Disclaimer or something: Abbi and Kirsty do not own Pokemon; they don't even own a cookie jar TT But they do own themselves and any other unrecognisable tards. This story is just for fun XD

(1 Reason why you don't give retards Pokemon.)

Chapter 1:
HOLY ZOMGZ YOU STOLE MY SQUIRTLE

Soft rays of sunshine caressed the cheek of a certain lazy 16-year-old girl. Her hair sprawled, like a humble spider knitting a tangled web, across her sea coloured pillow case. Her eyelids glowing from the heat of the blazing sunlight; arms swinging like a pendulum in a grandfather clock over the sides of her single sized bed. With the Psyduck bed sheet cover entangled in her long, thin thigh. Soft snoring escaping her rather generous-sized nose and plump rose coloured lips. A peaceful setting in the blissful Pallet Town!

The home of the legend Ash Ketchum!

XD

"Abbi... darling."

"MMM YES, I WILL MARRY YOU HUGH JACKMAN!"

"...Its time to get up my sweet-pea, the light of my life!"

"Nooo, I decline cleaning your toilets! Feel the wrath of my BFF!"

"Steven!! I think she's in a coma!"

Eyelids flicked open to reveal leaf green eyes: a strange sparkle tingled them. In two seconds she was standing on top of her bed smiling greatly at her mother's petit figure, which was now backed into the corner holding onto the door handle to keep her from landing on the musky beige carpet.

"Mother! You have awoken... you sexy fox! Today I will start my adventure as the HOTTEST MOST AMAZING Pokemon trainer that ever lived!" exclaimed the passionate teenager in her Flareon pyjamas.

"Well dear, I know I worry a lot but please be careful! Your such... a special child, I just don't know if your ready to become a Pokemon trainer. What if a Pokemon pokes your eyes out?!"

"I'll just have to kick it then, won't I?"

"You will do no such thing! See! I told you, you're not ready for this kind of journey. Maybe next year, baby?" a shivering aurora of worry emitted from the mother's concerned eyes.

"Don't be silly," Abbi jumped from her bed and leaped into the bathroom.

"If you think your ready…" the mother twirled her long brown locks with her forefinger, listening to the clanging and banging inside the bathroom.

Soon enough a smiling blonde emerged from the bathroom wearing a long checkered boyish shirt, with neon green braces attached to her black female shorts that came to her knobbly pale knees. Odd stripy socks appeared on both feet with giant black shoes shielding them from the ground, a rather boyish hat stuck on her flowing long blonde mane pf hair.

"You look so grown up!" the mother squeaked, "I know I worry and don't want you to leave pumpkin... but your father says I'm too clingy... I know he is right... I know you will be fine with Kirsty by your side... I think. Deary me, I'm welling up. I packed your Sailor Moon bag pack with everything on Professor Oak's list and extra of course! Just get down and eat your breakfast." With that the mother pulled Abbi into a bear grip hug, patted her back and watched her stumble down the staircase while weeping into her small fragile hands.

"Abbi smelleth, pancakeths!"

A horrible sight stopped Abbi in her footsteps. Her best friend: Kirsty. She was sat at the breakfast table, eating her pancakes wearing a Pikachu bib. Abbi's father was blissfully humming a cheerful tune while reading the daily paper while this crime was happening right under his nose.

"Can I ask, why there is a homeless person sat in my seat wearing a Pikachu bib while she is clearly the age of 17..."

"Abbi! I got here at half five, today we become Pokemon masters!" Kirsty exclaimed while throwing her knife accidentally into the fish tank full of Goldeen and Seaking. Kirsty instantly sat down with burning red cheeks. Abbi's father just tutted and returned to his newspaper.

"Half five does not exist in my life!" Abbi declared as she sat in the seat opposite Kirsty's huge pile of treacle-smothered pancakes. Kirsty dived her large head into the mountain of yummy pancakes.

"Well, Abbi seems as Kirsty has finally pulled up her grade average from her last test by actually revising this time, your mother has allowed you to be a Pokemon trainer now you have a company on your long tiresome journey... just remember not to talk to strangers, do not take their candy or touch their Weedle." Abbi's father muffled while smoking a large cigar from the corner of his bearded chin.

"I think me and Kirsty should go to mister Moaky Oaky's lab now before you tell me about the Pokemon paedophiles who are roaming the grass areas!" Abbi stood up, mouth bursting with pancakes, grasping a hold of her Sailor Moon backpack and grasping a hold of Kirsty's plump hand.

"I haven't finished my pancakes yet!" wailed Kirsty.

"I think you should be more worried about what you're wearing... 'AshxMisty 4eva, fo shizzle' ...do you want us to get beaten up before we receive our Pokemon!?"

