on him. "Jacob," I say as sweetly as possible while lightly running my fingers up his arm to his shoulder, across his collarbone then back and finally to the back of his neck and into his hair. "How about we go out tonight? We need to get out of this house, and after everything this morning, here and at work, I could really use some time with the mic. It's been weeks since I've gotten a chance to get out there and sing. And it's been forever since you came with me."
"Bells, I really don't feel like going out tonight. I just want to sit home and relax," he says while not once taking his eyes off the TV screen.
I knew this would be how it would go. I asked and he said no like I knew he would. I'm not even going to try to change his mind, I know it's pointless. "Would you mind watching Sammy tonight if I can convince Leah to come out with me and the girls?" I ask, still using my sweet voice.
His eyes open a little wider, but still not taking his eyes off of the TV. "Yeah, sure, sure. If you can convince her, I'll watch little man."
I can see a smile starting on his lips. His beautiful, pouty, soft, kissable lips. And he is beautiful. Tall, dark and handsome. He was always cute growing up, but the man he has blossomed into is remarkable. And not just easy on the eyes, but a dream come true. I'm not sure where he learned it with his mother passing when he was so young and his father always working to support him and his sisters by himself. But he truly is what every girl dreams of when she pictures that perfect guy. He towers above me at six foot two, he has short but shaggy black hair, just long enough to run my fingers thru and grab hold, dark, always tanned skin, deep soulful brown eyes, well built body with broad shoulders, defined arms, chest, abs and legs. He's always polite and chivalrous with just enough "bad-boy" edge to him so that he doesn't appear to be the "good-guy." He's got a great sense of humor, although it's been a long time since I've seen that side of him. Owning his own bike shop is stressful, I get that, but I just wish he could leave work at the shop and stop taking the stresses out on our relationship.
"Ok, well I'm going to go next door and talk to Leah then." I plant an open mouthed kiss on his neck just under his ear, sweeping my tongue across his warm skin. Nothing. No reaction what so ever. It's four o'clock in the afternoon, we don't have children, and it's just us in this apartment, nothing stopping us from being spontaneous, dropping everything and having some time between the sheets in the middle of the day. Or on the sofa or dining room table or kitchen counter for that matter. But no, that doesn't happen anymore. A kiss like that used to get a reaction. Ten years ago, when I would do that he would have attacked me. He wouldn't have let me out of his reach. He would have grabbed me by the waist, pulled me against his rock hard body and peppered my body with kisses until I was begging him to take me to bed. Now, I get a grumbled "ok," and am easily able to walk away and out of the room. We've lost it is all I can think and I don't know if we can get it back.
I walk next door and knock on Leah's door. "Coming, just a minute," I hear, followed by a high pitched squeal of laughter and the pattering of tiny little feet running. "Oh, hi Bella, come on in," she says as she opens the door clearly out of breath and steps aside to allow me to come in.
As I step in I hear more squealing, faster patterning and then, "Bewwa, Bewwa, Bewwa." With just enough time to crouch down and open my arms Sammy is running towards me and jumps in my arms. "Bewwa, I misted you aww day," he says while giving me a big bear hug.
"Aww, I missed you too little man," I tell him while standing with Sammy in my arms and hug him back. "Are you and Mommy playing?" I ask and he nods his head then nuzzles it back into my shoulder while keeping his arms around my neck.
"Hi, Leah. How have you been? You look a little worn out. This little guy not letting you a moments rest?" I ask chuckling. I know the answer, Jake and I watch the little guy often and we both know how active he is. Unless he's sleeping, he's constantly on the go.
"Yeah," she laughs, " he keeps me on my feet. Best exercise program around."
"How about a bit of a break and coming out with me and my sisters tonight? We're going down to Eclipse for some karaoke and dancing." I can see the hesitation and interest on her face. "Come on, we'll have a great time. You haven't been out with us in soooo long. And Jake said he misses his little buddy and would love to take him for the evening." I tickle his ribs and laugh at his giggles.
"You're right. I really could use a girl's night." A smile spreads across her face, thankful that I've already covered who will watch Sammy.