"Ash x Misty love!!" sang a heartfelt 17-year-old brunette, who was wearing a picture of Ash Ketchum in his glory days encircled with loves heart towards a orange haired water Pokemon master called Misty.

Abbi instantly slapped her hand to head while dragging Kirsty to her front door.

"Bye Dad! Bye Mother! When you see me next I'll be on the road to Viridian City!" sang a cheerful retard and her faithful dog-like companion.

xD

"They're finally getting their Pokemon!" Professor Gary Oak exclaimed with glee, "Its about time them two got their Pokemon! Over-protective parent and pure laziness has been banished from their bones nowadays!"

Gary Oak awaited the arrival of the three new trainers to gain their starter Pokemon. In glee Gary Oak's body jumped with happiness. This was his favourite part of his job, handing fresh Pokemon to beady, bright-eyed, dreaming trainers hoping for their Pokemon dreams to be realistic! He hoped deep within his heart that all of the trainers in the world dreams would come true, much like his own.

With that a tumbling brunette in bright yellow tights and 'AshxMisty' top landed on his clean polished floor, sprawled with her pink converse hanging off each big toe. Hair hung high in a karate-judo ponytail complete with a pink hair band.

"Hello, Kirsty... I see you fell over my Geodude again," Professor Oak calmly explained.

"I think Kirsty's Pokemon should be a Snorlax... I could let it wear a wig and use it as a bouncy castle and put Kirsty in a Pokeball," Abbi smiled a dangerous smile while walking into Professor Oak's lab.

"Well nice to see both of you two again... I guess your scores have improved Kirsty? Revise this time?"

"Naa... I just cheated… I'm sick of all this Jesus guy in maths or something... I was too busy reading the Oddish Adventures Of Oddish!" slowly Kirsty picked her body off the floor and dusted her prized t-shirt of Ash and Misty then sorted her Gloom backpack.

"Next she will be reading... Prancing with Pikachu or Paedophiling on Poliwag," Abbi grinned flopping on Oak's sofa and helping herself to the basket full to the brim of homemade chewy chocolate chip cookies. Kirsty filled her pockets full of these delicious treats!

"I think I'll bring up the Pokemon from the lab... seems as last time somebody set every single Pokemon free and stamped AshxMisty on each of their backs and tried to get them to fly all over the world, even though some can't fly! To spread the love to each human about this 'lovely couple that should be idolised'" Oak gave a stern look to both girls. "You both do know, myself and Ash used to be rivals?" Gary Oak boasted slightly in a smug way.

"Of course and I don't care! Ash Tomatosauce can go to hell for all I care!" Abbi chomped on a cookie.

"Don't say that! It's against my religion!" Kirsty squeaked pouncing on the weak looking Abbi.

Oak shook his head and descended into his lab muttering 'Teenagers'"

Once Oak had disappeared into the lab a small 11-year-old boy with long wavy green hair slammed open the door to reveal Kirsty and Abbi rolling on the sofa, arguing over a Pallet Town Legend. His sky blue eyes burst open in surprise then narrowed at the two retards still trying to chomp on cookies while pulling at each others facial features.

"Hello! Is Professor Oak home? I'm here to collect my Pokemon," the boy declared marching over to the sofa backpack swung on his left shoulder and his right hand in his camouflage pants.

"Hello this is the Pallet Town rehab clinic, please get out of my home before I call the soap dodgers," Abbi mumbled as Kirsty squished her large bum cheeks into her face. She was still scoffing the rest of the home-made cookies.

"Please tell me, your not here to get your starter Pokemon!? You should be picking up your pension by now!" the boy roared, "I mean come on... aren't you two a little old for pokemoning?!"

The boy wafted his silk smooth green hair away from his sky blue eyes and adjusted his black leather jacket, tightening around his waist letting a small part of his white under shirt poke through.

"I'm Wolbert... I'm the smartest kid in my whole school... in fact I rather believe I'm a genius if I do say so myself... you old retards!" Wolbert burst out in childish giggles.

"He seems nice!" Kirsty smiled wiping crumbs from her mouth. Abbi's face turned beetroot red as she fumbled for the nearest object to hit the little bastard with while trying to get Kirsty off her face.

"Well! I have the three starter Pokemon. Right here," Professor Oak placed three average sized Pokeballs on the table and beckoned all three trainers towards the stylish metal table. "I see you have all met! I hope you all get along quite well!" Oak smiled a gentle smile, a smile once worn by his grandfather many a year ago.