"Great, I'll be back in two hours. We'll get this little man next door and then we can get ready together." I grin and set Sammy down. "I'll see you in a bit little man. I'll go give Jake the good news." He takes off running to his room. "We'll order pizza so don't worry about dinner." I say as I turn and walk out the door.
I walk back into our apartment and let Jake know the plans for this evening. I can see the smile now very apparent on his face. He sure does love spending time with that little boy.
Leah had Sammy all ready with a bag for his evening with Jake when I knocked on her door for the second time today. Sammy looking more excited than Leah. I smile at his excitement and quickly walk him over to our apartment and grab the second pizza to take with me back over to Leah's. Jake had pulled out a couple of the games we have specifically for when Sammy comes over and changed out the Xbox for the Wii. In all his time with Jake, Sammy has mastered the Wii and on occasion beats out Jake without Jake letting him win. Sammy will be four in a couple months, but he is so smart.
Back at Leah's we grub on the pizza and get ready for our night while sharing the latest celebrity gossip. It's just us girls tonight so we dress to feel good, not worrying about trying to impress anyone. Leah pairs a red strapless baby doll top with dark wash boot cut jeans and black leather boots. I have dug out my pair of grey skinny jeans and matched it with a dark blue jewel toned, asymmetrical top that comes up over just one shoulder, leaving the other bare and my favorite pair of black ballet flats. Just as we are finishing with up, we hear Rose and Alice giggling and knocking at the door. I open the door while Leah grabs her purse.
"Hola chicas," Alice bounces in. "Is we ready?" she asks, her excitement very obvious. If there is anything Alice loves more than girl's night, it's girls night out for dancing and karaoke.
We head nod our heads. "More than you know." I say trying to keep my frustrations to myself, but I see Rose give me the eye. Sometimes the twin bond is great, and for as outspoken as Rose is, I'm thankful she knows when to keep things to herself.
"Alright, let's roll," Rose says with a wink, letting me know that she'll wait to talk until I'm ready. "I'm D.D. tonight so you ladies can let loose. All I ask is that no one gets sick in my baby." We all giggle. None of us are heavy drinkers. We know when to stop. And even if one of us were to take in a bit too much, Rose keeps a stash of trash bags as a precaution.
The ride to Eclipse is short. Any ride when Rose is driving is short. I'm not sure how she does it, but she's never gotten a ticket for speeding or otherwise. We pull up and it looks like it's pretty busy tonight. Hopefully I can still get a couple turns at the mic. Lucky for me I called Peter, the owner of Eclipse, to let him no that I would be coming tonight with my girls and he said he would save us my favorite table, close to the stage area but off to the side.
We walk inside and I immediately spot Peter and thank him for saving us a table. "Peter, it's so nice of you to reserve a table for us when it's so busy in here tonight."
"Oh, it's a pleasure to have you here tonight. It's been weeks since you've been in. Some of the other regulars were starting to ask about you. Some of them come just to hear you sing, you know. I may have to start paying you and promoting you as the entertainment one of these days." Peter said with a grin on his face.
I give Peter a hug, "you know that won't be necessary. Peter, you've met my sisters Rose and Alice, and my friend Leah." He shakes their hands and walks us to our table.
"Allow me to buy the first round of drinks for the most beautiful girls in the place. I'm sure you ladies will be having drinks sent your way all night. What can I start you out with?" Peter is such a flirt, but as bar owner it's just part of the business. Good thing his wife is understanding. But he's right, Rose, Alice and Leah are all gorgeous. Rose and her long blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, long silky legs and over all model figure. Alice has long brown hair, similar to mine but with more wave and body. She's a smaller package than me and those that don't know better think she is my twin. Alice and I are very similar, except she has glittering green eyes while I have boring brown. While I'm the oldest, even if only by 4 minutes, I'm the plainest. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no knock-out like my sisters. Then there's Leah, she tall and slender with long straight dark brown hair and deep brown eyes like Jakes. Leah is a beauty like no other, but she doesn't know it, she's too modest for her own good.
"Oh, Peter. You can only say that because Charlotte is home awaiting the delivery of your first born." A huge smile crosses his face because he knows I'm right. The love those two share is admirable and like no other I've ever seen. "I'll have a bay breeze, and can we each get a glass of water as well?" He nods. The girls each order a drink as well, Rose gets a tequila sunrise, her first and only drink of the evening, Alice orders a rum and coke and Leah gets a Vegas bomb. Hmmm, that sounds promising, I may just have to order one of those for myself. "Peter, can I get a Vegas bomb too? Just put it on my tab."
"Nonsense," Peter states, waving his hand to dismiss my insistence on paying for my own drink, and walking away.
I exhale loudly, letting the atmosphere of the bar soak in and start to relax me. I need to get to that mic and start the evening off right.
Alice is the first to speak up. "What's with the sigh, Bella? You look like you have something heavy weighing on your mind," she says with a raised brow. Her and I don't have the twin bond, but she has always been very intuitive. "How are things with Jake?"
I sink my head into my hands and take a deep breath. When I look up I see all three pairs of eyes looking at me inquisitively. I close my eyes and press my lips together in a straight line between my teeth. "I don't know anymore," I say honestly. "We have been best friends for the last twenty-six years. We have been together as boyfriend and girlfriend for thirteen years. You would think by now we would be married with a kid or two or at least working toward it. But to be honest," I take another deep breath and decide it's time to be honest with myself as well, "as much as I know that I want that one day, I still don't want that right now. For as long as we have been together, you would think at least one of us would be pushing for it." I look at Leah, "I love little Sammy so much and have ever since you two moved in when he was just an infant. You would think seeing him and spending so much time with him, which I absolutely love doing by the way," I say as I grab Leah's hand to let her know I'm sincere, "you would think it would get my clock a tickin' and make me want a baby with Jake." I shake my head in disappointment with myself. "What's wrong with us? What's wrong with me?"
"Wow!" the three of them state in unison with eyes wide open.
Rose touches her hand to my arm to let me know she's there but not wanting to intrude.
Alice squints her eyes, not being one to hold back, she asks, "how's the sex?"
"Alice!" we all practically scream at her.
"What?" she asks like she's surprised that we are shocked that she would ask. Usually it's Rose that would ask these types of questions, so we all were a bit surprised. "Under normal circumstances Rose would have asked that question." she said looking at Rose with squinted eyes. "But since it looks like she's playing 'understanding twin' tonight…. Look, someone had to ask! Your sex life will tell you a lot about your relationship." We all just look around at each other in acknowledgement that she's right.
"Well," I start and at that time Peter walks back over with our waitress for the evening with our drinks. Looking up at Peter, "thanks Peter, you are too good to us."
"Oh it's nothing, just showing my appreciation for the angelic voice that brings in the crowd." I look down at the drinks that were set in front of me, blushing at his praise. "Ladies, this here is Jessica and she will be your waitress for the evening. She just started two weeks ago, so be easy on her." he says with a wink. "Enjoy your evening ladies, I must get back to business but if there's anything you need…"
"Thank you Peter," we all say together sounding like Charlie's Angels and giggle.
"And thank you, Jessica, I'm sure you'll do wonderfully. If Peter hired you then we have nothing to worry about." I tell her. "Can you please put my name on the list for karaoke? I'm ready to get up there and I'm thinking I'm going to need a few slots tonight," I say looking around my table and then let her know, "and a least one spot for all of us together." I say with a grin.
"Sure thing, I'll make sure you're first up. From the way Peter talks I'm sure no one will be upset if you get pushed to the front of the line," she says quickly and animatedly. "Let me know if there's anything else you ladies need." With that she walked away with a bit of a bounce in her step, enough to make her ponytail swing widely side to side, making her way up to the karaoke stage to let the djay know. He looks up towards us and winks, seeing us for the first time this evening.
I turn back to our table where the girls have returned their attention to me, waiting for my answer to Alice's question. I take a deep breath and look down into my drink, contemplating what to say. I look up and decide to stick with what I think is a non informative answer, "look guys, I really don't want to discuss my sex life right now. I just want to relax and have a good time and maybe momentarily let go of some of my stresses. Can you girls help me do that?" I look around and they all nod in affirmation. I turn to Leah, "Ok, let's do this!" I say holding up with shot glass and larger glass of liquid that came with the shot.