"Oh yes... me and Wolbert here... are the best of buds aren't we, Scab?" Abbi glared ruffling up his silk smooth mane of hair with her long fingers, "Aren't you just the cutest little thing!" Wolbert glared and crossed his arms in disgust.

"Professor, why are these grave dodgers here? Shouldn't they have started their journey agessssssss ago?" Wolbert smirk, "Doesn't the handbook say that all trainers start at 11 or something... I haven't read it for quite a while. I bet these two ugly ducklings, don't even own one!"

"True." Kirsty muttered placing a chubby finger to her cute button nose.

Abbi gritted her teeth together, glared dagger into Wolberts 5ft 2 frame compared to her 5ft 10 lean figure.

"Wolbert... their was some family issues for these two... so anyway which Pokemon do all three of you wish to choose?" Professor Oak smiled, "We have Bulbsaur, the grass type! A great company for that lone trainer! Charmander, the fire type! For more of the trainer looking for a welcoming challenge. Last, but certainly not least, Squirtle the water Pokemon, a very bubbly personality for any type of trainer! Now which would you all like to become your partner that will take you all through your Pokemon journey!"

"Squirtle!" all three trainers shouted towards the Professor.

"We may have a problem…" Professor Gary Oak wiped his brow.

O.O

All three trainers faced each other, eyes piercing each other with determined looks. Professor Oak watched carefully trying how to decide which trainer would gain the Pokemon Squirtle.

"I'm in love with water Pokemon!" growled Abbi, "I want Squirtle! Its all like blue and happy and bubbly like my personality."

"Abbi... you get moody about me picking my nose and eating it… so I think I should be the one who had the most in common with this quirky, happy little Squirtle," Kirsty smiled, "also Ash owned a squirtle once…"

"He also owned a disobeying Charmander and boring Bulbsaur! You don't know much about your idol, do you freak? Also Squirtle would be better on my team with it's powerful water attacks! I can't wait for it to evolve it into a Blastoise with that HUGE hydropump!" Wolbert smirked.

"You say I don't love my idols enough!?" Kirsty shuck her fist into the 11 year olds face.

"WAIT!" Professor Oak yelled, "How about you draw for your Pokemon? Its more fair that way… then all three of you have a one in three chance!" Professor Oak appeared with a small black bag and placed a three Pokeballs into it. Shook it up slightly.

"Well I guess we don't have a choice, do we!" Wolbert glared, "Stupid old folk".

"I'm not old! I'm beautiful! Like a never dieing rose flower!" smiled Abbi winking at the boy. Wolbert shook with fear in every bone in his body.

"Your one scary lady..." Wolbert whispered to himself.

"Wolbert! You choose first, seen as your the youngest," Professor Oak smirked opening the bag in front of Wolbert's sun kiss brown face.

Wolbert shrugged, placed a grubby hand into the bag and pulled out a Pokeball.

Abbi tutted placed a slender hand into the bag and pulled out a Pokeball.

Kirsty whistled, placed a chubby hand into the bag and pulled out a Pokeball.

With that all three Pokeballs opened and all three Pokemon zapped from their Pokeball. All three blinking baby Pokemon laid at their master's legs with quizzical looks on their faces, tilting their heads at the world around them.

"Their very young Pokemon... please take good care of each of them and give them the love they deserve and need to survive, then in return they will fight for your own Pokemon dreams!" Gary whispered to each of the trainers.

"Well... your a bit of a boring Pokemon... with a giant green hump, but you will do," Wolbert smiled stroking his moaning Bulbasaur lightly on his head. Bulbasaur pushed his head against the small trainers petite hands, showing a deep affection already for it's owner.
"Bulba!" responded the Bulbasaur.

"I'll name you, Benny Bulba," smirked Wolbert, "catchy, isn't it Oak?"

"Very." responded Gary with an eerie happiness and pride in his response.

"WOW!" shrieked Kirsty swinging her Squirtle into her arms, "Your perfect! Look at your amazing beady black eyes! They're like chocolate drops, I wanna eat them all up!" Kirsty cuddled the Squirtle into her chest, lightly kissing his bald blue head.

"Squirt!" squeaked the Squirtle with excitement.

"Your name will be Ash and you will be my squishy! And I will love you forever!" giggled Kirsty.

"Well this... was unexpected!" whimpered Abbi as her Charmander clung to her leg wagging its flame high in the air with delight, "I think it might want to hump my leg!" squeaked Abbi.

"I think I'll call you... Humpy!" laughed Abbi.

"Do you think that's... a good name, Abbi?" Professor Oak questioned worriedly.

"Of course! Look at him!" with that Abbi cuddled the Charmander into her open arms "I guess, mine will be the most troublesome then?"