She lifts her shot glass while I put the larger glass back on the table and Rose and Alice pick up there drinks as well. "To Ladies Night," I say with a smile on my face. They follow suit and we clink our glasses together, ready to start our evening. Rose and Alice take a dainty sip while Leah and I drop our shot glasses into the larger glass and down the drink. Not realizing we have attracted the attention of surrounding tables with our toast to ladies night, we giggle and grin at the whoops and hollers of our audience.
At that time the djay announces that it's time for the karaoke to begin and with that he introduces me as if I'm the main event. "First up we have our house angel returning after a three week break, please everyone welcome back, Ms. Bell-ah!" The room cheers as I walk up to take the mic. I lean into the djay to let him know my selection, taking the mic and then continue to center stage. I prefer the accoustic or unplugged versions of songs when at all possible when doing karaoke, to me it just feels more honest.
The beginning piano notes of Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster play and I close my eyes, ready to get lost in the music. I open my eyes ready to put my soul into the words, I begin…
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right
And as I hit the vibrato I feel the stress start to slink away and I'm getting in my zone. With my eyes closed so they don't betray me with tears, I continue.
Just before the I reach the lines of the final chorus, my tears betray me, one slips down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
Oh and I don't know He's beautiful
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
Lord, he's so beautiful
He's beautiful
I step off the stage and back to my table still a bit choked up. The surrounding tables offer a soft round of applause as I take my seat. I'm greeted with a hug from Rose, then turn to the table only noticing that another Vegas bomb is waiting for me. They know me well.
I drop and slam my drink, needing the cool liquid to calm my nerves. Rose just looks at me, she knows. I can't hide things from her, as much as I may try, but she never holds it against me. After a few moments she tries to take my mind off of Jake by pointing out the guys that have gotten her and Alice's attention, both standing at the bar grabbing a couple beers and looking around for a place to sit. Ooooh, hey hot stuff. Typical of Rose and Alice, they don't hold back when it comes to men. They are both very open with what and who they want and make no qualms about making sure they get what they want. As they notice Rose and Alice in return, they raise their beers as if to say hello. The girls giggle and return the sentiment by raising their glasses then taking a drink. Then they realize that there is a third guy joining the first two. With moans, groans and grunts of approval they turn back toward the table.
"Ladies," Rose starts, "I think we all need to step up there and do our thing together. What do you think? A Praise Chorus?" We all nod and let the djay know that we are ready for our group performance.
We wait for another group of girls to finish their rendition of Like A Virgin which is always an interesting song when the karaoke-ers have had a few drinks. And the night may still be early, but it's apparent this group has had their share of drinks already.
The djay invites "Bella and her Coven" up on stage, I give him a friendly glare because he knows I hate when he does that. He covers his mic and lets me know "maybe next time you shouldn't stay away so long" with a wink. Geesh, you would think I hadn't been here in a year. But it's nice to know I've been missed.
We step up on stage and the girls start nudging each other making sure everyone notices that the three guys are still watching us and don't seem to notice the barely dressed women next to them that are trying to get their attention.
"Okay ladies, let's just have fun and not worry about the handsome triplets over there. This is ladies night, remember?" I point out.
With a quick "yeah, sure" from Rose and Alice and an eye roll from Leah as the cymbols start, we grab our mics and get ready to begin. And the shoulder shimmy starts with the beat while we sing.…
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back,
Looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinking,
How you've grown up,
Or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want,
Or even at 25,
You gotta start sometime.
We obviously have the undivided attention of the guys, or should I say, Rose and Alice have the undivided attention of the guys, so we do the only logical thing there is to do. We turn towards each other, ignoring the guys and sing to each other, all while dancing around, shaking what our Mama's gave us and enjoy ourselves.
I'm on my feet I'm on the floor I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was, Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
'I just want to be in love again, period' I think to myself. We near the end of the song and the girls sing together while I take the overlapped lyrics.
Crimson, And clover, Over, And over.
Crimson, And clover, Over, And over.
Crimson, And clover, Over, And over.
Our house in the middle of the street
Why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.
Crimson, And clover, Over, And over.
Don't don't,
Don't let's start.
Why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.
I'm on my feet I'm on the floor I'm good to go.
So come on Davey sing me something that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was, Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight,
Here tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight,
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was, Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight....
We bow and curtsy as we take in the cheers from the crowd and make our way back to the table. I flag down Jessica and ask her for another round of ice water. Singing and dancing really gets me going and I've learned the hard way how important it is to stay hydrated.
The djay announces he is going to play a couple songs shortly and invites everyone out to the dance floor. We look at each other and smile, knowing they couldn't keep us off that dance floor if they tried. We each drink our water and rest for a moment. Leah and I decide to take a trip to the rest room to freshen up. Rose and Alice decline stating they are "fresh to death." It doesn't go unnoticed that they haven't broken eye contact with the man candy since we returned to our table.
Leah and I excuse ourselves and make our way to the back of the bar thru the crowd. Of course we make sure to pass directly in front of the guys just for shiggles, saying "excuse me" and making sure to place our hands somewhere on each of them, an arm or their chest, with a wink we continue on. I may be in a long term, although dead, relationship, but I can still flirt with the best of them.
We reach the rest room and I step to the sink to wet a paper towel to dab my face to help cool down. This is why I don't where a lot of make-up, a little eye make-up and some lip gloss or chapstick even, and I'm ready to go. I've never been high maintenance, and it seems Leah is the same way. Maybe that's why we get a long so well.
Leah steps up next to me at the sink and takes in the look on my face. "Is everything ok, Bella?"
I look up at myself in the mirror and notice I'm on the verge of tears. "No," I say with a sigh.
"I don't mean to be nosy and you can tell me to mind my own business if you don't want to talk about it, but, well, you know we live right next to each other, and I don't mean to eaves drop but the walls in the apartment are really thin and sometimes I can hear you and Jake fighting," I look to her and see the look of concern on her face. "I try to turn the music on so that Sammy doesn't hear…..I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." She looks down, internally berating herself for saying anything.
"No, no, it's okay. We're friends. I'm sorry you've had to listen to that. And even more sorry that Sammy may have heard us," I look into her eyes trying to fight back tears yet again but not doing a very good job as a few betray me and streak down my face. "We just … I don't know … we just fight over everything lately. I love him, I do. But I just don't know anymore." I shake my head slowly, trying to think of how to explain it. "We have been best friends since we were two years old, but it just doesn't feel like we are meant to be together like this anymore." Another deep sigh, "I just want to be happy again, and I want Jake to be happy again. Happy like when he is when he's with Sammy." I look to Leah and see a bit of guilt in her eyes. "Oh no, it's okay. It seems like the only time either of us is happy lately is when we are with Sammy. He brings such joy to our lives. Which is why I'm so confused about that other stuff like I was saying earlier. I'm so thankful that you moved in next door to us and brought him into our lives." I give her a hug and realize that we are still in the bathroom. "Jake is such a great guy, he deserves constant happiness and we just don't seem to have than anymore."
"You both deserve that kind of happiness," she says with sincerity in her eyes. "Come on, let's get back to the girls at the table and see what we can do about making sure we can all be happy, although I don't know if you could find a guy more perfect than Jake."
"Yeah, that sounds great. But trust me, he's not perfect. If you've heard some of our fights then you know all about his bad habits," I say with a laugh. "Maybe I'll just let you have Jake," I winked at her and we walked out. As we walk back to the table I realize I just told another woman that she could have my man, and I don't even feel bad about it.
We get back to the table and see that we have extra people at our table, three extra people to be exact. Rose and Alice both look at us with big grins and a mix of apology and permission written across their faces, silently asking if it's okay that they join us. I just shrug my shoulders, take a sip of my drink and subtly start dancing with a tilt of my head to let them know I'm headed to the dance floor. Looking to the guys, I start mouthing the words and slowly walk away backwards, pulling Leah with me I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a flirt. Soon as I see you walk up in the club I'm a flirt. And with that I turn with Leah on the dance floor and happily make a spectical of ourselves. But it's all in good fun and humor.
Rose and Alice join us as the next song Sexy Bitch starts and we all dance together. Grinding and dancing, dancing and grinding. Always being mindful of our audience. We make it thru Shots by LMFAO before returning to our table to re-hydrate. Jessica has learned quickly to keep ice water on the table for us. She'll be getting a nice tip at the end of the night.
I'm quite nervous posting this, so please let me know what you think and if I should continue or just quit.