"Suits her personality…" Kirsty whispered towards Ash.

xP

Professor Oak watched from his front window as all three trainers set out on their adventures. Bulbasaur clung in Wolberts arms, nuzzling the youngest trainers chest with instant Pokemon love.

"I think that partnership will blossom beautifully like mine and Eevee's did."

Squirtle held onto Kirsty's hand, bubbling with excitement and glee over the personality match with each.

"They seem like twins to me," laughed Oak.

Whereas Charmander clung onto Abbi's leg wailing happily as Abbi tried to shake the Pokemon off.

"Well... I think that relationship needs to be watched."

With that Professor Oak settled into his faithful armchair and watched as his old friend Umbreon pranced onto his lap, purring with pleasure as Gary scratched the back of the dog-like Pokemon's ears. "I feel old Umbreon... I'm handing down more Pokemon than ever to millions of generations... I remember when I was better than Ash as well Umbreon. Can you remember, back when you was a cute little Eevee?" the Pokemon nodded in response. "Now he has a fame and fortune with his wife, Misty and his newborn baby... I don't think I would change my life, expect for maybe getting a few more cute girls like back in the old days! With them lovely blue pom-poms… I miss the pom-poms!" sighed Oak.

OoOoOoO

All three Pokemon trainers stopped at the exit of Pallet Town, turned back to grasp a final look of their home town that held many precious memories; from bad nightmares to special surprised birthday parties. Wolbert sighed and glared towards the two older female trainers.

"You! The plump one! You stole my Squirtle!" yelled the small boy, still grasping Benny his newfound Bulbasaur, "I wish for a trade, right here, right now!"

"Nooo! Its my little squishy... you shall never get your non-AshxMisty believer hands on my little Ashie-poo!" cooed Kirsty besotted with this little blue fella.

"Come on, back at the lab you was all for your little Bulba…" Abbi interrupted.

"I had to put on a stupid act didn't I? For that old professor's sake! Look I just want a Squirtle... that's all, it was a boyhood dream to fight beside a worthy partner like Squirtle. This Bulbasaur might never live up to my standard of power."

"Saur," Benny blinked unable to understand the argument, but cuddled closer towards its owner, smelling his lavender scent with delight.

"Look, your Pokemon is smitten with you!? Can you not understand it's feelings... It might just be a baby Pokemon, but its just willy nilly trying to trade your Pokemon when it so clearly happy with you already, should be a Pokemon crime!" Kirsty yelled tightening her grip on the paw of Squirtle who yelped in reaction.

Abbi just sighed as both trainers began to bicker uncontrollably over the newborn Squirtle. Suddenly, Abbi wiped her neck towards the exit road of Pallet Town, catching two strange looking trainers watching the heated argument as well. Their bodies cloaked in darkness, their eyes steering towards them, cold-snake like eyes watching its newly found prey. Abbi shivered at the eeriness of the trainers.

"Char! Char!" Charmander squeaked pointing towards the figures, "Char! Char!" showing the how worried the Charmander was.

"I agree, Humpy they look EVIL!" Abbi declared towards the small dinosaur, "But we better not challenge them for a fight. We might get our butt's kicketh and my bum is too precious for anyone to touch. Have you two stopped?"

"Doesn't matter anyway, Kirsty! I'll be a better Pokemon trainer than you. I'm clearly already the smarter Pokemon trainer." with that Wolbert smirked building up a spring in his black army boots as he jetted off towards his first gym battle. Abbi bit her lip as he raced off down the rocky rumbled road towards his dreams to find the cloaked figures had disappeared from view.

"Abbi, he was so like 'HOLY ZOMGZ YOU STOLE MY SQUIRTLE!'" Kirsty exclaimed flinging her arms wildly around, "I bet he just wants these Pokemon to battle with, not actually to care for them. Couldn't you see how much his Bulbasaur already loved him?"

"Yeah... I could," Abbi whispered towards Kirsty, "Are we ready? To leave this town forever and set off towards our dreams? Do you think it will be hard?"

Humpy clung onto Abbi's bare pale leg, squeezing in reassurance.

"Of course it will! But we can do it together!" yelled Kirsty punching the sky with her fist, clamping her hand around Abbi's hand and speeding off towards the distance with Squirtle and Charmander close on their heels, smiling happily.

"Holy Zomgz you stole my Squirtle" laughed Abbi "Your such a retard... no wonder your family left you in a bush!"

The end of this chapter xD
Abbi: I like green eggs and ham, Sam!
Kirsty: OMG I LOVE MY SQUIRTLE glomps
Abbi: Yes, I hope it bites you.
Kirsty: Jealous.
Abbi: Fag.